ᗩᒪEKSᗩᑎᗪEᖇ ᕼᗩS ᗷEEᑎ gone for a long time. Too long. I keep trying to leave the bedroom in search of him, but the guards insist I stay for me and Amelia's safety. However, I can't just wait in here. I need to do something. Another minute passes, and I finally reach the end of my rope. I barge past Ivan and another Grisha stationed at the door.
"Moya tsaritsa, I insist you stay here!" Ivan hisses through an iron-clenched jaw. He knows he does not have the authority to stop me as Queen. Perhaps he could've years ago when I was the little orphan girl, but not now.
I lean in too close for comfort to whisper to Ivan so Amelia doesn't hear. "Your assignment was to watch her, not me, and you failed. That deranged Queen could have killed her if she wanted to. The least you can do is protect Amelia when I'm gone." I pause. "And that applies for the future as well."
Ivan's brow wrinkles and his lips part to ask what I mean, but I've already vanished down the long hall of the stone castle. The first place I plan to look is the ballroom, but I do not need to go that far. As I turn the corner of the first hallway, I nearly crash into Aleksander.
I don't even have time to startle. When I see his face, I become nauseous and put a hand over my mouth to stifle a scream. Blood coats every inch of his hands and lower sleeves. A splatter of red speckles his face and neck, stopping at his shoulders.
"It's not mine," he says before I can ask. It eliminates my immediate concern for his well-being, replacing it with spite. I drag him by the collar of his soiled kefta; he lets me, seeming to have already accepted the consequence of my wrath. I pull him quickly past Amelia's room. Luckily, there are too many guards in there blocking Amelia's view of her father as we slip past, or else she would have nightmares for years to come.
Neither of us speaks as I lead him through our chambers to the attached bathroom. A few drops of blood fall to the polished black floor when he stands still. After shutting the door, I fetch a piece of fabric and then soak it in the water basin. I just point to the vanity stool silently. He takes the hint and sits as I begin to wash the mess from his forehead, slowly moving to the eyelids, cheekbones, and chin.
Part of me is silent from shock, and the other part is silent because I'm afraid of the anger-fueled words that will pour out of my mouth if I open it. Eventually, when my emotions are under control, I mutter, "Then whose blood is it?"
He looks up at me with his eyes as cold as ice chips. I search them for some sort of remorse or empathy. I don't find it there.
"Every Shu Han delegate and representative that had the misfortune of coming to the ball the same night my daughter was threatened by their queen."
I sigh and continue to blot his face with the warm washcloth until his skin is clean of his wrongdoing. I kneel in front of the stool and start on his hands, stained as red as a bottle of aged wine. Silence follows for another minute before I ask, "Do you regret any of it?"
His eyes lower slowly to mine, and for the first time, I see a sliver of guilt.
"I regret my actions when they hurt you."
"Yet you keep doing it."
Because it's who I am. I hurt people, I hear the echo of his voice say through our shared connection. Whether he intended for me to hear it or not, I'm not sure. My frown deepens. I open my mouth to say something, but he shushes me with a finger to my lips. "It's true," he whispers, tracing the outline of my lips with the pad of his finger.
Now, the silence becomes deafening as I try to think of what to say that might convince him otherwise. Every drip of water, every creak of the old palace floor, and every footstep from down the hall pierces through the quiet. Nothing I can tell Aleksander will convince him that he can become a better man. He needs to believe in himself for it to work.
"Well, perhaps it was an outlandish idea in the first place to think Shu Han and Ravka could be friends and live happily ever after with no more war," I sigh. However, thanks to him, any sort of agreement I could propose in diplomacy would be laughed at now that eight high-ranking Shu delegates are dead.
I glance down at my husband's hands, which are back to their pale peach complexion, given the cloth no longer retains any evidence that it was originally white.
I ask, "So what now?"
Aleksander's gaze falls to the ground and becomes unfocused in thought. "Though it was unplanned, the Shu will see this as our next move in the war, so they will instigate the next fight. We should ready ourselves for an attack."
My mind strays to the image of Queen Leyti in Amelia's room, her hand skimming over her golden coils of hair. I know what her next move will be. She told me herself. Amelia is her next move. Leyti asked what I was willing to do to save my daughter. My answer is I would do anything. She has proved tonight that she knows my weaknesses well and how to exploit them. It leaves me with no choice. . .
The thought strikes me hard like a bolt of lightning tearing through my body. A piece of me is chilled to the bone with fear, while the other portion is relieved.
It's finally a solution to all of it. An end. And didn't I always know it would end this way? This world does not respond to righteousness, but it does answer to sacrifice.
I jump when Aleksander's hand squeezes my shoulder. "Alina? Are you alright?" His forehead creases in concern.
"I'm fine."
I'm more than fine. For the first time in months, I see an end to the warfare. An end to the bloodshed. This will be the last blood I clean up in this war.
"Let's go to bed. It's been a long night," I say.
"Alright. . ." He squints at me with skepticism playing on his features. An effort is put into analyzing my mannerisms as we walk back into the bedroom and dress in our nightclothes. I don't let him know why my mood has transitioned, no matter how much I yearn to. Aleksander would do everything in his power to stop me from carrying out my newly-formed plan. There's no other option. I have to do this.
Instead of crawling under the covers, I wander down the hallway to Amelia's bed chamber to say goodnight. She has already settled in bed, readying herself for sleep; however, I gather it will be much more difficult after her encounter with the Shu Queen. Ivan stands a bit straighter as I pass him in the doorway. Apparently, my words finally got through that thick head of his.
Amelia blinks up at me with heavy eyes. I smile and sit on the edge of her bed, stroking the space between her eyes. Her lids flutter rapidly in a fight to stay awake.
"I love you, Amelia," I whisper. All of the people guarding her room become inconsequential as the world narrows to just me and my daughter.
"Love you too," she mumbles in a half-sleep state. A heavy slumber has taken her already before I leave, which is good because that way, she didn't see the tear crawling down my cheek as I say "goodnight," while in reality, it is an unspoken "goodbye."
I wipe away the streak of wetness and turn to meet Ivan's solemn glare. I roll my eyes and stride past him, but he grabs my bicep before I can make a swift exit. I flinch at the unexpected motion.
"I don't know what you're planning to do," he hisses, "but don't."
"I don't know what you mean," I lie.
"The vague warning you gave me earlier about needing to protect Amelia. How you're acting now. It all suggests that you are about to do something stupid."
I scoff at him, yet my avoidant gaze lowers to the floor.
"Don't make me tell the King," Ivan warns.
"I can put an end to it all. I can protect Ravka and her." I gesture to the nearly sleeping child. "My husband will do everything to protect me, Ivan. If you know what is good for your country, you won't tell him. Now is when you have to decide whether your loyalty is to the Darkling or Ravka."
"I can have loyalty to both."
"Not this time."
I can see the conflict in his eyes. There is nothing more I can say to persuade him one way or another, so I slip out of his loose grip and walk out into the dark hallway lit by dim torches on the wall. Furthermore, I do not turn in the direction of my room but rather the other way while still within Ivan's field of vision. His jaw tenses with unease, but he does not make an effort to stop me even though he desperately wants to.
There is someone I have to see before I go back to my bed chambers. Aleksander is already suspicious of how I've been acting tonight, and rightfully so. I need an infallible method for him to stay out of my way for the rest of the evening. It makes my heart ache to do this to him, but I must.
I'm so sorry, Aleksander.
***
The Darkling's POV
I pluck the strings of our invisible tether while she is gone to find it heavily blockaded on Alina's end—yet another reason to add to my apprehension. I know that determined shimmer in Alina's eyes when I see it. She thinks she has found a solution for something. I first noticed the difference in her mood when we were discussing Shu Han's next attack.
I look through the golden mirror hung beside our bed. A piece of ebony hair falls in my eyes as I shake my head to clear out all the irrevelant thoughts and focus on the events of today. What caused such a sudden change in her?
The realization instantly dawns on me, making me feel like a complete fool. I am ancient, rich with knowledge and power, yet when it comes to Alina, I am blind. My first clenches so hard that my knuckles turn a ghostly white.
She is planning to hand herself over to Shu Han.
That is why the connection is blocked, why she seems relieved. I'll be damned if I let her do this.
As soon as I turn to locate her, I find her loitering in the doorway. Her expression is grim for a brief second before she puts on a false mask of indifference and walks in like she is about to go to bed as usual.
"I won't let you go," I say a bit more forcefully than I intended. She is taken aback. Her eyes widen with surprise but then she finally understands. Alina's face contorts to a dismal expression. I round the bed and take her hands in mine. "I can't let you go."
"I'm sorry," she whispers; the words just barely reach my ears before I feel two fingers on the carotid pulse of my neck. Alina holds my hands tighter in a death grip. I whip around, ripping my wrists from Alina's grip, but I feel my dizzyingly slow pulse grow even slower. The border of my vision narrows with the shadows of forced sleep crawling into my head. A flash of the Heartrender behind me comes into my foggy view. I vaguely recognize him as one of the Soldat Sol who follow Alina around like a lost puppy. The only reason I let them stay at the Palace was their loyalty to my wife. Apparently, their devotion is too her is too adequate.
I grit my teeth as I try to fight the threat of unconsciousness to no avail. My head flops to the ground along with the rest of my body. I can still feel Alina's soft hand in mine. There is a trembling kiss planted on my lips and an echoed voice. A soft, kind, apologetic tune that floats through my ears like a song. A lullaby.
"I love you."
_________
Dun dun dunnn. What do you guys think? Is Alina making the right choice?
Thanks for reading. I would love you forever if you vote for the chapter. Feel free to comment and react as well. ♥️