in loving memory....
//
Elaina Basset
It's been 8 hours.
8 hours of stress, fear, and heartache.
Everyone was on a jet to Manchester as soon as that phone call with Carter ended. We were in contact with Vincent, who was not only sending out people to help, but also flying to Manchester himself.
It was the most desperate rescue mission.
I was fully ready to get there and do anything to spare his life.
The team that Vincent sent out got to where Harry and Niall were just moments before us. We arrived as they found them.
I don't think I'll ever be able to erase the scene from my head.
It was the first time I've seen Harry's childhood home, and he was being taken out of it, unconscious and in critical condition with Niall right behind him. I didn't even know if he was breathing in the moment, not until I ran up to him and saw his chest moving ever so slowly.
There was no choice but to bring him to a hospital. He was dying.
It's engraved into my brain—his blood drying all over his skin, his eyes closed, his head in my lap in the backseat of a car with Angela and Niall as I prayed to anything I could think of, Angela's face when she realized how bad this was.
I stroked his hair. Angela held his hand. Niall wouldn't take his eyes off of him to make sure he didn't stop breathing.
The hours that followed were excruciating.
By the time we got to the hospital, Harry was breathing so shallowly that he was barely breathing at all. He had lost so much blood that he went into hemorrhagic shock, that's what the doctors said. His body was shutting down.
If we had gotten to the hospital any later, it would've been too late.
We spent hours in the waiting room, not hearing anything for what felt like an eternity.
It was silent between the whole group, everyone just sitting there and anticipating.
Angela had her head in my lap as we sat on the chairs. We were comforting each other. She didn't have to say anything for me to know how scared she was.
Even Bianca wasn't herself. Her usual witty and wild persona wasn't present tonight.
If Harry could realize how loved he is by these people, I wonder what he would think. Maybe he already knows it.
Everyone saw the way I was when I found out about Harry. I was the one who got the phone call, I was the one who ran and broke down in front of his body. I know our cover is probably blown, but is there any point in pretending anymore? When death was peering it's ugly head around the corner?
Only three hours ago, we were told that they've stabilized Harry and he received a blood transfusion. With the amount of blood he had lost and his oxygen levels being low, it was a matter of minutes between living and dying for him.
But that's not the end of it. They're not sure when he'll wake up.
We all agreed to stay until he does.
Now, I'm sitting next to his hospital bed. The constant, steady beeping is keeping me on my toes as I watch him breathe into an oxygen mask over his mouth. His beautiful eyes have been closed for so long that I feel like I've taken every moment I got to stare into his irises for granted.
My thumb runs over his knuckles. I've been holding his hand for 2 straight hours, my eyes red and puffy from crying.
I've taken in every one of his cuts and bruises, not being able to stop myself from picturing him receiving each one.
"I should have been there with you." I whisper, frowning with a shaking bottom lip as I watch him breathe.
He's suffered like this because of me...just like Carter said.
It should be me in a hospital bed.
My other hand runs through his hair gently, wishing we were laying in his bedsheets and I was waiting for him to wake up from a long night's sleep.
I shake my head. "I wish you would put yourself first more. I wish you were careful."
I know he can't hear me. I know he won't respond. But I'm feeling so many things and I can't hold it in anymore.
His hand in mine, I feel like I can't ever let it go. I feel the need to protect him forever.
"I'm so sorry." I feel a tear stray down my cheek. "I'm so sorry this happened."
This all connects to me. I know it does. Each mark inflicted on his body was my doing.
I need to know how this all ties up. The things I've been told and the things that have been kept from me, it's all coming to the surface now, I can feel it. I can't be in the dark anymore, especially if my loved ones are suffering the consequences again.
I didn't try to pry anything out of Harry because I was terrified of the truth, but now I have lives to be terrified for.
And Harry, I can't lose him.
I've had this feeling for a little while now, this inexplicable desire or need to be with him all the time. Like when we're close, it's never close enough, I just want all of him.
Never in my life has someone been able to open me up and demolish any barriers I had in the way Harry's been able to. At first it was unwillingly, in a sense that I didn't even really realize it was happening. But now, I want him to do it. I want him to know me and everything that comes with me.
The things that he makes me feel like I can accomplish are insane. My art. My talents. Overcoming my fears. No one else has helped me see how incredible I am.
And, truthfully, if Harry were a scorching fire, I'd still hold him in the palms of my hands and embrace every blister from the heat.
