5 years later
I opened my eyes to see I was back in my small bedroom in the apartment I shared with Jess. A moment ago I was back in a different bedroom. I was dreaming of Henry again. It had been a while and I thought maybe it had stopped for good. But he was back haunting me in my sleep. I guess it made sense since he had a new album coming out soon. His third one in 4 years. He was an international superstar whose songs were constantly on the radio and his tour sold out shows all over the world. I was happy for him. Letting him go was the right choice for both of us.
I went through a rough patch immediately after we ended it for good. I almost failed every class I had that first semester of my junior year. But my friends wouldn't let me throw my life away. They helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart and I managed to bring my grades up enough to save my semester. I graduated on time with my friends and got a job working with kids on the autism spectrum. Jess got a teaching job in the same city as me so we decided to get an apartment together. It's worked out well so far since we have our own rooms and she's not as crazy as she used to be. Her and Nick are still together but doing the long distance thing. He was working in New York City but was always looking for a job to be closer to Jess. I knew when that happened, they would probably get engaged and Jess would move out. But for now, I was lucky to live with my best friend.
My other best friend, Jane, moved in with Bill directly after graduation. They got married last year and are already expecting their first baby. Jane was going to make the best mother and I couldn't wait to be an aunt to her little one. I planned on spoiling him or her rotten. We lived about 3 hours away but Jess and I already had planned on making the drive to visit at least once a month.
As for Liam, shocking no one, he ended up breaking up with Lily about half way through junior year. After a few months, him and I had decided to give us a try. I think it had more to do with both of us being heartbroken and lonely than anything actually real. We were what we both needed at the time but as we both started healing, interest in a relationship dwindled. We mutually agreed we were better off as friends. Unfortunately, things were just too awkward after that so we drifted apart. I keep up with him on social media but we haven't spoken in years. He's engaged now and living in Atlanta. I'm happy for him.
Other than Liam, I haven't tried a relationship with anyone else. I've dated and I went through a phase of just sleeping with a bunch of people to try to forget, but no one has made me feel the way Henry did. When we agreed to break up and he drove me back to my apartment, I made it up to my room before I collapsed on the floor and sobbed. It was hours before I could move. I felt like I was dying. I managed to crawl up to my bed and didn't leave my room for 3 days except to use the bathroom and grab an occasional snack. When I finally rejoined the living, I was numb for a very long time. I probably should have been in therapy but talking about it was too painful. The months after that are all kind of blurry. I wasn't really living. Just surviving.
By summer, the fling I had with Liam had ended and I was ready to go home and just hide from everything. But Henry's first album came out in May and by June it was a hit. I made myself listen to it just to hear his voice again. I probably shouldn't have until I was strong enough to relive everything. Every song was about us. I couldn't even be mad because I gave him permission. But it was like going through the breakup again. All the feelings I tried so hard to ignore for so long we're brought back up. One song in particular called "What could have been" had clearly been written after we broke up. It was just Henry singing and playing the guitar. No other instruments. It wrecked me.
He sang things like "I had to let you go to save what could have been" and "I made promises I couldn't keep and broke us forever."
I almost contacted him. The pain of missing him was too much. My mom saw how much I was struggling and convinced me to go talk to someone. That was the first step to healing. The next step was blocking out everything about him. I hid his name on all social media. I made sure to not listen to anymore of his music. I ignored all of the interviews and appearances he was doing now that he was blowing up. Sometimes it couldn't be avoided so I would hear bits and pieces of what he was up to. He was linked to a lot of famous women but never for long. I knew Nick and Bill were still talking to him but they all knew to not discuss him around me. Eventually, I figured out how to exist in the world without him.
But I've never stopped loving him. He was supposed to be the one for me. And I've never been able to let that little piece of hope go. That one day we will find each other again and the timing will be right and we can just be together. Part of me is afraid I'll just be alone forever because I can't fully move on. But there has never been anything or anyone that has compared. And so I dream about him. I dream about making love in his little room when I visited him in the summer. I dream about sitting in his lap watching the waterfall in our special place. I dream about his voice. Singing to me. Like we are the only two people in the world. And I always wake up missing him as much as I did 5 years ago.
