"somebody's gotta catch him out, 'cause
i think he did it, but i just can't prove it"
---
y/n's pov
"Okay, nerds, listen up." Mindy started talking while we all sat on the benches in front of her. "As terrifying as this all is, I'm actually glad I get a chance to redeem myself for not calling the killers last time."
"Yep." Chad mumbled, scribbling on the notebook in his lap like he was actually going to take notes.
"It's fine." Mindy took a deep breath. "Okay. The way I see it, someone is out to make a sequel to the requel."
"Um, what's a requel?" Anika asked, raising her hand.
"You're beautiful, sweetie." Mindy complimented and Anika smiled. "Let's hold questions to the end."
"Stab one took place in Woodsboro, Stab two took place in college." Sam stated.
"So do we think that the killer is trying to copy the movies?" Tara asked from her seat beside me.
"That is one possibility." Mindy said, pointing to her. "Heroes now in college? Check. Suspicious new characters brought in to round out the suspect list and/or body count? Check, check and check."
"Taser? Check. Pepper spray? Check."
I thought about the taser that had been sitting in my dorm since we moved to New York and the pepper spray that was in my backpack as Mindy spoke.
"I don't like this." Ethan spoke quietly and I gave his hand a short squeeze before returning it to my lap.
"But it can't just be about Stab two." Mindy stated.
"Why not?" Asked Tara.
"It would make sense if this were just a sequel, but we're not in a sequel because nobody just makes sequels anymore. We're in a franchise!" Mindy exclaimed with her arms out and multiple of us, the four of us on the benches from Woodsboro, groaned. "And there are certain rules to a continuing franchise."
"I had a feeling." Sam said quietly.
"Rule one: Everything is bigger than last time. Bigger budget, bigger cast, bigger body count, longer chases, shootouts, beheadings. You gotta top what came before to keep people coming back." Mindy explained.
"Beheadings?" Chad asked, pausing his note taking for a second.
"Beheadings." His sister confirmed.
"Rule two: Whatever happened last time, expect the opposite." Mindy continued. "Franchises only survive by subverting expectations. If the killers last time were whiny snowflake film nerds with Letterboxd accounts instead of personalities, you can bet the opposite will be true here."
So... if a person's boyfriend died last year, their new boyfriend this year won't?
"And rule three: No one is safe. Legacy characters, cannon fodder at this point. Usually brought back only to be killed off in some cheap bid for nostalgia. It's not looking too good for Gale and Kirby." Mindy stopped for a second. "Oh, and that's not even the worst part."
"This is the part where she tells us the worst part." Chad told Ethan.
"The worst part is franchises are just continuing episodic installments designed to boost an IP. Which means main characters are completely expendable now too."
Well, fuck this.
"Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson, Ellen Ripley, Sally Hardesty, Jigsaw, Tony Stark, James Bond, I mean even Luke Skywalker all died so their franchises could live on." Mindy paused and looked around. "That means it's not just the friend group. Any of us could go at any time... especially Sam and Tara."
"Wai- Wait. Any of us?" Ethan asked.
"Yeah."
"Does- Am... Am I in the friend group?" He looked from Mindy to me.
"Yeah." Mindy nodded and I agreed.
"Am I, like, one of the targets?"
"Mhm." Mindy seemed to be irritated.
"Am I gonna die a virgin?" Questioned Ethan and my eyes went wide as I looked away.
"That was a weird overshare." Mindy commented, making a face. "But it brings us to our current suspects. Ethan, the shy, dorky guy who no one suspects because he's so shy and dorky."
"Okay, wait, why am I on the suspect list?" Ethan asked. "Because I'm randomly Chad's roommate? Or because I'm Y/N's boyfriend?"
"Roommate lotteries can be juked. You could've fixed it to get next to us." Mindy said and Ethan rolled his eyes. "And for the boyfriend thing? Maybe you knew Y/N would be the easiest to get close to because she was the person who was practically emotionally unavailable. And maybe you knew about Wes too-"
"All right, Mindy. That's enough. Thanks." I cut her off. She was going too far.
"Just looking out for you." She gave me a look before turning away from Ethan and I. "Quinn, the slutty roommate. A horror movie classic."
"Sex positive... but thank you?"
"Mhm. Um, how did you come to live with Sam and Tara?"
"I answered their ad online." Quinn answered carefully.
"Okay, say no more. You've already implicated yourself enough."
"It was an anonymous ad, Mindy." Tara defended her. "And you know we vetted her, plus her dad is a cop."
"And that makes it more likely that she's the killer because having a cop dad is a great cover. Do you not remember how these movies work, Tara?"
"Is she always like this?" Quinn asked Sam.
"And finally Anika." Mindy smiled. Anika blew her a kiss and Mindy sent one back in return before her smile dropped. "Never trust the love interest. That goes for you too, Y/N."
I rolled my eyes and Sam sighed.
"Okay, so we have our rules." Sam spoke. "And we have our suspects."
"Wait, wait." Ethan interrupted. "What about you guys?"
I turned my head towards him and a confused expression took over my features. Was he being serious?
"I mean, I think it's pretty safe to rule out the five of us who went through this last year in Woodsboro." Mindy decided.
"Agreed." Chad pointed his pen at his twin.
"Um, not agreed." Quinn spoke up. "What if the trauma you all went through caused one or- or more of you to snap?"
"Yeah, or the fame you got from the killings made you thirsty for more." Ethan added and I turned my head away from him. "I mean, let's be honest here, some of the theories online about Sam are..."
"Don't you fucking dare." Tara threatened.
"'Thirsty for more'? Jesus, Ethan." I scoffed, crossing my arms and not looking in his direction.
"Okay, she's right though." Anika spoke up. "I mean, face facts. If we're all suspects, you're all suspects."