Word Count: 9025
My sleep feels different in my bed. Even though it's the same mattress I've had for the past seven years, I can't help but identify that aspect of restlessness I experience as soon as I lay down.
I stayed awake for another hour after I turned off my lights. My body was still tingling from the feeling of coming home. It's so weird, I don't feel like myself. I'm a shell. Just when I thought I was getting used to the moving concrete in my body, I go off and feel like this again.
I know that part of it is because I'll have to tell the people I care about and trust to not judge me. And a bigger part of it is because I know I'll have to tell Katsuki. I'm scared of that.
How would they react to such a big change? Maybe they noticed something was off last night? I'm overthinking this, aren't I? There's nothing to worry about.
The uncomfortableness of my bed irks me to toss and turn in the dark. It was easier to sleep in the hospital, I don't understand how. The way the material moves around my body makes me feel... itchy? Or... I don't really know, I don't like it at all. It keeps me up. I was only able to feel comfortable after throwing my blanket off of me and putting an extra pillow under my waist. And still then, I was uncomfortable.
I fall asleep at 2 AM and my body wakes me up at 6 AM. I usually wake up at 7:15 for school.
I tried to fall asleep again until it was 6:20. I get up, get ready to go downstairs to begin breakfast, and then grab my phone. When my door locks behind me, I start to the elevator. I have a text from my mother.
Mum
Honey, I'm sorry about everything. I truly don't know what to do, I never in my life believed that it would come to this. I didn't prepare anything to say [...]
The rest is cut off because I didn't open the message. I put my phone back into my pocket and watch the doors open, ready for me to walk into the common area. As expected, the kitchen is empty. The sun is shining through the windows, that early morning brightness lighting up the room. I go to the fridge and read the large whiteboard on it. We would use it to write stuff like what we need for groceries, who is cooking what meal and some silly little messages (Sero drew himself in a suit made of tape and it lasted two weeks before Mina wiped it off when Sero drank her energy drink).
It says Todoroki and Kaminari are meant to be cooking breakfast today. I blink before opening the fridge and grabbing ingredients, making sure not to take any that have people's names on it (a rule created in the dorms says that if someone's name is written on the package, you cannot partake, and if you fail to shield your belongings from anyone else, it is your fault). I pour myself orange juice and turn on the stove, deciding on pancakes.
It doesn't take me long anyway. After 30 mins, I'm sitting down and eating. I don't like the way I can feel the food move about my body. Weird...
As I'm finishing up, someone walks through the door. Aizawa.
"L/N, good morning. I was hoping you were about to get up." It's 7:15 now, on the dot. Mr Aizawa changes into his inside slippers and walks towards the kitchen. I put my dishes in the sink, rinsing them all and placing them in the dishwasher. My teacher hums, "How did you sleep?"
"It was okay. Why are you here so early?" I respond quickly, tilting my head.
"That's good to hear." Mr Aizawa responds, hands in his pockets. His hair is tied up and he's wearing a casual black outfit, ready to go somewhere based off his shoes as well. "Now, I understand that you had just come home last night, but I need to discuss with you another visit to the hospital."
I falter, slouching my shoulders. "Is this another test?"
He shakes his head as relief washes over me. "No, not yet. This is about Eri."
I widen my eyes a little before leaning against the counter opposite him. I ask, "Is she awake? How is she? What's her condition?"
He holds up his hand to me to stop the questions. I hold my tongue as he responds, "Yes, she has awoken. She is stable, she feels fine." I smile a little, looking down to my hands. They are nervously aware of my surroundings. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins. "She's asked to meet with you, Togata and Midoriya. As soon as you can."
When I look at him again, he's softened his expression. I go to talk when he cuts me off. "Now, I understand how willing or unwilling you may be to speak with her, but remember that you were in the hospital for a few weeks more than the others were. Supplementary classes are still in session, and you have missed quite a lot. If you do go and see Eri, keep in mind the work you have to complete."
As he says that, reality sinks in. I'm still a student. I'm not a pro hero yet. I still have to study and pass all my classes.
Hastily, I respond, "I can do it, Sir. I'll visit Eri."
He seems a bit hesitant but ultimately nods his head. "Okay. You are going next week with the other two." He tells me, and I nod my head, "Now, Asui, Uraraka, Midoriya, Tokoyami and Kirishima are taking their extra classes from 4:10 PM to 6:30 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as well as 10:15 AM to 1:40 PM on Sundays. You will be joining these classes in a week from now, but if your condition worsens, then we may have to postpone your exams."
I widen my eyes and shake my head. "No, Sir, that won't be necessary." I tell him. I'm afraid of falling behind. I've already missed so much, I need to catch up with everyone else. "I'm going to my classes today, and I can join in on the supplementary classes on Thursday. I'm in fine condition."
Mr Aizawa squints at me for a moment before sighing, "Okay, L/N. As long as you're sure. Now, I'll let you get ready. Don't be late for homeroom, Iida will be upset."
I smile and nod my head, waving 'goodbye' to him. I cannot fall behind any further.
