"But most of all I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."- 10 Things I Hate About You
"Hi, I'm Cassie and this is Hayden, our presentation is 'The Sounds of Romance,'" I say standing next to Hayden with our PowerPoint in front of our entire film soundtracks class. It's the last day of class before Thanksgiving break starts, and I'm pretty sure the only reason anyone's here today is because we have to be there for our presentations.
It's kind of hard to believe we're already at this point, giving the presentation. It's funny in a way, what started as something I dreaded, watching these movies with Hayden has turned into one of my favorite things.
"This movie had to be my personal favorite," Hayden says as he gets to the slide comparing music in a more modern film, Shotgun Wedding, to a classic, Dirty Dancing. A part of me is shocked he's remembering everything, but I did make him spend half the weekend practicing the presentation. I felt like we had to though, it's worth such a big chunk of our grade, and especially now that I've submitted my MIT application, I need to keep my GPA up. The only thing worse than if I get rejected would be getting in, then them changing their mind because my GPA dropped.
He and I have been doing really well, we spend time together when we can, mostly hooking up or watching movies, but I've gone to all his home hockey games, and he always calls me when he's at away games. Which sounds very couple-like, but it's not. We just spend so much time together because of the hooking up that by proxy we know about each other's lives and thus it makes sense to talk about it, and Facetime when he's gone for games. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Originally, we were going to stop this, whatever it is after the project ended, but we both agreed to keep going at least through the end of the quarter because it seems to be working, and it's nice to be regularly hooking up with someone again. And Hayden definitely knows what he's doing in the bedroom, especially compared to the guys I've been with in the past.
"Thank you for listening," I say, ending our presentation which went flawlessly, "Are there any questions?"
"What would you say is the most important element to the soundtrack of a romance film," Our professor asks. I knew this question was coming, he'd asked some variation of it to each group that went before us, and I had the perfect answer ready, but Hayden beat me to the punch.
"I think the most important element to a romance film is the first song played," he says, surprising me by saying exactly what I would've, "It helps set the tone for a movie. You can tell right off the bat, is this going to be more lighthearted and fun or serious and dramatic."
I offer him a smile of approval as we walk back to our seats, and as soon as we're seated and the next group, horror, is setting up we high-five.
"Killed it," he whispers, leaning back in his seat to relax while we watch the rest of the presentations.
I reach over and grab his hand, and entwine our fingers, a gesture that now feels so natural I hardly think of it but would've been unthinkable when we first got assigned this project. Tomorrow I'll leave to go home for break, and won't see Hayden again for an entire week. The Hockey team has an away game this weekend and is leaving for it on Friday so a lot of the guys on the team, like Hayden are staying at Seaport over break so they don't have to drive back right after Thanksgiving dinner. I kind of feel bad for them, I wouldn't want to miss my mom's cooking for anything.
This past summer, my parents moved to this little cabin near Leavenworth, Washington out in the mountains. I've only visited them there once and it was beautiful. I'm excited to see it now that the weather's cooler and there should be some snow up there by now. It won't feel the same as coming home to the town I grew up in, but I'm excited nevertheless. It's been raining for the past three days straight, and that should mean they've been getting a lot of snow.
After class, Hayden hugs me goodbye between the buildings that host his next class, and my research lab, "This week better go by fast."
I laugh, "Don't worry, I'll still insult you plenty over text, wouldn't want your ego to be too big when I get back."
"Oh right, because that's the part I'll be missing, nothing else."
"I mean what else is there to miss," I ask then start walking away, but before I can he grabs me, twirls me into his arms, and gives me one last kiss before break. I shake my head but am bright red as I walk into lab to finish up some work before I leave this afternoon.
The second I deem the data I've been working on good enough, I practically race out of lab and back to my apartment to quickly pack and then hit the road. As soon as I walk through the front door though I get a phone call from my mom.
"Hey Mom," I answer as I walk into my room and begin piling things into the purple duffel bag I always take back with me, "Don't worry I should be all set to leave within the next hour."
"Oh Honey, didn't you see on the news," she asks sounding disappointed, "With all the snow we've been getting they've had to close the pass. The plows aren't able to get to it all and they don't expect to be able to open it again until Friday when this storm passes.
