Warm sunlight sliced into the carriage as the curtains parted. Charlie shielded his eyes and looked out at the Bouncy Land platform. The station was above ground and the platform opened out into a wide square plaza. There were people everywhere, standing and shuffling in lines that criss-crossed through the open space. The crowd were bobbing up and down slowly in undulating waves as they waited patiently. Each one held their shoes, boots and sandals hugged tightly against their chests. Entrance to Bouncy Land was through a three-storey structure fronted with an enormous chalk-white painted face of a clown. Its 'mouth' yawned open, and the front of the queue disappeared between the lips and beneath a set of discoloured, jagged teeth as if it were being eaten. The clown 'gulped' noisily every time the line of people moved forwards.
The carriage doors opened but the brass steps remained folded. The platform surface extended in wide, arching ridges and was decorated with green and yellow diagonal stripes. It seemed they were expected to jump.
"Great choice, McIlroy," commented Jack as he shook off his white trainers without undoing the laces and jumped from the carriage edge onto the platform. He landed with a soft 'plop' and was catapulted forward by the spongy platform. He ended up flat on his face and wobbled to his feet, giggling.
"This day gets weirder and weirder," remarked Rose with a smile of anticipation as she slipped her feet from her Converse and tied them around her neck. She spun the peak of her Nationals cap and jumped. As she bounced next to Jack, he lost his balance again and fell at her feet. He grabbed her left ankle and pulled her to the ground. They lay on their backs laughing.
Jack and Rose's bodies jerked as the others dropped from the train, causing the platform to heave and swell underneath them. They stumbled and staggered across the rippling surface in the direction of the queue. It was exhausting trying to make progress across the surging stripey landscape. By the time they reached the back of the line they were breathing heavily, and their calves were on fire.
"We don't even know what we're queueing for!" pointed out Elliot exasperatedly.
"How very British," smirked Rose.
Directly in front of them in the queue was a bald man reading out loud from a well-thumbed Bouncy Land guidebook to his seven children, all girls, all bored and ignoring their father. The dad was explaining how the entire theme park was inflatable. "The shoe storage facility alone is a site to behold!" he gushed. "New for this year are the 'Expanding Forest', 'Cushion Castle' and the 'Blow-up Barnyard'".
After ten minutes of waiting patiently, the clown swallowed loudly as the family of eight vanished. They were now at the front of the queue and standing beneath the clown's buck teeth. Once their eyes adjusted to the darkness, they spied a small glass ticket booth the size of a toilet cubicle. The glass was condensated. A woman was jammed inside the tiny space. She wore a rainbow-striped curly wig with a chin strap, a dented squashy orange nose and a thunderous scowl. Her red and yellow striped bellboy uniform was creased and grubby. Two large sweat patches were spreading outwards from her armpits. A large syrupy brown stain, possibly barbecue sauce or Marmite, partly obscured her name badge which read: 'DURGA – HERE.....HEL...'
"Next!" she bellowed in a deep, booming voice in their general direction without looking up. She was reading a small tatty book, titled 'Arrows from the Dark', and was munching on a baguette the size of a cricket bat.
Isla pushed Charlie towards the booth. He cleared his throat. The woman did not look up. Charlie coughed again.
"Good morning, madam," he said politely.
"It is the afternoon," she corrected him, spitting crumbs of bread that stuck to the glass and slithered down the inside of the booth like doughy raindrops. She waggled the baguette at a clock mounted behind her head.
"Good afternoon, madam," he tried again. "Six child tickets for Bouncy Land, please," he requested.
