"Wow, this looks exactly the same." Oliver looks on in wonder at the park, which is unchanged for the most part, other than needed updates through the years.
It's still lush with big trees that keep it shaded and a small community garden that's been in place for years. The center of the space is cleared out for a small playground and a few sets of swings that sits atop woodchips to soften the blow if kids fall.
Near the play area, picnic tables and small grills are set up. Oliver sits at a table nearest to the swing sets and I join him. His eyes are gazing at the swings, seeing something in his mind, a memory I don't see.
Brandi...when there was no one else she'd talk to, Olly would find her here.
"I heard you on the phone earlier," I say carefully. "I didn't mean to listen in, but...was that Billy you were talking about?"
"Don't say anything to Brandi yet," Oliver says quickly as his gaze darts back to me. "I don't want to get her hopes up."
"You're really doing it? Trying to get Billy out?" I ask.
"He shouldn't be in that long for a charge like that," Oliver says. "It's not right. He has kids and Stephanie...it's terrible."
"I won't say anything to Brandi, but you maybe should," I say carefully. "Before you get the ball rollin' on all this."
"Get her hopes up, and then if it doesn't happen, nothing changes, and she's still stuck?" Oliver asks as he stands up. He starts walking towards the swing, and I follow.
"She don't see herself as stuck," I argue. "She loves those kids and her life here."
Is that how he sees being here, as stuck?
"You don't know that," Oliver pushes the empty swing, and it causes a burst of air between us. "I know she loves her life and those kids, but what if she wants to travel? Or move? Meet someone? I'm just saying she should have the choices, at least."
"And I think you should run it by her," I say slowly. "I'm not saying don't do it... just make sure Brandi knows what's going on first."
"That family has suffered enough. I'm not adding false hope to that," Oliver says firmly.
"You are not responsible for everything that happened–"
"Kinsey, stop," Oliver cuts me off. "We're not teens anymore. I make up my own mind now."
"Whoa, okay," I say, taking a step back and crossing my arms over my chest.
"I didn't mean to..." he pauses and takes a breath. "I'm just saying one of the things 'Olly' always did was go along with whatever you wanted. I'm not that kid anymore."
"I didn't always push you around," I argue, feeling shades of that talk with James emerge, did I?
"That's not what I said," Oliver says tiredly.
I hug my arms tighter around myself as I stand facing him. The air seems cool even in the heat of the sun as we stand there under this invisible dome of the past and present that surrounds us.
"I'm not standing here placing blame on you, Kinsey these are just facts. I didn't want conflict, so I went along with things, at least in the early days, and especially when it came to Brandi."
"I can't deny that," I confess with a sigh. "But I was scared she'd push us away. I thought I was right."
"I know you did and who knows if anything would've changed had we done things different," Oliver's voice softens.
"Still, it's hard not to wonder about the what ifs," I say. God knows they haunt me every day all day especially now.
"You were right though, a part of me always felt responsible for Brandi," Oliver says. "When I left you, I left her too, and then all this crap happened to her family. I have to try and help her now, and I have to do it my way, Kinz. Please understand that."
"I do understand that," I say quietly.
"You won't say anything to her?"
"No, I won't, but as soon as she can know, she should know. That is just my advice, but you should take it," I say warningly.
"I will," Oliver agrees, his eyes drifting off as he pushes the swing again.
I dismissed my jealousy for Brandi as soon as Olly and I became a couple. It literally just went away, and I never once doubted his dedication to me. Brandi was the girl he almost fell for, but she was never meant to be. She was our friend and we both felt responsible for her because in finding each other, we hurt her.
At least, that's how I always saw it.
"When you look back with an open mind, you see things with fresh eyes."
Oliver's phone ringing cuts through the quiet air like a siren, jolting me from what I'm sure was about to be a rabbit hole of overthinking.
I wonder if it's about Billy as I watch Oliver's face light up, no he couldn't have gotten news that good that fast...
