Songs for the chapter:
She's So High — Tal Bachman
My absolute favorite song & chapter so far!
📍 Ghent — 2020
Mum,
So many exciting things are happening, starting with the fact Harry had a breakthrough yesterday. Not saying that his grieving is exciting, it's just he finally was able to just cry. To just let out the bits of pain he was feeling. We also both apparently have mental breakdowns in museums, might have avoid them the rest of the trip.
But....as two art filled people, maybe that makes the most sense....that our feelings would be heightened in such a place. So maybe....we will keep visiting them....maybe that's the key!
I'm a genius! Clearly.
Part two of the excitement, I'm doing an art walk today mum! I'm selling my art. Which is insane, cause you're clearly the artist not me, but who knows, maybe they will buy my work. I'm nervous, but I'm sure I can manage it. Harry promised to be there the whole time, so it'll be nice to have moral support.
Mum....he smells like vanilla. With a hint of floral. I just thought you would be curious to know.
His hair smells like a woman's shampoo.
He shudders when he cries, the softest whimpers tend to escape him.
Mum, I'm starting to notice the little things about him.
It scares me.
Yours,
Lina x
I watched Catalina smiling, her hands on her hips as she looked over her small little set up. Her watercolor paintings and a few sketches were laid out carefully on display for the artwalk. She had a smaller selection than most of the artists here, but she was so proud. I couldn't help but feel even more proud of her. We had managed to set everything up on her easel and two fold out chairs we brought with us from the rental. She brought her sketchbook with her, just in case someone decided they wanted a quick portrait done.
"You think I'll sell out?" She said, turning over her shoulder at me. The wind seemed to hit her at the right time, blowing her unruly curls everywhere, her big flowy white top blowing with it.
"I know you will. You'll have people asking for you to mail them custom paintings, just you wait." I smiled, walking over to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She let her back settle into me, today's scent seemed to be like a soft baby powder; I missed her usual chocolate like scent. We had slowly become closer, I felt it, I felt it in my need to be near her every minute. I wondered if she felt it too, the tension that formed between us, that seemed to always be momentarily broken by a single touch. Other parts of my mind thought it was just me. It was just in my head. We had just met, there was no way it was anything other than comfort among friends.
"Imagine? I might have to cut the trip short, start working as an artist." She joked, turning her head so she could peek up at me.
"Not a chance, Catalina. We have to eat some authentic freshly made pasta first." I narrowed my eyes at her in a very Lina way, causing her to chuckle.
"True, and stomp on grapes, make our own wine. Like Lucy Ricardo!" She giggled, and I nodded.
"If that's in the journal, then we have to do it. Simply have too." I smiled, reluctantly letting her go and reaching in my back pocket, "But for good measure, I shall be your first customer, to start you off with some luck. I want the Amsterdam painting, gotta tell my kids I went there with a beautiful lady one day."
I handed her the fifteen dollars she was charging, watching her face blush soft pink, "Harry, I can't have you do that."
"I mean...in the end, the money will just make its way back to me, no? Aren't you giving me money towards the rental?" I countered, eyebrows raised.
Shaking her head, she rolled her eyes, snatching the money from my hands, "You are so annoying, Harry."
"If I'm not, who will be?" I shrugged.
—
The art walk started off slow, but by lunch time, the entire pathway was filled with people. Many stopped and admired Lina's work, women buying quick self portraits of their children. The older crowd seemed to really take to her landscape work, nanas buying for their bathrooms and kitchens. As time rolled past us, I saw the paintings fly off her display, Catalina clearly overwhelmed by the demand she wasn't expecting.
When she was close to selling out, her business kept rolling in, as word of her self portraits traveled down the street. By the time the sun began to set, she started finishing up her last portrait, her hand tired from all the work she had done today. I felt immensely proud of her, not surprised at all by how much work and effort she had put into today. Watching it all pay off. She had quickly made over $500 and I had no intention of keeping her money. Nor using it towards the rental. I decided that any money she ever gave me, would just be held in an account. It would be a savings she didn't know about. So she could do with it, whatever she pleased when all of this was done.