I force myself out of bed and into the shower. My day is always the same. I go to work and hang out with some really cool kids all day. Then I go home and either order door dash or whip up something quick and easy. And then sometimes Jess and I will put some terrible reality show on and she'll grade tests and I'll work on my kids' IEP's on the floor of our little living room. Usually she'll head to bed first so she can call Nick. On the weekends, she's goes and visits him or he comes to her. When that happens, I usually go stay at my mom's. Today is Friday and she is driving up to New York so I'll be on my own. I have a date with my couch and Netflix that I'm really looking forward to. May even work on my TBR pile.
When I return to a quiet apartment around 6, I know Jess has already left. I order some tacos from my favorite local place and change into comfy clothes while I wait for them to be delivered. Since I'm alone, I put on Henry's jacket from the first night we met. I never gave it back to him. If anyone knew I still wore it, they would probably think I was pathetic. As far as everyone knew, I had gotten over Henry a long time ago. This jacket was a reminder of the best months of my life.
I started scrolling through Netflix when there was a knock at my door. That seemed really fast for my dinner especially since it was a Friday night. We didn't have a peephole so I had to open the door with the chain on to see who it was. Through the tiny crack, I saw two blue eyes that haunted me in my dreams. I couldn't help the gasp that left my mouth and I was so surprised that I slammed the door in his face. I started breathing heavy and my brain was refusing to believe what it saw. Until he spoke.
"Em, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just showed up like this. But I was afraid you would refuse to see me. I just wanted to talk. Please. Please open the door. Give me 5 minutes."
I closed my eyes and tried to regain control of my senses. I hadn't heard him say my name in years and the effect it was having on me was too much. How could he still have this power over me? I counted to 10 to slow down my breathing and took the chain off the door and pulled it open. My heart started racing at the sight of Henry standing in front of me after all this time. He looked pretty much the same. His hair was cut shorter but he still had the scruff I was obsessed with. He was dressed in ripped jeans and a T-shirt but probably brands that cost a lot more than what he used to wear.
I knew I should say something but my brain was short circuiting. His eyes traveled from my face down to my body and I remembered too late what I was wearing. He smirked like he remembered and I was mortified.
"It always looked better on you." His words snapped me out of the spell I was under.
"What are you doing here Henry?" My words came out shaky and I was furious at myself for letting him see how this was affecting me.
"Can I come in?" He looked past me at my tiny little apartment and I was suddenly very self-conscious. I moved aside and gestured for him to come in. He walked by me and his smell brought up so many memories.
He walked into the living room and looked around. It was probably a quarter of the size of whatever penthouse he lived in. I couldn't believe he was here in my home. He picked up a framed picture that was on a side table. It was a picture of me, Jess, and Jane at graduation. He stared at it for a moment with a strange look on his face and then put it back.
He turned towards me and I felt the connection that was always there with us. I felt it the first time we met and I still felt it.
"I see you are doing well. You have the life you were supposed to have." I knew he was referencing what I said when we broke up.
"I could say the same for you. You did it. You are everything I knew you could be." My voice cracked because I felt like crying. I could pretend for everyone else. But not for Henry. If anyone understood what the past 5 years have been like, it would be him.
"I guess from the outside, it would look like that. But it's all wrong Em. Everything I've achieved. Every accomplishment. Every dollar. Every accolade. It's all felt empty. Meaningless. It's never felt right. There's always been something missing. Someone."
He took a step towards me and I started breathing fast again. Was I dreaming again? If so, it all felt too real.
"What are you saying Henry?" I felt tears falling down my cheeks now. He stepped even closer and he was now directly in front of me. I had to look up at him and he brushed a tear away with his thumb. That small touch sent a shiver through me.
"Em, I need you. I've never stopped loving you. Please tell me I'm not too late." He whispered words I had been waiting to here for what felt like forever. I wasn't wasting anymore time. I was going to take what I wanted. I stood up on my tiptoes and gently kissed him on the lips. For a moment, he seemed shocked. But when he realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeper. I braced my hands on his chest and felt something come alive inside me. We were all hands and tongues and nothing else mattered. We had all the time in the world to figure out what comes next. I knew what I wanted and I was ready to do whatever it took to get it. Henry was the love of my life and I wasn't letting him go ever again.
The End
Ahhhhhhh! I can't believe this story is over. I've been writing it off and on for 4 years. I love these characters so much but I was ready for them to have their happily ever after. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read the whole thing! I hope you enjoyed it. And hope all of you get your own happily ever afters.