After everything that happened between Minji and Jeongin was over, you stayed behind to help Minji in closing the shop. "You know you can go home right Yongjae?" Mingyu said as he's by the sink doing the dishes while you're wiping the washed plates dry.
"I know. But I want to help you and Minji so we'll finish faster." You replied and Mingyu just smiled while nodding his head. "How's your other friend? Yongbok is it? I heard he's leaving soon."
"Yongbok's doing fine and yes he's leaving by early October" You answered as you finished your last plate. "How about the girl you're always with? Your girlfriend?" Mingyu asked another as you could only smile bitterly.
"Hanni's doing fine I guess. And no we're not dating." Mingyu heard your answer as he immediately turned around while you noticed him looking at you. "You think I don't know about you two?" Mingyu's tone was calm yet sent light shiver down your spine for no reason.
"Nah I'm joking, Minji told me. So what are you going to do about it?" He asked after a snicker as you could've sworn your hearts about to drop any second if he hadn't been joking. "Honestly hyung... I don't know. I wish I could just tell her how I really feel, every time we're together, there's just this voice inside of me hoping for something more."
"...I wish it wasn't this hard hyung, feeling this way and not knowing if she ever feel the same towards me. My feelings for her are fierce, whole and true but love..." You slowly lowered the plate you're holding after sighing. "...love sometimes is a sword that cuts both ways."
You're opening up to Mingyu was because of how you trusted him as much as you trusted Minji. Mingyu's a big guy, well-built and looked tough and strict from the outside but in your eyes, he's a soft caring big-brother like figure who you often looked up to in terms of the way he's taking care of the people he holds dearly.
"I understand. Moreover, you've just seen it right in front of your eyes of the things Minji had to go through just because it didn't go well between them." He went over to you, gave a few pats on your shoulder. "But don't be. What happened to Minji is a part of her story. It doesn't necessarily have to be in yours too."
"Be brave, don't torture yourself. Your heart doesn't deserve that. You're young, mistakes are bound to be made. Just make sure what you're going to do with your feelings is not going to be your biggest mistake. You hear me buddy?" Mingyu gave you a comforting words so deep that it actually calms you down.
It's like being a caring big brother is just a natural thing for him and you always appreciate that trait of Mingyu. That's why you always noticed the amount of love and affection Minji has towards her brother.
"That's some very meaningful words hyung, thanks. I will try to not make those mistakes." You nodded your head after sighing in relief. "And that's more than enough. But be mindful, time is not your greatest friend you hear me?" And again you could only nod before your mind suddenly remembered about Minji.
"I better help Minji outside now." You excuse yourself as you walked over to the door, grabbing a broom on the way out before you saw Minji's back view as she's arranging the seats and tables in silence but somehow you noticed the little sobs she tried to hide but couldn't.
Without saying anything, you just swept the floor, going from one corner to another. After getting all the floor swept away clean, you were about to head back to the back room before you made eye contact with Minji who's sitting behind the counter. And you just had to stop to check on your friend.
"How're you feeling? Wait... that's a dumb question. I shouldn't have asked that I'm sorry." You said as Minji just shook her head slightly. "I'm not okay right now but I will be better, I just need a bit of time." She whispered with a rather hoarse voice and you just nodded in understanding.
"So what is it that's been bothering you before you came here? Sorry that it turned out like this, I was expecting I could help you as much as I can but now probably a bit less." Minji asked as you just smiled at her as you shook your head. "Your brother's taken care of that already."
"Can I just say one more thing to you?" Minji asked as you nodded. "What happened between me and Jeongin, it's a part of me, a part of my life, my story and it not necessarily going to be the same for you and Hanni. Okay?"
"No wonder you two are siblings. Mingyu hyung told me the same thing. I will decide soon. At least my head's a bit clearer now and I'm not that anxious no more." You gave her a light smile as Minji just nodded before looking down at the counter. "That's good then. I pray that you and Hanni will not turn out like me and him."
"I'm sorry for whatever happened to you but I'm also glad that you finally found your closure that you've been looking for." You tried offering comfort to Minji who accepted it calmly with a smile and a nod. "Thanks. I feel better now."
"Alright we're done. Time to go home~" Mingyu came out from the back room as you and Minji immediately stood up and getting your stuffs. "Just remember that you just come talk to me when you want someone to talk to. I'll be here." She said with her usual smile.
"I will. I'm sure I will." You said as the three of you went on and closed the shop for the night before parting ways.
Hanni's evening was spent with her doing another of her many assignments. After working on it for a few hours, she finally had enough and stopped for the night.
She got herself a warm shower before dressing comfortably for bed. Tying her hair up into a ponytail, she then grabbed a book by the side of her table before getting on the bed.
