demons. everyone has them, at least thatʼs what viviana believed. that's what she wanted to believe. she liked to think that everyone had something going on their lives. some spoke up, asked for help even, while others just stayed quiet.
they believed they could handle it themselves. that they didn't need anyone to survive or help make them feel better.
viviana believed they also didn't want to seem weak, because once people notice you are not perfect you will start getting sympathetic looks everywhere you go. she knew they had trouble talking about feelings, maybe even dealing with them by themselves.
she didn't want to believe she was the only one feeling like this. she hated the idea of being the only person who had a shitty life.
yes she was rich, her parents were still together and seemingly in love, her brother was a senior in standford university. she was pretty.
except, her parents were barely seen together when she was around, and whenever they were they were arguing. they obviously weren't inlove, probably never were. her brother neglected her and she hated how she looked.
viviana always envied other girls. so no matter what belly did to her, she couldn't hate her. because she always managed to put herself in jeremiahʼs shoes.
she would always see another side of the sweet girl he saw in belly, she would see her beautiful smile, her enchanting brown eyes. her dark brown hair. her breathtaking laugh. a funny girl that could make anyone laugh, a girl that could always make jeremiah laugh
a perfect teenage girl for a perfect boy.
a boy with dirty blonde hair and a sweet charming smile yet a smile that brings all the trouble with it, the stupid enchanting smirk he always wore around her. his eyes, his blue eyes that could take anyoneʼs breath away.
it wasn't that his eyes were blue, or held the oceanʼs color. they were special. viviana didn't understand what was so special about them, but she could see it.
so as she was sitting on the beach lost in her thoughts and a hand tapped her shoulder. she couldn't utter a word as she turned to her left
only to be met with those beautiful, breathtaking blue eyes — eyes that belonged to a boy that somehow managed to captivate her.
“conrad told me you stopped by a few days ago” jeremiah started, when he noticed she turned back to look at the sea “i have been trying to get a hold of you, but you never answered any of my calls”
“i haven't checked my phone” it was a lie, but jeremiah did not need to know this
there was silence, a heavy silence that made viviana want to scream “look jeremiah —” viviana started as she then qaused to take in a breath
“i am sorry about what i said to belly, I shouldn't have said any of those things, ” viviana sighed “you were right—”
“no” jeremiah cut her off immediately
“what?” it was the first time she looked at him after she turned away when he sat down
“i wasn't right, what i said to you wasn't right or fair” jeremiah started “and you were right, i don't know anything about you — i have no idea what's going on your life but it doesn't mean i can just treat you like that”
jeremiah felt nervous under her gaze “i am so sorry” jeremiah whispered as viviana nodded
“it's okay, you were right” viviana smiled softly, at least she trued but it came out as a grimace
“no i wasn't right!” jeremiah was frustrated “i wasn't being fair to you — i was never fair to you”
“i am not just sorry about the fourth, i am sorry about everything” jeremiah felt a weight leave his shoulder as the words left his mouth
“what?” viviana whispered confused
“it wasn't fair to just treat you the way I did when we were thirteen. . . it was so wrong and stupid” jeremiah looked in her eyes and somehow viviana managed to take away his breath, again.
“did . . . did i do something wrong?” viviana asked hesitantly as jeremiah frowned “what?”
“did i do something that made you hate me?” viviana asked quietly as jeremiah just sat there silent for a moment
“i don't hate you via” jeremiah mumbled “i couldn't even if i wanted to”
viviana sat there speechless “ then what did i do?”
“nothing” jeremiah confessed “ you could do anything, and you would still get away with it anyway”
viviana raised a brow “why is that?”
“you are just . . . you” jeremiah said softly as viviana nodded “i don't threaten people to forgive me for shit i did”
jeremiah laughed quietly “ if it means anything, not talking to you was one of the stupidest things i ever did”
jeremiah was so sweet, he somehow was able to say everything in right words “are you pitying me?”
