Lucas…window…was it all just a dream? I slowly opened my eyes and the sudden shock of bright light made me close them right back again. I tried again…slowly…a blurry figure…a face…
»Morning lil' kitty.« Said the blurry face.
»Ugh…« Was all I was able to say. Man, I hate mornings. They're exhausting.
»You're a mean sleeper.«
»Ugh?« Mean slipper? Why am I a shoe?
»You hit in your sleep, just so you know.« He rubbed his nose.
Oh, he meant sleeper. Wait, is that even a word? »What?« I said with a grumpy morning voice.
»You hit me in your sleep.« He petted Ash, who decided to take a nap on his stomach. They were both yawning. Kinda cute…
»What did you do?«
»Hm?« He acted stupid.
»I bet I don't hit without a reason.«
»Ah!« He squeaked like a girl. »How dare you accuse me of harassing a girl in her sleep?!« He pretended to be completely outraged.
»Dashwood.« I said with a serious face.
»You're mean when you wake up too…« He mumbled to himself. »Isn't she, you little cute furrball…« Lucas tickled Ash's nose. »Maybe I'm just gonna call you lil' kitty from now on…« He mumbled some more. »Besides, I just wanted to brush her hair a bit and then she struck me in the nose…and went back to sleep.« He was talking to Ash, pretending I wasn't in the room.
»While I was sleepi…wait, did you watch me sleep?«
»Well…«
»Do you have any idea how creepy that is?!«
»Erm, but you just looked so cute…«
»You don't just…what…you…« What is wrong with him? Maybe I did let a serial killer inside last night, afterall…I glanced at the watch. 7.45 am?! »We overslept!«
»What?«
»Get up, get up, the bus leaves in ten minutes!« I jumped off the bed.
»What, no morning kiss?« He pouted his lips.
»Get up!« I threw a pillow in his kissy face. I don't have the time for this. We don't have time for this!
»Ugh, you're so mean lil' kitty!« He pretended to cry in the pillow.
I just ignored him and went to the bathroom.
Toothbrush.
Toothpaste.
Water.
More water.
Lucas watching himself in the mirror.
…
Funny how the only sentence in my head was: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the perviest of them all? »Come pretty boy, we're gonna be late.« I rolled my eyes and walked out of the bathroom.
»Did you just call me pretty?« I heard his echoing voice following me like a lost cat.
* * *
»Do you have a gum?«
»Wait…« I said and checked in my pockets.
»Forgot to brush my teeth.«
»You brought your toothbrush?« I asked while still checking inside my pockets.
»No. I was gonna use yours.« He answered calmly.
»What?« I stopped. »You can't do that, that's gross!«
»Why? I mean, we kissed before, it's not like…«
»That's not the point!« I interrupted him. I've gotten more comfortable around him since I've got to know him. Now I can speak my mind without mumbling. »Brushing the teeth, that's just…ew! It's too much bacteria and other stuff, and you can't compare it to kissing!«
»I wasn't comparing it to kissing...« He said. »Now, can I have that gum so I can kiss you?«
I blushed and gave him a piece of gum I found in my pocket.
»Ha, so lil' kitty does wants me to kiss her?« He mocked me.
»Whatever.« I laughed silently. Standing here…with Lucas…waiting for the bus…it was strange, but that nice kind of strange…
Lucas was looking around, searching for something. »Ah, never-mind.« He said and leaned towards the grass, preparing to spit.
»No!« I yelled.
He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me questionably.
»It's just that…birds mistake gum for bread and they eat it, and then it gets stuck to their beak, or in their stomach, and they can't eat, and they die…« I was rambling until Lucas stopped me.
»Okay, okay.« He gently grabbed my shoulders. »I solemnly swear that I won't spit another gum on the floor or in the grass ever again. Okay?«
»Mhm.« I mumbled.
»So, I can't kiss you until we find a trash can. Which will probably be at school…where you don't like kissing…« He was pointing out all the facts.
I quickly grabbed the collar of his jacket, slightly stepping on my toes, and pulled him closer to my face. He looked straight at my lips, making my heart skip a beat…I've noticed that every time he wants to kiss, he first looks at my eyes and then stares at my lips…He lowered his head a bit, just enough that I could reach his mouthwatering lips, but not enough for him to kiss me…I had to kiss him. He stood still, waiting for my kiss…I softly pressed my smooch onto his minty lips, gently brushing his cheek with my hand. Not every great kiss has to be a french one.
»Wow,« He whispered in my hair. »you're getting really good at this.«
»I had a great teacher.« What? That wasn't supposed to be said out loud!
Lucas hugged me around the waist, biting his lower lip and making that naughty smile of his. »I have such a good student.« He said.
It was weird. Going to school with Lucas. The bus was half empty. And I didn't know what to talk about. And I didn't want to talk in a half empty bus, everybody could hear what we were saying, even if we were whispering…Suddenly he held my hand. Just like that. What does this mean? Were we together now? Like boyfriend and girlfriend? Isn't he supposed to ask me to be his girlfriend? Should I ask him if I am his girlfriend? Or if he would be my boyfriend? Is it too soon? Are we showing affection in public now? Like in school too? Everywhere? In front of everybody? Will he tell people? What will he tell people?
