"Changing Clothes Like Skin"
Slipping in through the school doors, I leave my brother and his friends to smoke, as I make my way down the familiar hallways. I don't need to be caught up with his little smoking friend group, so I make my way to my locker, down in the 10th year hallway.
Flipping the knob on my locker, I enter the code that I have had since I started here, hearing the familiar chatter of two familiar people. I don't need to look up or bother to even turn my attention towards them, as I know they are coming this way. That they are coming here for me, unlike anybody else in this school who doesn't even give me a second glance, while my name is written on the walls and in the school newsletter every week for something new, that doesn't involve drama or money.
Addison and Andrew Parker were strolling down the halls of our preppy private school, laughing at one another. These two had been the only two people that had stood by me with everything, but even then, they didn't understand the extent of things at home. Only Addison, or as I knew her better as, Addie knew more than Andrew, or I called him Drew even though he didn't agree, but I still couldn't find it in me to tell her every single thing that happened to me.
It would break me. Even she didn't understand why I changed sports every season. That's right. Every single season, I am doing something different. Occasionally, I'm going from one sport to the other in the same season, juggling a full schedule with no room to do anything but those two things and school.
"Hey girl" Addie sung, as she skipped away from Drew, and sidled up with me. "Hey" I spoke back, trying so hard to match her energy. She was like the sun, just never seemed to go out, like ever. She had unlimited energy, that on a daily basis, I just can't always reciprocate as much as I try. Some days are harder than others, but today is just a day, where it's not hard, but it's getting back into everything.
Plus, the sight of my brother this morning in his room, was nerve-wracking. His driving didn't help his case in covering up what I know has happened. I just really hope that he hasn't gone as far as I think he has, as that will be just another thing that becomes my fault in this mess. "You ready for the start of the new year?" how could I forget.
I had been invited to the grades biggest party of the year, that at our school, it is known that once you hit tenth grade, someone hosts that biggest new years party. I hadn't asked my parents, as I had never really been the party type, but I just had this feeling they would say no and I didn't want to be labelled as a loser. I was an athlete, but that didn't mean that I couldn't, for once in my life, sacrifice one training, did it?
"I guess so. I need to ask though" I murmured, exchanging my books, before shutting and locking my locker. Just as I did so, my brother was storming this way, a dark look in his eye. He was a senior, and seniors did not roam this part of the school for the fun of it. If anything, they stayed clear of my grade and below, and we did the same for the seniors. They were scary, if anything, and my brother was the worst of them all.
"Uh oh" Drew murmured, and as I looked closer, it was my brother and his whole friendship group, which meant majority of the softball team were coming my way. "We need to get out of here" and with that, Addie had a hand gripping my wrist as we walked as fast as we could out of my brother's pathway. I did not want to be caught up in whatever he had planned for me.
I knew that it couldn't be good. Nothing would be good if it looked like my brother was hunting his prey. He was the predator and I was his prey, like always. He always tried to pin everything on me, and it usually worked. But now, I was getting sick of his stupid little petty games that he played with me, but I didn't ever want to take part, I was forced to do so.
It was worse when Elijah was around more, as the two ganged up on me. They would corner me, and laugh in my face, as they would try and scare me with knives or anything they could get their hands on. Leaving scary notes under my door or bugs in the shower for me to find, and get laughed at by my parents and sister, while they all stood on.
They always just stood and watched. But this was different. Addie and Drew were actually trying to help me get out of this situation, to a degree. I couldn't run from my brother forever. He would have to take me home eventually, even if he didn't want too. Not like I wanted to be an inconvenience to him in anyway either, but I was, and he made sure that I knew it and was well aware of it on the daily.
That I took up space in his car and gas, so I would occasionally have to pay for it, out of my weekly allowance, which was a quarter of his, which meant that he nearly took it all up when he wanted me to pay. Elijah had done the same, and at some point, Stella would have done it. I never do it to them, nor do I ask for any favor's or their money. It would be wrong of me.
"Evelyn" I shivered at that name. Addie and Drew never called me it, as I hated it so much as it related back to my family. Only they knew how to say Evelyn, as I never was in one their cute little nicknames. Sebastian was Seb, but only Elijah and Stella could call him that. Elijah, was Lijah or Lij, but not for me to say. And Stella was Stel or Ella, but same thing applied. I was not apart of their trio or group or whatever they wanted to call it and I never will be.
