CHAPTER 23 (part 3/4)
Slutty Glasses Change Lives.
Remus walked a path back to the cottage. The sun had just barely set, the sky still a teetering lavender.
After a buffet of sandwiches, fizzy drinks, crisps, and tongue changing popsicles. They had planned to start the fire.
Remus had to inform the very proud, well-born, affluent, moneyed James and Sirius that the twigs and branches that were still wet from yesterdays rain were not going to in fact make the fire.
Sirius whined, asking him why he hadn't told them while they were scouring the woods, picking any fallen piece, how his arms were turning sore.
Remus had been distant from the boys all day with drawn to contemplation. Insecurity.
They had turned into animagus' over third year. Playing a month long sport of the silent game. Weeks of work to help their friend just to be by his side. Be conscious, have to spend a whole night with a beast, once a month.
Remus was usually too torn and scarred at the end of it to worry if he had done something too monstrous. Of course he worried for their safety, but how he acted, how he looked- no.
But after the monthly breaking of his bones, the contort. He wasn't aware; he wasn't Remus; he didn't know the feelings of blood-thirst or canines scents.
As if it those nights never really happened- he had scars to show them they had, gauges of how bad it had gone- but no memory for it.
On top of the tangled necklace of Anastasia's fear. Seeing the boggart had added another page to his diary.
Remus never really fathomed that that was what his friends saw. What he looked like.
He played most of the day, punishing his thoughts.
That's what I look like.
He felt unfairly exposed that he needed 10 more layers to cover up.
That's what his closest companions knew him to look like. These were the people he held so fond, he loves.
You never want the people you love to see a part of yourself that you fear, despise, reject. It was all very disturbing.
He apologized to Sirius, snapping him out of it, feeling awfully guilty for his lack of presence and attention to the people who had done more for him intentionally or not than what the average person received, much less an usually grumpy werewolf.
He said he would make the short enough trip to his house, 'that they had fire wood in a box of an attachment to the shed.'
"I'm worried about James." Remus jumped. He was halfway to the cottage, and hadn't heard Sirius running up to him.
He took to ignore the disturbingly silent steps of his starry friend before glancing behind him. He could see James singing with Ana on his back, moving his head in directions to puppet him around.
"Why? He seems pretty happy." Remus looked down to the cranky Sirius.
Sirius looked at James and Anastasia dismissively. "Yes, but haven't you noticed?"
"Noticed what has he gone back to listening to only Abba again?" Remus slowed his casual pace so Sirius wasn't owly skipping to keep up.
"No!" Sirius crossed his arms at Remus' joke.
His eyes gasped as if adding another item to his grocery list just before leaving. "Actually, he has been listening to these French children's instrumental pieces. I don't even know how he found them."
Remus cringes. "French children have own instrumental pieces?"
"No! Its like.. twinkle twinkle little star but French ones. Walburga used to put them on when I was little." Sirius explained quickly, rushing to move on. Remus fought to imagine James listening to that.
"But not that... well, that's probably part of it..... Lily" Sirius stepped in front of Remus to get his attention.
"Lily?" Remus turned to look at her, barely spotting her ginger hair she was yelling at Marlene and Peter not to hit her as they played toss.
She seems normal.
Sirius nodded, walking backward in front of Remus. "Haven't you noticed he hasn't gone on a single fit after seeing her do something so beautiful since hell winter break? I mean, usually there are at least bi-monthly dévotions d'amour. But nothing."
"Oh" Remus felt a little stupid. How hadn't he noticed the lack of James vexing bursts of trifling love?
He shrugged it off. "Well, isn't that a good thing?"
"Nooo!" Sirius denied, almost tripping as they met the more pebbly path close to the house. Remus pulled him straight by his forearm and around to walk side by side again.
Sirius continued his theories unphased. "Prongs is a man who needs to be in love and if he's finally gotten over Lily, that means he's gunning over someone else."
Remus rolled his eyes. "What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing except for the fact he hasn't told me who."
They reached the shed Remus unlatched the hook, opening the lid before turning to the fractious friend. "Maybe it's cuz he doesn't like anyone, so there's nothing to tell."
"No, I know it's true we live in the same house now. You know he's been writing letters. Every day! To someone, well, he doesn't get any back so first I thought it was Lily, but I asked her." Sirius moved to crouch in front of Remus grabbing stacks of wood, trying to get in his eyesight to see his very urgent eyes.
Remus jarred. "You asked her?"
"Yes, but she said no." Sirius was unapologetic. Remus paused, intrigued, but- "I'm not convinced."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I wasn't either, but I didn't tell you this. In January till break, James would sneak out basically every night."