“what? no, of course not!” jeremiah was confused
“so you saw me cry and then suddenly you take back everything you said before i cried, for no reason?” her raised brow and unbelieving face made his stomach twist
“i apologised because i miss my best friend” jeremiahʼs voice was so soft, almost like how it was when he spoke to her when they were still friends
“mhm” viviana didn't seem to have any words to say to the boy so he decided to speak again, before he did though, her phone started ringing
and as viviana checked it — her frown was back again, this time it was worse
“what's wrong?” jeremiah asked the frowning girl who just sat next to him quietly
realising he won't get an answer from her anyway, he decided to ask her about something else “what did belly say to you?”
“it doesn't matter” viviana mumbled, itching to be back in her room
“it does matter! you were crying okay, i have never seen you cry like that before” jeremiah was losing hemis patience
“she told me the truth, that's all” viviana grumbled
“why didn't you tell me it was belly and not you?” jeremiah asked, clearly done with her attitude
“what?” viviana asked confused
“steven told me it was belly who told shayla about him and taylor” jeremiah sighed “ and i blamed you but you didn't even try to tell me it wasn't you”
“it wouldnt have mattered anyway” viviana shrugged
“it would have! to me it would have mattered” jeremiahʼs voice held so much emotion
“you wouldn't have believed me anyway” viviana sighed
“how do you know that?” it was all it took for viviana to lose her patience just like jeremiah “because no one ever does!”
there it was — the silence was back again, but this time viviana decided to stand up and leave, and just as she was about to leave jeremiah stood up after her immediately
“people don't believe you because you don't give them a reason to!” jeremiah cried as viviana turned to him with a glare
“the last time i tried to make someone believe me, he fucking left me for a stupid summer fling” viviana argued back with the boy who stood there confused
“ it was one person, it doesn't mean everyone else would do that”
“but everyone does!” viviana cried “everyone i have ever cared for has either died or let me down”
“i didn't mean to let you down” jeremiah whispered as viviana nodded “sure you didn't”
“no via i mean it —” jeremiah started as viviana stopped him
“stop calling me that! stop acting as if you get to talk to me as if we are friends when all you did was just ignore my existence because stupid isabel tripped when i wasn't even close to trip her!” it wasn't until then that jeremiah looked at her, really looked at her
“did you take something?” jeremiah asked her quietly as she scoffed “why do you care?”
“what did you take? how much did you take?” his tone held so much worry
“leave me alone” viviana started walking away as jeremiah pulled her back by her wrist
“just tell me what did you take?” jeremiah asked as viviana huffed but stood silently
as jeremiah went through her pockets, he found a bag of a white powder making him curse under his breath as he hid it immediately
“what the hell is that?” jeremiah asked worriedly
“give it back” viviana said through gritted teeth as jeremiah sighed
“why are you doing this to yourself” jeremiah asked softly as she huffed and stomped like a child
“ via —”
“stop acting like you fucking care about me” viviana spat “ we are not friends, we were never friends”
“i do care about you, because you were my best friend” jeremiah stated as viviana scoffed “friends don't do what you did”
“i know, iʼm sorry” jeremiah sighed “just let me take care of you”
“i can take care of myself” viviana argued, not accepting the hand jeremiah was offering her
“you call this taking care of yourself?” jeremiah raised a brow as viviana glared at him
“ well, sorry not everyone has someone to take care of them like you do jeremiah” it was clear she had no idea what she was saying.
sober viviana would have never said these words to him, to anyone.
“then let me take care of you, you have me vivi” jeremiah stared down at the girl who sighed and hugged herself
“i promise i won't turn my back on you again” jeremiah let out as viviana stared at him with tears threatening to fall
“you promise?” viviana whispered as jeremiah put a strand of hair behind her ear “i promise via” his voice was so gentle.
sober viviana would smack her for caving in so easily and letting jeremiah literally have her under his spell, again.
𓆉
viviana slept comfortably in jeremiahʼs room that day as she grew tried, all while the said boy kept mumbling sweet nothings in her ear just to help her sleep.
jeremiah didn't get on his bed though, he had a chair next to it, as he sat with viviana who sleeped peacefully while holding his hand.
and at some point, he fell asleep too.
and susannah fisher just happened to walk in the room looking for jeremiah.
and it made her heart jump in joy knowing that viviana had jeremiah and jeremiah had viviana.
even with the sleeping proposition, she adored how jeremiah held her hand in his delicately while she was asleep, how she stayed here after they probably got in an argument?
