ASRA WAS IN A DAZE. She loved being in a daze. It was so easy to be in a daze. She didn't need to think, to act, to speak, she simply let herself be led by the men surrounding her. Her ankles were shackled, her wrists bound. The sunlight burnt her downcast eyes. How long had she been in that room, in darkness? Her body ached with hunger. Her throat was raw. She'd been slipping in and out of consciousness through her entire captivity. After Van Eck had come in she hadn't been able to pull herself together. She simply pushed herself into a corner and let herself shake and scream. If anyone could hear, they didn't try to stop her.
She didn't know how she'd gotten here. She didn't know where Van Eck had kept her, how he got her here. At some point her body had started working and she began walking, flanked by his gaurds. Her mind, however, was yet to catch up.
She made herself focus on something. They were on the Goedmedbridge, the West Stave of the Barrel. Van Eck was trying to keep his face blank and failing miserably; his shoulders were too tense, a sweat had broken over his brow at the effort of keeping calm. That wasn't right. Something had changed.
Asra looked across the bridge. Kaz was stood on the other side in his dark suit, crow's-head cane in hand. A girl stood beside him. They were talking, but Kaz's eyes never seemed to leave Asra. She ignored that, and instead focused on Van Eck's gaze. His eyes were locked on the girl. A daughter, perhaps? But Asra didn't recall him having a child other than Wylan. Her mind felt like lead. She couldn't be sure.
"Jan!" The girl yelped suddenly, her and Kaz stood about ten feet away. "It's me!"
"I know, my dear." Van Eck said, eyes on Kaz. "This isn't over, Brekker. I want Kuwei Yul-Bo."
"Are we here to repeat ourselves?" Kaz said. "You want the secret to jurda parem, and I want my money. The deal is the deal."
"I don't have thirty million kruge to part with."
"Isn't that a shame. I'm sure someone else does."
"And have you had any luck securing a new buyer?" Van Eck asked.
"Don't trouble yourself on my account merch. The market will provide. Do you want your wife back or did I drag poor Alys here for nothing?"
That's his wife? She looked closer to her son-in-law's age than her husband's. Asra shouldn't have been surprised. It still hurt to think too hard.
She didn't listen as Van Eck conferred with Alys to confirm it was her. It was, and the two women were allowed to cross. Asra spared Van Eck a glance over her shoulder.
"Whoever my mother sent, I'm better. I'll come for you, once Brekker's done making you pay. I will be the last thing you see, Van Eck, and I will be smiling as I cut you open."
Van Eck tensed, and he turned to his very young wife. Asra, chains clinking with every step, walked across the Goedmedbridge to meet Kaz. He waited, still and impassive as ever. He hadn't slept, Asra guessed, but when did he ever? She heard Van Eck sweep Alys up in his arms and pester her with worry behind her. She ignored it. She stopped in front of Kaz.
"You look like shit." She said.
"Could say the same to you."
She ran a tongue over her chapped lips. "My gracious host wasn't exactly gracious. What's your excuse?"
"I've been trying to free you from your gracious host." He drew a knife, that wicked little oyster blade. "Let's get out of here."
She offered her bound wrists. The skin was red and raw, coated in scabbing claw marks. She didn't remember giving herself them. Kaz didn't comment on them he got to work on the ropes.
"Mister Brekker!" Van Eck called across the bridge. "You gave me your word Kaz Brekker! You swore to return my wife and son to me! Where are you keeping Wylan?"
A wave of purple swarmed around the bridge; stadwatch. Asra glanced over her shoulder and saw more coming from the other side. She felt herself tense, that well-worn facade of bravery and efficiency start to slip into place again.
"You saw this coming?" She asked.
"I suspected he'd have something planned."
"And you have something planned in return?"
He grinned at her, that wicked grin she had to fight not to return. "When do I not?"
The ropes around her wrists fell away. Her skin screamed, but before she had the chance to rub away the sting Kaz had shoved a pistol into her hand. It was cool and comforting in her hands. His pistol, she noted. Kaz crouched at her feet, working on her shackles.
Asra didn't hesitate. It felt good to be working again. She shot, hit, shot again. The stadwatch didn't even get the chance to approach. She risked a glance at Van Eck, considering, then Kaz was tapping her shoulder with his cane.
"West side flower boat." He said.
She nodded and leapt over the side of the Goedmedbridge. As she fell, she looked over her shoulder and saw Kaz raise his cane. A set of fireworks lit up the sky, and then Asra lost sight of it all.
She landed heavily on the flower boat. She stumbled. Kaz landed beside her a moment later, a taunt line of wire attached to his cane. Asra's body didn't feel like hers. She fell, head pounding and vision swimming like she soon would be.
Kaz caught her by the filthy jacket. He pulled her upright again. Asra clutched her knees, breathing deep and slow.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Fine."