"What," I ask shocked, "Is there any other way in?" I know it's a stupid question, but if the pass is closed it's clearly too dangerous to drive up there even if the conditions were better, and my car doesn't do great in the snow to begin with.
"I don't think so," she says, "hopefully by the time winter break starts you'll be able to get up here, but it looks like we'll be all alone this Thanksgiving."
I sigh, "That blows, I was so looking forward to eating your mashed potatoes, and Dad's pumpkin pie," I trail off thinking about how good all that food would've tasted. My parents always go all out with their Thanksgiving spread. I've had dreams about that pie.
"Well I can send you some of my recipes," she replies, "It'll probably be far too much food for just you though."
"I think Adrianna's staying up here for Thanksgiving, I'm sure she'll eat with me, and then I have another friend or two who'll be in the area," I say realizing Hayden and his roommates probably don't have any other plans for the holiday.
I talk with my mom for another half hour about life and give her the PG, romance-free details of everything that's been happening lately, then as soon as I'm off the phone with her I give Hayden a call.
"Hey, shouldn't you be halfway to Leavenworth by now," he says by way of answer.
"Change of plans," I respond, explaining everything that just happened, "So I was wondering what you and the roommates were doing for Thanksgiving.
"Well Payne lives in Seattle, so he's going home, but Coleman, Gibbs, and I hadn't really figured out what we'd eat yet.
"You guys should come over," I say, "I think it'll just be me and Adrianna and my mom sent me some of her recipes so we'll have more food than we could ever know what to do with."
"I'll check with the guys, but I doubt it'll take much convincing, and Gibbs is a decent cook so I bet he'd be willing to help out in the kitchen," Hayden replies, and I can practically hear the smile in his voice.
Is spending Thanksgiving together kind of couple-like? Yes, but it's not like it'll just be us, his roommates, and Adrianna will be here too, it's more of a Friendsgiving if you think about it. We're just making the best out of none of us being able to go home for the holiday this year. Though I'm pretty sure Adri is just staying because her family doesn't celebrate it, this year she at least will.
I then remember Reva saying she'd be in town for the holiday in lab earlier today. I send her a text inviting her over on Thursday as well. The more the merrier, and it's one of my favorite holidays. I know the premise of Thanksgiving is kind of fucked, but a whole day dedicated to eating and spending time with people you like is nice, and it's really nice to have a little break before the last few weeks of class and finals.
A big part of me can't believe that it's almost the end of fall quarter, it feels like it just started, but also I've been so busy that of course it's flown by. Between classes, applications, and research, and hooking up with Hayden I don't think I've been bored in weeks, there's always something else I need to or should be doing. It's all going to be worth it though. I have just a few more applications left to submit, and a few schools have later deadlines which is nice, but for the most part, I'm done with the worst of it. Now it's just interviews, which I've had a few of already, and the pain of waiting to hear something back.
It turns out, that what Hayden said about Gibbs being the cook of the group was true which is how he and I end up at the grocery store together on Wednesday afternoon after texting all morning to plan a menu. He also takes Thanksgiving very seriously, but since his family doesn't live close, and hockey he's stuck here. He was planning on making a turkey for his roommates, and a few other guys on the team anyway, so together we've come up with a pretty good menu and figured out what we can make the others work on.
"I feel like Hayden and Teddy can be trusted to make the charcuterie board, I mean it's meat and cheese how can they fuck it up," I say as we're standing in the cheese section, debating what types of cheese to get.
"I don't know," Gibbs responds, "If it can be fucked up in the kitchen, Coleman will find a way, he can't even make toast."
"How exactly does one mess up toast? Did he just burn it?"
"No," Gibbs responds and gives me a look, "he didn't realize you had to push the lever down on the toaster. Waited for thirty minutes, then I walked in and he asked me how long it took for toast to cook."
"He did not," I say holding back a laugh.
"I'm telling you, for every skill he's got on the ice he's just missing something off it."
This time I do start laughing, which probably earns me a look or two from the other shoppers in the store. Neither Gibbs nor I thought about how crowded it would be here the day before Thanksgiving, they're out of a lot of stuff, but so far we've managed to fill the cart with pretty much everything we'll need for tomorrow.
The guest list ended up being Reva and her roommate, Adri, Hayden and his roommates, and then two other guys on the hockey team who didn't have anywhere else to go. I guess all the guys that live in the hockey house are doing something together, but Hayden said he wouldn't dare eat anything made in there. It's supposedly dirtier than a frat house, not I don't ever plan on finding out.
It'll be the most people to ever have eaten in our apartment at once, which I was concerned about since we don't actually have a table, but Adri was able to 'borrow' a folding table from her job on campus, and after moving around some of the furniture in the living room we had it set up so everyone could sit around it and eat at least semi comfortably.
If anything, all of this was doing a great job of distracting me from the fact that I wouldn't be with my family this year for Thanksgiving, and how I didn't know when or even if I'd have Thanksgiving with them again since I'd probably be pretty far away next year depending on where I get into school. If all went according to plan, I'd be at MIT and living in Boston, which would be great for everything but trying to come home. Grad school was expensive enough as it was, I wasn't going to have the kind of money to just fly home whenever I wanted to see my family.
"Okay," Gibbs says as we get to the baking aisle, "Hear me out. What if we made three pies instead of one."
"I'm listening."
"Because if you think about it, one pie that's nothing. And then two should be perfect for everyone to eat."
"Why three then?"
His face lights up with a menacing smile, "With three we could pie Coleman or West. Personally, I think Coleman would be funnier.
I weigh the options, as much as I'd love to pie Hayden, Teddy's reaction would be funnier, "Deal, but if I'm making three pies, I'll need extra help."
"We could make them tonight that way tomorrow we just have to focus on cooking," he half says half asks.
"Perfect, we can get started as soon as we get all this," I motion to everything in the now very full cart, "into my apartment."
"West is gonna be so jealous, I'm spending more time with his," he trails off for a second, and then, "with you than he is."
"He'll live," I respond, "plus there's no way I'd trust him in the kitchen baking, he'd either eat everything before we were finished or try to attack me with flour."
Gibbs shakes his head and laughs as we continue shopping. Out of all of Hayden's roommates, Gibbs has been the toughest to crack. After Teddy's warning, I thought it'd take him longer to warm up to me, but just playing video games with him and Payne a few times won them both over. Gibbs is just kind of quiet though, so I thought he kind of hated me. But after today I think he might just take longer to warm up to people. He's a lot funnier than I thought he was.
It's kind of nice, becoming friends with Hayden's roommates. They're so different from most of the guys I know. Being an astrophysics major, most of the guys I'm friends with are pretty nerdy, which I love. It's fun to see the difference though hanging out with people who don't just want to talk about school all the time or aren't just trying to compete over grades. School is undoubtedly still my main priority, but there's a little more balance now with so much of my personal life not surrounding astrophysics and just hanging out with the people in my study groups.
The next morning, Hayden and his roommates come over around 10:00 to help with cooking, I knew Gibbs would be there but I wasn't expecting all three of them to come over. I honestly thought Hayden would still be asleep, and that if Coleman was awake he'd be gaming since they have today off from practice.
"Hey," I say as I open the door letting them into our apartment which from baking all the pies yesterday smells amazing, "I thought I wouldn't see you guys till later."
"Someone had to make sure you and Gibbs didn't burn the place down," Hayden says looking up at me and smiling widely. Over the past few months, I've learned Hayden has four different smiles.
The first one is more of a smirk than anything and he uses it when he knows he's being annoying or trying to be clever. The second is the one he uses when random people start talking about hockey with him, it's tight but polite and probably my least favorite. The third is when he finds something amusing, his whole face lights up. But my absolute favorite is the fourth. His fourth smile is the one he just gave me, where he's grinning like a little kid, and he usually tries to control it. Every time he scores in a game that's his initial smile until he turns it over to the third one, and every time we see each other, he smiles like that for just a moment and my heart melts a little bit.
"I'm just here because I didn't want to be alone, and Hayden said you guys have games," Teddy says taking his shoes off and looking towards the living room expectedly.
I shake my head, not at all surprised that that's the only reason Teddy's here, "Right over there, Adri can show you how to switch the TV over, she's our tech expert."
