IV. 1921
Not being her intention, she had fallen asleep on her cousins. She was woken by the feeling being shoved side to side. While asleep they had been pushing her back and forth.
"Alright, enough, come on." Thomas' voice interrupted their antics as she groaned at the discomfort.
"Over?"
She was left on the couch as the boys got up,"yeah, that's why we are going." John answered.
"Enough of the sass, Johnathan." She pointed after wiping the hair out of her face, "You three gotta a brush?"
Arthur laughed, "unfortunately no, come on, places to be, things to do." He pulled her up, rather harshly.
The Gray groaned loudly, leaving the room. Her limps were all sore and achy from how she was sleeping. She swung her arm around Finn's shoulder as they left. John and Arthur ran ahead like children. They mocked one of the boys Maggie had missed.
Feeling eyes on her, she turned her head seeing Tom glancing at her very so often. She was in the mood to talk to him and start an argument with him. She also wasn't in the mood to see her mother knowing that she went to bed with her date, if you could even call him a date.
She knew her mother wasn't herself but she had clearly seen her daughter with the young man before she introduced herself and danced with him. Polly hadn't been Polly for a few months now and Maggie had no idea how to help. When either Gray wasn't well, they pushed others away, the mother and daughter were aware of this.
The three walked down the road, Arthur and John had took their guns out, "Dear god... and I'm a liability." She muttered looking ahead.
Out of nowhere, a familiar voice could be heard, "'Ello Mrs. Gray." Isaiah Jesus.
"If it isn't Isaiah, my favourite of Finn's few friends." Maggie greeted, pushing herself of her cousin knowing he'd be on his way with the Jesus boy in no time.
Finn chuckled humourlessly, "y'alright from here."
"Yes, Finn, I'm alright. I'm not an elderly woman who's about to kick the bucket, just a young woman with a hangover." She said, already walking ahead. The boys left to go to the gym.
She walked a few steps behind Tommy. She watched as her cousins ran in the door, making a fool out of themselves. If she did that, Tommy would say she's "ruining the Shelby reputation". She knows that because there was an occasion where she went running up and down Garrison Lane with her Carissa's father, pointing their guns at each other, as drunk as a skunk.
Tom held the door open, holding back a smirk. There was a guest and Maggie had a guess on who it might be, making her grumble in annoyance.
He slammed the door behind her. She saw John and Arthur stood as embarrassed as the two could possibly be, which wasn't a lot. But she caught a glance at the visitor.
It wasn't James.
But someone familiar. She couldn't place a name.
She didn't want to think that her mother spent a night with one man never mind two.
Maggie stood behind Tommy as he stepped forward. Arthur and John put their guns back in their holsters and smirks appeared on their face as they looked the boy up an down. Boy.
He looked younger than her. Familiar. She knew him. Usually she wouldn't care about some random person she had forgotten but she couldn't stop staring at him, she was very curious.
"All right then, Polly. Who's this?" Arthur sniggered. The smirk on his face told Maggie he had the same thought. She felt a pair of eyes on her again. It was John. But she didn't look back. Her eyes were locked onto the boy. She glanced to her mum for an explanation, but she was glaring at Arthur.
She held the boys's shoulder. "This is your cousin," Tom said, looking at the boys, "Polly's son, Micheal," He glanced back at Maggie, she stood confused, too tired and hungover to properly comprehend the phrase, "Your brother." He said to her, as if she were Carissa's age.
She stayed glued in her spot. Her brother. Micheal. Micky. Tom slowly stepped to the side, letting her see her brother, but she followed him, staying out of view.
It hurt to see him. Last time she seen him, he was kicking and screaming, and she didn't do anything. She couldn't do anything. He may have been young but she remembered almost everything from their time in the Church. He might remember how she abandoned him.
They shook hands, "I'm Arthur. You've met me. I used to throw you out the window, so John could catch ya." Arthur admitted to the boy.
John followed, "I used to put you in a shoe box and kick you down Waterly Lane."
Where Tommy stepped, she stepped. She hid from him. Scared if he would hate her.
"I bet your glad to be back." Tommy joked.
He laughed, "I don't remember any of it. All I remember is the day they took me away." That day. The day the three children and their mother would never forget.
Maggie saw her mother's expression change, hearing Micky mention that day. She hugged him. Maggie continued to hide behind her cousin.