I couldn't bear to here my name come out of his mouth anymore. Pushing through groups of students, I tried to get the best that I could, away from my brother. But with his long strides, even when he's hungover, he still reached a hand out, grabbing my backpack and pulling some of my hair that hung over it. "Stop running from me" he gritted out, surprising me at the lack of nickname.
We had never spoken at school, only the rare occasion when I was just starting at school, would I run to him and beg him to deal with the bullies. Once, he did it, and only once. He had never done anything for me since then, and I don't need him to do that. I don't need him to be here, standing near me, breathing the same air that I am. None of this is needed on my first day back.
"I have to be somewhere" I murmured, and it dawned on me that I had been waiting around for too long. I had been dawdling, not wanting to go into the office, knowing that I was going to be roped into something that I don't want to do, but I have to because no one else wants to do it. "It'll be quick then" and with that, my brother grabbed a firm hold on my wrist, as I was dragged from my only friends, and away from the staring crowd.
Dragging me farther, even back past my locker and through the tenth grade hallway, I found myself standing just inside the senior hallway. The very same hallway that I wouldn't want to be caught dead in, with all the seniors looking at me, and not my brother. I was tall for my age, but still not tall compared to the senior boys that had started to surround me and my brother, and the other few that were still loitering in the corners of this hall.
I could feel panic arising, and I didn't like it one bit. I hated the way that my chest was starting to rise faster and faster with every in breath that I took. My brother just stood there, looking down at me, as he had dropped my hand, just letting me bask in the silence. I wanted him to just tell me what he had to say, so that I could get out of this hallway. This wasn't where I was allowed to be, in the eyes of my brother and his friends.
The senior hall, or whatever hallway my brother was standing in, meant that I was not allowed to be in that hallway. Many of times I had had to turn around and go the longer route to avoid my brother. It was how we functioned around one another. It was worse when Elijah was around, as I was avoiding two people, but now it was just one. Just one brother I had to avoid like the plague.
First day back from Christmas break and I had already fucked it all up. I was so done for when he had to drive me home, after all of his friends, after waiting for my practice. "This morning, what you saw, it wasn't me-" my older brother finally said something to me, breaking me out of my trance to hear him be a spluttering mess trying to get his words out. Hungover asshole.
"I know what I saw and nothing is going to be said" I spoke up, already done with this conversation. Just because my brother is nasty towards me and says bad words, doesn't mean I don't have a spine. I walk around him on eggshells, and everybody else in my family, unsure of when they could turn their nice facade into some shitty person that I don't know, doesn't mean that I don't have a spine and can't speak on my own.
"Wait, what?" he was confused, and I puffed out a breath of air. He was seriously so stupid, but I mean, I was his little sister, and it was one of those rare times that he thought he had control, but I had taken over the conversation. "I have no one to tell, remember. I have no friends, is what you always tell me, so don't worry. No one will know" I said, turning my back on my brother.
A hand snaked back onto my backpack, nearly taking it off my shoulder, as I turned around. All my brother could do was push some cash into my chest, before he was being pushed around by his friends, as the straight face he had with me, turned into a smirk, with a wink accompanying it. I shivered in disgust, angrily turning my back on my older brother, before I was storming out of the senior hallway.
Right as I stepped out, the bell rang, and I knew I was going to be late. Picking up my pace through the dead hallways, I made my way back to the front office, slipping in behind the door when the office lady saw me coming, giving me a nod to go ahead. I then knocked on the door to my principal's office, feeling my breathing increase.
I had been notified that I was too come here at the start of semester, and to not go to my first class, when the last semester ended. Nothing was said to me about why or what was going on, just that I had to be here, on time. I wasn't on time, which was odd for someone like me, but if my brother hadn't ruined my life any further, than I wouldn't be in this situation. Slipping the cash into my blazer pocket, I took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the door.
No one else was here. Just me, sitting all alone. My brother would have laughed at me if he saw that I was all on my own. He thinks I have no friends, but I do. He's just too blind to see more than who he is, and see that he has a little sister. A little sister that wishes to be better than the rest of her siblings that she is constantly compared to.