"I did it!" He exclaims as he hangs up his call. "My dad got the unofficial call. We'll get the official one Monday morning."
"The official what?" I ask, feeling my excitement grow with Oliver's despite not even knowing yet.
"The duplexes are a go! I won!" Oliver looks like a kid in a candy store as he beams. "I can do them my way! Well, mostly, I'll have some rules, but still, Kinsey!! It's happening!"
"You did! I knew you would, Oliver this is so amazing!" I cry out and then before I know it, he's swept me into his arms.
Suddenly, we're seventeen again, right here in this park after he won the debate that he was so scared to go up and do, and I am telling him I always believed in him. I cling to him, closing my eyes as this crazy twister of then and now, swirls chaotically around us. As he releases me, I see him shiver just slightly and know he felt it too.
"I had hopes, but wow," he murmurs, his tone full of awe and his eyes full of pride. "I can't believe this!"
"I can," I say firmly. "The second you told me. I knew you'd make it happen."
He blushes as a big smile spreads over his face, but then a crinkle stains his forehead as his eyes darken with concern.
"What is it?"
"We didn't think we get the call for weeks yet. The bookstore has to be done before the books arrive. But the medical board is going to want fast progress on the demolition so they can set up inspections. I don't have enough people to make this happen."
"If only there were another construction crew in town," I say in a sing song tone.
"No way."
"Oliver, you need help and he's your best option."
"He'll never do it."
"Yes, he will."
"Kinsey..." he groans. "Seriously?"
"What other choice do you have?"
****
Summer nights on the farm can be stormy and scary, hot and muggy, cool and windy, or on a rare night like this one, warm but with a gentle breeze, like a hug, comfortable and cozy. They even smell sweet nights like these.
I'm wearing a short summer dress that fits loosely and comfortably on me, and don't bother with shoes as I walk across the field toward Hunter's trailer with a little goodie bag in one hand and a glass of white in the other.
"Hey, Darlin," Hunter looks up from the table outside the trailer where he's sitting and sipping a beer. "Seen your folks driving in a bit ago. I didn't expect 'em back till tomorrow."
"Yeah, they heard it might rain in the morning and decided driving in the dark was safer," I scoff, and Hunter chuckles.
"I told Dad not to worry you handled it all, but he'll probably be up and in the orchard before the birds are up in the morning." As I step closer to the table, Hunter eyes up the bag in my hand.
"Course he will. Whatcha got there?"
"Chocolate chip cookies," I say, holding them up when he reaches. "For you and Harley, you can't eat 'em all."
"Yes, dear," he teases as he easily snatches it right out of my hand.
"Not fair," I stick my tongue out at him.
He crinkles up his nose, making a ridiculous face back at me, and I can't help but giggle. Then suddenly, just like earlier, we're sixteen again, and it's like this moment of then and now all at once. Only it doesn't feel like a twister so much this time. It's more like lying on a floaty in a pool, like a gentle bouncy wave.
"So why you buttering me up, Lil Darlin?" he asks as he pats the seat next to him, and I sit down.
"Promise you'll keep an open mind?"
"This about Oliver, I'm assuming?" he guesses.
"He needs a construction crew for demo on the duplexes next week."
"No way."
"Hunter, please."
"I have a remodel I'm in the middle of."
"You can delay it for one week."
"Oliver and I working together, that's a disaster in the making."
"He'll be at the bookstore most of the time, and I'll help too," I plead.
"Kinz..." he groans. "You're really going to make me do this, aren't you?"
"Please?" I pout.
"Fine," he groans.
I see it, the two of them as teens in the duplexes right alongside the two of them now, and I can't help but smile with hope.
"This for you," he adds when he sees it.
"We'll see," I reply.
"Oliver and I are not going to be friends again," Hunter says bluntly.
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, I do. Because I know why he's here and what he wants, and he knows what I want. There's no way we don't collide."
"You don't know what he wants," I argue.