It's what I know Robin would have done; so it's what felt right.
"Thank you." I heard Lina say, handing the portrait to the young boy and his mum before taking their money. She attempted to give them change, but they insisted that she keep it. She pressed her lips together, bowing her head a bit in gratitude, settling back down in her chair.
I was grateful she hadn't noticed me staring at her yet, watching her roll her shoulders back, a content smile on her face as she massaged her hand. She took a deep breath, taking in the empty chairs and easel before her eyes landed on mine. She smiled big, mouthing out the word "wow" making me chuckle.
"I'm not surprised," I mouthed back, shrugging my shoulders. She giggled, squeezing her eyes closed as her head fell back, arms to her side, as she stomped her feet, squealing quietly. I laughed, making my way over, standing behind her. I tapped her nose softly, her giant doe eyes opening and meeting mine.
"I feel so high right now. Like the most powerful person, and I can't be brought down." She said softly, and I couldn't help but run my fingers through her curls, brushing her hair back.
"As you should. You had a line at one point! No other booth except the water boy had a line. You should be proud, Lina." I said, as she sat up straight, turning in the chair to face me.
"You have to let me buy you dinner. From a nice restaurant. Seafood has to be their specialty. With so much alcohol we want to hurl tomorrow." She wiggled her eyebrows, making me laugh.
"Okay, deal, but, you have to let me split it with you. So that I can treat you, as well, for an amazing job today." I counted, knowing she would fight back. Yet, to my surprise, she bit her lip and nodded.
"Okay, deal. After all, we have gathered that I'm a princess, right pop star? So my work should be praised." She teased, making me roll my eyes.
"You know, the princess was originally meant as an insult..."
"Sticks and stones pop star, unfortunately for you, your words did not hurt me. Now, help me clean up please, royalty shouldn't have to fend for themselves." She said, pushing up on the chair and standing up, making me laugh.
"What am I going to do with you? I truly wonder." I said, running my hands through my hair.
"You'll figure it out." She winked, closing up her chair and leaning it against the stone wall before picking up pieces of trash on the floor.
I chuckled, shaking my head a bit as I walked over, helping her clean up so we could head back to the rental.
—
Back at the rental, I laid on the bed, my air pods in as Lina finished getting ready in our bathroom. Following her request, I had gotten dressed up, settling on tan wide legged trousers, a white tank, and cardigan with an imitation Times Square on it. For the first time in a while, I settled on some white pearls to compliment my normal cross pendant, and jade one I had bought at the art walk.
I kept skipping through songs, only listening to the first verse or so, before moving on to the next. "She's So High" by Tal Bachman started playing in my ears, my fingers pretending to pluck out the beginning of the song, the words soon following, Catalina walking into the room, almost as if on cue.
She's blood, flesh and bone.
No tucks, or silicone.
Her chocolate scent was back, filling the room. She smiled at me briefly before moving to the small little pile of dirty clothes we had started. She folded the clothes she had on earlier, settling it on top of the rest. On her body sat a green satin shirt, white and black polka dots all over, thick silver earrings framing her cleanly done face. Her hair had been smoothed out into thicker curls, settling on her collarbone. My eyes danced on them, trailing down the low cut of her shirt, then back up to her eyes, the green of her shirt making them appear a lighter brown around the rims.
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound.
But somehow I can't believe, that anything should happen.
I watched as she pulled out a pair of brown Mary Janes, sitting in the single chair in our room, slipping them on her feet. She laced them up, her hair falling in front of her and suddenly I was completely mystified by her. Everything she did, felt like magic.
'Cause she's so high,
High above me, she's so lovely.
It was like the song was narrating who she was becoming for me. She was Aphrodite in the flesh, a goddess of sexual love and beauty; the best part being she saw it in everyone else as well. To her, everyone was walking sexual love and beauty. She paid attention to the details most never noticed. The song kept playing, as I popped out one AirPod, pushing myself up to a sitting position.
"Did you know, a song was written about you when you were only a child. They predicted who you would become." I said to her, Lina tilting her head at me as she also sat up straight.