No one tells you how scary it is to fall. It's beautiful, it is...but as I watch his battered chest rise up and down in a hospital bed, I'm petrified. And I can't help but think, I should have told him sooner.
I give his hand a squeeze, not loosening up. I inhale sharply, looking at his gently closed eyes.
"Please wake up." I sniff, my voice shaking. "Please wake up so I can tell you that I'm so unbelievably in love with you."
In my hand, I feel his ring finger twitch...then his thumb. Then, his hand is squeezing mine back. His thumb lifts and grazes against mine, my eyes going wide as I look at him.
He's awake.
"Harry?" my voice nearly cracks with emotion.
His eyes are still closed, but the response from his hand tells me that he knows I'm here. How long has he been awake for?
"Can you hear me?" I say, anticipating more movement.
He nods.
He nods.
A gentle flutter of his eyes occurs before he slowly opens them, turning his head until his sights land on me. Behind the foggy oxygen mask, I can see his dimple from the corner of his mouth lifting. My tear filled eyes don't hold back as I exhale a cry of relief, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing his fingers.
Weakly, he extends his fingers out to cup my cheek, grazing his thumb over my cheekbone. His eyes are a sight I'll never look away from again, watery and filled with an almost painful look of adoration.
He lifts his other hand, cupping it over the oxygen mask and lifting it off of his face, taking in a shallow breath of real air.
"Did you hear what I said before?" I ask, holding his hand against my cheek.
His bruised lip curls up and he gives me a small nod again. "Just say it again so I can make sure I wasn't dreaming." he speaks, his voice cracking with exhaustion but the look on his face contrasted it.
I exhale a laugh, my eyes still glossy and my heart full.
"I love you."
"Unbelievably?"
I nod. "Unbelievably."
He smiles. He smiles and he looks at me like I'm something his heart has yearned for.
"I love you, Elaina." he whispers so gently, it sounded like music. "That's the one thing I do believe in."
My face sinks into the palm of his hand, and I just look at him like he's my moon and stars. In such a scary and painful time, my heart was beaming.
I was in love. For the first time in my life.
"Come here." he moves his hand from my face to the side of my neck, pulling me in. I plant my hands next to his body on the bed, leaning in to his face. I want nothing more than to be held by him but I know he's hurting. This is all we have for now.
Our foreheads rest against each other's. I was so grateful to be given the opportunity to be so close to him again, after I almost lost him completely.
"I never want you to be in a situation like that again." I murmur.
"I know, but I thought I was protecting you."
My brows furrow and I lift my head slightly. "How would you be protecting me?"
"They called me..." he says. "They told me they had you and I—"
"You were gonna go without even thinking about yourself." I finish his thought, my stomach sinking. They tricked him, trapping him under his own willingness to save my life.
He exhales out of his nose and just nods.
I shake my head. "Protecting each other also means protecting ourselves...you know that? I need you." I tell him.
His hand rests on my jaw still. "You don't need me, baby." he says, confusing me. "You have me, but you're still so great on your own."
I blow air through my nose, looking at him like he's everything I've ever wanted.
Instead of speaking again, I just lean in and kiss him.
Kissing him again after all of this, it felt like we were sealing up a promise. It was a kiss where we could fully be in love—a kiss that I didn't think I'd have again just hours ago.
I know that we have a lot to discuss. What Harry has been hesitant to tell me is slowly unraveling at the seams...and while the thought of knowing it all terrifies me, I can't have another situation like this happen. But, not today. I can't put that on him to tell me today. He's been through enough.
I just hope the truth doesn't shatter everything we've built.
Pulling back from the kiss, I push his hair out of his face and smile softly.
"I'll let you rest." I whisper.
"Will you stay in here?" he asks.
"I think the others wanna come see you, but I'll come back." I tell him, not really wanting to leave his side at all.
His brows crease for a second, "The others are here?"
I tilt my head. "Why wouldn't they be?"
His eyes drift off like he wasn't expecting what I said, like he was processing it—processing that everyone showed up because they care about him.
He eventually nods, squeezing my hand once more before slowly letting it go. I can tell he's exhausted, mind and body. He needs to rest up and recover even though I know he's stubborn and will try anything to get out of this hospital sooner.
I leave his room, watching his head turn to the side in an effort to fall asleep again. My chest has a dull ache in it from the idea of the hurt he's experiencing, but I also can't stop reliving the three words we said to each other. The genuine spark of it all.
He told me he loved me and there wasn't a fraction of myself that doubted that.