Remus paused at this, finally looking at Sirius. "What?! no I would have known."
"No, you wouldn't you sleep like a rock as long as you have socks on and your shirt off, you could probably sleep through this war." Sirius stood up with Remus as he closed the door of the box.
Remus huffed like a horse.
Playing into it but finding it hard to believe the ever honest James Potter would be seeing someone every night and not telling them. "Well then, where did it say he was, on the map?"
"That's the thing. He would always take it with him."
Remus pulled the majority of the wood into his arms. "Here, grab the rest."
Sirius would usually complain or make some comment about how he was bred to sit in a chair at the ministry. Not complete physical act, but he listened, picking his smaller stack. Clearly, very affected by this whole James thing.
Remus started the walk back in front of Sirius. "You never tried to steal it back?"
"I did, but he figured out some way to take his name off of it." Sirius tried to catch up.
Remus paused his walk, waiting for Sirius to become shoulder with him. "Well, good for Prongs finally getting his dick wet after cucking himself over Lily for years."
Sirius gasps, almost dropping the wood.
"Moony! Do you talk to Fox with that tongue?"
Remus laughed. "I know. I kind of surprised myself too."
"Well, are you going to help me?" Sirius asked.
"With what?"
Sirius whined, "Finding out who Prongs is with."
Remus thought about it, shaking his head. "Ehhh kind of feels like an invasion of his privacy."
Sirius moved in front of Remus again. "But it's for his safety. What if he's with a bitch or worse, a Slytherin?"
Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius was a very prominent participant of house division.
"I don't know Pads. I trust James. He's smart. He probably has a good reason not to tell us." Remus was many things, but untrusting wasn't one of them.
"Ugh, you're no help." Sirius sagged his shoulders.
Remus moved all the wood to one arm to pat Sirius' back. "But if you need any love help for yourself, I will."
"Ewww no." Sirius knocked him away with his shoulder, stumbling slightly towards the lake as they passed it.
Sirius always had a narrowing way of making everything slightly sexual and avoiding any actual topic of romance for himself.
Sirius looked towards the lake. "Anyway, you going to do it tonight."
"What?" Remus knew.
"You know, ask foxy out."
"Oh."
Remus turned away from Sirius slightly, almost embarrassed to admit the defeat.
Why had I told him? Anyone.
"No."
Sirius looked back from the lake, looking more shocked and annoyed than ever. "What?! Remus you're no wimp! Why?!"
Remus looked down. He really wished Sirius was the type of person to not question things. "It's just not the right time."
Sirius was unrelenting. "And it was the right time a few weeks ago?"
Yes, yes, it was
Remus hunched, looking very sullen. "Yes- just-... something happened and I can't now."
Sirius was concerned, suddenly overprotective, just as he was with James words before. "What happened?"
Remus groaned, shaking his head. "I can't tell you."
Sirius fussed. "Everyone's keeping secrets."
Remus softened his tone. "It's not me keeping a secret, it's her secret that I know. That I won't tell. And I'm not even sure if it is a secret, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't say."
Sirius scrunched up his face, still very opposed to the fact that Remus was no longer making a confession.
"Boring! What could her secret have done to make you not. Did she declare her love for me instead?"
"No!" Remus knocked into Sirius' side. "But- well if she'd said yes when I would have asked her then I would have had to tell her about you know... and now that I know that secret, I'd be a complete arsehole to tell her that."
"You make no sense."
Remus shrugs, then smiles.
"I think she might have said yes though before I mean before I would have told her then after she'd probably say no. No, she definitely would." Remus replied with a saddening confidence.
Sirius scoffed, appalled enough to use his full name. "Remus John Lupin Ana is a good person. Do you think so lowly of her?"
Remus sighed. "Ana is good. She's practically she's like-like Aurora."
"Who's Aurora?"
Remus huffed at his uncultured pureblood of a best friend. "Oh, never mind what I mean is not all good people have to, not mind werewolves. I mean, you guys are practically saints-"
"Wha-"
"If I wasn't, you know who I am. I probably hate them, too." Remus rephrased. "Not hate, but I wouldn't be keen to be friends with one, much less a boyfriend."
Sirius looked at Remus as if he was orphaned puppy, whispering. "Moony but-"
They had reached the campsite again, and it was practically night now, the crescent working little as a light.
Ana came running up to them, taking some of the wood from Remus' heavy load. "Hurry up you old men. I want to make American s'mores and Marlene's going to tell us a scary story."
Date posted: October 24th, 2023