Sitting up with her back against the headboard, she glanced at the cover which was titled 'Unrequited feelings', a poem based book she bought back in Jeju.
At first she wasn't sure as of why she bought it in the first place but after reading the little summary at the back of the book, she became curious.
"To the person I loved but was never meant for me. Here lies my hopes and dreams shattered in form of poems."
Although she picked up an interest in poems and literature nowadays, this would be the first time she's reading this kind of book so her expectations remained low.
With the lights closed and the only light shining at her was from the night lamp next to her bed, Hanni finally got to the first page.
It's just one of those nights
where I'm checking my phone
picking it up
putting it down
picking it up again
opening our conversation
even though there are
no new notifications
-just wanted to make sure
Pages after pages she flipped through, the more her eyes were getting teary as the pain, the familiar pain slowly coming back. It felt the same as to when she heard your first poetic stage and out of nowhere you popped out in her mind.
You breaking my heart
was probably the best thing
that happened to me
You showed me
the people I need to avoid
and you taught my heart
how much more it could take
despite being completely broken
I was a sadder person
because of you
but I am also a stronger person
because of you
After you
it's not going to be easy
for anyone
to hurt me again
"God I shouldn't be doing this to myself..." Hanni whispered to herself as she's sniffing while wiping the tears off her eyes. "...I should probably stop..." She whispered but in the end her finger turned over a new page. "...why is this book so sad..."
I'm thinking you are someone I could really like, and that scares the hell out of me. Being with you is so easy. It's like we understand each other completely, and that's something I struggle to find with everyone else. But I'm scared. Because I think that I am the kind of person that throws myself completely when I love something. I've spent a long time trying to get here to where I am today.
I honestly don't know if I can do it all over again. I know this is all a lot, and I shouldn't put it on you. It's not fair but it is how I truly feel. I don't know how to love halfway. I throw myself into it completely and it ruins me every single time. I overthink things that I care about and I predict things before it happens and sometimes it doesn't happen the way I predict so it's really my overthinking that ruins it.
I don't know how to change that. I'm sensitive to the things I care about and I need you to be okay with that. I need assurance, but I will never ask for it. You make me want to throw myself completely into you and I know the spark we create could light up the whole world. But I'm terrified that one day you will stop reciprocating and I will keep lighting myself on fire to attract you and you won't reciprocate and I will burn and I will burn and that scares the fuck out of me
-a letter I've never sent.
After reading that last page, Hanni immediately closed the book, putting it aside before wiping the tears on her eyes with a sigh. Breathing in a long one, she breathed out while burying her face on her palms, trying to calm herself down. "Why are you like this Pham Hanni..."
"It's just a book... But why are you floating around in my mind while reading this..." Truth be told, ever since she came back from their trip to Jeju, her mind was constantly filled with something.
And by something, it meant that one question Minji had asked her on their first night.
"...I'm not trying to play cupid here, but what if Yongjae's not the one that fits your ideal type but he's the one you truly need?"
Hanni didn't want to admit it, but that question somehow messed up with her head as now she's seeing things and remembering things from you and about you from a different perspective.
Was everything nice and meaningful things you've done for her up to that point was done as a caring friend or was it because of hidden feelings you've been keeping to yourself.
She glanced over to her side as she looked at the bread plush toy that you got her when you were kids. She's been taking care of it since that day and she remembered that day from the beginning till the end.
Not just that, all the times you've spent with her, all those foods and treats you've bought her, all those times you've been there for her when she needed help and all those nights you've spent with her, talking until 3 AM...
The memories kept on flowing out as Hanni just let them overtook her mind.
Was it all just what friends were meant to be or there's more to it than just friendship between you two...
She got off the bed before she went to her closet and immediately she took out the navy blue hoodie you bought for her as she's reminiscing that day.
When she looked back at that day, only now she realized how happy you looked when you gave her the hoodie but then again, the same smile was there when she gifted you the pair of sneakers the days after.
Hanni made her way back to her bed, the hoodie still in her embrace as she got her phone and immediately went into your chat message with her.
Her head was clouded; she couldn't think things thoroughly... She's trying hard to keep her composure but in the end failed as her heart's feeling restless as her mind's all over the place. Then she slowly, hesitantly typed a new message to send to you...
Hey... Do you have feelings for me honestly?
As her breathing's shaky and fear was consuming her whole self, her thumb was just above the send button as her hand was shaky, her heart's beating so fast that she could hear it. In the end she let out a hiss as she just let her phone down to her side.
"I can't do this... I don't want to lose him over this..." In the end... She didn't send the text....
So leave a vote and comments(?) maybe, I would love to read your comments. It'll motivates me to write more, it really does.
Loves lot ❤