I head back out to the waiting room, seeing our group scattered across arm chairs. It's been a slow, rough night for everyone and you can see it on our faces.
Angela sees me first, standing up immediately. "Anything?" she asks with eagerness in her hollowed eyes.
"He's awake." I give her a small smile and I can see the relief bring a glimpse of life back to her face.
The news causes the rest of the guys and Bianca to become alert and awake.
"Does he remember anything? How is he?" Liam asks.
"Seems like he's pretty aware of everything..." I say, almost frowning because I know how traumatic it must've been.
"Vincent is gonna wanna see him." Zayn says. "I'll go find him—"
"No, we should give him a minute." Niall cuts Zayn off. "You know how Harry gets when a mission doesn't go as planned, the last thing he needs is to talk to his boss about it."
"It wasn't his fault." Angela looks back at Niall in the chair.
"I know..." Niall trails off.
"You should go talk to him, Ang." I say, and she looks at me with slightly wide eyes.
"I don't know if he'd want—"
"He does." I just nod in urge. I know Harry would appreciate his sister showing concern for him, no matter what their relationship looks like.
She takes in a deep inhale and looks back at the rest of the group, before straightening her shoulders like she was preparing herself and walking off.
I comb my fingers through my roots, sitting down between Niall and Zayn with a sigh. It's been an exhausting amount of hours and I can't wait for it to be over.
I lean back in my chair, and that's when I realize it's gone dead silent. And everyone is looking away and avoiding eye contact, some pretending to twiddle their thumbs and be occupied with other things.
My brows furrow, looking from person to person.
Is it me that they're avoiding?
I look at Zayn on my right, and when he feels my gaze he puffs his cheeks and blows out a puff of air as he furthers his eyeline to the other side and then pretends to check the time on his watch.
I roll my eyes and slap my hands down on my legs in annoyance. "Okay, what's going on? Why are you all ignoring me?"
"What?" Niall lets out a fake scoff. "No one's ignoring you? Are we ignoring her?" he looks to everyone else for support.
"Nah." "No way." "Nope." —is all I hear in very non-convincing scattered mumbles.
"It's because of me and Harry isn't it." I state rather than ask.
Louis looks around before finally making contact with me. "I mean...I don't think any of us saw it coming, that's all."
"I saw it coming." Bianca subtly raises a finger.
"B." Louis warns through his teeth.
"Look," I rub the bridge of my nose. "I swear it was the last thing I expected too. And we were gonna tell you guys eventually."
I wish they didn't have to find out this way.
"It should have been a group meeting." Zayn insists, making me look at him.
"That Harry and I started dating?" I crease my brows.
"I mean, it's caused quite a bit of drama, no?" he shrugs.
"Do you think we anticipated people finding out and using it against us?" I question, leaning back.
"You should've. It was irresponsible." he says with a sternness that held no empathy, throwing me off a bit.
"Okay, Zayn...let up a little—" Niall starts to speak.
"Well, he's kinda right," Liam chimes in. "I mean Harry literally just got kidnapped because Jaden knew he'd want to save his girlfriend."
I look at Liam. "You know, you guys can stop with the whole 'Jaden' thing, I know his name is Carter." I mutter, standing up as all eyes are on me with slightly shocked stares. "So if you wanna talk about 'group meetings' and keeping things from each other, tick off all of your boxes first." I state, feeling riled up and frustrated. They go silent and I just shake my head with a huff. "I'm going to find something to eat." I say before storming off.
Harry Styles
I hate hospitals.
I cant wait to get the fuck out of here, but what sucks is that I know we're probably safer here than anywhere else. No one is gonna try anything in a place where our lives will be saved immediately.
When we get back to Milan, we have to lay low. I need Elaina to feel even slightly safe and secure again before I tell her everything.
I told her I love her, and I know love was a promise that was made to her by someone else and then it was broken. I'm not gonna do that to her. Even if she knows the truth, the love I feel for her will always be an oath that I'll hold my end of.
Keeping my eyes open hurts like a bitch, I just want to sleep these hours away. But, when I hear a set of boot covered feet enter my room, I lift my head to see who's come in.
In the doorway, I meet eyes with someone unexpected. Angela.
My lips part and my brows furrow when I see her. I honestly wasn't expecting a one on one visit from her. Looking at me in the doorway, there's no words or movement from her in the first seconds, but then her chin quivers and her eyes are tight, squeezing back tears.
Next thing I know, she's hurrying up to my hospital bed.
