♡●♡●♡
They didn't speak anymore after Arthur broke down.
She wanted to hug Arthur, but he pushed her away, telling her not to touch him, he couldn't handle it.
He always knew that their mother-son relationship was not good, but now he knew that she will never love him like she loves his brothers and it hurts so much.
His stomach is hurting him still, like something heavy is in his stomach, and it's weighing him down. His throat is closed, breathing feels so difficult.
He hates himself for getting in the car. All he wants is to be at home now and lay in his bed, put the covers over him while he sleeps.
He wants to sleep this feeling off and hopes he will feel better tomorrow.
He has his hoodie on with his hood up. He's leaning against the door and his face is covered by the arm he's leaning on.
He hears them talking, but he can't figure out the words. It's not like he tries very hard, but that doesn't matter.
"We're here." Arthur looks up when he feels a hand on his knee.
"Okay." Arthur says and unfastens his seat belt and gets out.
His eyes fall on Alex and Charles, who give each other a hug. Alexandra and Charlotte were both waiting to walk into the paddock with them.
Charles rubs Alex's cheek with his thumb, and she leans into his touch.
How much Arthur wants a hug from someone who is really there for him. A hug that someone really means for him, to give him support.
To let him know they are here for him.
But he has no one and getting a hug from his mother or brothers wouldn't feel like that.
They don't mean it.
After tomorrow they will all leave and he's left alone.
He is curious if he would feel relieved when his brother is away again and his mother will probably go to friends again.
He will be left alone all over again.
"Hey Tur." He looks up when Charlotte brings a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you okay? What happened?" She asks and Arthur looks at Lorenzo, who had his eyes on his girlfriend and Arthur.
"I fell with my bike last night, it's okay." Says Arthur.
"You are really quiet."
"I have a headache." Answers Arthur and she nods.
"Just take it easy today." She says and Arthur looks in his hands where he is holding Dennis' hoodie.
He needs to find him, but how? He won't be in the F2 paddock.
"Arthur, you coming?" Asks Charles and Arthur nods and walks with them.
He puts his hood over his head and walks after the others. He looks to the ground and follows their feet.
Arthur hears the shouting and screaming starting and he looks up a bit and his eyes widen.
They walk through a small path where there are fans on both sides. Charles is signing autographs and taking pictures with fans.
He is a bit behind, Lorenzo and the girls are at the front and he is at the back. They speed up to walk and keep up with them. He pulls the hood over his face and feels how his breathing becomes irregular when people start pulling on him.
"No, please don't." Says Arthur, but they probably don't hear him.
His arms are being pulled, he hears people shouting and Arthur does his best to keep his face covered, but he is so afraid that the phones are pushed in his face.
"Walk. I'm with you." One hand grabs his arm and another hand lies on his back and pushes him forward. He hears Charles' voice talking to him and they walk faster.
"Almost there." Says Charles, and then they arrive at the gates, Charles scans Arthur's pass and the younger boy walks on.
“What happened?” Lorenzo asks and takes Arthur's arm from Charles.
"A group of girls grabbed him and were pulling him, also trying to pull up the hood, I think to see who's underneath." Says Charles.
"Are you okay?" Lorenzo asks and Arthur nods softly.
He can breathe again.
"Let's keep walking." Says Lorenzo and keeps holding Arthur's arm while he drags the younger boy with him.
Arriving at Ferrari hospitality, Arthur takes off his hood and sits down on a chair.
He's still out of breath and his legs feel like they could give out under him.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you we were walking through that." Says Charles and Arthur shrugs.
"I didn't expect them to grab me." Says Arthur, and Charles shook his head.
"They shouldn't have done that." Says Charles and Arthur looks at his mother who's looking everywhere but at him.
"Can I grab you something?" Asks Charlotte, and Arthur shook his head.
"No, thank you." He says and Charlotte smiles at him.
Arthur looks down at the hoodie in his hands and holds it close to him. He's happy that he has something in his hands.
"He's not doing good." Arthur hears Lorenzo whispering to Charlotte, and he looks at them while they are both looking at him.
"Okay, what are we going to do?" Asks Maman to Charles.
"First I have a meeting with the team, you guys can walk around or sit here, whatever you want. Then we can lunch together, and we can go to the garage and I will show you some things if you want. Then I have drivers parade and then I have to get ready for the race." Says Charles.
"Where are we waiting for the race?" Ask Maman.
"On the balcony, you have a nice see with the straight line." Says Charles.
"Seeing you win." Says Maman and Charles laughs.
"I hope so." He says.
"F2 starts soon, you want to watch the race from up there or in my motorhome?" Asks Charles to Arthur.
"Up there if I can, that's cool." Says Arthur and Charles nods.
"If you need anything just ask." Says Charles and Arthur nods.
Charles walks away after saying goodbye and when Arthur looks up he sees his mother crouching in front of him.
After the conversation, Arthur only feels further away from her than it had brought them closer.
