Alysa pov:
A soft sigh escaped my lips while I prodded at my food. I was listless, as I had been for the past week after Sir Rayner had kissed me. While his questioning and unexpected gesture had frightened me initially, the emotions that I had kept buried inside and had been trying very hard to get rid of had escaped without restraint. The affection I had developed for him over the time I had known him despite the moments of terror in between had burst out and progressed to the point where I couldn't suppress them anymore.
Merely thinking of the kiss and the way he had held me against his strong, broad frame made butterflies flutter ruthlessly inside my stomach.
Sighing deeply again, I shut my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip. I wanted to see Sir Rayner again. I wanted to talk to him, to ask him about the reason behind what he had done, but I had not caught sight of him for even a moment since then. It was almost as if he was avoiding me.
"If you're not going to eat, stop wasting time and get back to your chores," Sir Haver said, interrupting my brooding.
"I'm sorry. I was just a bit lost in thought," I mumbled, sparing him a glance before I proceeded to eat. I barely tasted what I ate even though I finished it without any trouble.
Having finished my meal, I headed to the kitchen to help with cleaning. There were a pile of soiled dished to be washed – it was a chore that took up most of my afternoon. When I was done with that, I had to clean the rooms of the knights – sweep, mop, and change bed sheets of a few. By the time I had finished the assigned chores, I was more than exhausted.
The stress had been building up in me, not just because of quite a bit of physical labor along with exhausting my mana at every opportunity since it was now known that I could make the Zeros stronger with every session of mana transfer, but because I had not been able to stop thinking about Sir Rayner. I was constantly wondering how I could meet him and what I would say when I met him. It was taking a toll on me, enough to make me feel the throb of a headache.
It was soon that I reached my room that was in the heart of the barracks shared by the Zeros. There were some who lived in small huts around the barracks, but they were mostly ones who had families. The Zeros of the barracks were all bachelors, and it was often uncomfortable being amid that threatening manas that they did not bother suppressing in the least.
After washing up, I took a seat on my bed. The mattress I had been provided with wasn't the most comfortable, but it wasn't lumpy. It ensured good enough sleep every night.
Exhaling deeply, I hit my shoulders with my fists in hopes of easing the strain in them. It helped, as did the light kneading I gave myself. A quick healing session would have rejuvenated me, but I was not allowed to use healing mana on myself. So, any physical strain or bruise I got from working or being punished for a small mistake had to heal on its own with me going through the painful stage.
"I'm tired," I mumbled and fell sideways on the bed with my eyes closed. I had almost drifted off when I heard a sharp knock on my door. Upon getting up and opening the door, I saw Sir Alden. "Sir Alden, is there something you needed?"
"The commander asked me to give this to you," he said flatly, holding out two letters to me. One was in an envelope that had been opened, while another was just a sheet of paper with some writing on it.
"Letters?" I spoke more to myself while taking them from Sir Alden. Then, sparing an awkward glance at him, I said, "Um, would you like to come in?"
With a chase nod, he stepped inside and took a seat on the rickety chair in the room with one leg over the other. I was even more awkward now, but I closed the door and took a seat on my bed to read the letters. The first one was from Arran, and elicited joy in me. It read,
Sir Rayner,
I hope that this letter finds you well, and I hope that the messenger pigeon did not have too much trouble finding you. I apologize for causing you any trouble by sending this letter, but I wished to ask if Alysa is doing alright. I trust that she is, thanks to you, and I also wished to tell her that Pops and I are doing well too since I know that she is probably worrying about us. She is a kind person, and I hope that you can see that and understand that she cares for you as much as she cares for us – or perhaps even more. I wish all of you well.
With regards,
Arran
The letter had me smiling and caressing it with my fingers. I was glad to know that he and Mr. Luther were doing well. They were with people who did not know of their kindness towards Zeros, so I assumed that they were not being subjected to anything uncomfortable anymore.
My eyes prickled in the slightest, for I missed them. I yearned to see them, to speak to them, to spend time with them, and go back to the simple, happy life I had in Amzell. On hindsight, I yet again missed my original home, Julie, and all the things I had known then. So much had changed in my life in ways I had never expected, and I was both happy and sad about them.
Pushing the emotional thoughts aside, I looked through the other letter. It was from Sir Rayner, telling me that I could write a letter to respond to Arran's if I wished to. I could send it with Sir Alden, and Sir Rayner would make arrangements for it to be delivered to Arran.