"Oh, I do, he's here doing all these things to show off to you."
"All these projects are about him more than me..."
"That bookstore is a damn ode to you from what you told me," Hunter chides. "I know what he wants, Kinz, and back then, I was willing to stay back and let you two be, but that was then."
"Why did you?" I ask. "Stay back, I mean. Why didn't you ever say anything? I know you cared about Olly, but you still could've.... I mean you never told me, why?"
He looks taken aback by the heavy question, and I suddenly wonder why I asked it, but before I can take it back, he's talking.
"I wanted to. I really did. I almost went to your house a thousand times not just that summer but after it too, but I kept talking myself out of it." He runs a hand through his hair, releasing a soft sigh as a pained look crosses his face. "I told myself the right thing to do was let you and Olly be."
He looks down at his jeans picking at something that isn't there. "Told myself it was supposed to be you and him, and all I was." He closes his eyes as he sighs. " Was the guy in the way."
"That is never what you were," I say firmly, my heart aching for that boy back then.
Hunter's eyes connect with mine and they shine with painful tears of the past. "That's how I saw it, how most of the town saw it, and Olly, that's how he saw it too."
"He told you that?"
"Not in those exact words but basically, and it hit me hard, funny out of us three I came off the most confident but Kinz, I was so insecure." He pauses for a moment sipping his beer and I set my wine down, focused on him.
"It was only me and my ma, going from place to place till our burden was too much, and they made us leave," His voice cracks just lightly but he continues. "No one ever cared about me until I met you two, and I never bothered with anyone either. I heard those kids picking on you took one look at you, and that was that. I told Olly that day that I would always protect you and I meant it."
"You never stopped," I whisper.
"It was different, the way Olly and I thought about things. I thought he was the better guy for you, and I wanted the best for you, even if that wasn't me," Hunter says softly as he reaches for my hand and takes it in his. "That was how I protected you."
"That's sweet, it really is" I whisper as my heart squeezes in my chest. "But also, in a way, you were taking the choice away from me."
"I know it, Darlin. That's exactly what I did," his voice drops as well as he looks down, a lock of hair falling over his eyes. "Of all the dumb ass things I did in my life, that was the stupidest. I finally started to see that, after we talked on Christmas. I told you that day that Brandi didn't give you all the information, but I didn't either."
"No, you didn't," I'm so transfixed on him. I'm not even sure I've blinked since he started talking.
"I tried too, though, once."
"When?"
"New Year's Day..."
"What?"
"Zoe told me I was an idiot when I told her about our talk, and that I thought you were going to go for it with Olly. She goes, 'without you even saying a damn thing?' Then she hit me."
I laugh lightly as I picture that.
"It still took a lot of convincing myself. I really didn't think I deserved you but, Olly and I weren't that close anymore and neither were you and me. I didn't have anything to lose. I spent days planning what I'd say and making you this stupid charm thing, and then ...I was going to talk to you on New Year's Day..."
"And you saw us...Oh my god," I gasp as I shake my head slowly. "That's why you ... that's why you were there?"
"Timing was never on my side with you," Hunter says sadly as he pushes that unruly hair from his face.
"Fucking timing," I swear, and he chuckles.
"I want to see it," I blurt out then blush at my assumption. "I mean, if you still have it."
"Course I still have it," he admits. "Stay here so we don't wake Harley. I'll be right back."
I let out a breath as I watch the trailer door close. Timing was always against Hunter and me, but that wasn't always random. Timing was at times named Oliver... and up until now, I haven't really let that sink in.
Fresh eyes and all. Damn you, James.
It's not really fair that Hunter and I never were. It's actually Oliver's fault.
But love isn't fair, right? At least that's what they say. I once told Oliver I wouldn't look back with regrets. So maybe... I need to figure out what I want and forget about everything else because playing fair is pointless, right?
What am I doing? Where am I going with this little trip down memory lane anyway?
