3rd POV
The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial.
Izzy, George and Meredith are drinking at the bar.
"I don't know. When I left, Cristina said she was ok." George says.
"Nobody goes what she went through and is totally over it by now." Izzy says.
"Cristina can." Countered George.
"She's fine." Meredith agreed.
"Too fine. She's cold. So is Tara, the guy she was in love with turned out to be married. And I don't think she's shedded a single tear. And Cristina, She lost a baby. She lost a fallopian tube and she's acting like she doesn't even care. She's all "Hello, I'm totally fine person." Ok, they are my friends too but they are acting like they have no emotions or warmth, like they are missing a soul."
"No, they're hardcore. They got ice in their veins. God, they'll make a great surgeons."
"George!"
"It's true. You show no weakness, you make it to the top."
"Some people just keep their feelings to themselves." Added Meredith
We only see what we wanna see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth.
*
Bailey and the interns are doing rounds. "I want everyone focused today. With Cristina out, we're short an intern and I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those days. And Karev, see the chief by the end of the day." She said.
"What for?" Alex questioned.
"Do I look psychic to you? He is the chief. He asked. You go."
Alex looked at Tara who shrugged. "What did he do now?" Meredith whispered to George.
"Maybe he gave the chief syphilis." He replies and Tara smacked the back of his head.
They got to the patients room, it was a woman by the name of Kalpana and she was telling a story to some nurses and doctors. "Tales of missionary life." Kalpana explained.
"You're a missionary?" Izzy asked.
"No, my parents. We traveled a lot. They still do."
"Oh wow. This stuff looks great." Izzy continued examining the woman's artifacts, until she realized Bailey's annoyed look. "Um, this is Dr. Burke's patient, Kalpana Vera..."
""Kull-punnah." Named by villagers in Nepal." She corrected.
"Uh, she presents with a multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias." Izzy explained.
"Dr. Stevens. What are the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias?" Bailey asked, but before she could answer another voice responded from behind them.
"Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities." Cristina still in a hospital gown and and an IV stuck in her arm answered the question enthusiastically. Everyone stared at her while Tara chuckled at her friend. "What?"
"Out!" Ordered Bailey.
"I'm fine."
"Out! You better be in your room by the time we round on you."
"And when will that be?"
"In 15 seconds. 14. 13. 12. 11."
Cristina reluctantly starts to walk away, but her bright pink panties are revealed through the slip at the back of the gown, and all interns laugh at her.
"Nice panties, Yang." Alex laughs.
Cristina closes the back of the gown and turns back to Alex. "In your dreams, Evil Spawn."
*
Alex and Tara are giving the GSW guy a physical exam. Who despite having a bullet in his brain was completely awake.
"You're walking ... you're talking ...there's no exit wound. This mark here looks more like a burn." Said Alex astonished.
"I'm telling you, I shot my self. Pulled the trigger while I was cleaning my .22. I thought the clip was out. If you're thinking suicide, don't. People make mistakes. I made a mistake...And now I'm paying for it. But I did shoot myself." Tara and Alex share a look share a look not believing what he is saying.
"I'll go talk to your doctor." Tara said and it was just her luck that he happened to be Shepherd.
Cristina is still in her blue scrubs at the nurse's station looking through patient charts.
"Where's your IV?" Tyler a nurse asks her.
"I've taken solids. I HEP-locked it."
"On whose orders?" He questions.
"Mine."
"Okay. Yang. How about this order: Bed rest, out of bed to chair, bathroom privileges. Nothing about stealing charts at the nurses station." Tyler says looking at her chart.
"Ok, you know what. Hey, hey! Give me that." Cristina says signaling a wheelchair. "here, satisfied? I'm out of bed to chair."
"I'm telling your intern on you."
"Meredith? Ooh, I'm so scared."
Having heard the interaction Tara says amused, "maybe I should be your intern. I'm scarier than Meredith."
"Yeah but anyone is scarier than Meredith."
"Fair point, but I'd like to think I can be terrifying."
Cristina snorted and hummed in agreement.
*
Tara's POV
Alex and I were at the CT scan room when a blonde woman enters the room. "Um, hi." She said.
"Ma'am, you can't be in here." Alex told her.
"No, I'm looking for Samuel Linden, he ... Oh, my god, Samuel. Well how, how, how bad is it?"
"Are you his wife?" I asked.
"Yes, for 21 years. Just tell me how he is."