"Well you're hear now, son," Tommy filled the silence, "welcome to the Shelby family."
Arthur said, "later, we'll show you the ropes."
"Yeah, we'll show you what's what."
She almost smiled at the look on her mother's face as she looked at Tom, begging him that neither brother would "show him the ropes". Tommy nodded reassuring her silently. "Let's leave him be for now."
He moved forward but this time Maggie didn't move. The boys left, "Nice suit." Arthur spoke before he was gone. Polly chuckled lightly, then straightened her brother's bow tie.
Her eyes moved up and she saw Maggie stood there. She smiled softly, "Micheal, this is your sister." She introduced in case he'd forgotten.
He turned around and she saw him. She saw her brother after almost thirteen years.
"Maggie." She mumbled. He smiled and nodded, putting his hand forward. Maggie shook it, feeling relief as she noticed that his smile never faltered as he heard her name.
"I know, I remember." Polly stepped back, pouring a cup of tea for her eldest daughter.
"You remember?" She whispered. Only he could hear her quiet voice and felt her nervousness. He nodded again.
Polly stood at the table, "Will you stay for tea?" She had already made the cup and Margaret wanted to stay to. He didn't seem to hate her. Or was he hiding it? She wasn't good at hiding her hatred for someone, similar to her father, but maybe he could. Their mother could.
She nodded as the two sat at the table, "Can't stay too long, gotta get Carissa soon before her and Katie destroy Esme's will to live." Polly chuckled at her words. The two people in front of her seemed happy. She hadn't seen her mother like this in ages.
Polly Gray was really laughing and smiling. She was herself, she had her kids. Micheal and Maggie. She wondered were her baby sister was but she decided to not mention the young girl in this moment. This happy moment.
"Don't worry 'bout her, she's a good girl...sometimes." The three sat at the table.
It was quiet again. No one spoke but then Maggie felt the need to mention what was on her mind, "I remember putting you in dresses and have you model them."
"I'm glad I don't remember that," He commented, making Polly smile even more. Margaret felt herself smile too. He was home. "Who's Carissa? And Katie" He asked.
"My daughter. She's at John's with Katie, his daughter."
He grinned, as Maggie sipped her tea, "Daughter? What's she like?"
"A bit mad at times," Maggie answered, thinking about her, "she's amazing. She has whatever good traits I have and has her father's looks."
Although the question was on his mind, he didn't ask it. He didn't see a ring on her finger and he didn't want to dig deeper into the topic of Carissa's father when he didn't want her smile to disappear from her face.
Polly spoke to the two, but Maggie didn't pay attention. She sat there watching them. Polly wasn't aware of what happened in the Church and Micheal didn't remember but it still lingered in her mind.
She tried to listened in and be apart of the conversation buts he just observed. She never thought this would ever happen. That they all would be under the same roof again. And she didn't expect that if she were to see her brother again, that she would shy away.
She still felt like she betrayed him and her mother in a way. She could have protected him and ran back home with him. She should have been there.
Her thought and their conversation was interrupted but a loud laugh and loud footsteps. The front door slammed shut. She recognised that laugh from anywhere. She grinned, placed her cup down.
Whenever Carissa was around Maggie instantly felt calm and safe even though she was her mother.
The little girl ran through, not expecting to see her mum and nan, never mind a unknown visitor. Her smiled dropped as she looked over at her mum. She didn't know Micheal.
Stepping over to her, her mum spoke, "I will leave you two to catch up and talk because I promised Carissa that-"
"Shhh, you can't tell them."
"I won't," She said to her daughter before turning to her mum and brother, "I will catch up with you another time, just don't want to overwhelm ya with everything."
He nodded, "I'd like that." Micheal looked to the girl, smiling softly.
Polly watched as her daughter stood up and her smile dropped a small bit, "why don't you both stay? Can you wait?" Polly spoke quickly, standing up too.
Maggie walked around to her mum, standing in front of her mother, "I'll be back, not going far. I really want to get to know my brother and all be together again but I don't want to overwhelm either of ya. It is also too early for news like this especially with a terrible hangover and a sleepless night."
Polly nodded, "Don't cause any trouble. Either of you." She smiled, looking down at granddaughter too. She hugged her mum, comfortingly and reassuringly.
Carissa glanced at the boy and back at her mum and grandmother. Maggie looked back at Micheal too and couldn't help herself as she rushed around the table. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. She almost cried as hugged her brother. Tears fell when she felt his arms around her.
