A M A R A
"I spoke to Dom," Kosta briefly looked at me while she scrolled through her emails. I played with a pen on her desk to distract myself and hummed, "Did you?"
"His court date with Stephanie is next week. He also said that you quit." Quit was a strong word. Resigning was better. It was less aggressive, less final. "Pretty abruptly might I add. Do we need to talk about it?"
"Are you going to continue fishing for answers if I say no?" I rolled my eyes. Kosta took a deep breath and turned her monitor away from her. She was giving me mom eyes now, staring me down until I cracked. A few months ago it would've worked but she hadn't spent a summer with Joshua Gray.
"I'm just trying to make sure that you're okay. Dom is a good friend of mine but if he—"
"No, it's nothing like that," I interrupted her. "I just don't think I'm what he needs anymore." I caught myself just as the tip of Kosta's brow raised. She smiled at me and pulled her chair closer to her desk, "you mean the kids?"
"What?"
"You said you don't think you're what he needs anymore. Did you mean him? Or the kids?" Her gaze was prickling my skin like needles now with no sign of letting up. She knew something and I couldn't be sure if it was instinct or if Dominic had confided in her.
So I'd keep my mouth shut until she decided to open hers.
"Don't you have office hours at this time? You don't need me taking up an entire block when there are people who actually need your academic guidance," I grabbed my things and prepared to leave but a glance at my chair had me sitting back down in a matter of seconds.
"You are as stubborn as the day I first met you," she laughed. "You've changed a lot since you took that job, most of it good but a few of those prickly traits of yours remain Amara."
"Yeah, and what traits are those?" I wasn't shy with my annoyance but Kosta brushed that off like she did everything else.
"For starters, you still can't seem to sit still. Even when things get rough you don't wait for the storm to blow over you leave before the slightest sign of rain," she sighed into her hand clearly as aggravated as I was right about now.
"Isn't that a good thing? I mean if bad weather is coming in you'd want to protect yourself from it." Only this thing with Dominic wasn't just bad weather. It was a natural disaster. A tsunami of emotions I wasn't sure how to handle. Love was tumultuous as it is. Being in love was a category five, life-threatening disaster.
"Not if the storm is just a little bit of rain, Amara. Look, I don't know what happened and I won't pry if you don't want me to—"
"But?" I hoped she'd get to the point sometime soon.
"But he talks of you so highly I just can't help but think—" Shaking her head she tapped on her keyboard and frowned, "Just think it over okay? If not him those kids love you dearly and Josh is having a hard time adjusting to you being gone. You're the only help he's had that has stayed this long. That has wanted to stay. Til now, that is."
A lump too big to swallow took hold of my throat and I held my neck to soothe it. "How is he?" I asked, scared to know the answer. No matter how I broke the news of my departure, I knew that Josh would take it the hardest. There was no way around it. What I didn't want was for it to erase all the work we had done over the past few months. I Didn't want to see that anger swallow him whole again.
"I don't say this to be cruel Amara but you know that he has abandonment issues. To be honest, he isn't even sure of who left him first he just knows that in the end someone always leaves. You stayed, and you understood. You didn't just leave Dominic you know."
I wiped a tear from my eye and scoffed, "Who said anything about Dominic?"
"Oh Honey, do you really have to ask?"
♥
I needed to get out of Zaria's apartment so when Harry's food festival rolled around, I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house. She was pissed at me for lying about Dom and making her think that I was dating Harry instead of him which was no fault of my own. She assumed and I didn't correct her, it was less complicated that way.
"So why California?" Harry spoke over a cone of chocolate chip ice cream. We'd hit nearly every stop on the food trucks, luckily, on his dime. I had enough money saved up to splurge but he wouldn't let me buy anything even if I tried and tried I did.
"Why do you ask?" I averted the question. Not because I didn't want to answer it but because I hadn't known myself. I had a friend here, the schools were better, and it was a fresh start. At the time, it just seemed like the best option.
"Just curious, I mean the world is yours, right? What made you choose San Diego?"
"Hm, I don't know. Better schools, better weather, my friend lives down here so she offered me a place to stay. It just felt like the right decision at the moment,"
A decision I found myself regretting lately.
"I see," He hummed and continued to pick at his ice cream. "What's that about? Am I supposed to have some profound reason for deciding to move?" I joked with him. His jaw ticked and he hung his head in laughter. It was at that moment that I realized Harry was attractive. More attractive than I'd ever given him credit for and on some scale more than I wanted to acknowledge.
"I have to admit, I did expect you to say something along those lines but that answer sums up just about every twenty-four year old. At least the ones I've met."
"And where are your friends tonight? I'm sure you could have brought one of them out with you instead," Though I didn't mind the company. I'd be moving into my new apartment tomorrow and I had to admit the anxiety was eating me alive. I'd never been on my own before and while it was something I'd always wanted I couldn't imagine what the silence would be like. How empty a living room would feel without me waiting for someone to put their key in the door.
"Hey, you promised not to bail on me tonight. Kinda dug yourself your own grave there," he nudged me with his shoulder and laughed.
"I'm here, aren't I? I just mean, why'd you ask me to come with you."