After getting ready for school way too early, I pick up my bag with my books head to the common room. Everyone else is down there at 7:15 AM to start on breakfast. I pass Todoroki and Kaminari in the kitchen, confused on how to begin. Yaoyorozu, Sato and Uraraka watch over their shoulders, observing their... mess.
"Already heading out?" Katsuki questions, sitting at one of the tables with rice and fish. He raises a brow at me as I stop at their table. Kirishima, Sero and Tsu are sitting nearby, talking.
"Uh, yeah." I retort, fixing my blazer, "I'm just gonna' go and visit Hitoshi. It feels like forever since I've spoken to him."
"Well, with exams and all that shit, it's hard to." He scoffs, shaking his head, "Don't be late for homeroom."
I smile a little, just a little as I watch him eat his food. It seems like it's back to normal, but... I know better than that. I reach a hand over and ruffle his hair, walking by.
"I won't. Relax, Katsuki." I hum, moving to the door. He growls, pushing my hand away from his head with a small, tickling explosion. "See you in homeroom."
On my way to the General Education dormitories, I pass by teachers who stop and welcome me home. I make small talk, being sure to continue on my way to make it to homeroom in time. Some students see me, but don't say anything. Only staring and talking to their friends, or looking down to their phones after I catch them. I make sure that my uniform is on right and is covering anything that should be covered.
I knock on the dorm for 1-C. By the school schedule, all students should be awake by now. I wait, hearing slight chatter inside. The door opens, revealing the Class Representative, Tajima Kazuo, who I've never spoken to in my life but recognise from that time Hitoshi and I were having lunch earlier in the year and Tajima interrupted to compliment Hitoshi's scores on the last English test. That's it. But he's always given us glares or make snarky remarks to his friends when we're in listening vicinity. It's like Monoma but the General Education edition.
"Oh, L/N." He says, tilting his head as he looks at me. He's significantly tall by First Year standards, at a whopping 6'3. He leans against the doorway, still in his home-wear. I let exhale out of my nose from his tone. "What a pleasant surprise, hm? What brings a hero like you to our inferior department?"
I want to roll my eyes at him, but I hold it back. I understand why they feel 'inferior' to us because of public appeal, but did they seriously have to talk to us like that? It's not like we go around parading ourselves, UA is the top hero school, of course the attention would be on the hero department.
"Good morning, Kazuo. I'm here for Hitoshi." I say, standing up straight and not wavering. I hold my satchel around my body. "Is he awake?"
Kazuo looks me up and down for a moment, as if evaluating me as a threat first. I give him a strained smile; if there was truly anyone in this academy that I would rather be caught dead than spend a day with, it would be Kazuo. And... that one girl from that time after the kidnapping.
After what seems like nine thousand years, he sighs and turns around, "Hey, Shinso! Your little hero friend is here to see you!"
I stiffen up as soon as I hear a bunch of gasps and footsteps running towards the entrance. Suddenly, a whole crowd of students filter through the door and stare at me. I gulp, fixing my uniform to cover myself. Kazuo looks visibly pissed off at the sudden ruckus, trying to calm his classmates down.
"No way! It's L/N from 1-A!" A student calls out, a smile breaking out on their face, "Man, you're a legend! Gotta' be the top of the First Year Hero Course, right?"
"I, uh well, I don't know. Todoroki and-and Bakugou and Yaoyorozu-" I begin, but I get cut off again.
"I heard 1-A is better than 1-B! Is that right?" Somebody with curious eyes asks me. They stand the closest to me, as if to take in my presence.
"No, 1-A and 1-B are separated at random, there's no actual 'better class'." I say, shrugging my shoulders, "I think nearly half of the top 10 entrance exam participants are now a part of 1-B..."
Just then, Hitoshi cuts through the crowd, ushering everyone back inside.
"Okay, okay, that's enough. It's too early for this crap." He huffs, assisting Kazuo in getting the others inside the dorm, "I'll see you all in homeroom."
Without a 'goodbye' he shuts the door, in his uniform and with his bag, and turns to me. I blink at him, feeling suddenly so nervous. When I go to speak, he suddenly moves forward and engulfs me in a gentle hug. I take a moment to sink into his warmth, and then begin tearing up. I hold the bottom of his blazer.
"Thank God you're alright." He exhales, squeezing me a little, "You... That hospital was... I'm glad you're back."
I can hear the slight smile on his lips as I pat his back. We haven't hugged like this in ages. I close my eyes and grin.
"Yeah. Me too. I'm sorry I didn't come see you last night." I say, clutching onto the bottom of his blazer. He only shakes his head at me. His crazy hair brushes against my cheek. "And, um... I'm sorry for not talking to you about everything. And how distant we've been. I've barely seen you all year..."
"That's what happens when we aren't in the same class anymore, Y/N." He jokes, ending off with a chuckle. He gently pats my back as I laugh too. "It's okay, I mean we've both been pretty busy. One of us more than the other. But it's just natural. You're still my friend."
I feel somewhat relieved when he says that. I don't know what I was looking for when I came here, or when I wanted to see Hitoshi. I don't know what I was aiming to accomplish, but I feel like I've done it. I've received what I wanted to. His words are like ice on my burns, I feel as if he's settled some part of me down.