I was touched by his offer and relieved that he wasn't entirely avoiding me. He was still being kind – perhaps he needed time to accept his feelings for me, for a human that he and every one of his race hated more than anything else. Surely it had put him in a difficult spot. But after this kind gesture of his, I had hope that things would work out somehow. I had hope that my confession of my heart and genuine feelings had reached him.
"Sir Alden, would it be alright for me to take a few minutes to write a letter?" I asked, getting up from the bed and meeting the captain's eyes.
"Do as you wish," he said, though did not sound entirely pleased with the idea of waiting. I decided to make my letter short and quick.
When I had written a brief letter on the spare parchment Sir Rayner had sent along with the two letters, I handed them to Sir Alden and gave him a bow in gratitude. "Thank you, Sir Alden. Please convey my thanks to Sir Rayner too."
He watched me silently for a few moments, his eyes narrow and steely. It was unsettling, and I could do nothing but avert my eyes and wait for him to either say something or leave my room.
"You should be careful of your actions, Alysa, unless you want to face dire consequences," he said, rising a chilling fear in me.
Upon meeting his eyes that were menacing now, I flinched and took a step back. "I-I'm sorry, Sir. Alden. Was I not supposed to reply to the letter? You can tear it if you don't-"
"Watch your tongue," he interrupted sharply. "I'm aware of your brainwashing our commander for your benefit. If it wasn't for him standing like your guardian, you would have been reduced to the state you truly should have been in by now."
Although I was aware that I was being treated with much lenience, I had assumed it to be solely because of my role as the Alpha healer. The fact that Sir Rayner had been actively protecting me was news to me. Not only did the immense hostility of the Zeros make sense now, but I realized just how precarious my situation was. Sir Rayner would not be spared form scrutiny for long either...and I knew that would not end well for either of us.
"Sir Alden, I don't mean to sound rude, but I haven't brainwashed anyone," I said softly, still wishing to prove my innocence. It was not my fault that I had developed feelings for Sir Rayner and he had some feelings for me in return. Well, I was yet to know if he truly liked me too, or was only doing things on a whim because I was at the disposal of the Zeros. The latter thought roused and ache in my heart. I sincerely wished that he liked me and wasn't just using me to satisfy mere physical desire.
"Lying is futile. I suggest you tread carefully from now on, Alysa, and do well to keep your distance from the commander. I will not hesitate to put you own if I find you to be a continued threat to our victory against the humans," he said and stood. He didn't spare me another glance as he strode out of my room.
I ran a hand through my hair, uneasiness bubbling within me now. His warning had made me unsettled, but surely it didn't mean things would be any different for me going forward. I wasn't given any special treatment even though I was spared from incapacitating punishment, so I had no reason to worry because of Sir Alden's words, right?
Exhaling deeply, I shook my head as I closed the door. Sleep would do me good now. I would be even more careful from now on though, just to ensure my safety.
The next few days were a routine with nothing out of the ordinary. Sir Alden's words were soon only an echo in the back of my mind that did not need much worry anymore. Preparations had been going well, it seemed, and Sir Rayner and several others left Dunser to fight against a colony of humans. They returned victorious – having annihilated a military base and freeing more than two dozen Zeros who had been brought to Dunser along with the troops. Of course, there were several who were injured that I had to treat. It was late evening when I was done and took my leave from the infirmary.
The dining hall was bustling with cheerful chatter today, and all the knights were drinking to their heart's content. It was a time to celebrate, I suppose, but I ignored the bustle and took my usual seat in the corner of the hall to eat my dinner. As against the variety the Zeros ate, I was given the same thing as every day – boiled vegetables, a bowl of rice, two slices of bread, and a small serving of the day's soup. It was a simple meal I was satisfied with, and which filled my stomach more than well.
When I was done, I washed my dishes and headed to the doors so I could leave. However, I was stalled by a group of men who ordered me to go to them. I did as I was told, stopping a couple of feet from them. They appeared mildly drunk – their cheeks were flushed – but they seemed to still be in their senses.
"C'mon and sit on my lap, Alysa," one of the men said. His words had me taken aback.
"Um, sir, what are you-"
"I said sit on my lap. Are you deaf or are you trying to annoy me?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.
"Sir, please, that would be very uncomfortable for me. I mean, i-"
"Does it look like I care about your comfort?" he said, grabbing my wrist and yanking me towards himself. I stumbled and he managed to seat me on his lap. He was quick to wrap an arm around my waist and howl in laughter with his companions at my discomfort.
"Sir, please," I pleaded in vain.