After a deep breath and a long-winded pause, Harry looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. "Do I really need a reason? I like hanging out with you."
"Everyone has a reason for something," I protested.
"Well my reasoning is no reason at all, does that work for you?"
Rolling my eyes I tossed my empty cup of ice cream into the trash and shrugged, "You're no fun."
"That guy you're dating must love all these questions of yours."
Harry was already looking at me when I turned to face him, eyes searching for answers he wasn't sure I was ready to give him. "Is this your not-so-subtle way of asking me if I'm still seeing him?"
He scoffed, "I wasn't trying to be subtle. Was that you're way of trying to avoid the question?"
Damn him.
"I'm sure he did like my questions. He would answer all of them and then some. Much better than you have tonight."
"Ah, you'll have to forgive me then. He's a much better man than I, but I take your use of past tense to mean it didn't work out?"
Didn't work out was an understatement. Honestly, I didn't see how we could. No matter what I did, or how mature I pretended to be Stephanie would always be there, and as long as I was around she'd be determined to make Dominic's life a living hell whether she wanted him or not. And she didn't, she'd made that abundantly clear but misery loved company and hers was swelling. Growing inside of her like a disease. Whether I was in the picture or not her cruelty would catch up to her, if not through Dominic then through her kids.
"You could say that. We're just at different stages in life, I don't think it would ever work out realistically."
Harry groaned to himself and gently tapped his shoe against mine, "Well then I guess it's new beginnings all around for you Amara."
Smiling, I rested my head against his shoulder before humming to myself, "Guess so."
♥
I wasn't in the mood for a party.
If I could even call it that.
Still, Zaria insisted on getting a specially made cake for this monumental moment in my life. 'A step toward a brighter future' she called it. I appreciated the effort and the support but I didn't want to make a big deal out of something I should've done a long time ago ago.
But that was the pessimist in me talking.
"Hey Mar! Your boss dropped off a gift for you!" She called out from the hallway and I felt my heart drop. "He wouldn't come inside though. Not surprising since you've been dodging the man for weeks. What happened to the new and improved, mature Amara?" She tossed a box into my lap before sitting beside me.
"This is the new and improved mature Amara. I'm simply refraining from talking until I know what to say. No sense wasting either of our time."
Zaria hummed, "he was all dressed up too. Looked like he was getting ready to go out, but you don't care about that because you're improved and mature right?"
Dressed up? "How dressed up was he?"
She laughed and looked up at the ceiling, "Let me think...a fancy suit, nice watch, dress shoes—I'd say pretty dressed up."
"Did he say anything?"
"Well, what do you want him to say?" She teased me but I was in no mood. That only made her want to poke at me more.
"He didn't say anything. He just said he wanted me to give this to you and he also wished you good luck. It looked like he had people in the car waiting for him so he was kinda in a rush. Oh!" She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a white envelope, "he also wanted me to give you this. I think it's your final check or something."
I grabbed it from her and ran a finger across the address, "thanks."
"I love you Amara but I hate seeing you like this, if you want to talk to him, talk to him. We'll be in the kitchen, I'll cut you a slice of cake when you're ready." She put a hand on my shoulder before walking out of the room. I looked at the gift and thought about opening it. Instead, I pulled out my phone and opened up his contact.
Me: thanks for the gift, I hope you enjoy your night.
Three dots popped up and disappeared a few seconds later.
Mr. Gray: You're welcome.
Mr. Gray: No chance of that but I'll try my best. Are you ok?
Me: I'm good.
Mr. Gray: The kids miss you, especially Josh.
Mr. Gray: I miss you.
I played with the pad of my finger and sighed.
Me: Dom..
Mr. Gray: I know baby.
Mr. Gray: Goodnight, Amara.
"Goodnight," I fell back on the couch and tossed my phone away from me.
♥
"So, Harry," David sat on a box in the living room and started him down. He and Dan had spent the last hour interrogating the poor man but he didn't seem to mind. He answered all of their questions and then some. "You helped Mar get this apartment right?"
He nodded and wiped his forehead, "I did. We actually went out and toured a few units together."
Dan looked at me with a raised brow, "oh? Was this a date?"
"Leave him alone," I groaned and went into the kitchen to grab him a bottle of water. "Relax Amara. We're just making sure he's good for you," David chimed in.
"Uh, it's fine Amara. It wasn't a date, I think she was dating someone at the time anyway," Harry answered.
"She was dating someone, what was his name again Dan?"
I swear the two of them were more immature than Josh and Jamie.
"Are you two done? Besides we already have most of the heavy stuff put away. Thank you guys for helping me."
"I think she's kicking us out David," Dan laughed. "I think she is."
Harry looked at his watch and mumbled to himself, "I should probably get back to my sister as well. If you need anything call me?"
"Call him, he says," I heard David whisper.
Rolling my eyes I looked at the front door and paused when someone knocked, "Did someone order more food?" Another knock came to the door and everyone shook their heads. Humming to myself I ran to look out of the peephole, my mouth running dry once I saw who stood on the other side of my door.
"Hi," Dominic exhaled.
"Hi."