"What?" She giggled, pushing her hair behind her ear, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Talks of....your royalty really. How great you are, how you sparkle." I said, truly unsure of what I even was saying anymore.
"Sparkle? That's a new one. Sparkle like a star or a diamond? There is a difference." She said, kicking her feet up before crossing one over the other.
"There is?" I said, pausing the song, intrigued as to what Catalina-like thing would be said next.
"Well, diamonds, obviously we know, are forever. And they glimmer in the sunlight, they create beautiful patterns off their shine....but it can be dulled by wear, dust, whatever may land on it. Now stars, their sparkle is so bright, we can see it, even from 10,000 light years away. So, there is a big difference if you ask me." She said, settling into the back of the chair. She shrugged as I looked at her dumbfounded, shaking my head.
"Well then Catalina Sloane, you most definitely sparkle like a star. Definitely a star." I smiled, and that lovely blush spread over her cheeks. It was always the softest of pinks. Her doe eyes, never knowing how to conceal her panic.
"Well popstar, are you going to show me this song?" She licked her lips, attempting to change the subject.
"Yes actually," I said looking down at my phone. I removed the other AirPod from my ear, adjusting the song to the last verse and chorus, pressing play.
She comes to speak to me,
I freeze immediately.
"Tal Bachman?" She smiled big, her lips rolling softly into her mouth, unable to stop the smile growing on her face.
I nod, standing up as I sing along, "Cause what she says sounds so unreal. Cause somehow I can't believe that anything could happen." I continue moving closer to her, reaching for her hand as she giggles.
"What are you doing?" She says, shaking her head as I dip down so we are at the same eye level.
"You gotta feel the music, Lina. It's your song after all." I said teased softly, starting to move my feet up and down, Catalina reluctantly joining me with a giggle.
Yeah-yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Cause she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely." I continued singing, spinning her around, pulling her towards me as we danced around the small space in our bedroom, "Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite."
"Harry...." She laughed, pushing her forehead into my chest, my heart beating so fast.
The song played out and she peeked up at me, shaking her head a bit, "So you think I'm high above you?"
"Mhm, I could never compare to that mind of yours. It'll take a big person to understand and appreciate it." I said, moving my hand up to brush her hair back softly.
Her big doe eyes searched mine, she inhaled deeply, "And you don't?"
"I do, but I don't think I could ever measure up." I said softly, her hands moving from my shoulder, down my chest to trace the outline of my cardigan.
"Why is that? I don't think of myself as more than you. I've grown to see you as an equal." She smiled, peeking up at me through long lashes. Her eyes were becoming like magnets, the perfect attraction to my own.
"I think, because of how I've treated past relationships....I don't know what or who I deserve anymore." I admitted softly, words that I never shared with anyone.
"Spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you?" She said softly, my eyebrows furrowing a bit.
"Using my own lyrics against me?" I chuckled, relaxing and raising an eyebrow before shaking my head, "I thought you weren't a fan?"
"I never said I wasn't a fan, I just said I wasn't obsessed," she giggled softly, "But...that's the most beautifully painful thing I think you have ever written. And, I think, you live in your guilt too long. It's what doesn't let you move on."
"As you keep telling me," I said, my hand moving down over hers on my chest. She swallowed, her breath heavy before looking away from us.
"Maybe you should listen," she peeked back, slipping her hands gently away, "Come on, let's go eat."
I watched Harry from across the table, pondering how, pondering when, I started falling. When, in the last week, did it happen? When did I look at him and complicate this whole trip with my feelings? Feelings that by his words I knew weren't reciprocated. He didn't think he was good enough to even think about me in that manner. He didn't let those feelings form.
"Ma'am? Just the lobster tail? Is that fine?" I heard the waitress voice say, snapping me out of my trance.
"Oh, yes sorry. With the um...the veggies, thank you." I smiled, closing my menu and handing it to her.
"I'll have the same, thank you." Harry added, smiling at her before turning his attention back to me.
"While you went into Lina world, I ordered some white wine, I hope that's okay." He said, placing his napkin on his lap, reaching for a piece of bread.