He feels like he has to protect himself from her and he hates this feeling. She doesn't love him like she loves his brothers. They don't have the bond she has with them, and they probably never will anymore.
It hurts him.
All he wants is to hug her, let her tell him that everything will be okay in the end, but will it be? He doesn't think so.
All he feels is a sinking feeling in his stomach, feeling like he could throw up any minute. He never thought that some words can hurt so much, but he really does have a heart ache. He feels uncomfortable in his own skin because everything hurts or feels weird.
His mother doesn't love him like his brothers.
His brothers will forget about him after this weekend.
He will be all alone again.
He hates himself that he talked with Ollie or Dennis. He enjoyed talking with them in the last few days and they are gone too after today.
He's all alone, like in the past six years.
"Arthur." She says softly and Arthur looks at her.
He watches his mother swallow and when she takes his hand, Arthur has no energy to take hers. His hand lies limp in her hand, and he sees the hurt in her eyes.
He doesn't know what to do, does he need to say something? He doesn't want to.
He wants to hide from all of them and maybe from himself too.
He's so tired.
"Are you okay?'' She asks and Arthur keeps looking at her. He sees how Lorenzo, Charlotte and Alex are looking at him too, but he can't find himself to care.
He feels numb.
"Yes." He says shortly, but he sees how his mother looks worried at him.
Something he always wanted, but now he has it, he doesn't care.
He doesn't want their attention, he doesn't need pity.
He wants to feel loved. But that's something he will never get.
He always felt guilty when he saw that his mother looks hurt, or when she was angry at him.
This is the first time he felt nothing. He doesn't feel guilty, he doesn't care that he gets pity looks from the others.
It was like this wall that he was building is finished now. He closed them off.
"Arthur." He looks to his side where Lorenzo is crouched next to his mother and Arthur wants to roll his eyes. They never cared and do they start now?
After telling him that they did forget about him in all those years. That it was him and Charles always, Arthur didn't fit in there.
That she hates him.
She doesn't love him like his brothers.
They think he's lying.
Their friends don't know him. He's the family secret.
He's no one for them.
He's no one.
They built this wall and Arthur finished it.
"I will go watch F2." Is all Arthur says and he stands up.
Without looking back, he walks out of the room and then it hits him.
He doesn't care to be alone anymore.
He always had to protect himself, and maybe it is better like this.
♡●♡●♡
Lorenzo looks at his youngest brother who walks away and then to his mother, who sits down and stares at her lap.
"What happened with him? This is not how I know Arthur, he's so closed off." Says Charlotte.
"I don't know." Says Lorenzo, and then he saw a tear running on his mother cheek.
“Maman?” Lorenzo crouches down next to her and she sighs.
"It's my fault." She says and Lorenzo shook his head.
"Yes it is, Lo." She says and she takes his hands.
"When we talked this morning, I got to see how much I have hurt him. The way I ignored him because he looked so much like Hervé. Lo, I didn't want to see him because of that, and he couldn't do a thing about it. But I hated it, I hated looking at him and seeing the love of my life who is dead. It was so hard." She says and Lorenzo nods.
“That's why you are away all the time?” He asks and she nods.
"He had a lot of problems at school, I had to come to meetings more often because he was behind on the school lessons or he didn't show up. But this morning he told me how his friends left him in that time too. He was the the boy without a father and I didn't know." She says and Lorenzo bit his lip.
"We left him all on his own." Says Lorenzo and she nods.
"He asked me why I didn't love him like I love you." She says and her voice breaks.
"I didn't deny, Lorenzo." She says and a sob leaves her body.
"What?'' asks Lorenzo softly and she looks at him.
"There was a moment when I felt nothing but hate towards him." She says and Lorenzo's eyes widen.
She hated her own son.
"That's a lot." He says and she looks at him.
"It's all my fault." She whispers and she sits down.
"I was grieving about Hervé and he wasn't helping me. He was having trouble and I couldn't handle it." She says.
"While it was a cry for help." Says Charlotte and Pascale looks at her and then nods.
"Maybe it was. He couldn't handle school because of everything that happened."
"How old was he when their dad died?" Asks Alex, she lays a hand on her shoulder.
"He was thirteen. First everything was going well and then I let him out of my grasp." Pascalle says and Lorenzo sits down.
"We were away, Hervé passed away, his friends left him. And we weren't there to help you with Arthur. We left Maman, we left you with all the shit that was happening." Says Lorenzo.
"No, no, this is not your fault, baby. You helped Charles, I was so glad that you were there for him." She took Lorenzo's hands in hers.
"I let Arthur out of my sight. I let a teenager do whatever he wanted because no one was looking out for him. Maybe he was being in trouble so he could get my attention and all I did was getting angry, shouting at him. I'm a terrible mother for him." She says and Lorenzo shook his head.
"No, you're not."
"Enzo, I didn't deny that I loved him like I love you and Charles."
"But you do!"
"I don't know." She says and then Lorenzo lets go of her hands.
♡●♡●♡
Arthur sits on a chair during the F2 race. He had found the balcony, but to be fair, he couldn't focus on the race.