Glancing around at just that moment, I noticed Sir Rayner enter the hall. He glanced my way and his eyes darkened but he said and did nothing while I struggled. He ignored me and walked with Sir Siward to another table to have his meal. I was a little shocked by his nonchalance, but I did not have the time to concentrate on it. I wanted to get off of this man's lap.
"This feels oddly nice," he said without letting go of me. In fact, he had forced me to stop struggling by grabbing my waist hard enough for it to hurt. My fists were tightly clenched on my knees now while my head was down. My jaw was clenched and I was desperately hoping that someone would help me out of this situation. But, of course, no one stepped up.
"Nice? That's crazy! How can holding a human feel nice?" another asked, though with a laugh of amuse.
"She's really small and delicate – much different from the women we've always seen in our race. There's something oddly stirring having a weak but pretty woman in your arms!" the man holding me replied. Holding me closer to himself made me momentarily unbalanced enough to grab his shirt. He chuckled at that and said, "Why don't you wrap your arms around my neck instead. I'd like to know what it feels like to be hugged by you."
"Please, sir, let me go. This is really uncomfortable," I begged, desperately searching for Sir Rayner. He had always saved me in uncomfortable situations, even if he hadn't made it obvious about me. I hoped that he would help me again...he had to, after how kindly and affectionately he had been treating me off late.
"Shut it! I thought I told you to stop struggling!" the man bellowed, gripping my waist tightly again. However, it was too hard, enough for his nails to pierce my skin.
"Whoa, man! She's bleeding," said another, though he did not sound any bit concerned. With a laugh, he added, "And you made her cry."
"Ha! Damn b****!" he said. "Stop acting like a wuss!"
"Hey, how about we have a little more fun. I'm sure Sir Rayner won't mind if we play around with her without hurting her," spoke another. He grabbed my wrist to pull me off his friend's lap and threw his half full mug of beer at me to soak my dress.
With a gasp, I collapsed to the floor while wrapping my arms around myself. The dress I wore was thin and had clung to my body now, and had turned translucent enough to show the outline of my underclothes. The eyes men huddled around me seemed ravenous, and it had me curling up while tears fell from my eyes. I was overwhelmed, trembling and feeling like my lungs were being sucked dry of air.
"Aww, would you look at that?" the Zero who had been toying with me first cooed as he crouched next to me. I flinched when he moved some strands of my hair behind my ears. "Why don't we help you out of those wet clothes? They look uncomfortable."
"No, please," I stuttered, hugging myself tighter while he and another tried to strip me of my clothes. "Please stop it! I beg you!"
Just as they managed to tear off a sleeve and threaten to humiliate me in the worst possible way, they were grabbed and shoved back against the tables around us. A vest was put over my shoulders, and I was quick to grab it to cover myself before I looked up.
"What the heck are you doing?" Kian roared, standing protectively in front of me. "You should be ashamed of yourselves to be treating Alysa like this!"
"What did you say, brat?" bellowed the one who had recovered to stand up first. "You should know better than to support a human b****!"
"Shut your mouth! You don't know anything about Alysa! I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her, and neither would Commander Rayner! Half of us would have been dead if she hadn't been our healer! How dare you treat her like this after all she's done for us?" Kian seethed.
"You damn brat!"
Before anything else could happen, Kian summoned his mana and threw the four men back with much force, enough for them to be bruised by the furniture around them. Other onlookers didn't intervene, but I definitely notice their hostility towards me increase. Their eyes were menacing, and I felt sick to the stomach.
"Let's go, Alysa," Kian said, kneeling next to me. I gasped when he gathered me into his arms and proceeded to walk out of the hall without another word.
I, however, spared a glance at Sir Rayner from over Kian's shoulder. His eyes were narrow and cold as he stood watching me, but he was quick to look away and eat while sparing conversation with Sir Siward. His ignorance was like a stab in my heart now, shattering the image I had of him in my mind that had only become fond after he had kissed me. My heart shattered too, aching so much that I felt I would suffocate. It was as if I was no more than a plaything to him that he planned to use for some physical satisfaction.
My shoulders slumped as I curled up against Kian who took me to my room. He put me down on my bed and told me that he would wait outside until I was done changing. I did change, though like a robot, ad opened the door for Kian to enter my room. I was silent while I sat on my bed with my gaze on the floor, and Kian took a seat on the chair.
"Alysa, are you alright? Are you still in shock?" he asked softly. "Those men were idiots. They crossed the line. Don't worry – I won't let something like this happen ever again."
"How could he?" I murmured, my thoughts only on Sir Rayner instead of the humiliation I had nearly been subjected to.
"Alysa?" Kian questioned, curious about my words.