"Fine, for a man who says he shot himself." Alex said
"He shot himself! He was cleaning his gun. What is wrong with you people?"
What's wrong with us? Alex and I share a look
"We'll know everything when we finish his CT. This is a restricted area, ma'am. You have to ..." I started but the woman cut me off.
"No! My husband has a b*llet in his head!"
"Then we'll find it. If you could wait outside I'll be with you soon as we know something, I promise." I tried to calm her down while Alex escorted her out.
*
I met with Meredith and Cristina in the abandoned hallway.
"Skylar. What kind of name is Skylar?" Meredith complained. "That's a whore name."
"Is that your ex boyfriend's baby mama?" I said and Mere glared at me.
"That's odd." Cristina said
"Odd that I think she's a whore?"
"No, you have every right to think she is a whore. I mean she did sleep with a guy that wasn't available and got pregnant, and yeah what kind of name is Skylar? What's odd is Burke's patient. She's been in 4 other hospitals this year. You know something's not right."
"You seem awfully interested in Burke's patient." I told her. "And does that make me a whore?"
"This has nothing to do with Burke. A little, but we are all whores for sleeping with our bosses."
"Sure it doesn't and fair point." I said.
"Cristina you lost a fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all in one day. You have the right to be upset." Meredith added.
"And you're losing Mc Hottie to a whore named Skylar. And Tara lost Mc Dreamy to his perfect wife."
"Technically I did not lose Mc Dreamy. I dumped him, remember?"
"And I'm not upset." Cristina countered.
"You really should be in your room." Meredith said.
"Ok, if the situation was reversed, would you wanna spend time with your mother in a confined room with one window?"
"Well if it's any consolation I've never met my mother."
"You know I'd say that it is but knowing how your life was I'd say not really."
Cristina said as I shrugged.
"Do you think we're like them? Our mothers?" Mere asked Cristina, who gives her a look.
*
"Where are we?" Derek asked looking over the patient.
"OR. 2 in 30 minutes. He's prepped, transport's on the way." I told him. I the we heard Mr. linden fighting with his wife.
"Do you understand that? 21 years!" The woman whisper-yelled.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry. I love you, I forgive you." Her husband replied.
"You cheated on me! You cheated on me! And you do not get to play the martyr here!"
"I've got a bullet in my head!"
"And that doesn't make us even!"
"You shot me!"
Derek looked at me. "I'll call the police." I said before he could instruct me to do it.
*
"This is one sick bastard. We should flip him over, and give him a spine." Alex said
"Hold back on the retractor, Dr. Parks. Little suction Dr. Karev."
"Covering for his wife after she shot him?" Alex continued.
"He did cheat on her." Derek argued.
"And that guilt's worth a bullet in the head?" Alex disagreed
"Relationships are built on sacrifice."
"Not that kind of sacrifice."
"Hmm, I don't know. Sometimes a bullet's worth it." Derek said looking at me.
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
"Yeah sometimes the bullet is worth it. But in the head?" I told them, and I could feel Derek's eyes on me, but I didn't dare look up.
*
I was paged to Cristina's room. "Somebody sedate me!" I heard her yelling. I entered the room and saw Meredith, Izzy and George staring at Cristina.
I approached her but George held me back. "That makes it worse." I ignored him and hugged Cristina from behind, she tried to resist me but soon she allowed herself to cry.
Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial ... and face the world head on gun's blazing.
"It's okay, let it out, let it all out."
After Cristina calmed down I met with Alex. "Hey how was you meeting with the chief?"
"I failed my medical boards." He said.
"What?"
"I have to retake them, or I'll be kicked out."
"Don't worry you'll pass, I'm gonna help you."
Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean.
*
I thought of myself as a strong person but with each passing day I can feel myself getting weaker, more broken. When I got to my room I expected to see a red tulip like every other day. But this was not the case.
On top of my bed I found a small package and a letter which said: we'll be together soon Isabella.
My heart beating so fast it felt like it would jump out of my chest. After a few minutes where I was frozen unable to move or think I opened the package. It was an old photo a redheaded girl and a blond boy, on the back there were two inscriptions, one I knew was old, written when the photo was taken: Isabella and Marcus.
But the second inscription was new: so you remember how happy I made you.
I tear slid down my cheek, he never made me happy, I was afraid of him, terrified. And now he was back... no matter everything I did to escape... he was back
So how do you keep from drowning in it?