DevonLee: turns out i do own clothes
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Tommy has been acting really weird ever since he arrived at my house which makes me wonder if he is going to tell me some bad news or accuse me of something.
"Why did you start posting your mother?" He asks as we sit opposite eachother in my family room and I look up from my phone. "Why now?"
"She's my mom."
"I know she's your mom but..." My dad looks at a loss for words. "It was weird to see you post her since you never really have nor have you spoken about her."
"The truth is that I never had the space to." I chew on the inside of my cheek as he looks at me in confusion. "Nobody has ever made me feel as if I was allowed to speak about my mom so I never did but now I'm being overcome with a lot of emotion that I can't control."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He awkwardly asks while scratching the back of his head.
"The year that my mother passed is the same year that I moved in with your parents and everyone found out that you had a daughter. I never got to grieve her death or fully process that I had lost my mother and would never see her again because I wasn't given the opportunity to." I confess while wiping at my eyes which are tearing up. "Nobody spoke about it in that house, nobody took me to therapy or even asked if I was ok."
"Oh Dev." My dad starts to tear up at my words.
"I didn't feel as if I could bring up her death because by then the world knew about your daughter and my whole life changed in a different way. The whole world wanted to know all about me and our relationship so much that they forgot that my mother even existed." More tears fall from my eyes. "Even I forgot about her."
A loud sob rips from my lips as I process what I just said and that is when my dad comforts me for the first time about my mom's death.
"I was the worst fucking dad ever." He lets out a deep sigh as he pulls me closer to his body and I continue to cry over the loss of my mother. "You were this cool kid that seemed unaffected by everything so I thought you were ok but you were only a kid. You deserved to have a loving family who helped you grieve your mother's death and I am so sorry that I did nothing to help you. I am sorry for dropping you off at my parents and going back on tour when I should have been there to see how you were dealing with it."
"You left me when I needed you most." I bite down on my bottom lip to stop the loud sounds leaving my lips as I wipe at my eyes.
"I..." My dad stops talking as he rubs my head. "Becoming a father was something that I never anticipated early in life so when I found out that your mom was pregnant, I had mixed feelings about it. Everyone talks about how happy they are or how inlove they are with their baby when they first see them but I thought that my life was over even more so when I found out about Colson."
Hearing him speak like this breaks my heart because nobody wants to hear that they were unwanted even if it's the truth.
"Your mother and I argued a lot during the pregnancy so I would cheat and disappear for days at a time until she had enough. I tried to propose because I felt that it was the right thing to do but she said no and it really fucked with my head. Her whole life changed the second that she found out that she was pregnant and she worked so fucking hard to get her life on the right track while I stayed the same." Another sigh leaves his lips. "She started renting her own one bedroom apartment while working two jobs because she wanted to give you the best life possible."
"And she did." Sadness fills my every being as I think of the life that I had with my mom. "She gave me the world."
"All she wanted was for me to be present in your life, she didn't care about the growing fame or the money. Her whole life became about you and I hated that because it hurt my ego to see her do better without me. We went from being wild party animals, touring the world and doing every single drug to her sobering up to get herself ready for you."
I pull myself away from him.
My dad looks into my eyes, "I never felt connected to you."
"Wow." I put my hand in my mouth as I look at him in disbelief.
"I don't want to hurt you but that's the truth." This revelation is breaking me to the pieces and he doesn't even know it. "Your mother knew so she would write the fake birthday messages from me and buy you gifts whenever I didn't feel like showing up. The reality is that I could have put my life on pause when she passed so I could be your father but I didn't."
"What about Colson?" I ask about my brother who is five months younger than me. Our mothers were pregnant around the same time which my father chose not to disclose until Colson's mother told the world about her pregnancy. That's when she realised that Tommy was more than just a liar but a cheat who had continued his cheating ways when he was in a relationship with her.
Tommy took Colson and I in when I was fifteen years old, years after my mother had passed so that's when I was able to form an actual relationship with him. Colson and I would meet during holidays and special occasions but that was only a couple of times a year so I never really knew him until I was a teenager.
"The God honest truth is that I didn't want either of you."