"Kian, why didn't Rayner help me? Why didn't he stop those men from treating me like that?" I asked, meeting his gaze tearfully.
"What do you mean, Alysa? What are you talking about Sir Rayner when-"
"I thought he cared for me," I whispered, my voice beginning to be laced with sobs.
"Alysa," Kian stuttered in alarm. He was in front of me on one knee and flustered, hesitating to hold my hand to console me. "Alysa, what are you talking about? I don't understand."
"How could Rayner ignore me like that after how he's been leading me on? How could he look away when I was being treated like that?"
"Leading you on? What are you-"
"How could he throw me away after kissing me?"
Kian's eyes went wide in shock. I was almost certain that there was sheer disappointment too, but it was gone in a flash. He appeared anguished at my expense now.
"Alysa," he mumbled. Taking a seat next to me, he bought me to his chest in an embrace. My composure shattered, and I shut my eyes while covering my mouth as I sobbed.
Kian stayed with me until I had no more tears to shed. He soothed me and insisted me to sleep without thinking too much about anything. His concern for me was heartwarming, reminding me that amid all the scrutiny and isolation among the Zeros, I still had him, Lyle and a few others I could be comfortable with every now and then. He reassured me that he would not speak anything of what I had revealed and left while saying that he would visit in the morning to check up on me.
It was well past midnight already but sleep did not grace me. I could only toss and turn on the mattress while being haunted by that had almost happened to me while I was tormented by Sir Rayner's cold shoulder. Kian was at my door early in the morning as promised, along with a warm meal from the kitchen to cheer me up.
I was grateful to him but also curious of why he had seemed a little desolate. I had not asked him about it fearing that I would come off as insensitive to pry into his personal matters.
The next few days went on as usual, save for my intense brooding through every chore. Kian was a frequent visitor, no longer hesitant to walk in on me and ask me if I was doing alright. His worrying side was new to witness, and oddly charming, making me feel a bit of the joy I had been lacking since I had left Amzell. His warning had been profound, resulting in the Zeros keeping their abuse to me to the minimum. I was glad for it but also uneasy, for it felt like the calm before a storm.
Although things the days seemed mostly uneventful, the workload and exhaustion from overusing healing mana continued. I had nearly no time to rest, for it seemed like the chores had been increased – perhaps it was the alternate way the Zeros were using to abuse me or punish me even, for making one of their own stand against them to protect a human.
I was especially tired since this morning. A dizzy spell had hit me post lunch when I had taken a seat in the corridor for a few minutes until I had felt better. The rest of the day went on as usual, with chores, cleaning, and mana transfer.
Having finished with hanging out the linen, I trudged to the store room to keep the basket. There was only dinner and a little cleaning left to do, but I felt nearly drained of energy now. I couldn't wait to hit the pillow. Another wave of dizziness hit me, causing everything around me to spin.
Stalling in the corridor for a moment, I brought a hand to the side of my head. Unexpectedly, I was warm. Placing my hand on my forehead, I noticed that I was running a fever.
"No wonder I've been out of it all day. But this isn't good," I mumbled. My voice came out hoarse and made me cough. Everything spun again and I lost strength in my legs. My knees buckled, making me collapse to the floor while caressing my head that was throbbing intensely now. it was as if someone was hitting me on the head with a hammer.
"What are you doing?" a sharp voice made me wince from the ache it sent from my ears.
Looking up, I saw none other than Sir Nemel watching me like he wanted to strangle me. He had been vicious to me ever since we had left Ozryn, to the extent that he often shoved me roughly for no reason besides to bruise me here and there, and I couldn't understand why. Perhaps the rather big bruise I had got in my ribs from being shoved against the edge of a table by him only two days ago had contributed to me feeling unwell – the tea I had brought him wasn't hot enough, and he had used that as a reason to punish me for not doing my job properly.
"Sir Nemel," I murmured and coughed again while covering my mouth with my hand. "I don't feel good."
He narrowed his eyes in disdain and said, "That is none of my concern. Get up. You're not done with your chores, are you?"
Striding to me, he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me up. I stumbled, unable to keep any balance from the sudden movement. My legs still had no strength to hold me up, so I fell against Sir Nemel while grasping his tunic with my fists.
"Oi, you damn wench! How dare you throw yourself at me!" he bellowed, making me wince again.
I couldn't move off of him, for my consciousness slipped. My eyes rolled back and I slumped against him unconscious.
~~~~~~~~~~
Phew! It's been a while since I updated this book. I hope everyone's happy to see a new chapter!
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