Two stadwatch boats were coming towards them. Asar bearly had time to register it before they blew. The explosions were hidden by more fireworks and the screaming cheer of thr crowd above. The stadwatch lept from their sinking ships and clambered to the edge of the canal.
Kaz hauled a crate of flowers over the edge of the boat. Beneath were two Komedei Brute costumes, Mister Crimson. He grabbed a cape and waited for Asra to straighten before throwing it over her shoulders.
"You're sure you're alright?" He asked, handing her a matching mask.
"Concern doesn't suit you." She put it on. "What's the plan?"
"Just follow me." He said, pulling on his own cape.
"Open as always, I see." She muttered.
His face dissappeared under his mask, but Asra could've sworn he was smiling. "Good to have you back, Asra."
She let herself smile slightly. "Good to be back, Kaz."
He looked up towards the street. Asra listened with him. The fireworks had stopped, and after a moment there came the sound of coins hitting the floor. The crowd above shierked with delight. Asra's head felt ready to implode.
"Now." Kaz said. Asra really wasn't in the right frame of mind for his vagueness. Apparently he could tell, because he suddenly put an arm around her waist and gave the cord a tug. It pulled them back to the bridge and Kaz let go an instant, but Asra was left reeling.
Get to together, she scolded herself. She needed someone to hit her. Would Kaz hit her if she asked?
Mister Crimsons were everywhere. Asra didn't know what Kaz had done, but nearly a hundred men and women in the red capes had swarmed the streets. The crowd was laughing, screaming the words. "Mother, Father, pay the rent!"
"I can't my dear! The money's spent!" The Crimsons chanted back, tossing handfuls of fake silver coins into the fray. Men and women scrambled after them on their hands and knees, giddy with greed and chaos.
The stadwatch were trying to get through, and failing. Any attempt at order was met with booing and shoving. They weren't coming anywhere near the Goedmedbridge.
Kaz plunged into the crowd. Asra followed. She let herself be jostled and shoved, each rough touch bringing hers back from whatever numb hell she'd put herself in. Asra was almost feeling herself again, a manic laugh building in her throat, when the explosion hit.
It was deafening. It shook the streets. Most fell and screamed. Asra went down again. Kaz, who had righted himself on his cane, caught her again, this time by the arm.
They looked. The explosion had hit the White Rose. Smoke and screams choked the air. Asra's ears were ringing. She glanced at Kaz, saw him tense to leave. This wasn't his plan. He sent her a nod. She returned it. They turned away from the inferno before them and plunged into an alley, leaving the chaos behind until it was only them.
They ditched the capes and masks behind the Velvet Room, where Kaz produced a heavy coat and hat for each of them. Asra pulled it on, letting it drown her figure. She pulled the hat low and drew her collar high. Kaz did the same, and then they were walking again.
He led them to the warehouse district. They melted into the rushhour foot traffic of workers heading home. Stadwatch patrolled the streets, but none paid them any mind. Asra willed herself not to reenter that dazed state as she walked, side by side with Kaz, trying to ground herself in this world. She settled for tracing the lines of his face out the corner of her eye. She knew his face well, his tells and scars, but she made herself restudy them. If Kaz noticed her staring, he didn't say anything
Kaz led her to an abandoned linen storehouse, windows bricked up and blackened with soot. The padlock yielded under Kaz's picks and they headed upstairs, to the third floor least damaged by the fire. Pyramids of linen filled the room, burnt and stinking but comfortable to sit on. Asra settled into a shadowy spot and brought her knees to her chest. She started rubbing the raw skin of her wrists.
Kaz handed her a tin from under an old sewing machine. Inside was a few crackers, nuts, and a flask. "It's water." He told her.
She didn't care. She downed it greedily. It spilt over her chin and shirt but she didn't care. She wiped her mouth and, hands now damp, went back to wiping her wrists. She popped a cracker into her mouth just as greedily.
"How long was I there?" She asked.
"Seven days." He said, voice tight.
A week without food or water or sanity. She was lucky to be standing. When would her mother reach Kerch? Asra nodded.
"What did you say to Van Eck on the bridge?" Kaz asked.
"I promised to kill him, basically." She had another cracker.
He leaned slightly onto his cane. "I didn't think you were into the revenge game."
It's not revenge, it's a message. A message to her mother that she was still dangerous, still better than anyone else from that place. A message to show what happened to people who tried to cross her. Asra shrugged. "Those explosions, they weren't us?"
He shook his head. "No."
"We any of the other's posted close by?"
"Not the ones we saw, at least. We'll know more when we're back on Black Veil." Kaz had told her that's where they were hiding out, a small graveyard island on Grafcanal. His eyes flickered over her. "Did he hurt you?"
"Not really. Didn't feed me either but," she shrugged. "I'll live."
Kaz just nodded. Asra's hesitated, then steeled herself.
"I'm leaving. When this is over, I'm taking my share, killing Van Eck, and leaving Kerch." There, she'd said it. She wasn't sure when she made up her mind. Maybe she'd always known this place couldn't be permanent, nowhere could. She supposed she should've felt better having said it. She didn't.
