In her dream, Julia opened her eyes to a dark space in the middle of the forest. Her legs were knee-deep in a layer of fog, so white and thick that she had to squint her eyes. As she moved forward, she did not know why, but Julia felt an overwhelming sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. A sensation of fear and crippling anxiety enough to make her move despite the freezing terror.
Julia put her hands together, then called out, "Rick!" Her voice bounced through the forest like a mocking ghost. She stared, slowly noticing a pair of glowing blue eyes dripping tears like luminescent paint.
"Rick?" Julia asked in doubt.
"I told you not to come for me." His voice was quiet and far.
"Rick, what happened to you?" Julia went to him, her steps heavy and dragged. "Rick it's going to be alright, I promise. I promise it's going to be alright."
"It won't be." He answered. The trail of paint like tears; haunting. "It never will be again."
Julia gasped. Just as she reached him, she held out her arms to catch him. Something pierced through his chest, the red glow of his blood like neon on her fingers and face. Rick fell onto her, his chin on her shoulder, slowly sliding onto his buckled knees. Julia held him, his head hung back as life faded from him.
"Rick! Rick! No! You can't just leave me here! Rick!" Julia cried out, hysterically, tears streaming from her eyes.
"Rick!" Julia jolted out of sleep, momentarily lost in reality. For a moment she had forgotten where she was, her mind still holding on to her dream. That Rick had died, that someone had killed him, and she had held him bleeding in her arms.
"Julia?" A soft sleepy voice pulled her back to reality. Mala's light touch on her shoulder offered comfort and Julia had to remind her it was all just a dream.
"I had a bad dream," Julia said.
"What did you dream? You're crying." Mala pointed out, wiping the tears off Julia's face clumsily. Her eyelids hung heavily from sleep.
"It was Rick. Something bad happened to him." Julia explained, then shivered at the fresh memory of his empty glowing eyes and blood-soaked chest. Her heart ached.
"It was just a dream. Go back to sleep." Mala said, who immediately laid in a comfortable position next to her. Just then, the alarm clock on her phone rang in sequences. Mala groaned, putting her head under a pillow.
"Sorry." Julia turned off the alarm, feeling lethargic from the vivid dream.
In the darkness of the room, Julia moved swiftly to recover her sports outfit, getting ready with a simple bun to hold her hair together and some running shoes. The coldness of the room prickled her skin as she pulled on a thick hooded jacket right after, thinking carefully of what she shouldn't forget.
"Are you going now?" Mala's small voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I am." Julia moved to sit next to Mala and then planted a kiss on her temple. For a moment, she imagined this might be the last kiss she would ever give her sister. But then she brutally brushed it away. "Take care okay?"
"Okay," Mala threw her arms around Julia. For a moment they sat together in a tight embrace. Slowly, Julia pulled away her arms and then pulled the blanket over Mala. The younger girl glanced at her, her eyes holding the light of the moon. "If you can't keep your promise, I won't hold it against you," Mala said quietly. It sent shivers down her spine.
"Thank you." That was all Julia could say.
***
In the kitchen, Julia found two packs of meals on the table. The lights of the house were off except for one desk lamp on the kitchen counter, illuminating a small portion of the kitchen; leaving the rest in shadows. The curtains, all in matching colors, were drawn shut. They covered the house in complete darkness and it offered Julia a sense of protection. Something about not being seen made her feel her emotions were hidden and safe.
In the dim light of the kitchen, Julia took one chair out from the neatly set row against the table, careful not to disturb the silence in the house, and then drank the glass of milk left there for her. Thankful, that her mother always took care of her milk not to be cold.
Under the two packs of meals across from her, Julia noticed a piece of paper placed under the lunch boxes. The paper was a ripped piece out of a notebook, with the writing 'Open Me'.
"Oh Mom," Julia said to herself, wondering if she should keep it for later. But then decided against it. There were tear stains between the lines of the neatly written letter, blurring a few words here and there. Julia felt, if not for herself, she owed it to her Mother to read what she had to say. Although she did not want to, Julia could not help but hear her Mother's voice as she read it.
Dear Julia,
When you read this I'm still asleep and I won't be seeing you off. I know I should but I know I couldn't bring myself to do that without holding you back.
So I'm going to write a letter to you instead because although I believe in you, and in my mind, my little girl will always be there, I know the path you've taken is a dangerous one. And I'm afraid for you.
When you were born, I felt an extraordinary feeling I could never recreate. You were my first and you can never be replaced in my heart. I knew when I saw you that what I wanted to be most in my life was a good mother. My little bundle of joy, my heart, my Julia. And it meant that I wanted to protect you and take you to a place where you will always be safe—a stable life, a good home, and as you grew up a better life.
I knew from the beginning you'd have the sight, the same pair of eyes I have today. And although I always felt it was a curse, for the first time I was glad that at least you'll have something of me that will keep you away from the unknown dangers of this world. I just never thought it would be the one to set you off this dangerous road and it breaks me to know that something somewhere would want to take the life that has brought me, and your father, a reason to go on.