Without another word, she quickly let go of Micky, and turned before he saw the tears that rolled down her face. She smiled at her daughter, ushering her out of the room quickly.
Soon the front door slammed behind them and Maggie held Carissa's hand. They walked down to their flat in silence. Cara occasionally looked up at her mum, seeing a small smile on her lips. A smile that reminded the young girl that she was safe. Despite the tears, Cara knew her mum wasn't upset, but very happy.
It was lunch and both of their stomachs were rumbling. And once the house was in sight, Maggie expected her daughter to run ahead, but yet she still walked by her side.
"Who was he?" Her daughter spoke as Maggie turned the key and opened the door.
Margaret didn't answer straight away, instead waited til Cara was settled on the couch beside her. The room was still a mess regardless of how Maggie tried to clean up before she left.
The girl looked up at her mum as she found her words, "he is my brother, your uncle. Micheal." She responded bluntly. Her eyes welled up as she said it aloud.
"Like uncle Tom?" Cara asked.
"Uncle Tom is your uncle, yes but he is my cousin. Micheal is my brother."
The four year old looked at her mum confused, "nan is mine and Michael's mum. Uncle Tom, and your uncles and aunts, have a different mum. Their dad is nan's brother," Cara's expression didn't change, still a bit confused but it wasn't anything for her to worry about, "doesn't matter, Micheal is your uncle too."
"Where has he been?" Cara asked, innocently.
"Remember when I told you the story about the three young children who went on holiday but only one came back."
Her daughter smiled at the mention of a story she had heard before, "the older princess went home alone and she was upset because her sisters got to stay and have more fun on the holiday."
"In this instance, I was the older princess expect I was upset because my brother and sister were alone without me, somewhere that was not fun for children."
"You have a sister?"
Maggie nodded, "yes, Anna is her name."
The girl's head took in the information, "do I have an another aunt as well? Is she with Micheal?"
"I don't know where she is. But wherever she is, she's still your aunt," She answered honestly.
Cara sat in the silence taken in the information, "Why did you go on the holiday if it wasn't fun?"
"The three of us were taken from nan when we very young. It was very hard for your nan, and for us but she didn't know where we were."
"Why did you gone home and not them?"
"I tried to take them with me but I couldn't find them, so I ran."
"Oh," Was all she said and she skipped away to her room. Maggie was thankful it was left at that.
Hearing the girl in her bedroom, playing in her own little world, more tears came and rolled down her face. She cover her mouth as to silence her loud sob. She ran away leaving them both behind. It was her fault.
Micheal was home but where was Anna? She wasn't with her family. She was with other people that for all she knew, was her family.
There were some nights when all she thought about was that orphanage. About the church, the hospital, the man's living room. But she thought of her brother and sister every day, and how she left them behind.
Her shaky hand reached across the small table for a glass. The glass dragged loudly against the wood, as her other hand gripped the neck of a cheap bottle of whiskey.
Carissa was heard laughing in the room next door, while the whiskey sloshed in the glass. She took a sip or two of liquor before downing it quickly. Despite her daughter's laughter, she poured another glass and another, and another.
With each glass, Carissa's laugh became a lot like Anna's cries for her.
—
"Fuck. Come on up, up," a pair of hands gripped her shoulder, pulling up quickly.
It was John, "Oh hello."
John stared at her, holding a glass of water in his left hand, "Do you know what time it is."
"Not a clue, cousin." She smiled, her eyes still closed.
She felt the cold glass on her lips, "Drink," He instructed and she did. She heard the disappointment in his voice, "it's half nine." He answered his own question, "Carissa appeared at our door looking for Katie and ever so casually mentioned her mum was passed out drunk on the couch."
"Great kids, they are," she spoke.
"They are." He replied. She was still drunk, "Tommy's on his way. Lucky for you, he was there when Cara spoke so highly of you."
She groaned loudly, pushing her head into his shoulder but she soon started laughing madly. He sighed, tired of this. Usually it wasn't him that dealt with this version of her, but he knew this was the better kind of drunk Maggie. Laughing was better than her abuse for sure.
"Why were you drinking Mags?" He asked.
"Felt like it." She continued laughing into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her back. He should be home with his wife and kids but instead he was here.
"Jesus, you can't just get black out drunk with your daughter in the next room."
"You do." She replied back.