"I want to tell you everything." I say, knowing just how included he was in this. All those times I've left Hitoshi alone with Kai for a few minutes to an hour. I can't even think about what could've happened if we did something wrong. "But I-I need time to think first."
He gently pulls away from me with a small smile. "I get you. Take all the time you need. Just remember, I'm always here for you. No matter what." He tells me, gently nudging my shoulder with a fist as we unlatch from one another. I give a small laugh. "I'll even be here when you and Bakugou decide to make it official. Wonder how long that'll take."
I can tell he's changing the subject as quickly as he can. He glances to his dorm, where we see his classmates staring at us through the windows. They try to peak around the curtains, but it's futile; we can see them clearly.
"I haven't thought about that in a long time." I say, beginning to walk with him towards the buildings. I see other students walking as well. Homeroom would start soon. "About dating, y'know? I've just sorta' been crushing on him for a while. Never thought of asking him out..."
"Maybe he'll grow some balls and ask you out." He laughs, rolling his eyes.
"Shut up." I scoff, pushing him a little.
"Ha, maybe Todoroki will ask you out. That stoic guy. Can't imagine you with somebody who only listens. Wouldn't make good conversation." He jokes, shrugging his shoulders at the thought. I shake my head and continue walking beside him.
"Todoroki and I actually have interesting conversations, man." I state, crossing my arms, "We talk about, like... costumes. Y'know?" I try to salvage my point but it's useless. Todoroki and I might relate because of our families, but we're not really close.
"How compelling." Hitoshi sarcastically says, then clapping his hands, "Or what about your designer? He's pretty cool, only a year older."
"Ryouta?" I hum, looking to the sky, "He is nice and he's funny, but he's got a crush on someone else. It's a shame for the girls at our school; so many of them would be fawning after him."
He continues to talk to me, and I feel a little bit of normalcy return to my life. Whatever level of normal was ever in it. I listen to him talk to me about the people in his class, how some of them are annoying and others are more tolerable. He's still my friend, and while we've had our disagreements, I'd never want to lose him.
And I would never want to be the reason he dies.
I smile as he continues to talk. I know he's only doing that because he can sense how tense I am at this moment, and I'm thankful.
But I know that if Hitoshi would ever get killed, it would purely be because he was my only friend in middle school. I'm going to be the reason, no matter what.
Later . . .
I feel worn out. I noticed that Midoriya must be feeling the same way as me as he shot up his hand during Math and called out the incorrect answer. So close yet so far. I could tell that Katsuki was pleased with his bad performance. I talked to him about it when he walked me to the change rooms for hero training, my costume case in his hold as well as his own. Katsuki told me that he likes seeing Midoriya fail.
He also mentioned his licensing exam. Now that he's passed, he's caught up, him and Todoroki. And he mentioned something about a handful of 'weenies'? And started laughing?
My costume was sent to Ryouta after I was admitted into the hospital. I heard from Mr Aizawa that when he dropped it off, Ryouta was blasting him with questions about me and his worries. Mr Aizawa kept him updated on my condition and he altered my suit to help me. I was flattered, I knew how over-the-top he could act sometimes, but it's nice knowing my costume is in the hands of someone who cares.
It also seems he took it upon himself to make the material better. It's a lot more thicker than before, but not heavy. It's breathable. I tried it on and it's a better fit, not skin tight or too loose. Perfect. My visor is better too. Slimmer, less noticeable. I tried clapping my hands and activating my quirk to see the reaction time of it. My visor turns on when I will it too. I'm not sure how it works, but as soon as I think about using my quirk as go to use it, it turns on. It's different than before.
I need to remember that my quirk is always on. Therefore, my suit doesn't react as it would before.
Walking into the training room, I see everyone already ready to go. Kirishima is up on the pillar working on his Unbreakable state as Katsuki pulverises him. Uraraka is working with Mina and Tsu. The others are spread out on their own as Cementoss, All Might and Aizawa watch over. I walk closer to the teachers.
"L/N, you're back already?" Cementoss chimes, patting my shoulder. He smiles softly. "I'm glad to see you."
"Thank you, Cementoss." I respond, smiling back, "I want to work on my quirk defence."
"Slow down, Young L/N." All Might says, waving a hand at me. I furrow my brows. "You've dealt heavy blows. Your body needs time to settle into the new changes. Why don't we work on stretches and warm-ups first?"
I shake my head and huff back, "No, my body is fine. I can train again. I've rested enough in the hospital."
Taken aback by my response, Cementoss and All Might blink and glance to Aizawa. He just closes his eyes and nods to one of the pros. Cementoss nods back and uses his quirk to create and block behind me. Aizawa gently forces me to sit down with a sigh, kneeling down, "Listen to me, L/N. Your quirk has changed forever. If you try to use it full force right now, it might not work out. You seriously need to be careful."
He continues on, but I glance at Cementoss. His quirk works on ground materials, right? And the stuff inside of me is no different. If I had an open wound, and for some reason he was close by and using his quirk, he could basically kill me. When I look back at my teacher, it's the same thought. If he used his quirk on me, or I caught his eye by accident while he was, then I would die in... how long was it again? Two minutes and seventeen seconds?
