That did not just happen.
At that back to school party, I was trying things I'd never tried before. Things I'd never even think of trying until I was completely finished with school. Things like smoking and drinking and flirting, which I'm now realizing is a horrible combination.
I mean, I know I didn't do too much of any of those things, but I definitely did enough to make decisions I'm not too sure about now, like letting a random girl out her number in my phone, which was out of character enough for me. But on top of that, the fact that I haven't even texted this girl since that night makes me shake in utter shame.
"You mean she recognized you?" Opal asks when I tell them and Norah about our brief meeting earlier.
I nod aggressively. "And I definitely recognized her."
"Yeah, she's kind of hard to forget," Norah says with a reminiscent smirk. "Is she just as hot in broad daylight as she is in the dark?"
I can feel my cheeks flush as I process her question. Is she? Before that night, I didn't think I could describe any girl as hot or attractive without meaning it in a friendly, encouraging way. But Sasha—she's hot, objectively. Her confident energy is so charming and her smile is so enticing without even trying. It does make her more interesting to me than some others but would it be right to say I like her as more than a friend? There's an undeniable nervous, bubbly feeling in my stomach when I think about her smiling at me, but is that a crush or just my need for validation talking? How do people differentiate between those two?
"What did she say when she came up to you?" Opal asks, bringing me back from my panicked identity crisis. "Was she flirting with you?"
"I don't know," I tell them truthfully. "She just said hey and asked how I was doing. Then she asked if I remembered her, and of course I do, so I said yes. But then she told me her 'offer still stands,' so I got confused."
"Babe, she was definitely flirting." Opal turns to look at Norah, who nods in agreement. "Her 'offer still stands'? She wants you so bad."
I chuckle but there's a pit of fear in the bottom of my throat. "You really think so?"
"I do. Do you like her like that?"
Oh, god, not this question. "I don't know. Maybe? I've never really had a real crush so I don't think I know what that feels like."
"That's valid. Plus it's probably harder to think about it since she's a girl," Opal says. "Unless that's not something that you're worried about."
"I mean... maybe? I've never really flirted with anyone before, let alone a girl. Is it any different that flirting with a guy?"
"Kind of. Sometimes with girls you have to choose your words carefully; make things sound a little more intentional, you know?"
I take a deep breath, trying to take this all in. Should I really text her? Should I actually go for it?
"Do it," Norah says, as if she's reading my mind. "I'm always a fan of lesbianism. I still remember my first gay relationship that made me realize I wasn't interested in men—ugh, she was so pretty. I miss Molly."
"Have you dated guys before then?" I ask her, curious.
She nods, embarrassed. "Unfortunately. And it is totally different from dating girls, which I personally think is the better choice of the two."
I laugh a little, though I can't deny I'm terrified to text Sasha. Even if she's serious about wanting to hang out, what would I do if things go wrong? What if she ends up thinking I'm the most boring person on Earth, and then I have to sit through a date with a girl who regrets ever asking me out in the first place? Or even worse, what if all she wants to see me for is a hook up? I don't think I'm ready for anything like that.
"If you're not ready for dating yet, it's okay," Opal reassures me with their familiar blank, yet caring stare. "It's scary to start seeing someone when you're also starting college. But if the only thing holding you back is the possibility that you won't like her, then I say you should just go for it. You'll never know if you don't try, and I think you're better than giving up."
I hardly know Opal and yet that's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Including the teachers in high school who would claim I was their favorite student. Now that I'm looking back, were they only saying that to get me out of their classrooms? God, have I always been so annoying?
Without wasting another second, I take my phone out and carefully type in Sasha's name. I start a new conversation with her, starting with something simple.
Hey! I text first, adding onto it when I realize I should probably say a little more. So sorry about not texting you, just got a little sidetracked.
I expect to be waiting at least an hour or two before I hear back from her but she responds almost instantly by liking my message. I think that's the end of it, and that I'm totally screwed, until she starts typing.
sasha: hi gorgeous! no worries, i completely understand.
I'm about to start texting back when I realize she's typing out a new message.
sasha: i don't mean to be too forward or anything but can i take you out tomorrow? i've been wanting to get to know you ever since we met at that party.
My cheeks beat up instantly and I find myself rereading the message again and again. No matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, this is real. Someone genuinely wants to see me and it's not because they want to copy my homework or get tips on how to be better at volleyball. Sasha wants to get to know me.
"What's up? Did she text back already?" Opal asks, now completely relocated to their room instead of the cramped living room.
I nod, even though they can't see it. "Yeah, she did. And she's asking if she can take me out."
"Oh, shit! Okay, Cara, I see you."
"Should I say yes?"
"Of course you should!" Norah chimes in cheerfully, also in her room with Opal. "You like her, don't you?"
"I mean, I don't know yet!"
"Well then you should find out, right?"
I sigh, completely panicked. On one hand, I can't keep holding myself back out of fear. But on the other hand, I don't think I'll be able to take the embarrassment of showing up and not knowing what to say or how to act.
"When does she want to go out?" Opal asks.
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Damn, she is eager."
"Is that a bad thing?" I ask with wide eyes.
"No! No, it's good. Really good. You need to say yes."
I take one more deep breath. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it."
Yeah, I'd love that! I text Sasha back after a few minutes. I hope she doesn't take that delay the wrong way.
sasha: awesome, i'll plan everything so don't worry. can i pick you up at 7?