He hates himself for how excited he was to see them and F1 of course, to race in front of him, and he couldn't enjoy it like he hoped he would.
This weekend was harder than he thought it would be.
He hates the feeling he has in his skin. Everything itches, and he has no idea how to solve it. His wrists are red from pulling on his skin, he really needs to stop that habit.
His hands are slightly shaking and when he thinks about his breathing, then it starts to go bad again, he can't get it under control.
He had so much control of his body, hiding every emotion or reactions and now he lost it. He can't help it and let it all out.
He wants the control back.
Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love, and no amount of words will ever be enough to fix it.
He wants to fix his family, but he can't.
He can't let himself get hurt again.
They will leave again after today.
And you know what the worst part is? When this F2 race is done, he will try to find Dennis to give his hoodie back and say goodbye to him and Ollie.
He doesn't understand why he's so upset about it. He doesn't know them and they don't know him. So he hates himself for wanting to get them knowing better while also knowing he wouldn't see them again, probably.
Give the hoodie back and go, that's the plan.
Arthur startles at the cheering and clapping, the race is done.
He looks at the leaderboard and sees how Vesti takes the win with Pourchaire in second and Doohan in three.
He saw nothing of the race, only the start, and he feels terrible about it.
What did Dennis do? He has to say something to the other boy, right.
He goes downstairs, and he is surprised how easily he can walk to the pit lane. No one stops him.
He looks around but the drivers next to the top 3 are all driving their cars back to the paddock.
He needs to get the attention of Vesti.
While they are giving interviews, Arthur stands there, away from the cameras. He cannot come any other way and this way he has to hope that Vesti sees him, or he will have to walk through the paddock to see if he can still find the other boy there.
The boy didn't see him when he walked into the cool down room.
Arthur knows where they come from and which direction they have to walk to get to the F2 paddock. So he puts the hoodie around his middle and starts walking towards the F2/F3 gates and stands a little further away and waits. They need to walk here to come into the other paddock.
And after fifteen minutes of waiting they arrive.
Arthur walks forward and lucky him, Vesti sees him and gave him a smile. He says something to Doohan and then walks towards Arthur, who's also walking towards him.
"Hello Mate, how are you doing?" Asks Fred and Arthur smiles.
"I'm as good as I can. Thank you for helping me last night, also to your friend. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't there." Arthur says and grabs behind his ear.
"No worries, I was happy that I saw it too. Did you know those two?'' He asks and Arthur shook his head.
"No idea, never saw them either. It was really random. And I was a bit drunk too, so I couldn't protect myself like I wanted." Lies Arthur and Fred gives him a pity smile
“Assholes.” He says and Arthur laughs and nods his head.
"Never walk alone in Monaco, I learned my lesson." Arthur says.
"It's never okay to attack someone." Says Fred.
"If I didn't send my friends away then It maybe wouldn't have happened." Lies Arthur
"Well that's for the next time if you go out."
"Well that won't be tonight." Laughs Arthur and the other boy joins him.
"Can I ask you something? I have Dennis his hoodie, he gave it to me yesterday but I want to give it back." Says Arthur.
"Sure, walk with me." Says Fred and they start walking.
"Hi, my mate lost his pass, but he's with me. Can you let him go with me?" Asks Fred and the security guard looks at them both.
Fred shows his pass and with a sigh the security guard lets them both through and Arthur bites his lip to cover a smile.
How is this so easy?
"I'm not sure if Dennis can talk now, he's probably busy with his team." Says Fred.
"Doesn't matter, I will wait. Thank you so much, again." Says Arthur and Fred nod.
"No worries. Take care, okay?" He asks and Arthur nods before saying his goodbye.
Now it's time to wait.
He walks towards the MP motorsport tent and stands at a distance. Not looking into the little garage because they are busy with the car and cleaning up.
"Arthur."
That was faster than he thought.
“I came to bring you back your hoodie.” Says Arthur, and hands out the hoodie to Dennis who took it.
"Thank you. How are you?" Dennis asks and points to Arthur's face.
"I've been better. But it's okay." Says Arthur.
"You don't look so good." Says Dennis, and Arthur looks at him.
"Thank you?'' Says Arthur and Dennis sighs.
"Not like that, you look sad." Says Dennis, and Arthur puts an arm around themselves.
"I'm okay." Says Arthur.
And then two arms wrap them around his body and push his body against the other boy.
~~~~
Merry Christmas and a happy new year everyone! Hope you have a wonderfull time with your loved ones❤️
So I have this little story I'm thinking about uploading on Christmas days. It's not a Christmas story but I do want to share it. I wrote it after Abu Dhabi with Arthur's last race and then the news the day before yesterday how he got dropped by FDA. It's a Arthur/Oscar/Logan story, we deserves more love for them after my horrible story about them😂
Aftermath~Arthur/Logan/Oscar
So keep an eye out on Christmas days while you enjoy your time with hopefully happiness and much love❤️