That explains the immense pain I felt on the field after Kai was defeated and I was walking towards Midoriya and Eri. When Aizawa used his quirk on Eri, I called out to him, he looked at me and stopped my quirk.
When I zone back in, my homeroom teacher is listing ways that the Dr Iano said that my quirk could suddenly go haywire.
"Mr Aizawa, it's okay." I reply, shaking my head, "I'm perfectly fine. My quirk still works while I sleep."
"You flatlined twice within your first week of hospitalisation." He deadpans, "The only way to save you was to wake you up."
"That's in the past." I argue, crossing my arms and looking to the rest of my classmates. I furrow my brows. "Please. I can do this. I need to improve. Quickly."
All the teachers go quiet as I turn back to them. Then, Aizawa sighs again, wiping his tired face. "Okay, whatever. If you end up needing any help, don't hesitate to let us know."
I nod my head, standing up as the stone beneath me sinks back into the ground. I take a deep breath and walk onto the training grounds. Immediately, I can feel the vibrations emitting from everyone's quirks through the floor. The air is quicker and my fingers tingle. Another deep breath in... and I claim an empty spot as my own.
I clench my fists. Okay. Okay, okay.
"What're you working on?" Katsuki asks me, hovering over my spot from his on a pillar. He sits on the ledge as Kirishima lays on the floor, passed out.
"Defence." I reply, "You?"
"Offence." He tells me, cocking a brow. I nod my head. "You wanna-"
"Yeah." I huff, my visor sliding over my eyes at the hint of my gloves. Katsuki scoffs with a smile, jumping down to land a few feet away. "No holding back. As much close combat as possible."
"Miss me that much, huh?" He taunts, fixing his gauntlets. I roll my eyes - he sounds like me now. Soon enough, he's in position. "Just say when."
"Go."
In an instant, he lets out an explosion from his palm. I graze the floor with my fingers, pulling them up to the roof to create a shield for me. I grab my baton from my hip, listening closely. He's loud most times, but his steps feel quieter.
On cue, he appears in the side of my wall and holds up his gauntlet again. I wave my baton, hitting his hand upwards as an explosion sends to the roof. Immediately after, I launch a push kick to his torso. I land it perfectly, in the square of his stomach. I watch him wince a little at the pain.
Katsuki gets pushed back. He grunts, standing straight, "How did you know?"
"I could feel it." I mumble back, turning my baton into two very blunt karambit knives with the clapping of my hands. The tingles create a wave over my body. But only once, then it disappears.
This is the first time I am using my quirk in combat since my fight with Kai from what felt like months ago. I'm just trying to make it feel like how it did before, for some semblance of normal. I ignore the way the cement in my stomach pulses, tightening a little before relaxing.
There's a certain look in his eye that makes me wait. For him to say something mean or question what I said. But instead, he charges at me, opening up his palm. I carefully watch him, but as soon as he reaches out his hand, I see him shift his position.
Katsuki launches a kick to my side, catching me off guard. I hold my tongue, landing against a nearby pillar. That grabs the attention of some of our classmates.
I exhale, my chest heaving. He feels stronger. He must've gone through some intense training before this. He stalks towards me, dust dropping to the floor from his boots. His hair is bouncing, almost messy.
I've seen him fight plenty of times. If I were anything like Midoriya, I'd be able to beat him from years of watching him. But I don't have that experience.
Instead, I wait til he gets closer and pushes out a left hook. I dodge under, using the flat end of my left knife to grab his gauntlet. I quickly turn, my back against his chest and sliding my foot behind his calf. When I tug my foot forward, Katsuki falls back, hitting the floor with a thump.
As I fall with him, I undo the latches on my gauntlet and pry it off his hand with my blunt knife. I've sat in his room and watched him play around with those things enough to know the ins and outs of it like he does. He's let me try them on a few times. They're pretty heavy. He struggles beneath my position as I kneel on his stomach, pinning him to the floor. Once his gauntlet is off of him, it tumbles to the ground and I kick it away with my other foot. I start on the next one.
Katsuki lets out an annoyed growl, hooking his knee around my thigh and pulling behind as he sits up. I fall forward with an 'umph', face on the floor and tilted up to see the gauntlet a few feet away. Quickly, Katsuki disarms me and tosses my karambit knives away, just as I did his gauntlet. My right arm is pinned to my back as my other is held against the floor by my head.
"Where did you learn that?" He huffs. I see Mina, Momo, Todoroki, Sero and Koda watching from their spots. They looked a little worried. For me.
"What? Disarming?" I mumble back, heavy breaths. I let out a short chuckle, smiling to myself. "You should ask Overhaul."
"What happened on your mission?" He questions, his gauntlet sliding down his right hand until it rests against my back. Loosened grip on his arm. "Why are you so different?"
It's then that I'm suddenly aware that his palm is against the part of my back that is not me. He can feel the amount of cement that is inside of me, even though it is the same density as my skin and organs, it is still rough like grains. He may not notice it yet, but I'm heavily aware. If my sleeves go anymore up above my elbow, he would see the concrete covering my bicep. My visor closes. And opens. And closes again. Faster and faster and faster. I'm nervous now.