So many questions, just because of someone holding my hand. Those questions didn't come to mind while we were kissing…maybe holding hands was more intimite…more real. More like…love.
We didn't say a word. He just held my hand. All the way to school.
* * *
If in any case Lucas Dashwood is my boyfriend…I swallowed…should we act like other couples now? I looked around my class. Virginia was sitting at her table, surrounded with her SS army. She didn't bother me since that incident…In fact, she ignored me, like I wasn't even there. Whatever, I was enjoying my invisibility. Wait…Lucas Dashwood wasn't exactly invisible…actually the whole school knew who he was…if people knew we were together, then I wouldn't be invisible anymore, and Virginia would…damn it, that bitch had a giant crush on him, and if she knew that we were…well, whatever we were, I'd be dead. Dead.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of those nasty thoughts.
Natalie Zwan. She was okay. I mean, I never talked to her before, but she seemed nice. I just wasn't good at making friends. All I knew about her was that she was super smart, both her parents were doctors and that she had a boyfriend who is three years older than her, and that she had their picture as a screen saver on her phone. Yeah, living in the shadows has its perks. You have plenty time to observe other people's lives, because you're not living your own. Anyway, that picture reminded me…do I have to take a picture of me and Lucas? Because we don't have a picture together. That's what couples do, right? That is, if we were a real couple. Hypothetically.
Let's see…what else do couples do? Hypothetically. I made a list.
They hold hands. Check.
They kiss. Check.
They have pictures. Not check.
Cute nicknames for each other. …Check? He calls me lil' kitty, but what do I call him? Perv? Devil? Serial killer? … I should really work on that.
They go on dates. …Check?
They have couple songs. Not check.
People know that they are together. Not check.
They are together. …
They touch each other inappropriately. …Check.
They have sex? Not check! Definitely not check!
They text eachother…I heard of sexting though…What is it, like sexy texting?...
Vibrations of the phone filled my pocket. That was so sudden, it almost knocked my socks off…
Lucas <3: Going to the hospital with Jimmy after school. For his check up. Wanna come?
Me: He doesn't even remember me…
Lucas<3: So? He'll get to know you again. He'll like you again.
Me: You sure?
Lucas<3: Of course. You're lovable. Smooch, lil' kitty.
* * *
Going to the hospital. With Lucas. And Jimmy. And…Oh, no. Cookie.
What is she doing here? She doesn't even go to school here. Again with that huge blue eyes of hers, drilling holes into Lucas. She was looking at him like he was a juicy bunny and she was a starving fox, who hadn't eaten in weeks. I hope she chokes on something. Just not on Lucas.
»Hey Sara!« She squeaked at me.
»Skye.«
»What?« She asked innocently.
»My name is Skye.«
»Right…I've come here to help my poor brother…«
»No need for that.« Jimmy cut her off.
»…Because he was in a car crash, and he's not that okay, yet.« She didn't let him stop her.
»I'm fine.« Jimmy calmly said.
»He needs help.« She kept on going.
»Don't. Besides, I've got Dashwood.« He insisted.
»And me.« She brushed a lock of her perfect blond hair behind her ear, making all the jewelry on her hand rattle.
»Don't need you.«
»Yes you do.«
»Not really…ugh!« Jimmy suddenly grabbed his arm. Cookie obviously pinched him.
»See?« She smiled with that devilish smile of hers. »You're in pain. You need help.«
»You little…« Jimmy growled at her.
Lucas was just standing there, pretending he didn't hear anything. Suddenly he grabbed my hand. »Let's go.« He said, like he just did something normal.
Cookie's jaw dropped. She was obviously in shock. Her dear Luc, as she called him, was holding my hand. The boy who doesn't date was holding my hand. Mine. Eat that you spoiled brat.
»But…um, but…« She started mumbling, still staring at our hands.
»Ouch!« Jimmy suddenly yelled, leaning on Cookie. »My leg! You're gonna have to help me walk.«
»What, no…« She tried protesting, but Jimmy wouldn't let her.
»That's why you're here, isn't it?« He leaned on her and winked at me. He may not remember me, but he was still the same old Jimmy.
* * *
Again in the waiting room. Again that hospital smell. Yuck.
Cookie somehow succeeded in convincing Lucas to go with her to the cafeteria, grabbing something to eat. Me and Jimmy were left alone. All by ourselves. Nobody around. Two strangers.
»So,« Jimmy started. »I know this must be weird for you, but, oh, here it goes. Hi, I'm Jimmy.« He smiled with that sunny smile of his and offered me a hand to shake.
»Hi, I'm Skye.« I smiled back.
»I hope you don't mind me asking, but how long have you and Lucas been dating?«
»We're not…I mean, I don't know…« I started mumbling.
»Hm, you see, I'm asking because that bastard Dashwood won't tell me anything. I know he quit his job, but I didn't know you were the reason…you do know about his job?«
»Yeah, I know about that.« You were the one who told me.
»I don't know what's gonna happen now, soon he'll be out on the street…« Jimmy stared sadly at the wall.
»He's already on the street…I mean, he's staying with me.« I blushed.
Jimmy raised his eyebrows. »Your parents know?«
»No.« I sighed.
»What if they find out?«
»Not good…«
»Ah, I see. I would ask him to stay with us, but my mom won't let me. Besides Cookie, I have two more spoiled brats at home. Dylan and Liam. Twins. Four years old. They're the worst.« He growled at himself, but smiled at the same time.
»Busy house.« I commented.
»Yeah…«
We sat in silence for a few minutes but then suddenly a thought popped into my mind. »Lucas once mentioned a youth home…«
»They put him there after they took him away from his dad. A horrible, horrible place.«
»Why? What happened?« I asked.
Jimmy looked at me. »Well, you know his worst secret, he was bound to tell you this one too, once…He won't mind if I tell you.«
I looked at him with anticipation.
»Okay, hm, so they put him into a youth home, and everything went great at first, but then…You see these people, the people who ran the youth home, they weren't exactly…how to put it…the way they seemed at first. They made Lucas run errands.«
»What errands?«
»Lucas was young, just a kid, and those people made him, and a few other boys, traffic drugs for them. See, the cops wouldn't suspect kids, so…«
»So what, they just used them? Why didn't they go to the police?« I got frustrated all of a sudden.
»Because if they went to the police, those youth home people made up stuff, like - that they stole something or they planted evidence, or something…They got juvie records and after that nobody would believe them that somebody made them traffic drugs…How do you think Dashwood got a juvie record?«
»Lucas has a juvenile record?«
»Yeah, they said he tried to brake into a car, but they didn't report it because they thought he won't make any more trouble, but then those drugs…«
»But, wouldn't the cops notice some pattern, that only the kids from youth homes are forced into…«
»It's not just kids from the youth home, there are others too. And believe me when I say that Lucas was one of a few who dared to go to the cops, the other one was Dean…and he wasn't so lucky.«
»Who's Dean?« I asked.
»Lucas's friend from the youth home. He actually got sent to juvie…and he got the crap kicked out of him…he even got raped.«
»Raped? How…what did…«
»He ran his mouth to the wrong people.« Jimmy sadly sighed. »Anyway, Lucas was never the same after that. He needed to get out. No matter what.«
»And he's not going back again.« I had no idea Lucas had it so hard. It seems like with every secret comes more darkness. I understand now. The pain in his eyes. I understand.
I'm not letting go of your hand. Never.
»Over my dead body.« Jimmy smiled at me. »Oh, let's discuss some other topic, this is making me depressed.« He laughed. »So, what's up with you and Dashwood?«
»Um…« I murmured and started nervously twisting the end of my sleeve. »I just…I don't know. He didn't…he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend…or said that we're t…together or anything.«
»So?«
»What?«
»What are you waiting for?« Jimmy smiled.
»What do you mean?«
»You ask him. Why wait for that sissy pants to ask you? He obviously doesn't have the balls…«
»No, that's not true, he has them…I mean, n…not that I've seen them, b…because I h…haven't, not that I want to! I just…he's a guy, so he must…«
»Okay, okay you messed up child!« Jimmy burst out laughing. »Just ask him. As simple as that. Life is too short to wait. Besides, you're one of the few truly amazing things that happened to him, he knows that. He's just…scared.«
»Lucas?« I snorted. »Scared? No way.«
»Okay, maybe not scared, but he does have abandonment issues. He feels like everybody who mattered left him, so he has a hard time dealing with stuff, confronting stuff…« Jimmy said with a serious voice.
So…I have to man up and ask him? He's not scared, he kissed me first. He held my hand. He told me his secret.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Now I finally understand that quote. Now it makes complete and absolute sense to me. »I'll do it.« I said.
»What?« Jimmy asked.
»Ask him to be my boyfriend.«
»That's good!« The biggest grin danced on Jimmy's face.
I stood up.
»What, now?« He asked, surprised.
»Life's too short, right?« I smiled.
»Right.« He smiled back.
I am going. I am walking. I am going to ask him. To tell him. To…
I saw Cookie hugging him, wrapping her arms around his neck, trying to kiss him.
»No Cookie, you can't…« He tried to push her away.
»But why? What does she have that I don't?! She's just a plain, boring girl!« She demanded his lips like a spoiled child demands a toy.
»Cookie get off..« He growled and stopped. He saw me. His dark eyes pierced mine like that time. I ran. Like always. I just ran.
»Skye!« He ran after me. »Skye!« He yelled again and grabbed my hand. »It's not what you think…«
»I know!« I yelled at him.
»Than what is it?« He got confused.
»She is right!«
»What?«
»I'm just a plain, boring, stupid girl…why would you even…« I didn't understand. I really didn't. Why would somebody like him be into me? Just some…silent little gray mouse.
»No Skye, you're wrong, you're…«
»Not like her!« I snapped again. »She's so pretty, with her perfect hair and gorgeous eyes…and I'm just…what if you fall in love with her?« I mean look at me, what chances do I have against someone as beautiful as Cookie?
Lucas stopped. He gently brushed my cheek and slowly lifted my chin. »How could I love the moon when I've witnessed the sun?«