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DevonLee: X RATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My whole day was a mess following my morning with my dad which saw me trashing my bar before drinking an entire bottle of tequila and taking a bottle of vodka with me.
I have worked really hard to repair my image following all the crazy shit that I did once I turned eighteen so arriving to work drunk was not a good idea. The plan was to appear on three different talk shows to promote my upcoming album and tease some new music but everything went to shit.
The first interview was a disaster since I kept slurring my words and using profanity which is not allowed on daytime talk shows. I completely refused to perform on the second show which made everything awkward and I went on a rampage before the third one which led to my appearance being cancelled after I attacked a member of the production team.
Tommy's words cut me deep.
So, tell me what you want from me, can we just pretend?
Pretend that you didn't try to fuck all my friends
I wish I could erase you, you're tattooed in my head
There's three little words that I should have said
Go fuck yourself
Xavier informed me of his plans to head to Satan after work but I had my own plans until my dad fucked up my way so I decided to uber there without his knowledge. Watching him perform on stage will always send shivers down my spine but I hate seeing how crazy the women get around him.
I wish you well, but go to hell
Go fuck yourself
I wish you well, but go to hell
Go fuck yourself (yeah)
I climb onto the table with the help of the employee before kicking over the drinks that I had been sipping on since arriving thirty minutes ago. My action draws attention from the bargoers' who finally realise that I'm here now that I have come out of the shadows and I have no care in the world.
Please, take me out of this episode of Euphoria
Back to the Waldorf Astoria
Do not disturb on the door while she screamin'
My D-I-C-K B.I.G. like Notorious
A few people start whistling the second that I start cheering which catches Colson's attention and he gestures for me to get down but I turn my back on him.
Don't know who that dude on your story is
But you dumb as fuck for ignoring this
And I won't remember recording this
I'm off these red and blue pills, like I'm Morpheus
Xavier hasn't spotted me yet so he continues to perform to the crowd forming around the stage and I'm not surprised to see that it's mostly female.
You started this shit, and I'ma make it end, yeah
Heard that you asking 'bout who I been with
You should ask your friend, damn
My brother and husband start singing together which nobody can deny sounds like a slice of heaven and hell.
I said that last time would be the last time
You always fucking gaslight, you're never all alone
I need to say what's on my mind and then it's goodbye
You left me high and dry and now I gotta go
The men around me start cheering loudly as I dance provocatively on the table in my tiny outfit without a single care in the world. Money starts flying my way as they tell me to take it off but I tease them by running my hands up and down my body.
So, tell me what you want from me, can we just pretend?
Pretend that you didn't try to fuck all my friends (yeah)
I wish I could erase you, you're tattooed in my head
There's three little words that I should have said
"Go fuck yourself" (hahaha)
The cheering around me capture Xavier's attention which makes his eyes go red once he notices what I'm wearing and doing. I never informed him of my arrival and I have pretty much kept to myself until now because I'm a fucking mess.
I wish you well, but go to hell (yeah, ayy, ayy)
Go fuck yourself
I wish you well, but go to hell
Go fuck yourself
Xavier barely finishes the song before he storms off the stage and starts heading my way.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
"Uh oh." I grimace once I notice the look on his face and I look down at the group of men surrounding my table. "I'm in trouble."
"GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY!" Three security guards help my husband in pushing the men away and stopping people from filming as he yanks me off the table. I let out a yell at how hard he is pulling me as he drags me upstairs to the office.
The next few minutes are a blur as I feel myself blacking out before waking up in my brother's office with a leather coat covering my body.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Colson asks me as he shoves a bottle of water in my hand. "You're a fucking mess."
"I came to party." My voice comes out horse so I lift the bottle up to my lips before greedily drinking the water. "This water tastes like shit."
"You're lucky I didn't kick your ass out of my bar."
"Our bar." I correct him and he narrows his eyes at me.
The office door opens before slamming shut and that's when I see my husband who looks pretty pissed off. No words are spoken as he leans against the desk and stares at me in pure disgust as my brother stares blankly.
"Are we going to have a problem?"
I shrug my shoulders, "Probably."