"Leave me alone..." I grumble, throat tightening.
"I can't hear you, what are you saying?" He sighs.
My hand against the floor pulses.
Suddenly, an eruption of dust and dirt from the ground commences in a sphere-like shape, with Katsuki and I in the middle. My classmates gasp at the noise of the ground breaking and come to see the commotion. As the misty air falls, the surface beneath my cracks and tendrils form from it, swirling around us before wrapping around Katsuki and pulling him up and off of me.
"What the fuck?" He grunts, getting yanked back onto his knees. The last gauntlet on his arm tumbles to the floor, landing beside me. His arms are tied to his back as the ropes of concrete wrap around his chest, torso, his mouth and his legs separately. His muffled annoyance is heard as I turn around to see him fully. He furrows his brows, confused.
"Katsuki!" I gasp, stumbling to my feet as I run to him. The cement forces him to the ground, I can see the way he shakes and tries against the restraints. They tighten. "I-"
"L/N, Bakugou!" Aizawa calls, Cementoss and All Might in tow. I turn my head to them, a shared look of worry in their eyes. I hold my tongue, gulping at I look back at Katsuki. His eyes stay on me, heavy breathing through his nose.
For a second, I'm scared that my teacher will activate his quirk on me and I cower away. But Aizawa stands in between Katsuki and I, hands on my shoulders as he blocks part of my view.
"It's okay, you didn't hurt anyone." He tells me as I begin to breathe heavily. My eyes feel like their burning but I will myself to not cry. I'm worried and I'm looking towards Katsuki. Cementoss uses his quirk on his restraints and talks to him, but I can't hear what they're saying. Katsuki only look at me as he rubs his jaw. He doesn't look mad. "L/N. Did you mean to do that?"
I shake my head slowly, looking back at him.
"Okay... okay." He says, standing up straight and looking to the others. My classmates watch.
Midoriya walks towards me. His hand lands on my shoulder. He asks if I'm okay, and I say that I'm fine. He doesn't look convinced but he pats my back and goes to Katsuki. My other classmates keep their distance, wary of what may happen.
"It's alright, nothing to worry about. Get back to training, class ends in an hour. I want to see improvement from all of you." Aizawa calls, leading me out of the training area, "All Might, come with me."
He sits me down on the bench as I watch the others resume their training. My visor slows, shutting and opening at a lower speed. Once it closes for the last time, it opens slowly and stays. All Might and Aizawa make their way over after getting the students back on training. I feel like there's spikes going through my body.
"Young L/N, what happened out there?" All Might questions, sitting down beside me. I keep my hands on my lap as I stare at Katsuki. Cementoss is guiding him to the other side of the gym. The blonde has red slash marks over his arms and wrists, and dirt over his face. He only nods his head at what Cementoss says to him. "Young L/N?"
"Sorry, I'm... I'm just trying to get used to it again." I mumble back, looking at my hands, "Using my quirk when I fight, I mean. I'm sorry."
"It's alright." He says, patting my back. I swallow the lump in my throat. "Young Bakugou is okay. Perhaps you should take the rest of the day off."
"I can't-" I let out an exhale and nod my head. "Okay."
When I stand up and make my way to the girls change rooms, I catch a glimpse at Katsuki. He turns away as soon as our eyes meet, making my heart drop into my stomach. I stare at the floor.
"Y/N, are... are you alright?" Mina asks carefully, suddenly at my side. I glance at her, seeing the other girls in a group back near the teachers, talking to Mr Aizawa.
"I'm fine." I huff, keeping my hands to myself. Mina stares at me, holding the doors open as I walk through. "You should go back to class, Mina, it's okay."
"What? Y/N..." She says sadly, fiddling with her fingers as she watches me take out my uniform and costume case. I open the case and take off my visor. "If you need to talk to anyone, you know we'll all lend an ear. You should never feel like you need to handle everything alone."
I put my visor on the bench and begin unclipping my cape from my shoulders. The material suddenly feels heavy, I don't know when this began to weigh on me. I stare at the dark colour, at the history of my family.
"Thanks, Mina." I say, smiling at her gently. She looks a bit more worried at my expression. I fold the cape and set it inside the case. "But I'm alright. I can do this. If I ever feel like I can't, I will talk to someone. Trust me."
"Mm... okay, Y/N." Mina replies, holding her hands behind her back and leaning on the back of her feet. I continue to fix up my costume to put away. She clears her throat. "I'll see you after class. It's really good to have you back. We've all missed you."
I grin back at her as she waves 'goodbye' and exits the room. I look back at my case.
Once grasping the collar of my suit, I unzip it down to rest in my tank top and step out of the pants to be in my underwear. The cement in my arms is still moving around, and when I poke it, it feels alive. I can feel a faint heartbeat. When putting the costume away, I sit down on the bench and feel my stomach. The concrete is the same there. I can even slightly feel what is supposed to be my rib. I feel a little cold right now.
I'm an irregularity. I shouldn't be here.
After . . .