Sounds good!
sasha: can't wait!
For some reason, neither can I.
"She's picking me up at seven tomorrow," I inform the others, who praise and applaud me for taking a chance. That's when Aspen walks through the door, looking completely exhausted despite the time only being twenty minutes until sundown.
"Oh, hey," she tells me as soon as she sees me standing by the dining table.
"Hey," I greet her back, feeling refreshed by our newfound tolerable attitudes with each other. Hey is bare minimum, I know, but it feels like even that was always impossible with Aspen before. We may not be friends now, and I'm not sure that we ever will, but at least we don't have to suffer sleeping in the same room every night.
"Aspen, guess what!" Norah exclaims excitedly as soon as she hears the front door click shut. "Cara has a date!"
"Oh?" Aspen says, setting her bag down on her desk chair. I expect her to dismiss Norah's comment and give me a halfhearted "cool," but then she leans against her bed frame with crossed arms, directing her full attention to me alone. "With who?"
I feel myself shrink in my skin ever so slightly; something about Aspen's intense stare can be so intimidating. "Um, Sasha, actually."
"Oh, party girl?" Her back shifts against the wooden frame. "That's interesting."
"What do you mean it's interesting?" I ask in anxiety, but my voice comes out more insecure.
"I just mean, I've always thought you'd be too scared to go on a date with anyone. Especially a girl."
She hits the nail pretty much on the head, but I can't give her that satisfaction. We may be working on our attitudes around each other but she still has no right to make me feel inferior.
"I'm not a child," I remind Aspen, who backs off with her hands up in defense. "But I do have to admit I'm a little nervous. I don't know how to—"
I cut myself off before I make the mistake of embarrassing myself too much in front of the one person whose opinion I shouldn't care about but do anyway.
"How to what?" Norah asks from the other room. "How to flirt with a girl?"
I mean, I was just going to say I don't know how to flirt in general, but I guess that sounds less pathetic, so sure. Let's go with that.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Oh, you know what you should do? You should totally find someone to help you flirt! I read those scenes in books all the time and they actually end up being very helpful!"
I scoff with a grin. "Sounds great, Norah, but I don't think that's gonna happen. I feel like that kind of thing only happens in books and movies."
"Well, I would help you but Opal and I are going to dinner with our dads, so I won't have time to practice with you before your date."
"Not after classes?"
She shakes her head with a frown "My last one gets out at six."
I sigh. "I'm screwed."
I go into my room to brush my hair out and examine my makeup, making sure my mascara hasn't smudged too much since this morning. Now that I know someone is interested in me romantically, suddenly my appearance is a little higher on my list of priorities. It's silly, but clearly different.
"What's happening?" Aspen asks from on top of her bed with her laptop open. I glance over at her and contemplate telling her the truth, but I can't bring myself to say something so humiliating like that to her.
"Nothing," I say instead, waving her off. "Just... need Norah's help with something."
"With what? The date?" She pushes. I try my best not to roll my eyes at her.
"Yes, with the date."
"Well, what is it? Maybe I can help."
I'm caught off guard by her willingness to step up and help me out even though she's clearly busy with some kind of homework right now, but I still can't help the chuckle that escapes my mouth when I think about practicing flirting with my sworn rival.
"Yeah, I don't think so."
"Oh come on, I'm free for the rest of the night and I am so bored. I'll do anything to get out of this assignment for a little while."
"Anything?" I accidentally ask out loud.
Her eyebrows furrow with a skeptical smirk. "Yeah, pretty much. What did you need help with?"
For a moment, I consider leaving it be completely and trying to handle it myself, but the idea of showing up to the date with no plan whatsoever makes me absolutely shiver. I know it's embarrassing to ask my rival for help, especially with something as vulnerable and childish as this, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. Not exactly my first choice, but I can't let my only opportunity go to waste.
"Well, you've been with girls before, right?" I ask her, turning around fully to look at her. Her suspicious expression grows even more curious.
"Yes..." she says slowly, as if I'm leading her directly to a trick. "Why?"
"Well, I wasn't on planning on asking you to help me, but I think I'll go crazy if I'm not prepared to be flirted with and flirt back with a girl for the first time."
"Oh my god, are you asking me to help you practice flirting for your date?"
"Please don't make fun of me," I beg her, hiding my face behind my hands. "It's already embarrassing enough that I have to ask for help."
"Jasper, it's fine," Aspen says. "I wish I would've had someone help me out the first time I went out with a girl. I'm happy to be of assistance."
"Are you?" I ask, skeptical.
She chuckles a little. "Yeah. I'm only judging a little."
"Oh, god, shut up."
"You want to practice right now?" she asks. I nod my head without making an ounce of eye contact. "Okay, well you'll have to come up here." She pats down on her bed.
"You're kidding me."
"I'm not climbing down just to teach you how to flirt."
"You're not teaching me," I correct her, starting to climb up to her bed. "I just need a practice round. I'm not a total lost cause."
At least I hope not.
"We'll see about that," Aspen says with a hint of mischief and a glimmer of anticipation as she leans down to set her laptop onto the nightstand. I safely make it to the top of her bed and sit right across from her, crossing my legs instantly. The energy is a little awkward and I can't remember the last time we were this close to each other. At least when we were both sober.
She looks into my eyes with an oddly excited smile. "Alright, Jasper. Where do we start first?"