"That's just what I probably need actually," I sighed, rolling my neck into my hand, rubbing it gently.
"You okay?" He asked me, leaning forward on the table.
"Yeah, just tired after today. It was a lot. I'm obviously pleased, I mean look at this restaurant." I smiled big, taking in our surroundings. We had chosen to eat at Pakhuis, a beautiful industrial like building. There was green steel holding up the brick infrastructure, big windows around us. The moment I saw all the details to the restaurant I was sold, while the menu completely convinced Harry.
"It really is lovely," Harry said, his eyes fixed on me as I looked back at him. I felt my cheeks flush, smiling softly at him.
"Can we stay one more day? Sit out in one of the courtyards, just watch people. Make sammiches."
He chuckled, rubbing his chin, "Sammiches?"
"Yes, sammiches. I make a mean tuna sammich. My Nona adores them." I giggled and he nodded.
"Well then I have to try them if they are Nona's favorite. You haven't talked to her much, I just realized. Why?" He said, as the waiter came back, serving us each wine, leaving the bottle on the table.
"Well....I've been texting her. I taught her how to text last year, and she is pretty good at it. I'm scared to call her though. She can smell a lie from a mile away, and I don't want her to call me out." I pressed my lips together into a tight smile, feeling my stomach go into a small fit of knots. I had to not think about it too much, or my anxiety would take over. I never got in trouble as a child, I was always perfect in that sense; so the idea of disappointing my grandma now as an adult terrified me.
"Lina, you wouldn't be lying, just leaving me out of it." He smiled, his hand reaching over, almost as if wanting to caress my own, but quickly playing with the table cloth.
"I know, but I feel like she would figure it out. Like my tone would make her start asking me questions." I swallowed, realizing that I did miss her voice though. The warmth it brought to my heart, "I do miss her laugh though."
He smiled big, "Then call her. When we get back, for me, please?"
His face was so soft, I licked my lips, reaching out and squeezing his hand, "Okay, deal."
"Good, I'll just lay there quietly and listen." He joked and I rolled my eyes.
"No you will not, you will wait downstairs until I am done!" I giggled and he pouted.
"But I want to hear her accent, I love nonas and their accents." He batted his lashes playfully at me, both of us breaking out into laughter.
"Fine! But you have to be quiet, I swear Harry. I will end you." I said, tipping my glass slightly in his direction.
"You won't even know I'm there." He sat back, crossing his heart.
—
He was wrong, I very much knew he was there. Both tipsy, laying on our bed, his cologne seemed to take over the entire room. I felt suffocated by his scent in the best way. His finger would gently trace up and down my arm as I spoke to my nona, almost as if the chills he was visibly causing were bringing him enjoyment.
"Yes, it was the best white wine, and the butter, I don't know what it was, Nona, but the butter for the lobster was heavenly. The asparagus was cooked so perfectly. I wish you could have tasted it. Mumma would have loved it. But enough about me, how are you?" What trouble have you gotten into without me." I smiled, pushing Harry's hand away.
He glared at me, moving his finger back slowly, he looked like a little kid teasing me, making me chuckle.
"Why are you laughing?" I heard my nonna say, my eyes widening, Harry quickly covering his mouth to hold back his own laughter.
"I have Lucy playing on the tv, it's the episode at the chocolate factory, I'm sorry!" I hit Harry softly, biting my lip to hold back my giggle.
"Oh, il mio episodio preferito!" She exclaimed, "Well tesoro, I'm good. But I do miss you. Going to the store is hard, but Ben and Tracy have come over and helped sometimes."
(Oh, my favorite episode.)
My heart tightened, at the thought of my nona having to do so much on her own. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, "You know I'll come back the moment you ask right?"
"Yes love, that's why I won't. I'm fine. I'm managing. How about, for my troubles, you start sending me postcards wherever you may go." She said, making me smile at the wonderful idea. I was already writing a letter to my mum, I could do this too.
"Sounds like a plan nona, you will get so many! Oh my gosh, you can finally cover the bulletin board mum bought! Do you remember? In the hallway?" I took a deep breath, my fingers coming to my lips.
