Dominick
From the second I saw Tan walk out of that ballet studio, I knew something was wrong. A dark cloud had settled over my beam-of-sunshine girl, and I would've done anything to send it away. To banish it. To find out what had made her so upset.
The whole ride back to her apartment, I was struggling with what to do. I didn't want to impose on her evening if she needed to be alone, but experience told me that sometimes when I said I wanted to be alone, it was when I needed the most help.
Once I got her back to her apartment, I parked my bike and captured her hand in mine, holding it tight as we made our way up to her apartment. It was in a much nicer area of the city than Mimi's place, and I liked that the place felt secure. She needed a card to get inside, and there were cameras everywhere.
When we got inside the elevator, and Tan pressed the button for the tenth floor, she leaned her back against my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight against me. I couldn't help but stare at our reflection in the mirror and admire the way she looked in my arms. The way we looked together.
This was my girl, and I could tell she'd had a rough day. It was more than just being tired. I didn't know what she needed from me just yet, but I was determined to find out what I could do for her.
Tan's apartment was small and cluttered but felt like her. She let go of my hand and immediately slumped on the couch, pulling a brightly patterned blanket over herself. Tossing her baseball hat and sunglasses onto the floor.
"I'm sorry I'm in a bad mood," she said. "It's just been a long day." Sighing, she added, "You can leave if you want. I won't blame you. I'm probably just going to make some tea, take a bath, then go to bed. I'm not going to be worth hanging around right now."
Leave her like this? No way. I could tell Tan was used to doing things alone. Or, at the very least never had a man who didn't just want her to entertain him. When I told her I wanted her to be mine, I wanted it all. The good and the bad and everything in between.
A not-so-small part of me was insecure and worried that she was upset because I kept her up so late or that she was regretting making room for me in her life. But I wasn't going to make her mood worse by demanding to have my ego soothed. I had to trust that she'd tell me if she didn't want me around.
Right now, this wasn't about me. This was about her.
I crouched beside her so I was at eye level, then ran a hand down her back, rubbing soothing circles with my fingers. "If you want me here, then I'm here. If leaving would make you feel better, then I'll go. If you want me to order you some food or clean your kitchen, I'll do that too. Whatever it takes to support you, I've got your back. "
Her big brown eyes widened. "I really needed to hear you say that. Thank you."
"Tell me what you want me to do." It was a firm command that put her in the driver's seat, and I was content to do whatever she said. Whether that was stay or go, at least I knew she was home safe.
Tan nodded. "Stay with me."
Those three little words from her beautiful lips made my heart soar. She was letting me in. She wanted me to stay, and I was more than happy to oblige.
I pressed a kiss into her hair, then another on her forehead, lingering there and drawing in her scent. She was mine now. Mine to protect. My responsibility.
"Of course I'll stay," I reassured her, watching an ounce of her warmth return to her eyes. "Now, I think you said something about a bath and tea."
Tan smiled half-heartedly. "Normally, I take a hot bath with Epsom salts and sip on a steaming mug of turmeric tea when I'm feeling overwhelmed. They're a ballerina's best friends." She paused, and it seemed like the little bit of warmth that had returned to her had fled again. She cleared her throat, then said, "Well, that and the foam roller."
I might not have the whole story, but I was starting to realize ballet must have something to do with her mood. And if I had to guess, it was because of the truly vile woman who ran the place. I'd had my own experience with her, and honestly, fuck that woman.
I scooped Tan up in my arms and stood up with her cradled against my chest. "What are you doing?" she asked in a high-pitched voice, letting me know I'd caught her off guard.
Our eyes locked, and damn, I couldn't help it. I smiled right back at her. With my teeth showing and everything. "Taking care of you, baby girl." She rolled her eyes and laughed again, which only made me smile harder. "Which one is the bathroom?" I asked, gesturing to the two doors in front of me.
Tan pointed to the one on the left, giggling softly. "You don't have to carry me. My legs are sore, not broken."
"Too bad, ma cherie. I'm carrying you anyway."
In that moment, something shifted between us again, and it made me feel that much more connected to her. She was teaching me how to be vulnerable, and maybe I was teaching her something too. And after that night, when she sat in the bathtub and told me all about the things Celeste had said and done and how she'd thought she'd made principal ballerina only to have it ripped away, I realized that Tan didn't have a perfect life like I thought she did.
Even though she was this amazing person who excluded warmth and love in everything she did, she struggled too. She just hid it better than me.
"Can I tell you something?" Tan asked a few nights later. After I'd driven her home from choreography rehearsal.
We were laying in her bed with our legs laced together. It was dark in the room, save for the glow of her essential oil diffuser as it played soft, calming music. I couldn't remember feeling happier than this.
I pushed back a section of her damp hair and stroked my thumb over her cheek. "Anything," I muttered.
She nuzzled closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "I really like you."
I smiled, holding her tight and trying to show her how much that meant to me. Someone who never thought they were deserving of the kind of care Tan always showed me. Our relationship was more than just the sex or the dancing. I craved these moments. The quiet intimacy that I'd never experienced before. The feeling of safety I had with her.