susannah didn't know, but she felt relief knowing viviana would take care of jeremiah — just like he would do to her.
viviana woke up with a groan, alerting the boy sleeping on the chair slightly, and as she opened her eyes and looked around the room that looked nothing like hers
she looked down at her hand that was held delicately by jeremiahʼs hand as a small smile appeared on her face, she quickly whipped it away as she took her hand back and stood up.
the feeling of losing contact to her skin made jeremiah wake up, as he looked at her trying to sneak out
“where are you going?” jeremiah asked the girl who shrugged without facing him “home”
“ you were just gonna leave?” jeremiah sounded hurt
“mhm, it's getting pretty late” viviana nodded as jeremiah walked tkwards her and stood in front of her the latter knowing it wasnt that late outside
“i meant what i said” jeremiah stated as he looked down at her “ and i dont care how long it takes for you to forgive me for what i did . . . or how many more times you want me to apologize because i will do whatever you want ”
“why?” viviana mumbled
“ i know i have been a shitty friend to you via, and i am sorry” he didn't answer her question as she sighed
“ and before you start telling me on how everyone you trusted let you down, i won't let you down” a qause “not again via, i promise”
“ you can't just keep making promises you can't keep” viviana spoke quietly as jeremiah smiled down at her
“but i mean it” jeremiah whispered, staring into her eyes as she stared right back.
“and you don't even have to talk to belly, or even tell me what happened with you two” jeremiah started, making sure she knew his words had nothing to do with the situation he got them in “ you don't have to do anything you don't want to do okay?”
“and if . . . if you want to say we broke up and stayed friends that will be okay with me too” jeremiah let out “anything will be okay with me as long as you are okay with it”
but viviana didn't say anything back, she just wrapped her hands around his waist as tears left her eyes uncontrollably “ you left me” viviana mumbled as jeremiah put his hand on her head while the other pulled her closer — if that was even possible
jeremiah pulled away, holding her face between both hands as he looked down at her “ i can't even explain how sorry i am”
jeremiah pulled her back in the hug, just as susannah quietly opened the door to wake them up so they could eat something
“oh you are awake” susannah smiled at the two who pulled away while viviana whipped away her tears
susannah closed the door for privacy “you shouldn't go to bed angry with each other” susannah started “and —”
but susannah couldn't form any more words so she just opened her arms for the two who happily walked towards her and hugged her
susannah played in both of their hairs as she sighed in relief “ you have no idea how happy i am that you two are together”
and both teens could hear the crack in her voice “ you are not gonna cry, are you?”, viviana asked the woman who laughed
“ i won't as long as you stay over tonight” susannah smirked at the girl then turned to jeremiah “with me for our famous movie nights”
“what —” jeremiahʼs excitement was gone immediately
“that's what you get for making her upset” susannah scolded jeremiah, the later staring at her dumbfounded
“ i didn't make her upset!” jeremiah pouted as susannah raised a brow “so you were sleeping on the chair, holding her hand as if you never wanted to let go for no reason?”
noticing the teasing look on vivianaʼs face, jeremiah quickly denied “i wasn't holding your hand”
“yes you were” susannah pulled viviana away while jeremiah trailed behind them
“ i made your favorite for dinner ” susannah beamed at the girl who smiled back at her “lasagna?” susannah nodded
“ hopefully cora didn't finish it” susannah whispered as cordelia walked in
“my favorite niece” cordelia smiled at the girl who raised a brow “ i am your only niece”
“don't be a brat” cordelia huffed “does being a brat run in the family or something?”
“should i ask what happened?” viviana laughed softly
lilith walked in the kitchen “ don't, she will give you a headache on how you are a brat for not answering your phone, how i am a brat for so many reasons, how your dad is a brat for a reason she wont even tell me”
“and now you are telling my secrets too!” cordelia scoffed offended as lilith pulled viviana by her wrist away from her mom
and as jeremiah followed, lilith told him to go away because it was a girlsʼ meeting, but the boy protested until susannah walked out with plates of lasagna for the two girls pulling jeremiah away with her
author's note!
did i ever mention how much i suck at writing apologies, love confessions or anything sweet?
that's probably why i never got too far in my other books if you havent noticed.
and i know it seems like she forgave him to easily — but she didn't forgive him just yet!