Something passed across Kaz's face, but Asra didn't look too closely. She turned away, looking out the window across the room.
"My mother's coming for me. She'll probably want to take me alive. But... she'll kill you, Kaz. She'll kill all of you just to hurt me and I won't let you just become another weapon in her arsenal. We'll all be safer if I'm gone so, I'm leaving."
Again, Kaz only nodded. He leaned off his cane, took a step back. "I see."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, so quiet she wasn't sure he heard. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to.
Something dark moved across the window, and Inej slipped silently through into the room. Her eyes searched the room till they landed on Asra. She smiled.
"You're okay?" Inej said, walking quickly and silently over to her. Asra nodded, too stunned to speak when Inej wrapped her in a hug. Before she could return the favour or push her off, Kaz cleared his throat. He nodded Inej over to him. They spoke quietly as Asra kept eating.
Kaz left without another word to her. Inej settled on the linen beside Asra, eyes drifting to her abysmal rasions.
"Here," Inej said, and produced a small bag. "I figured you'd want some proper food."
Asra took the bag and opened it. Inside was pastrys, still warm, coated in enough sugar to paint the tops white. Asra felt herself smile.
"Have I ever mentioned that I'm in love with you, Inej?" She set the bag between them and took a roll. She had a bite, then guestured for Inej to take one. Smiling, she did.
"How are you feeling? You seem a little out of it." She said.
"Just... tired. Hungry." She had another bite.
"Don't eat too fast, you'll make yourself sick." Inej said with a small laugh.
"I am my own person, and can make my own bad decision. Thank you very much."
Inej shook her head, but she was still smiling. Asra realised she was smiling too, and let herself. It felt nice after so long with nothing but her ghosts and demons to keep her company.
"How are the others?" She asked.
"Fine." Inej said. "Tired, stressed, but we're managing."
"Nina made it through the withdrawales?"
"Yes. She's not quite the same, but she's doing good. We all are." Inej said.
Asra nodded. She picked up another pastry and was happy to sit in silence for a while. Inej, apparently, was not.
"Kaz has been a mess without you, you know. I don't think I've ever seen him so worked up since Van Eck took you."
"It's the money." It had to be.
Inej shook her head. "It's not. Whenever someone mentions your name he just... snaps."
She leaned her head against the linen behind her. "I don't want to talk about Kaz." She had another bite, this time savouring the taste like she'd never done before. Had she ever gone so long without food? She didn't want to think about that either.
She turned to Inej. "You're leaving Kerch, aren't you? When all this is done."
She nodded slowly. "I'm going to use my share to buy a ship. I'm going to hunt slavers."
Asra smiled. "Captain Ghafa. Has a nice ring to it."
Inej smiled slightly. Asra hesitated.
"I'm leaving too." She said. "I can't stay."
Inej stilled. "Does Kaz know?"
"I told him just before you got here."
"That explains it." Inej muttered.
"What?" Asra asked.
"He was meant to stay with you while I checked out something nearby. He just told me to stay and that he'd go instead." Inej explained.
Asra laughed without humour. "Of course." She chose her next words carefully. "You don't have to but... could I leave with you? You can drop me off at whatever port you stop at first if you want but I'd appreciate the lift either way."
"Asra," Inej said, reaching out and taking her hand. Asra contained her surprise. "Of course I'd take you with me. Why wouldn't I?"
She shrugged, looking away again. "I don't know. I just... you're Inej. You're wonderful and kind and good and... and I'm Asra. I'm not so good." She forced a laugh. "I guess I figured you didn't like me."
"Of course I like you. You're my friend."
Friend. She liked that word. She smiled, not sure if it was forced. "This whole ordeal has seriously fucked my mind up, you know."
"I can tell. You look exhausted." Inej said.
Asra laughed, louder and harder than she expected. "Aren't you charming, Wraith?"
"I'm serious. You should rest." Inej said.
She knew she should've. Why didn't she? Asra looked out the window across the room, not sure what she was searching for. Nothing was there, nothing out of the ordinary. It didn't stop the fear that had settled over her like a fever.
"It's because of your mother, isn't it?" Inej said carefully. "I saw your face when Van Eck told you on Vellgelulk. I don't think I've ever seen you so scared."
Asra surpressed a shudder. "Inej, I'm terrified of her."
"Do you know when she'll arrive in Kerch?"
"Within a month, Van Eck said."
"Then we have a month to prepare." Inej squeezed her hand. "You're safe here, Asra. Just rest."
She knew it wasn't true, but her eyes were so heavy. Her body ached with exhaustion and her mind screamed with it. Asra let her eyes close, her head fall onto Inej's shoulder, her mind slip into unconsciousness. She knew the dreams would come, but she didn't have it in her to care.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Author's note:
I've realised all my ending paragraphs are a bit shit but I like this chapter. Inej has my heart and her and Asra are so precious to me <3