Her arms maneuver around my neck in an embrace as she starts to cry into my shoulder. My eyes were wide at first, the emotional grab taking me back. Angela and I don't hug. Angela doesn't show her affection. Angela doesn't cry.
That's when it sinks in for me, she must have been really worried. She must have been truly and utterly scared for me.
And this time, she can't hide how much she cares.
I lift my weak arms, and I wrap them around her to hug her back tightly, causing her to let out another sob and sink into the embrace more.
"I thought you were gonna die." she muffles into my shoulder with tears spilling from her eyes.
"I did too." I murmur, frowning as I recall how lifeless I felt and how it must have been for everyone, my sister especially, to see me like that.
She pulls away kind of suddenly and I earn a slap to my arm as she simultaneously wipes her eyes with her other hand.
"Fuck!" I flinch and hiss at the pain of the slap, "Angela!"
"You idiot! I can't believe you'd put yourself in a position like that!" she curses me out, still crying.
"I thought I was saving your best friend!"
"I know! And I admire you for that, but you're still so—fucking—dumb!" she trips over words trying to get them out.
"I'm...I'm sorry?" I furrow my brows, gripping my arm.
"Damn right you are!" she scolds, putting her hands over her eyes and groaning in frustration. "You scared all of us to death! Me to death!"
I take a second before talking back to just look at her. She sighs into her palms before running her hands back through her hair and looking at me with a slight head shake.
"I wouldn't be able to handle it if anything happened to you..." her tone goes much softer, still distressed, but softer.
Angela and I are both painfully prideful and we don't like to put our feelings on display. Probably has something to do with our distant father. That was the one thing he gave us.
So, even though it's coming out in what seems like slight anger, seeing her concern was touching in a way.
"You can't get rid of me that easily, sorry." I try to joke around a bit but when she rolls her eyes and shakes her head, I can see that she's having none of it.
"You need to be serious." she says. "What don't you understand?"
"Ang—"
"No." she stops me. "Don't you realize that I've looked up to you since I was twelve years old? You have always been my role model and I wanted to be just like you...why do you think I joined this whole thing to begin with?"
I blink a few times in slight shock. Never have I ever heard Angela talk this way to me or say the things she just said. It's like she's made a confession that she was holding back for years, a confession made out of worry and fear.
It came as such a surprise to me because Angela comes across as so confident in herself. She acts like she doesn't need me, and I just started to accept that despite my instinct to protect her.
We were both way too stubborn to say what we wanted.
She speaks again, "You have no idea how badly it hurts me to see those bruises on your face."
I look back up at the ceiling for a second, feeling my throat get tight. I'm not one to just breakdown in tears, I've learned to hold that stuff back. But, right now, I have the urge to let it all out as my chin quivers.
I can't though. Not in front of Angela. I can see now that she needs me to be strong so that she can be strong. She does need me, and I don't want to let her down again.
Sniffing back the emotion, I turn my head to her again, extending my arm out. She wipes her eyes and sinks down into the chair next to my bed, while leaning her head down into my shoulder.
I rub her upper arm in an attempt to comfort her, something she would never let me do before. There's silence between us, and I realize that there's so much I could fill the quiet with—so much that I haven't said to her.
She deserves to hear what I have to say.
"I'm really proud of you." I say quietly, looking up at the ceiling tiles. She doesn't say anything, but I can feel her breathing hitch.
I might as well keep going.
"The things you're capable of," I slightly shake my head, "you don't even realize it yet."
I start thinking back to when we were kids. Twelve and fourteen years old, she always wanted to hang out with Niall and I. She would ride her bike to come find us. She would travel across town some times.
I never stopped to think that she was doing that because she wanted to be with her big brother.
"I've mistreated you. I didn't act the way an older brother should have acted, and really, I'm sorry." I tell her.
"I pushed you away." I feel her shake her head against
my shoulder. "I didn't really give you the opportunity."
"Our father was a deadbeat. It was my job to be there for you and I didn't do it." I admit. "But I swear, I'm here now. I'll make up for it, I promise."
I mean every word. I'm done with the resentment. I'm done waiting it out for us to get along.
"I'll fix everything. Just be patient with me." I whisper.
She lifts her head, looking at me now with quiet tears falling down her cheeks. She's showing more emotion than I've seen in the past eight years.
She huffs in frustration at her crying, harshly wiping at the teardrops. "Fuck." she chuckles into her hands, acknowledging the mess of emotion she was.