The woman dropped her romance novel upon hearing the word 'six' and stopped chewing. Her face froze and her mouth dropped open. A blob of half-eaten bread rolled out and splatted on the floor between her legs. She nervously leaned forwards until her forehead was pressed against the window. As she scrutinised them through the screen, her breath fogged the glass. She wiped it with her free hand leaving a sweaty streak between them. She looked flustered. A fleeting look of recognition crossed her face and then she scrambled below the lip of the ticket shelf, searching frantically. She reappeared moments later with a scrap of crumpled paper which she unwrinkled and looked at repeatedly between glances at each of them. With every stare, her drawn-on eyebrows lifted higher and higher towards her wig line, and she gasped a short squeaking intake of stale air. She squirmed on her stool as if unsure what to do next. She fumbled in a set of small drawers beneath the clock until she found a painted square sign that she hurriedly shoved across the opening to the booth. It said, 'CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE'. She returned to the drawers and pulled out a brass hand bell which she started to shake fervently.
"What's going on?" shouted Jack over the noise of the incessant clanging.
"Erm...," the woman stalled. "We are closed," she finally managed, unconvincingly, trying to avoid their gaze.
"Since when?" yelled Rose with a huff. "You've just let loads of people in."
"Erm...," stuttered the woman again. She reached into the drawers again and produced a second sign that she propped up next to the first. It said, 'Out to lunch'. She grabbed at a cord that was dangling behind her shoulder which she yanked at agitatedly. A series of blinds dropped and covered all four walls of the booth. "We are closed," hollered the woman from behind the curtains. "Due to a...due to a puncture!" She continued to ring the bell while the six of them stood there in stunned silence.
They turned sheepishly towards the queue behind them and followed Jack who was already shouldering his way between the protesting crowd back towards the exit.
A small, officious looking man arrived in a hurry in response to the bellringing. He was dressed in the same striped uniform as the booth operator and sported a watch cap with 'Supervisor' embroidered across the front. He tried unsuccessfully to squeeze himself inside the booth alongside the operator and had to settle for whispering conspiratorially with her through the ticket hatch. She pointed animatedly and shook the bell in the air before breaking down, sobbing and banging her head repeatedly against the glass. Her boss, having failed to console her, scuttled off as fast as his little legs could carry him.
The children trudged back to the platform unhappily, trying to work out the woman's reaction. What had been on the piece of paper? Why had she refused them entry? It was obvious she was lying about a puncture. They could still hear the bell ringing long after they could no longer see the booth. The platform was devoid of people. And trains. They slumped down together on the inflatable floor bobbing quietly as they waited for the next departure. This time they were less surprised to see the Shadow Kiss rolling to a standstill and Eeleye's familiar face grinning back at them from an open window.
"Have we met before?" he joked as they stepped on board. "Was Bouncy Land all that you hoped it would be?" he asked.
"Not great, on the hole," giggled Isla.
"Bit deflating, as a matter of fact," smiled Charlie, joining in the fun.
"How about a trip to Paradise to perk you up?" proposed Eeleye, stabbing at the ceiling map with his index finger. "Only two stops."
"Bliss," grinned Amelia, jumping on board first.
As the train pulled out of the station, the Bouncy Land ticket office supervisor appeared, accompanied by two giant men who were dressed like Gatekeepers. The tiny representative was bouncing eagerly on the platform and flapping his arms like a flightless bird. The two larger men were less experienced at negotiating the Bouncy Land terrain. They staggered and fell repeatedly, bowling over the frantic supervisor and landing in a twisting heap of writhing arms and legs.
Tog Twigpepper did not see, or ignored, the three men as the Shadow Kiss rumbled into the darkness of the tunnel. Amelia looked out of the window and saw them shouting noiselessly after the train. She shrunk back into her seat in the hope that the men had not seen them. Although they had not actually made it into Bouncy Land, the inflatable floor had exhausted them all. They sat quietly, each pondering the dismissive reaction of the ticket booth operator. They were interrupted by Tog Twigpepper:
"Next stop, The Madness Farm. Where everyone is perfectly sane. And there are no animals. Change here for the train that never comes."