—-
"Maybe we can...we can start making family recipes, and pin them on here, oh! Oh with those cute little flower pins," mum rambled as we stumbled into the house, nona looking up in bewilderment from her knitting.
"What are you two going on about?" She exclaimed, placing her knitting to the side, pushing off her rocking chair.
"It's a board! And it's perfect! For...ideas, recipes. Jokes, oh we have to include jokes!" My mum raised both her eyebrows at me, making me giggle.
"And where will it go? We have no room!" Nona exclaimed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Oh we will find room, nona, we always do!" I smiled, looking around our home. I pulled at my lower lip, eyes narrowing, looking for a perfect place, "I mean, we don't need a tv right?"
"I...excuse me ragazza sciocca! I very much appreciate having that tv to escape you and your mothers delusions!" She said back handing me, mum laughing.
(I...excuse me silly girl!)
"But mama, Lina and I will just act it out for you! All you'll be watching is Lucy anyways! Look, 'Lucy, you got some 'splaning to do."
"Oh Ricky!" I said, pouting, making my nona laugh.
"This is just going to be another project you both start and don't finish." Nona said, starting to walk around the house, heading to the hallway leading to our bedrooms. She turned on the light, looking at us, "Here."
"I was going to, but then I asked myself, 'why?'" I giggled, further quoting "I Love Lucy". My nona, not pleased, pointed to the blank hallway wall.
"There, use nails, make sure it's straight." She shook her head, walking past us as mama and I looked at each other and squealed.
❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁
"Lina? Carissima, are you still there?" My nonas voice snapped me out of my trance, my hands quickly coming up to wipe away my tears.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Um, I forgot I'm grabbing a late dinner with a friend I made at the art walk, I'll text you when I get home nona. I love you." I swallowed trying to settle my shaky voice.
"Catalina...are you alright?" She said, my heart clenching at her tone. I cleared my throat, adding more joy to my voice.
"Yes, yes! I just feel bad I'll be running late now. I'll talk to you soon. I love you!" I said quickly, hanging up before she could say another word. I placed the phone down on my chest, closing my eyes.
"Hey. You okay?" I heard Harry's soft voice. I shook my head, scared to speak and completely lose it.
"Another empty thing that never got filled or finished?" He asked gently, my head simply nodding in response. I felt the bed shift around as he moved close to me, his breath could be felt on my neck. I turned my head, facing him, eyes opening, taking in his face.
"We were going to add jokes to it. At some point. And little sayings. And...her chicken noodle soup recipe.." I bit my lip, crying.
"Hey, hey, come here." He said, turning slightly, his hand caressing my cheek softly, "And you still can. I'll help you. We will cook something from here on out every night. We will make up the recipes, write them down on small cards. We will ask people what their favorite jokes are. By the time you get back home, you won't have any room left on that board."
Aquamarine eyes glistened at me, a softness I wanted to melt into. His thumb wiped at my tears gently, soft sniffles could be heard from me, "Promise?" I said.
"I'm starting to find, I'll promise you anything, Lina." He smiled a bit, his eyes dropping down and lingering on my lips. There was that tension again, almost instantly, only, he was already touching me but it wasn't enough to cut it.
"In that case, a million dollar check also belongs on the bulletin board." I shrugged softly, his eyes coming back to mine as he chuckled.
"Right. I'll make sure to add it to the list."
"Thank you, it's truly appreciated," I nodded my head a bit, as he pulled my head forward gently, kissing my nose. My eyes closed, heart fluttering, breath caught in my throat. He pulled back, our eyes locking as my fluttered open.
"Siete molto benvenuti, Catalina," he said softly in Italian, my smile finding its place on my face again.
(You are very welcome, Catalina.)
"Show off," I teased, chewing softly on the inside of my cheek, "Sono felice che la mia macchina si sia rotta."
(I am really happy my car broke down.)
"I'm happy it did too. Really happy."
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It's happening..... 💘
𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 & 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎.
- 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚢 💋
@𝚑𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚜