Remus Lupin
August 1971.
Lupin Cottage
Remus John Lupin. The only child of Hope and Lyall Lupin. The heir of the Lupin family, born on the 10th of March 1960. The light of Lyall and Hope's lives, even after the incident in 1965.
It was a late night on the 16th of February, the weather was just starting to get warmer. Remus saw the look of concern on Lyall's face for days at that point and, even as a four-year-old, he knew something was bugging his dad. He figured it was something to do with work, but Remus was taught to never ask questions about work related stuff, so he didn't. Unfortunately, that night he found out what the concern was all about. That night the life of Remus John Lupin was changed forever. That night a four-year-old boy's life got destroyed by werewolf, Fenrir Grayback.
Remus was confused at first because, seconds before, he was peacefully sleeping. Of course, the pain was brutal, Greyback bit him on the left shoulder so Remus was not able to move his left arm. It was even difficult to move his head due to the skin of his neck pulling at the wound.
He does not remember much, but he remembers blood. At first, he thought it wasn't his because how could a kid be alive after losing so much blood, but then everything started to blur together. Eventually, he fainted from the pain and blood loss while hearing his father's screams and the sound of curses being thrown.
When he woke up, the pain was still there, just as brutal as the night before, but at least he didn't feel dizzy anymore. He barely managed to open his eyes, but the second he saw the white walls of St Mungo's hospital every memory from the night before started invading his brain.
He remembered the pair of evil yellow eyes, he remembered the blue and green wand lights, he even remembered falling from his bed. It was all too much for the little boy to handle, so the machine measuring his pulse started beating rapidly. That's when he saw a women dressed like she worked there hurrying towards his bed. She managed to calm him down a bit, then gave him some potion and he fell asleep again.
A lot of time has passed since then, but, to Remus, it felt like he was made to watch the same scene from that night every full moon. There was no escaping the screams and the pain he felt. Sometimes he wondered what it was like to look at the moon and see something beautiful. He wondered if he would be able to see it again in full form when he died, or would the curse follow him even to the other side.
Before everything, he loved to stargaze, but now, of course, the simple thought of the night sky startled him. He was only able to enjoy stargazing on the nights when the thing he feared the most was nowhere to be seen. On those nights Remus was able to forget about his problems. Even if it was only for a short time, he was still grateful for it.
Tonight wasn't one of those nights. It was the 6th of August, the day of the last full moon before he left for Hogwarts.
He still couldn't believe that he was really going. It was right before his 11th birthday celebration that an old wizard showed up at the Lupin Cottage doorstep, and not just any old wizard, it was Albus Dumbledore himself. At the time Remus didn't know who the man was, but he figured he must have been important when he looked at the way his dad was addressing him. Long, grey beard and half-moon glasses somehow added to man's mysterious aura, but then he smiled at Remus and, somehow, that small gesture made the uneasiness inside of him disappear.
Dumbledore offered Remus to go to Hogwarts. The old wizard said that he will have a chance at normality by attending Hogwarts, a chance to really be a child for once, to have friends. Remus was scared of course, he was thinking of all the students he will be putting in danger. Lyall and Hope were concerned as well, but you could see the hope and happiness in their eyes just at the thought of Remus having this opportunity.
Hogwarts headmaster explained everything to them. The shack which will hold Remus for transformations, the tree that has been planted to keep students away from him and the medical attention after the transformations he will be getting.
Lyall and Hope were so happy that they thanked Dumbledore probably ten times. Remus was still scared, but the happiness and excitement won the battle. He could not comprehend that he will finally have friends, that he will meet new children like himself.
He unfortunately mistook these emotions for him being selfish at the time, but as the time went on, he will realize that this opportunity should have been given to every werewolf. Nobody chose to have this condition, so it wasn't fair that they were robbed of so many beautiful experiences.
The part he was looking forward to the most, beside the school itself and the possibility of new friends, was the medical help he will be getting. He had so many questions when it came to werewolves and the healing after transformations that he could not find the answers to.
Currently it took him one good night sleep to battle the exaction and Lyall's help with healing the wounds. He was scared of what will happen when he gets older, will it take him a couple of days to get better? Will the pain increase? Will there be more scars than now?
He was also curious about the pre-transformation side effects. Can they be a bit more controlled? Usually, a week before the full moon he would get grumpy, eat way more and be exhausted. His irritation and aggression would also be raised. It's like every sense was heightened for him. Everything was way too loud and the light was way too bright.
All of the books he read on the topic of werewolves, and there wasn't that many, said the same things. As he gets older the pain will increase. The resting period after the transformation will prolongate. In most cases the scaring gets worse as well. But there was still some childish hope that maybe he will find some different information at Hogwarts.
What frustrated him the most was that there was no advice or some tips on how to actually heal the magical wounds after the transformation in any of the books he read this far. His kind was usually described as dangerous and every book advised that you should stay as far away as possible from them. Everywhere they were described as heartless beasts deserving of nothing more than death.
It made Remus feel like he wasn't deserving of love Lyall and Hope gave him. After all, he was just like the books said, a monster. A monster who would tear everything in its way apart if the date was right.
Dumbledore did give the Lupins one condition. Remus' state must be kept a secret for his own safety. Besides the students' parents being concerned and hateful, the Ministry would then be able to identify him as an unregistered werewolf which would ruin his chances not only at school, but for any job he might have in the future. Remus couldn't really blame the Ministry. In his mind it would be better for everyone if he got registered after turning sixteen. After all, he was a dark creature and should not be given these amazing opportunities.
Naturally, down the line, he will understand how childish his thoughts were back then. Nobody deserved that fate for something they had no control over. Remus didn't ask for this and it was never his fault, but it will take him a couple of years and a few new people in his life for him to understand that.
For now, in his eyes, he considers himself selfish for accepting Dumbledore's offer to go to Hogwarts. It was irresponsible of him to put students in danger, but the headmaster reassured him that he should not worry and that everything will be alright.
He got pulled out from his thoughts when the first bone cracked in his left shoulder, it always started there. Moving his neck to make sure the feeling was correct, he called out to his father who stood on the other side of the basement door, "It's starting, check the door one more time."
Remus could hear Lyall trying to open it, "Its good son, do you need anything else?"
Another crack, right in his wrist, "N...no, just put the silencing charm, please.", now the pain was spreading to his ribs.
Ribs were always the worst part in his opinion, but the spine was a close second. The only reason why spine couldn't take the first place in the pain department was because Remus would usually pass out immediately as it started to reshape so he wouldn't feel all of the little joints cracking like he could feel every single rib snap painfully slow.
He heard his father cast the silencing charm and was finally able to let out a chocked scream he was holding. His temple was already wet from sweat and now the pain was so brutal that he fell on his knees. That's the part when he usually loses his train of thoughts, but the pain is still there. When his spine started to reshape, that's where he blacked out.
* * *
His eyes fluttered open to the feeling of fingers combing through his hair in an attempt to wake him up peacefully. It was his mom half asleep on the chair beside his bed, blonde hair draped over the half of her face. She and his dad could never sleep when it was time for transformations.
Lyall would leave him in the basement and join Hope in the living room. They would try to talk about anything other than what was happening one level below. If the conversation wasn't helping, which was usually the case, they would try reading to one another. They always felt guilty that their little boy must be in the basement for a whole night.
Lyall will always blame himself for the accident, although Remus still didn't know every detail. Lyall was afraid that if he told his son the truth, Remus would hate him and want nothing to do with him. It was already difficult enough that they have to keep moving and restricting Remus to have friends so that he wouldn't slip up about his condition. If he lost Lyall too, that would maybe be a bit too much for a young boy. Lyall knew that he has to tell the truth one day, but for now, he wanted his son to be happy and enjoy having a normal life for once.
With the first ray of sunshine Lyall would run to the basement and carry his son to the bedroom. There, Hope would help him with treating the wounds even though she was a muggle. She still had knowledge from the muggle perspective when it came to healing, so if it happened that Lyall couldn't fix something, she would take over. It was a well-rehearsed machine, but no matter how many times they did it, it will never get easier.
Then, if it was a work day, Lyall would have to leave for the Ministry to not raise any suspicions, he worked for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Hope was a stay-at-home-mom so she would be by her son's bedside for as long as it took for him to wake up. Lyall always left some kind of pain potion and a sleeping draught if it happened that the transformation was rougher than usual.
For the first couple of seconds, Remus couldn't move at all, it was a bit scary because it could mean nothing, or it could mean that he damaged some important nerve in his body. and Remus turned to his mother, "Are you awake, mom?"
Hope's head jolted up, waking her from half-sleep, "Wha... oh, Remus. How are you feeling darling? Do you need anything?", she looked at him worriedly while tucking blonde hair behind her ear, every sign of sleep gone from her face.
Smiling, he just shook his head, "I'm fine mom, a bit hungry, but everything else is good."
For the first time in his life, he had a smile right after the transformation because the next time he will have to do that, he will be at Hogwarts. Remus was trying to keep himself in bed, but all he wanted to do was jump from happiness, even though he was still in slight pain. Hope saw straight through him and gave him a stern look before retreating to the kitchen to get him something to eat.
When she came back to the room with a tray full of his favorite food, the grin still didn't leave his lips. Hope smiled at her son's happiness. She, like him, still could not believe it. Her little boy was really going to the wizarding school. It was all like a dream come true.
She put the tray in his lap and sat back on the chair, "You exited for September? It's in only three weeks after all."
Remus couldn't keep the happiness from his voice, "Yes, I still sort of can't believe it. You will see mom, I will not disappoint you or dad. I will be the best and I will make both of you proud."
Hope took his hand into hers, "Oh Remus, don't be silly. You can never disappoint us and you already are the best, funny boy. You don't have to make us proud because we already are."
The boy had a determined look in his eyes while looking at her, "I know, but I also know that dad was a really good student. I used to think I will never be as good as him, but now...", his gaze left hers and moved to look outside his bedroom window, "Now I really have a chance and I will not waste it. I promise you."
Hope felt an ache in her chest. Remus was such a wonderful child, he always wanted to do everything for his parents. It bothered Hope because she feared that he felt like he owned them something which wasn't the case at all.
"Remus, listen.", she brought his attention back to her, "You are our son and we love you unconditionally. Even if you are the worst student with worst grades, we will still love you unconditionally. Don't do anything you don't want to only because you feel like you have to for us. We know you are a great kid with bright future ahead of you. We will be proud with whatever you chose to do with your life because it is yours, not ours.", she said with a serious look in an attempt to really get it through Remus' head.
The boy sighed, a bit of sadness seeping into his voice, "I know mom, but I want to do it for myself too. I want to prove to everyone that I am able to be the best. I want everybody to know that I am not just some werewolf who got luck—", but he was cut off by Hope before finishing his sentence.
"Don't ever speak like that. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone Remus. You are not just some werewolf. You are my son. Lyall's son. You will never be 'just something' to us. Remus Lupin is a clever, beautiful boy who had one bad thing happened to him. Don't let that thing define who you are, son. You are Remus John Lupin, nothing less and don't let anyone else tell you differently.", she increased the pressure on his hands reassuringly.
Remus' eyes filled with tears as he listened to his mother's words. She was right after all, he should not have to prove himself to anybody. Those who won't except him didn't deserve him. He had to be himself and be confident about it. He didn't have to like that part of him, but he had to own it. This time, the young boy will not let the wolf gain control. It wasn't wolf's life, it was Remus'.
With a shaky voice, he nodded at her, "Thank you, mom."
Hope finally smiled again, "Don't be silly darling, we are always here to give you support. You can write to us whenever you feel down and we will lift you up. That's what parents are for.", this time she felt like she had really gotten thorough to him, "And don't forget, after every full moon we expect a letter. Please don't sugarcoat it like you always do. If it is a bad one and you want to see me or dad, please ask. We will come."
Remus quirked an eyebrow at his mom, "Then... you don't want me to send you letters just for fun?", now he had a smirk on his face. Smiling at her son, Hope combed her fingers through his sandy hair once more, "You little goofball, eat your food before it gets cold."
Remus always had funny comebacks, so this one didn't surprise her. She left to go prepare the tea leaving her son alone to eat in peace.
Remus was still thinking about her words. She gave him a really good advice. He will not stop himself from making friends or learning spells and magic only because once a month something awful happened to him. That one day did not define him. Other twenty-nine or thirty days in a month defined who he was as a person and he will show that.
He got up from the bed leaving the tray on the bedside table. His head started pounding, but Remus managed to get to the desk and sit. There, in the middle of the desk, laid his wand. He still recalled the experience at Ollivander's like it was yesterday and not almost six months ago.
After the conversation with Dumbledore, the Lupin family was so excited that, only a day later, they made their way to Diagon Alley. Remus was there before, but only with his dad. This was a whole new experience, they went as a family to get him his wand. The whole process was magnificent. When he got his hands on the wand, it was like he had found his long-lost best friend. From what Mr. Ollivander had said, it was a wand with unicorn hair core, made from cypress, ten and quarter inches.
Even now as he was looking at it, Remus still couldn't believe that it was really his. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He couldn't wait for the 1st of September to finally learn how to actually use it.
Remus looked at the clock again, it was currently 07:30am, he should probably get more sleep. So, with thoughts of Hogwarts, he left the wand on the table and made his way back to the bed to eat and gather more energy. After all, this was the last time he will rest in his own bed after the transformation in the next 4 months.