"Evelyn Johnson" my name was called, reminding me of everything. Standing up from the seat that I felt like I had just sat down in, I was picking my bag up and walking in after my principal that was holding the door open for me. "Thank you" I murmured, keeping my head down as I sat down in one of the chairs that he had gestured for me to sit in.
"I've called you in here, as at the end of last term, as you would know, things have happened with your brother and some other boys at other schools, involving lacrosse" I did in fact know that something had happened, but I had no idea what had happened, or who was involved, or anything really beyond that. I was only allowed to know the bare minimum. I was not of importance to know everything that went on in my older brothers life.
I nodded, allowing for him to continue with the story that was making my stomach, sicken. "So, as part of the agreement, one of the boys and his younger sister are moving to this school, as something your brother did involved in them being expelled. I would like you to be the one that welcomes them in here, tomorrow morning, especially the younger sister. She is in your grade and will be taking the same classes as you. She even plays volleyball as well"
I think I knew exactly who he was talking about, making my stomach drop even further as it continued to roll over and over. "Uhm, what is the girls name, if you don't mind me asking?" I needed my suspicions to be counteracted, and to tell me that it wasn't the girl I thought it was. I really hoped that it wasn't who I thought it was.
"Jessica Murphy" that name had ruined more things that I thought it ever could. Now she was here, just to continue it all. I really hate my brother know, as he would have had an idea of who he was messing with, and who it all would have fallen back onto. Everything he did, I always had to be the one that was used as bait to fix it.
I was the one that had to patch everything back together, and make sure that everybody was on good terms. There was no way, that my brother had no clue. He was doing this to get back at me for whatever I had done to him, which would probably would have been just breathing to loud or being in the same room. Now I was here, having to pay the price for a mistake that he had done, that I did not care about anymore.
"Of course, I'll show her around. Thank you" I muttered, gathering my things and sprinting out of the room, while trying not to show my hurry. "There is slip on the door for you" he spoke right as I closed the door, taking my late slip and rushing out of there. My stomach was in my mouth before I could even stop it, as I was rushing to the bathroom.
Pushing the door open, I let the silence eat me whole, as I turned into a cubicle, right as my stomach emptied. Heaving, I collapsed to the floor, as I felt like my worst nightmare had come to life, just to ruin it all over again. When things were starting to even out, someone had to come in and cause a bump in the ride, throwing everything out of the way.
---
"Have you heard?" sitting down in front of me, was my best friend, Addie, as I was getting changed for track practice. I was glad that today I wasn't going to volleyball practice, as I was sure that someone would have been hurt with the rage that was thrumming through me at the moment. It was uncontrollable.
"I'm the one that has to show her around and do everything for her, like probably even carrying her books for the rest of the year" I muttered, stuffing my school uniform into my bag with ungraceful rage. Addie knew everything that had happened between Jessica and I, and she hated the girls' guts without even needing to meet her in person.
Jessica Murphy was not the nicest person to anyone, in all reality. She was the person that I had had to compete with everything my entire life. She made me work double time, as I was not only competing with myself, but the rest of my family at everything. She was given everything to her, without even needing to ask. Her brother on the other hand, Joey, was nothing like her. He was the opposite, and he was the kindest soul.
My brother had always ruined everything for Joey, but he never complained about it. If anything, you would never hear a thing out of him about it. He would rather laugh it all off and just have fun then caring about what had happened between the two. Jessica preferred to bully me and chose to make me her worst enemy for some reason.
I had never done a thing to hurt the girl, and she hated me. "Do you think she is the same person as she was in middle school?" how could I ever forget the girl that had made the whole class hate me, or made sure that I had no friends but her. She was the reason for half of my trauma. I was always second best to her, even though when we were very little, we were best of friends.
She was my very first friend, making me believe that she would be my maid of honor one day or just the first person I would go to when something bad happened. I was in the honeymoon phase with her for at least two years into middle school, before she ruined my entire schooling career. "I don't know, but I hope not. I can't deal with anything more"
I felt like I was constantly changing clothes like it would be a new skin, so I could hide from someone new. "You'll smash it out there" and with that, I left Addie in the locker room, as I walked out onto the track field, trying to forget about everything else, and just focusing on the current skin I was in.
This was the normal that I knew, for now.
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thoughts? xx