My Daughter, please be safe and please know that there is no shame in running away when your life is in danger. When it gets too hard, please come home. Our arms will always be open for you and we will always do our best to give you a life that you might not want but a life you will appreciate. A life of peace and quiet. I know it's hard to imagine living a life of monotone labor with predictable outcomes for the rest of your life but even that can be a fulfilling one, once you find those you call your own.
My Daughter, my legacy, if it comes to you, I will fight for you. So call, whatever it is, call. I will be there. And please tell Rick I appreciate him and this is his home too. His mother called angrily last night but knowing you have someone there to keep you company will help me sleep tonight.
Take care and I love you. Always.
Mom
"Rick?" Julia whispered to herself, a feeling of dread rolling into a nasty ball at the pit of her stomach. Her eyes went through the last paragraph again and again. It can't be, can it be? What did she mean?
Julia looked up from the letter with tears on her cheeks, cursing at her heart for summoning the waterworks so easily. She knew reading her mother's letter would make her sad, but this had hit her differently.
That and the possibility that Rick might be a Willower as well. Or perhaps he just wanted to take her to the examination? That must have been why he tried to call her last night.
Surely he would not be a Willower for her sake. He hated Callico for what happened to his big brother. Would he join because of her? The thought itself was so mind-boggling, that Julia chuckled at herself. You silly girl. Julia thought. No one would be a shadow soldier just to follow you. You of all people.
Julia shook the thought away, telling herself that the dream was... just that, a dream. And there was nothing to worry about except for her safety. That itself was enough for her to worry about. She could not afford to add unnecessary worries when she had such a dangerous examination coming up. Julia threw her sports bag over her shoulders aggressively before leaving the house, careful not to wake anyone on her way out.
There, at the front steps of the porch sat Rick with his hood drawn over his head. Julia did not see his face, but she could recognize him from the square of his shoulders, and the length of his back. From the slight turn of his head, Julia saw that he noticed her standing behind him.
Rick half turned to her, only the tip of his nose visible, "Good morning."
Julia stepped past him so that she could face Rick, secretly checking him despite herself. "My mother told me you'll be keeping me company. What did she mean by that?" Julia asked, leaving the fact that she had read it from a letter, rather than hearing it in a conversation.
Rick nodded slightly, then stepped off the porch lazily. The heavy set of lids of his eyes made him look as if he was in a permanent state of boredom, even as he carefully examined her outfit. Julia felt her blood rush to her cheeks, realizing how tight her outfit was. It was as if she was wearing a second layer of skin.
"Answer me," Julia demanded, her voice low but loud enough in the silence of the morning. Rick returned her gaze, "Exactly the way she said it. I'll be keeping you company. I'm going to be a Willower too."
Julia's lips parted in surprise. As if he understood her confusion, Rick's gaze held hers steadily as he said, "You told me there was nothing I could do to stop you, because it is your life and you may do with it as you please. Well, you are right. Julia. There is nothing I can do to stop you, even if there was I shouldn't. Because it is your life, but I could not, for my sake let you go knowing well there will only be danger where you are going. So... if I cannot stop you, then I will join you."
Julia meant to say something but Rick lifted a hand to stop her, "And... there is nothing you can do about it. Because it is my life." He said.
Julia's lips tightened into a thin line. She would not let herself cry again and not in front of Rick. Not when she was not sure herself how she felt about his statement.
A strong mixture of happiness, that Rick, who she always thought was just a kind neighborhood friend, genuinely cared for her. And the feeling of unexplainable fear and despair, knowing that Rick would be in danger. The kind of danger that had killed his brother. How does one explain it? Julia thought, still holding Rick's gaze.
She never thought she could feel this way. An overwhelming sense of fear of losing someone. Rick of all people. Julia thought, realizing she would rather lose her own life than let anything bad happen to him. What was worse was that she never imagined such emotions would arise in her and not because of him. Did she care for this short shabby guy? It cannot be!
"You're awfully quiet," Rick said after a while, breaking Julia's train of thought. She bit her bottom lip, "I'm sorry. I... just don't know."
"About what?"
"How I should feel about this. Rick I..." Julia started, realizing she could not tell him how she felt. Not without giving him the wrong impression.
"Maybe for now you don't have to know how you should feel about it. If you do not know, you do not know. Take your time. I'm here because I want to, I'm here for me. So let's go. The train will be going in..." Rick checked his phone, "Thirty minutes. Your outfit's too thin. I brought some extra protection for you, here." He took out a bag from his backpack and then handed it to her.
Julia opened it and found sets of body armor made of leather, covered in carefully woven metal pieces. She looked up in surprise, "You prepared this for me?"
"I sure did. You can put it on when we get there. Come on, we should get going." Rick said, then cracked a neck before going. Despite the fact he was shorter than her, Rick still managed to look somewhat cool.
With a smile, Julia followed him down the street, calling him to slow down.
Unbeknownst to Julia, her mother stood staring at them as they went from her bedroom window, praying, that her daughter would come back alive.