"It's okay." I say.
She sniffs and slightly shakes her head. "You just...you have no idea how safe I feel when you're around. And hearing you say all of that, it just feels really good."
I give her a small smile, my heart feeling warmth.
I never thought we'd have a conversation even remotely similar to this. I'm so relieved that we did.
A knock at my hospital room door causes the conversation to come to a comfortable end, both of our heads turning.
In the doorway, I see Vincent.
Standing there with no security, no guards, just himself. Despite my weakness, I can't help but sit up on instinct, feeling the subconscious need to present myself accordingly.
"Vince?" I say, not expecting to see him here.
He looks to Angela. "You mind if I talk to Harry for a minute, Ang?"
She nods immediately, standing up and giving my shoulder a quick squeeze in goodbye.
My stomach starts to flutter in wonder of what my boss wants to talk about. Did I fuck up? Is he gonna fire me?
Angela passes him and he gives her a short smile and a nod. He then looks to me again and walks inside, closing the door behind him.
Walking up to the foot of the bed, I almost feel the need to over explain myself and everything that happened. But, I stay quiet, needing him to speak first so I know what direction this is going to go in.
Still adorned in a suit and jewelry like always, hair slicked back, he adjusts his cufflinks and clears his throat.
"Niall filled me in on everything," he tells me, "how you went missing and he went looking for you."
"I didn't mean to fuck up the job..." I say in return.
He shakes his head. "What matters is that you're alive, Styles."
I look down at my lap, submitting a quiet nod.
There's not much to say on my end. I didn't complete the mission, there's nothing I can do but take responsibility for that—but I'm trying to remind myself that I simply did what I did out of fear for someone I love.
"There is something we need to talk about, however." Vincent says, making me look up again.
Looking at me with an expression that I can't make out, he speaks, "You and Elaina."
I feel my stomach get tight and my mouth go even dryer than it's been since I woke up. He didn't have to say anything else for me to realize that he knew. Does everyone know? Is there no more keeping this a secret?
"I understand that this happened because you were led to believe that Elaina was being held captive? And you were willing to sacrifice yourself to spare her..."
"I know this goes against everything, but I didn't expect to fall for her the way I did—"
He holds up his hand, "Save it, I'm not angry..." he says and my brows raise. "I am concerned though."
I nod. "I know."
"Since Elaina has started working with us, she's proven herself to be loyal and strong. She's not someone that we want to lose, but you have to understand that this relationship has painted the target on her back even bigger. Same goes for you." he tells me like I don't already know, like this is brand new information.
"I've been doing everything I can to protect her." I say.
"You've proven that." he nods in agreement, pausing for a moment as he inhales and exhales. "Listen, I know that forbidding this relationship will only result in you two sneaking around and continuing it behind everyone's backs again...so, you need to be diligent. You need to be prepared for anything. We will do our best to keep everyone safe but, in the end, it's on you, Harry."
Hearing him talk to me like this, like a father to his son, is making me want to get down and apologize profusely—out of instinct. I feel like I've done something wrong, but then I think of Elaina, and how I finally confessed what I felt, and I think about holding her—and it makes me feel better.
It just proves that what we have is worth the trouble.
I look at Vince, swallowing the feeling that I've disappointed him.
"I understand. I'm not giving her up in exchange for my safety, it's not happening." I say, just in case there's any part of him that wants to persuade me.
I catch his lip tugging upward for a moment as he seems to find a slight bit of satisfaction in my words, which I didn't expect.
"You remind me of me." he says. "That's why I gave you that ring...couldn't imagine anyone better to fill this position."
I look down at the ring on my finger, looking at the gold and the way it fit ever so loosely. I know I should feel honoured by his words. He's praising me. He looks at me and he feels pride. Even mere weeks ago, I was living for this feeling.
It's just hard for me to find the thrill in the feeling now. Now, I kind of feel a lump in my throat when I look down at my hand.
Pressure? Maybe.
Regret? Maybe.
It's hard to tell now. Because I think about the fame and fortune I'd have—it was something I chased, one of my deepest passions.
However, passion has taken a new meaning for me. I think of the word and all I can see is Elaina's hair and her eyes.
Invasato.
//
they said 'i love you' 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and harry and angela 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
harry is bald 😭😭😭😭 is it because i cut his hair in the story
he still has a full head of hair in this book tho don't get it twisted.
i'm in mourning.
anyway we have officially entered the very beginning of the end. stay tuned.
//