I more than really liked her. I was falling for her. Fast and hard. Without anything beneath me to break my fall. And I didn't care. I just wanted to keep falling into her for as long as possible. I knew that, at any moment, this could get taken away from me, and losing her would hurt more than I wanted to think about. But for right now, she was here.
She was mine.
"I really like you too, Tanushree."
She made a satisfied sound in the back of her throat. Her cold foot traveled up my calf and back down again. "Why is this so easy?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. Kissing the top of her head, feeling like I had the whole damn world in my arms. "It just is, baby. It just is."
We kept this up, spending the early mornings together and then seeing each other again in the evening for choreography. It wasn't much, but it was more than I could hope for. Meeting this girl by chance a month ago changed my life, and surprisingly, I liked the changes. Even the ones that involved Mimi's club.
On Thursday night, when we showed up to rehearsal hand in hand, and the other guys took notice. I really liked that.
"You two are looking a lot more smiley these days," Lucas said, pointing between Tan and me, wearing one of his shit-eating grins.
Tan looked up at me with those big brown eyes of hers. "That's probably because we're fucking."
"Oh shit! That's awesome!" Lucas replied. The other guys grunted their appreciation. "Nick, you owe me twenty bucks!"
This idiot still annoyed the shit out of me, and I couldn't stand watching Tan work with him, but somehow I gritted through it because, at the end of the day, I knew they didn't have that kind of relationship. Tan loved dance, and as much as I hated to admit it, so did Lucas.
I leaned in and pressed my lips to the shell of her ear. "We're more than just fucking. You know that."
"You're right," she said, then pulled back an inch, addressing the crew once again. "I meant to say, that's because we're dating."
Everyone made an aww sound that had me blushing. "Shut up and get back to work."
Todd and Big Nick were respectful enough that I didn't need to get loud with them. And now that I was with Tan and we were good, I was having fun at rehearsal again too. Enjoying the things about dance that made me happy.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my job at the Hope Foundation. But this was something different. This was freeing. And...fun.
Having Tan in my life made everything more fun.
After dancing my solo and practicing the routine with Tan, I drove her back to her place and we showered together and got into bed. Even though my body was exhausted from a long day, I couldn't get myself to relax.
And I was pretty sure I knew the reason why. I cleared my throat, and pulled her closer to me so her head was on my shoulder. "Tomorrow after work, I'm getting a pie with my mom at this place we both like down in the Bronx." The words sat in the quiet room. "Is it okay if you get a ride home with someone else?"
Tan propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at me in the muted darkness of her room. "Yeah, of course. I've been getting myself home for years. It's fine."
I nodded, then went back to staring at the ceiling. Not happy about her having to take the train, but she had a good head on her shoulders.
"How are you feeling about dinner?" she asked gently.
Tan knew more about my situation and how tense my relationship with my mom was. I knew she wasn't judging me for it, she was just trying to get me to talk about my feelings and shit. Which I knew I needed to do. It was just tough.
"Good," I replied too quickly, and she made a face that said she knew I was full of shit. I shrugged. "I mean, me and Ronnie don't meet up for weekly dinners like you and your folks do. So this is new for us. I don't really know what to expect." I turned to face her. "Maybe you could give me some pointers."
Tan let out a breath and collapsed onto the bed again, putting her head back on my shoulder. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her.
"Pointers. Right. Well, showing up on time is a good start. I rarely get that right, though." She let out a laugh even though nothing about that statement was funny. "Also, you shouldn't talk about things that go too deep. Avoid bringing up the past. Just keep it light and positive."
I ran my fingers down her arm and back up again. We were both opening up more to each other about the important things, but family was a tough one for us both. For different reasons.
"Is that what it's like for you?" I asked. "You and your parents just talk about happy shit?"
"Uh, no," she said. "That's not how it works at our weekly hospital dinners. During those, my parents want to know everything I've been doing and who I've been talking to. Also, they don't stick to surface level stuff. They bring up things that make me feel like I'm not living up to their expectations and always compare me to a successful cousin. One that just graduated from med school and is getting married." She went quiet for a second. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make this about me. You asked for advice, and I'm over here blabbing about myself."
I rolled toward her and kissed her gently. Taking my time as our lips moved together. Slow. Savoring her. Trying to show her things could be about her, and that was okay.
"Baby, I asked for more details. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong." I kissed her again. "I just can't believe you go back every week for that."
"Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I really do. And they mean well. It's just hard to live up to their expectations."
I smoothed a hand down her hair, then wrapped my arms around her. Holding her tight like I knew she needed me to. "You're smart. And kind. And funny. And you've got great friends and people that care a whole hell of a lot about you. You're exactly the kind of daughter someone should be proud of. Okay?"
She was quiet for a long minute. So long that I thought she'd fallen asleep. I closed my eyes and tried to tell myself everything was going to be okay tomorrow.
"Dominick," Tan said, "you're exactly the kind of man you're mom should be proud of. You might have a tough exterior, but you are so thoughtful."
I squeezed her tight. Not sure I deserved all her praise, but it was nice to hear.
This girl, this woman right here, knew me. And damn if I wasn't so fucking in love with her. We weren't just fucking, and to me, we weren't just dating. We were building something strong enough to last.