He said, "I get drunk at the pub while my kids are at home with Esme."
"Well I don't have an Esme and I'm quite glad I don't." Her laughing had stopped by now but a smug smile still remained on her rosy face.
Before John could snap back at her snide remark, the front door slipped open. A calm and collected Tommy walked through the threshold, relieving John of his duties. John let go of Maggie, "see ya tomorrow," he muttered, leaving the two.
As soon as the door locked close, Maggie's head slowly turned to her older cousin, "come on, give me my scolding. Tell me how shit a mother I am, how I'm causing you so much trouble."
"You are," he answered calmly, knowing she wouldn't stay this quiet for long, "You are a shit mother and you are causing us a lots of trouble."
His eyes followed her as she stumbled off the couch. She fumbled about as he eyed the two empty bottles, one whiskey the other rum. It looked back and watched as she staggered into the kitchen, retrieving another bottle, another cheap bottle of rum.
Her fingers tightly gripped the bottle, as he approached her. She carried on to the couch, trying to avoid him. He stood in her way, holding the bottle too. She tried to push him away as he tried prying her fingers away from the bottle.
He felt her push her away but he stood his ground. He was used to being pushed away whether she was drunk or sober. But when she was sober it was less physical.
Finally she stopped, only to throw the bottle forcefully on the floor. The shards went everywhere. Although he flinched, he didn't move away. She stared down at the liquid as it spread about the wood below her.
He didn't expected the punch she threw seconds later. He felt the bones in his nose shift slightly, hearing a small crack, "Look what you fucking did!" She exclaimed loudly in his face. She hit him over and over again on the chest, as some blood ran down his face.
"That was on you." He said, bringing his hand up to his nose. He looked down at the blood on his fingers and sighed heavily. It wasn't the first time. She continued to scream at him but he blocked it out as he took the pain to his body.
"Why the fuck are you so controlling? Just let me drink my bloody bottle, that I bought!" Tommy heard the sound of knocking on the walls from neighbours next door. There had been times when they came to the door or coppers, but it hadn't been that bad in a while.
"Sit down."
"No, no, no, go away." She slapped him again and again.
He tried to dodge her slaps buts he was determined to hit him every time,"Margaret. I'm not letting you go until you sit down and calm down. Drink some water-"
"Fuck that, just let me go and GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She shouted in his face. He was used to it.
"SIT DOWN!" Tom shouted back, gripping her shoulders.
She went quiet and stared into his blue eyes. She was used to him shouting at her mostly because she grew used to her father shouting at her.
Her silence didn't last long before she started again, kicking now. He was sure his shins would be aching in the morning like his now bruised chest. He stood taking it again, until he snapped.
He held her tightly, pushing her around the table and onto the couch. She fell on the couch with a small yelp. He held her down, her head on the back of the couch, looking up.
Reaching behind him, he grabbed the jug of water John had filled earlier. He didn't bother with a glass as he poured the clear liquid down her throat. He held her down as she spluttered. Half the water ended up all over her and the couch. He slammed the jug back down on the table. As soon as he got up and went to the kitchen, she sat up, coughing harshly.
Neither spoke as she caught her breath and he gathered the bottles of liquor, "Carissa's staying at John's. You made a promise to her, you broke it," Tommy said, a two bottles in each hand and one under each arm.
And then he was gone. The Gray woman lay there, still. The flat was once again quiet.
—
The next day, when Maggie strolled through the den, most stared. When something happened in the family, the people that worked for them tended to find out and gossip about. Especially when it effects the boss' mood.
Maggie was yet to see her daughter. When she went to the John's, no one was home. Walking into the den, she saw Esme who scoffed and rolled her eyes as she walked past her.
She was used to the dirty looks the woman gave her but she never did nothing about them unless she couldn't take the attitude.
Tommy was sat in his office, working and the moment he saw her, she could practically hear the sigh that left his mouth and he rose from his seat.
As she past Scud, Tom called on her. The words "good luck" left the man's mouth as she made her way to her cousin's office.
He stood at his door, waiting and not moving, "Carissa's at Polly new house," he said, "Spending quality time with her nan and new uncle."
Maggie nodded, staring into his cold eyes. He never scared her but she found herself shifting from side to side, waiting to be excused.
"Do better or turn out like your father, your choice." He said before turning back into the room and slamming the door in her face.
It wasn't the first time.
—