The six gathered at the windows to look at the latest Wonderground station as the curtains peeled back to reveal a platform jammed full of bustling Lowdowners, squashed together shoulder to shoulder. The space was tiled exquisitely in copper and bronze squares and lit by cast iron gas lanterns that were dotted along the length of the platform. The lanterns cast a soft creamy glow that reflected in the tiled walls. Matching benches were positioned between each lantern and were filled with more impatient travellers. The people stepped back together as steam escaped the stopping engine and swept like a rippling blanket across the feet and ankles of the crowd. Suddenly, each lantern blinked out in quick succession and the entire station was smothered in complete darkness. The six held their breath. After an eternity, each gas lantern burst back into life, relighting with a harsh crimson throbbing glow. An invisible alarm sounded relentlessly from somewhere, reverberating through the space and shocking the passengers into statues. Nobody moved. Eeleye Slugcandle dropped onto the platform from the goods compartment. He had a whistle to his mouth and was blowing it angrily and shepherding the travellers, trying to clear a space. From within the frustrated crowd, two women jostled their way to the front and met the conductor by the goods compartment doors. They were dressed like the two men from the Bouncy Land platform. Although they could not hear the exchange, it was clear that the two women were giving Eeleye urgent instructions. The conductor removed his cap and scratched at his curly locks, shaking his head occasionally and spending most of the conversation staring at his scuffed boots. The shorter woman seemed to reassure him. She patted him on the back and helped him with his hat. She straightened it on his head before shaking his hand sincerely. Eeleye nodded reluctantly and stepped back aboard the train. The two women turned and yelled silent orders towards the crowd who reluctantly shuffled their feet towards the station exits with the two women directing from the rear like sheepdogs. Within sixty seconds the platform was completely empty. The red glowing lanterns snuffed out one by one before reigniting with the comforting warm flickering light from before.
"What was that?" asked Charlie nervously.
"Has the train broken down?" questioned Isla.
"Maybe Eeleye's been sacked?" suggested Jack.
The announcement system crackled in their ears. Perhaps Tog was going to enlighten them.
"Emergency. There is an emergency going on. This service has been suspended...Why, do you ask? Good question..."
Tog sounded different. Nervous. He was speaking more quickly and agitatedly.
"I am fully prepared to answer that question. It is due to an...erm...infestation. Yes, why not. An infestation of...erm...of...jellyfish. Making the route impassable."
What was he talking about? How could jellyfish get into the Wonderground? And how would they stop a hulking great steam train? Wobble it off the tracks?!
"Everybody off. And by everybody of course I do not mean everybody...Some of you will have to...OW! What did you do that for...? Yes, the microphone is still on! Erm...Twigpepper out!"
Something strange was going on. They had not heard Twigpepper so flustered. But he apparently wanted everybody off the train. They grabbed their rucksacks and satchels and headed for the carriage exit. Isla noticed that the doors had not hissed open as usual. They were still firmly closed. Charlie reached for the manual release handle that was sunk into the woodwork. He strained until his knuckles turned white, but he could not budge it.
"Not so strong now, are you Wood?" he smirked, remembering his embarrassment at Aldwych. "Here, let me have a go."
"Be my guest," offered Charlie, rubbing his sore hand.
A clanking metallic sound startled them. Heavy mesh metal grids dropped sharply over each window and slammed into place, covering each pane of glass. The curtains shot closed, pair by pair, obscuring their view of the outside world. A thick metal bar slid out from within the sofa and braced the carriage doors, further preventing their exit. The oversized chandeliers extinguished in an instant, casting the carriage into a ghostly semi-darkness, the only light emanating from the treats display.
"What is going on?" protested Amelia, kicking out at the metal bar.
"Let us out of here, you Lowdown psychos," yelled Rose, throwing a half-eaten rock cake at the nearest window. It struck the mesh and exploded into several pieces onto the Wonderground-branded sofa cushions.
"Charlie...?" stammered Elliot nervously.
Charlie sat down on the cake crumbs in quiet contemplation. Were they in trouble? Had someone told the authorities about the octopus and Stephen the damselfly? He pressed his thumbs into the bridge of his nose and steepled his fingers against his forehead.
"What do you think Charlie?" added Elliot.
"The cake cabinet is still unlocked," called out Jack from the far end of the carriage.
"Not now, Jack!" remonstrated Isla.