"I can what," Adri asks walking into the room after hearing the commotion of the guys arriving.
"Game with me instead of cooking," Teddy says looking her over before flopping down onto the couch.
"Oh I'm so down," she says, "but before you get any ideas you should know I have a girlfriend."
"Hold on," I practically shout, "You guys made it official?"
"Last night," she says blushing, "I wanted to tell you but you were already asleep when I got back."
"Oh my god, congratulations," I say going over to hug her, "You realize this means you have to invite her over some time so we can actually meet her."
"I know, you will at some point I promise. But for now, I gotta show Teddy? Who's boss." With that, she and Coleman start going through the games we have and arguing over who's better. I realize then that I probably should've introduced them sooner, Adri's not only good at video games but also competitive as hell, it's either going to be a beautiful friendship between them or end terribly and I can't wait to see which.
"Okay gang," I say turning to Gibbs and Hayden, "that leaves us to cook. Everyone else should be here in a few hours. Hayden you can start by peeling the potatoes, that seems like something you won't mess up."
"I know how to cook, you could give me an actual job. I'm not nine," He responds making a face at us like he just ate something sour.
"Hey, potato peeling is super important, mashed potatoes are everyone's favorite," I respond handing him a potato and the thing to peel them with before turning to Gibbs and giving him a look to not say anything.
When Hayden gets involved in the kitchen things tend to go wrong. A few weeks ago, for example, we were going to watch a spaghetti western after talking about them in class, so he wanted to make us spaghetti. He didn't think about what size of pot to use though so it was way too small and ended up overflowing, and making a mess of the kitchen. It was a disaster, but he looked so cute standing there with spaghetti, sauce, and all everywhere that I couldn't help but laugh. We had a lot of fun cleaning up the kitchen together. I smiled thinking of it, but that was not how I wanted today to go. Thanksgiving dinner was far too important, thus the potato peeling.
Gibbs got to work on the turkey, which was good because I'd never done anything with a turkey before and wouldn't have known where to start, and I got to work on the other various things we needed to have done before guests arrived. We ended up getting into a good flow of things, with both Gibbs and I giving Hayden all the things we needed cut or peeled, which he acted disappointed by, but he was holding a big knife so I knew he couldn't be that sad. We'd periodically hear either Teddy or Adri shout, reminding us that they were both here, but they both had gotten extremely competitive with whatever game they were playing and none of us dared bother them to ask for help.
"How mad do you think they'd get if I asked them to switch the game on," Hayden asked me and Gibbs a few hours later.
"I don't think they'd ever forgive you," Gibbs replies.
"I'd be surprised if we manage to get them away even for dinner," I respond.
"It might've been a mistake introducing them, Coleman's relentless when it comes to winning," Hayden says, all three of us now standing at the island watching them as if they're animals in a zoo.
"Adri too," I respond, "She originally went into comp sci to do game design but switched paths when she realized that wasn't where the money was. She knows games."
"My money's definitely on her," Gibbs says.
"I don't know," Hayden replies, "she probably doesn't spend as much time playing as Coleman."
"No one spends as much time playing as Coleman, doesn't mean he's good," Gibbs shoots back.
"You know we can hear you," Teddy shouts, not even bothering to look away from the screen.
"Keep talking, it's distracting him," Adri calls out equally as zoned in.
We all laugh then turn back into the kitchen, "I feel like a mom," I say, "Am I going to have to limit their screen time?"
"Well they can't play while they eat," Gibbs semi says semi asks turning back to the oven to check on the turkey.
Hayden and I share a look, and then he whispers, "I know this is selfish, but I'm so glad you weren't able to go home for the holiday."
I make a mock look of shock on my face and then whisper back, "Me too." I then rest my head against his shoulder for a second.
I feel beyond thankful for the people I'm with, even if it wasn't originally what I wanted for today. I try not to think about how this is our first and also our last Thanksgiving together. Next year, Adri will be working a big tech job, the guys will probably? Hopefully? All be off playing hockey somewhere, and I'll be in grad school. It'll be great, all of us following our dreams, but it's bittersweet. I guess that's just how everything is in the end, when you know it's the last time you'll do something it just feels different. Especially when that last time is also the first.