I skipped dinner and went straight to my room when people went downstairs to eat. Because I was sent home early, I ate dinner then and did some extra study. When they began coming home, I hastily made my way upstairs. I didn't want to be the centre of attention due to today's mishap. I didn't see Katsuki either.
It was now around 7:30 in the evening and I had spent a couple hours studying. I push my rolling chair away from my desk, facing the ceiling and wiping my forehead. My head hurts, maybe I'm thinking too much. I stretch a little before finally standing up, closing my books and sending in the assignments for my teachers to check over. I sure did miss a lot from my time on the mission as well as my time in the hospital.
Everyone should be finishing up dinner by now, still downstairs and doing what they want. I... don't want to face them just yet.
But I don't feel like staying in here either. I turn my head to my balcony.
I would never think of getting out of the house unseen like this.
Nevertheless, I pull open the sliding door and feel the night breeze flow around me. The sun us going down, so the sunset is lit with hues of orange and purple. Like every day.
My hands... I stare at them for a second before placing a hand on my curtain. A flash overtakes the emptiness of my room for a split second, and I hold my breath. In a moment, I open my eyes again to see loose threads strewn across my floor. I lift my feet and stand away from it. Great.
As scary as it seemed to be able to use my quirk without touching fingers, I now see that it's completely understandable. With my quirk working 24/7 now and not just on demand, it would make sense that I no longer need to activate it with my fingers. It makes it dangerous, but easier to use. I need to focus on that.
I sigh, kneeling down and pressing my fingers to the curtain strands. With another use of my quirk, I turn the material back into my curtains and hang them up properly. I needed something else, I try to think while playing with the string of my hoodie. But my attention is drawn to it, deciding as I stand on my balcony.
I need a rope.
In an instant, I have one. The drawstring of my hoodie extends out of the hole, becoming a thick piece of fabric. I freeze, staring at my hands as I mutter noises to myself. The inside is hollow, filled with... 'dense' air. It makes it tough enough to hold.
I tie the rope to my balcony railing, then tossing it over the side and grabbing my shoes. Only a few floors up. Using my quirk to land safely on the ground would draw more attention than this. Carefully, I throw my leg over the railing, holding tightly onto the rope. And I descend, returning the rope to its drawstring and tucking it into my pocket.
Ground Beta has been rebuilt since the boys fought here. Much better than how it looked beforehand. I see they've added details to the street signs and the buildings themselves, probably to work on in-fight intelligence. But for now, I sit on the bench, the lamp beside just dim.
The other dormitories, I noticed, are lit up still, meaning other students were still awake. But nobody would try to disturb me here.
I lean back against the wood, legs spread in front of me and my hands clasp together on my lap. My body... goes limp. My heart hurts, and I feel a shock go through my body as if it was resetting itself. But I can feel everything around me, I can feel the pulse of the floor, the beating, the drums of the earth.
My first thought is All for One. I'll kill him myself. I'll be sure to rewrite his cells over and over again until I'm satisfied, until he's been spliced together too many times to ever be recognised as alive. He will pay for ruining my family, and for targeting me since I was born. His death will be the sweetest thing in the world to me.
He is a plague in our world and I will rid the universe of it, all of it.
And to do that, I must start with Shigaraki. His apprentice. Cut off all his strings, his followers, and then cut the head of the serpent off clean. Only then, will I properly achieve the perfect society. Justice is the light of the world.
But in such a world where quirks are exploited beyond human comprehension, how can I properly serve justice? How can I possibly be fair when the other side fights unfairly?
And why do I have to play fair when they don't have to?
Must I?
Will I be punished for achieving my goal of moral justice, if I do so by immoral means?
And if I think work way, am I any better than my enemy?
Mr Aizawa and All Might will reject my idea. I'm sure that after the last mission, they will be even more hesitant to allow students to fight unless we are the last ones standing between good and evil. Unless the pros just aren't enough.
Our society's morals just aren't enough.
I am given a second chance at life, and I will waste no time in working towards my goal.
My next target: the League of Villains.
"You're starting to look more stressed than ever, dumbass."
The sight of Katsuki underneath the light makes my chest temporarily tighten and loosen so fast that I feel my blood rushing to my head. He tilts his chin up a little, scanning over me in my seated spot.
"I'm sorry." I breathe out, feeling those familiar tingles run up and down my arms in waves. I slap a hand against my bicep to try and stop it.
"Don't worry about it." Katsuki says, sitting beside me, closest to the lamppost. I cross my foot over my other ankle, leaning away from him and crossing my arms tightly to my chest. "I saw you leaving the dorms when I came to bring you dinner. I left it in your room."
"So you followed me here?" I hum out, face burning with embarrassment that he saw my successful attempt at sneaking out, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Wanted to see where you were heading." He responds, hand on the armrest. I feel the way his heart beats, from his back into the wood of the bench, and then through my back. "Your face, it's so fucking serious now. It's been like that ever since you came back."
"Really?" I chuckle, grinning back at Katsuki. I shrug my shoulders at him as he glares at me. But it's not because he hates me, I can tell. He hates the attitude I've possessed. "My bad, I'm... I just need to catch up to you guys. Midoriya is working hard, I got to as well. I can't fall behind anymore. Speaking of which, you think you can help me with studying for math? I had no idea what was going on today."