Hunter emerges from the trailer, his wrinkled tee-shirt hanging over his grey sweats and an almost boyish look on his face as he steps closer, his hand palmed over something I can't see. I stand up and giggle softly.
"Why are you hiding it, lemme me see!" I cross over closer to him, closing the distance between us. I grab his hand, trying to pry his palm open, and he laughs,
"I was sixteen when I made this, don't laugh..." he looks so sheepish it's adorable as he opens his palm, and I see the small bracelet that sits inside it.
The chain is delicate and tiny and looks to be white gold. I assume that set young Hunter back quite a bit. On the chain is a tiny apple welded with metal, and the detail of it is absolutely amazing, but what brings tears to my eyes is the word Darlin engraved into the apple.
"You made this for me?" I whisper as my lip trembles and my eyes well up with tears.
"When I said don't laugh, I didn't mean cry," Hunter chuckles.
"It's so sweet," I gush.
"Yeah? You really like it?"
"I love it." His genuine smile at that nearly makes me cry again.
"At the time, I thought I could make you a different charm for every holiday," he mumbles, placing his other hand over mine as he stands there.
"Can I have it now?"
"Of course, you can but you don't want this now..."
"I do, I really do," I assure him.
His eyes moisten, a soft smile curling on his lips as he fastens it on me.
"I almost turned around so many times that day... but how could I when I saw how happy you were with him?"
"I didn't have all the information, though," I point out. "...and I still don't."
Because he's said a lot, but he hasn't said that... I kind of know, but that's not the same as being told. Then again, why the hell am I even asking him to confess things I'm not ready to hear?
"You're right, and that ain't fair to you, Kinz," He lets go of my hand and places his palm over my cheek, and I lean into it, closing my eyes and sighing softly.
"And asking for it isn't fair to you, Hunter," I admit as I open my eyes, the intent look in his nearly knowing me over.
"I don't care what's fair to me," he replies.
"Well, I do," I say softly. "Because I don't know what happens next. I have no idea where we stand now, tomorrow, or in the future, and I don't know where Oliver and I are going to fall, either. How can I stand here and expect you to give me anything when I can't even give you that?"
"I don't care. I'm here while you figure it all out and I'm here after you do no matter what happens. We never know what's going to happen next, and when we make choices based on what we think we should do, we fuck up anyway," Hunter says as I gaze softly up at him.
He traces his hand down my cheek to my jawline, slowly and steadily. "Like I did, when I didn't turn around and come tell you that I love you."
Oh fuck. There it is... My heart begins to thunder in my chest and the tears that had been burning my eyes streak down my cheeks, tears for me now and for me then, words I'd longed for, for so long, it's all just so unfair.
"I wish you had, I -," I whisper in a shaky voice "... wish I would've known. I should've known."
I don't know what I would have done then with a choice like that back then, but it's not fair that I didn't get to make it.
"I can't go back, but I am here now, and there ain't one damn thing I wouldn't do for you. You know that's true." His hand continues to lightly massage my jaw line, the tip of his thumb coming dangerously close to my lip.
"I do know that's true," I agree in a breathy voice as my gaze drops to his lips.
"So, tell me what you need, Darlin."
"I need you to..." I wind my arms around his neck and find myself entrapped by the intensity of his cobalt gaze. "...kiss me."
There's a moment when it feels like everything around us, including time itself, seems to stand still, like a firework whizzing into the sky that hasn't burst yet. We're both silent and still, our gazes locked on each other intently.
"Say it again," he says in a husky voice as his eyes pool with a desire that makes my knees buckle.
I know there's no turning back now. Those words are the detonator, and damn it, I'm ready to set it off.
"Kiss me, Hunter."
Our lips crash together in a fiery explosion of colors painted with old longings, and regret, alongside new desires, and hope.
*Hides from Team Olly. 😬 😂
*It's not over! Still lots of story to tell but the roads are going to be muddy as she (and the guys) figure this out.
*They are all going to be doing demolition work together soon so that should be fun Hehe!!