"Sorry," mumbled Jack between bites of a rhubarb strudel.
Amidst the mild panic, nobody noticed the frosted porthole window in the carriage connecting door open inwards towards them. Eeleye's head floated into view. He looked nervous and was sweating underneath the brim of his cap.
"Many apologies, young ladies and gentlemen," he sputtered. "Erm...slight technical hitch. Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened." He laughed nervously and disappeared. The porthole slammed shut.
Jack grabbed at the nearest set of curtains and hauled them from their rails with a satisfying ripping sound. They peered through the metal squares of the barred windows and saw the train emptying of customers. Why was everyone else being allowed to leave the train? What was going on? They heard a low rumbling sound and then felt a vibration through their feet as something knocked the entire carriage. It was as if it had been struck by an object.
"I think they have uncoupled the engine and reattached it to the back of the train," suggested Amelia.
"Meaning what?" asked Rose.
"Meaning we are heading back in the direction we came from," concluded Elliot.
Sure enough, the Shadow Kiss groaned into life and The Madness Farm platform slowly disappeared from view as they travelled back along the tracks in the direction of Bouncy Land.
"Where are they taking us?" asked Isla nervously. "Not back to the Land of the Noviwolves?" she wailed.
None of them could sit still. They paced up and down the carriage, leaving the complimentary treats untouched. Even Jack had lost his appetite. They passed through Bouncy Land station at a slow roll but did not come to a stop, leaving several bobbing passengers looking disgruntled.
"It should be The Tormenting Concerns next," observed Elliot, remembering the harrowing gallery of haunted faces.
They trundled along in the darkness with no sign of The Tormenting Concerns station. Instead, the train thundered through The Lost Tunnels station without stopping.
After several minutes the train slowed and the carriage was filled with an orange glow as they rode into an enormous cave lit by countless flaming torches dotted throughout the cylindrical space as far as they could see above and below them. They came to a stop and were suspended in the centre of the space on a massive, rusted circle of metal that looked like a cog from a timepiece. They could see two more Wonderground lines dissecting through the cog forming a floating metallic snowflake that floated in mid-air within the cavern. A high-pitched, screaming siren barked rhythmically and echoed through the cave, disturbing a colony of hundreds of tiny white bats that skittered around the carriages before divebombing below them and out of sight. The alarm stopped abruptly and was replaced by a second sound. A series of short blasts on a whistle. The carriage began to shake beneath their feet. The plates by the cake cabinet vibrated loudly and the cabinet light flickered intermittently. They held each other as the screeching, scraping sound of machinery filled the carriage and the view out of the window slowly changed. They were turning! The metal cog contraption was a turntable and they were being redirected along a different line of tracks. But to where? The carriage shuddered to a halt as the squealing metallic noise ceased. They had turned approximately 120 degrees. The nose of the Shadow Kiss crept forwards as the Wonderground train pulled away from the cog turntable and back into the darkness of the transport system's tunnels.
They could feel the train working against a slight upward incline. They erupted into bright sunlight and slowed for another station: The Folly. Isla craned her neck and scanned the ceiling until she found that they were now travelling on the dark blue Frilly Line they had used to reach The South Circus earlier in the day. The Folly was a large domed stone carbuncle perched on a rock at the very edge of a never-ending stripe of white cliffs that towered above a raging dark sea. The clifftop was deserted except for a flock of black gulls that scattered as the train approached. It did not stop at the station but continued along the cliff edge before burrowing back down underground.
The train reduced speed again. They plodded into a station and slowed to a stop. The metal bar retracted with a loud snap into the sofa and the window guards rolled upwards and out of sight. The chandeliers twinkled back into life.
They heard the familiar crackle of the speaker above their heads as Tog Twigpepper's voice boomed through the carriage.
"For those of you that cannot read the map, your next station is The Portal Gate. This service will be delayed for ten minutes while I have a flask of coffee."
The carriage doors hissed open to reveal Eeleye Slugcandle standing on the marble floor of the platform. "We have arrived," he announced sheepishly.