He turns his head away from me and I drop my smile. It felt tiring. I glance at my shoes. If I'm going to prove my worth in fighting, I need to catch up and show UA that I am fully capable of going up against the League of Villains. If I can't do that, I'll go after them myself. My palms sweat against my hoodie sleeves.
"What are you thinking about, huh?" He huffs, poking my head.
I lean away from his touch, sighing, "Well, I haven't caught up in Math yet, and English is biting me in my ass."
"No, what's wrong with you?" He says, shaking his head, "I mean, right now. You're makin' that face again, stupid."
My face relaxes into an indifferent look. I slack my shoulders. "I'm just worried about my quirk, alright? Don't want it going haywire again." I tell him, "I could've killed you."
He doesn't respond to that. "What happened at that mission, that made you change so much?" He asks me, "Why... do you look at me differently?"
"I'm... I'm not." I mutter, staring at him now, "I'm looking at you the exact same.'
He shakes his head, not letting his eyes drift from mine. "No. You're not. You look like you're scared."
Sometimes, when I'm alone with someone, and they say something that hits my heart, I think for a second that it's okay to cry. It's only one person. What damage could it do? But my mind turns around on itself and thinks 'why would I be alone with this person if I didn't care about them, or if they didn't care about me?' and then it turns to 'I don't want to cry in front of someone who cares about me'. But it's too late and my eyes are already burning.
As soon as the tears hit my pants, I hunch forward and hug my legs. I cover my face with my knees and try to hide myself from him. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, it's playing on the largest speaker and everyone can now hear how my blood pulses faster through my body to try and calm it down. Everything around me is fuzzy-looking and I can feel the dust that latches onto my skin.
Katsuki's hand is the loudest. It gently rests upon my upper back, patting slowly, but I can sense the contact before it even happens. The way the air moves around his fingers and ultimately squishes between us. My tongue tastes something metallic.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." He whispers, as if he knows that everything is just so loud at the moment.
"I'm-" My voice breaks and I furiously rub my eyes, desperate to get the tears to stop. Katsuki's thigh touches mine and I lean my hands against my knees, hanging my head. "I just wanted to be a hero."
"You have all the time in the world to be a hero. For now, just be a kid." He says, reiterating what All Might had told him that day he was here with Midoriya. But... this is different. I cannot compare my situation to his when it's just so vastly different. Our situations aren't comparable... right?
"No, I can't." I respond, standing up. My feet move on their own and I begin to walk. Not fast nor far, but a little away. I can feel my steps, although not heavy enough to do so, begin to rumble the ground. "I've wasted so much time... I've mourned for too long, made too many mistakes. And I stopped using my quirk because I was scared. I can't keep hiding like this. Why am I still hiding?" I turn to look at Katsuki, who is still sitting on the bench. "The reason that I'm scared is because I spent so much of my life not knowing that I needed to become stronger. How am I ever going to protect people if I'm weak? I need to be the strongest..."
"You can spend a few more years being yourself." He interrupts me, standing and grabbing my wrist to stop me from pacing. It's electric, I can feel the heat of his palm against my skin. "What's the point of burning yourself out now? What's gonna' happen in ten fucking years when you're back in the hospital because your quirk is hurting yourself? How can you be a hero if you don't let yourself make mistakes?"
I knit my brows as hot tears fall down my cheeks. I can feel the ground rumbling beneath my feet and my knees suddenly ache. "I don't want to kill any more innocent people."
He falters, slowly letting go of me for a moment before his hand tightens. I can tell I've caught him off guard because he struggles to say anything else. But he takes a deep breath in. "You're a hero, Y/N. But you need to rebuild yourself. I know that something changed. I-I could feel it during training." I stare at him with wide eyes, then yanking my wrist from his hold. He steps closer, hesitantly, and I step back. "Tell me what happened. Tell me who did this to you."
"It's just some scars from the mission." I lie.
"Those are no fucking scars." He claims, hardening his look towards me.
"Well, maybe you would've known if you came to see me." I spit back at him. Suddenly it's quiet. He doesn't retort and I glare at him a little. I know I've been pissed about this ever since I woke up. He didn't visit once. I don't care about any excuse he has. "You didn't stop by once, Katsuki. I get that you had classes and your license, but you couldn't spare an hour?"
He mumbles out, "I told you-"
"That's not good enough, Katsuki." I complain, tilting my head at him, "You were scared too, but I... I just don't understand you. You say that you care about me, but I don't get why you do these things." Katsuki clenches his fists, and he's unable to come up with an excuse this time. I can see the cogs in his head turning and stopping. "I just thought that you'd care enough to visit."
"I couldn't see you like that." He says, voice louder as if he's trying to get his point across. I hold my breath for a moment and stare at him. He rubs the back of his head, his hair rustling around. His eyes stay to the floor, unable to meet mine. "I told you to be careful."
"You sayin' it's my fault?" I scoff, tilting my head.
"I-No, I mean that I... I just knew it was a bad idea, for you to go. But I didn't ask you to stay because I knew how fucking much it meant to you." He tells me, stepping forward again. I'm leaning against the railing that splits the road and the pathway. I glare at his stupid face. "If-If I had known you were gonna' come home like this... I could've prevented this."
"Did you feel the same way when you saw Eijiro?" I huff, "No? I heard from Kirishima... He said you stopped by twice. Two times more than you ever saw me! So I'm sorry that you think it's your fault that I'm two minutes from dying every time I use my quirk, but that's no excuse for how you're acting."
"What?" He mutters.
"You don't see me when I'm at my lowest, and then I come home and you tell me you were so worried and all this bullshit! And-And I nearly kill you in practice today and it's fucking fine?" I scoff, throwing my arms out and standing straight. He takes half a step back. "What do you want from me? You care so much but you don't want me? Katsuki, you're fucking with me!"
"Y/N."
"I just don't know what to do with you. Did you want me to ask you to come visit? Did you need my fucking permission? You come here and ask what happened when you could've found that out all by yourself! I don't-"
He groans, throwing his hands into the air, "Can you shut the fuck up for two seconds?"
"Fuck you, Katsuki!" I shout, shoving him away from me
"Goddamnit-What the fuck do you mean?" He scowls at me, "Two minutes? The fuck are you talking about?"
I stop, trying to catch my breath. He stares at me, almost in disbelief. "I-It's... nothing. I'm, uh, I wasn't-"
"What happened to you?" He asks me, almost pleading.
My brows are upturned and I press my lips into a thin line, feeling another wave of anxiety wash over me. I'm drowning beneath myself as he continues to look at me. Then, I face the floor, grasping the ends of my hoodie. "You-You'll think it's disgusting, Katsuki."
"I would never think you're disgusting, you idiot." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. He thinks I'm over exaggerating. I'm seriously not.
I take a deep breath in, blinking at the floor. "Okay... promise."
I slowly pull up the hem of my hoodie, as well as the shirt beneath, and only show where I was impaled the largest. The cold air reaches my stomach and I shiver a little, but don't shy away. Katsuki goes frigid as he stares at me. The cement rolls around in the hole of my stomach, connecting itself to my skin and making its home as my organs. I hate how I can feel the slight roughness.
"The mission we all went on was against Overhaul, my uncle who has a honed version of my quirk." I say bluntly, blinking away tears. Sniffing, I clear my throat to speak properly. "I was pinned to the wall and the only way I was able to stay alive was to let my quirk work on its own. I can't get this out of me, I'm stuck like this..."
I pull down my clothes and see his reaction. Still blank faced, wide eyed and he glances up at me again. "I have another on my bicep and my shoulder. My quirk is always active and... if it ever turns off, I'll die in a minute. I can't even control my body anymore." My fists squeeze at my sides and my shoulders lift. "I've gotten so... weak. If my quirk deactivates, I'll die in two and a half minutes.
Katsuki's hands rests under my elbows, holding me as I blink my angry tears away. "You're fine, it's-it's nothing." He tells me, rubbing my arms to warm me up. "I'll fucking kill him."
"He's held in Tartarus." I chuckle, wiping my face, "Go for it."
He doesn't respond to that, only watching as I hastily brush my tears away. But the wind blows passed us and he sighs, tugging me forward a little. "It's not disgusting." He claims, wrapping his arms around me and enclosing me against him. "You're okay..."
I can hear it in his tone, he doesn't truly think so. His hand falters against my back, patting gently. I can hear his heartbeat fasten, Katsuki slowly breathing in and out to rest it. My forehead rests on his shoulder, holding my hands behind my back, palms facing away from his.
"I'm a monster." I sigh, furrowing my brows and closing my eyes.
"You're not." He replies.
"I'm never gonna' be the same anymore."
I say this out loud to him because of the way that my body has morphed into this... thing, but also because of how it has changed my whole attitude to being a hero. If villains get to get what they want by all means, then heroes should be able to do the same. Would I not be praised by doing all I must to let justice prevail?
A small shift and Katsuki pulls my arms around his middle, making sure that I'm holding him back. He presses my palms flat against his back. I can feel my heart beat heavy.
But isn't he right?
I'm just a kid. Mr Aizawa said that the Cultural Festival is coming up, maybe a chance to relax. I have room to grow and enjoy myself. I... I shouldn't let everything get to my head and stress me out, right?
I scrunch my fists to hold onto his own hoodie, feeling him shiver a little. The threads of his hoodie begin to move and shift around each other without breaking its form. Katsuki holds his breath. He's scared of what's going to happen. I sigh, moving my palms away from him.
I need to get stronger.
So I don't hurt anyone else. So I can keep them safe. I want to keep Katsuki safe too. What would I do if he got hurt? What am I supposed to do now?
I train and train and train. I rid myself of all my weaknesses. I can't let anything hold me back.
"You're not the same person?" He says, brushing his hand against the back of my head. Katsuki's fingers twitch, as if some nervous reaction to me. I feel his head lay against my shoulder now, and he squeezes me closer against his chest.
"I... I still love you all the same, Y/N."