ੈ♡₊˚•. ˖⋆ ━━━━━⠀HEARTBURN !
▅▅▅▅▅▅▅ ⋯ ▅▅▅▅▅▅▅ ˓ 𑁍ࠜೄ
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 EIGHT ・*: ·. ⇌ ஜ .·:*┛
Time is a game played beautifully by children.
Unfortunately, the clock is ticking. The hours are going by. The past increases and the future recedes. Possibilities were decreasing, and regrets mounting. Time is a game, and Julianna played it very well.
Well, most of the time.
It was in the dead of night when she laid down her chess pieces and revealed her cards, this was when Julianna stopped playing. It would be encouraging if she said she spent her time away worthwhile, but then not only would she be a coward but a liar as well.
So, for the third time that night, Julianna hangs her head over the toilet and empties her stomach. Then again, she no longer had anything left in her. Quinn sat on the bathroom floor with Julianna's red hair pulled back into her hands, stroking it softly. When she's finished, Julianna rests her head against the toilet. As gross as it was, it was the only thing cool enough that didn't make her feel like she was burning from the inside out.
"Are you nervous?" Quinn asks softly.
Julianna shakes her head, too afraid to open her mouth. Though it wasn't the exact reason, it wasn't a dumb question. Every time she went on that stage and gave her interview, she had spent the nights before a nervous wreck. Throwing up her insides was not a rare occasion for her.
"What is it, then?"
The sickly feeling rises in her throat, and Julianna is coughing into the toilet again.
Julianna was terrified.
Julianna is in love, and the thought alone makes her sick.
She thinks if she even attempts to admit it out loud her tongue will fall out, leaving her defenseless. It is all so lame. All the things she did to show she doesn't need anybody, meanwhile all she wants to say is, 'Please keep me'. Everybody wants to be kept. The problem is, that she is too afraid to let anyone know about it.
What is this fragile thing in her chest that has so much fear of being broken?
"I'm in love, Quinn," Julianna admits softly, and quiet tears stream down her face.
"I know," Quinn comments, still stroking her hair.
Julianna has set her limit on love. She binds her heart like the women bind their feet. The binding is painful, but eventually, you get used to it and the pain goes away.
"It's Enzo," Julianna admits, and her tongue feels swollen.
It was the first and only time Julianna would ever admit it out loud, but it was like a monster eating her from the inside out begging to be released. Julianna didn't feel any better.
"I know," Quinn says again, sighing. "Have you told him?"
The redhead shakes her head, it is weak and barely noticeable. "I can't." She whispers.
"You can." Quinn denies, "How can you be afraid to feel it? Love isn't made to be feared, Julianna. It's a feeling, just like fear itself. If you're feeling fear, you've already felt one of the most negative emotions there is to feel. Everything else should be a piece of cake."
"Don't mention cake," Julianna grumbles, holding her stomach.
Her abdomen ached; her pale hands wrapped around her sides.
A soft knock at the door, Enzo peered his head through the crack. Julianna thinks she's going to be sick again, but she's too tired to even lift her head from Quinn's lap. There are no words exchanged as Julianna feels her head lift, there's a quiet shuffling before her head is placed back down.
Enzo runs his hand through her hair, the other rests on her hip. Julianna could feel her body begging to rest as if she was already in the games. Enzo is nudging her now, shaking her body. Julianna grumbles, peeling one eye half open.
He was hovering over her in a blur, holding out a piece of bread. She had no interest in eating right now, but there was no doubt in her mind that Enzo would refuse to take no for an answer. And, truthfully, Julianna was far too tired to argue. She grudgingly takes the bread, and Enzo smiles in triumph.
"Why are you here?" Julianna mumbles through bites of bread.
After a brief pause, Enzo sighs. "Your dad used to tell my dad that you get so anxious it makes you sick," he says.
Her stomach churns at the mention of her father, let alone her father revealing some of her most vulnerable moments. Enzo being in the know does not affect her, but the idea of other powerful men sharing that knowledge makes her feel like a child again.
"Oh, good."
Enzo chuckles, handing her another piece of bread. "Plus, I couldn't sleep."
Julianna shifts, peeling her body off the floor and sitting up. Her eyes are still closed; she rests her back against the wall. "I'm glad I could cure your boredom."
"How are you feeling?"
Julianna inhales, how is she feeling?
Well, her brother was God knows where- and she was soon to be in a blood bath with the love of her life. And according to the entirety of Panem, Julianna was going to die. She's pretty sure they're hoping she dies; they must be so tired of seeing her. She was old news; they'd moved on to someone new and exciting.
What if she dies and never gets to tell him?
What if she dies and Enzo goes on to marry another woman, what if he spends the rest of his life with someone other than her?
Julianna peels her eyes open; Enzo is already staring at her. She swallows, and that familiar sick feeling begins to rise in her throat again.
This is the closest she's ever come to admitting it out loud.
Julianna blinks, offering a weak smile. "Thank you, Enzo." She says instead.
In this life, falling in love can be the worst of crimes.
Julianna stands in the elevator again, this time, she isn't going all the way up. With a shaking hand, she steps forward and presses '12'. She itched her arms, her skin felt like it was on fire from all the gems and rhinestones that covered her body. When the doors open, Haymitch and Finnick Odair stand side by side in front of her.
The redhead shifted from one foot to the other, clasping her hands behind her back to console the violent shakiness of them. In truth, she wasn't sure why she was there. After the interviews were over, Julianna hadn't even stayed long enough to talk to Enzo. She's been avoiding him since the night before.
So, here she was, standing with shaking hands in front of what could be her worst mistake yet. Haymitch sighs, the two men move out of the way to let her in the gold earrings hidden by her long hair now revealing themselves.
Julianna inhales, stepping off the elevator. Her eyes find the gold bracelet secured around Finnick's left wrist, and her feet come to a halt.
"I'm not going any further until you tell me what's going on," Julianna demands, folding her arms over her chest.
The men seem to hesitate, but only for a moment before Finnick breaks out into a wide grin. It wasn't like the ones he used for the cameras, it was something she's never seen before. It was welcoming, a warm smile directed to her.
"We're forming an alliance," Finnick begins, leading Julianna further into district 12s suite.
She draws her brows together, her lips set in a thin line. "What kind of alliance?"
"When the games begin, you will do everything in your power to keep Katniss and Peeta alive. Even if that means sacrificing yourself," Haymitch explains, slowly, his words are carefully thought out.
"Why would I sacrifice myself for Katniss? Or Peeta? For them to win? And then what? You really think they're letting them both come out alive again?" Julianna rambles, running a hand down her face.
Finnick sighs, flashing his gold bracelet in the air for Julianna to see. The redhead huffs, slumping back in her chair. "This is more than just for Katniss and Peeta, it's the beginning of the rebellion."
Julianna's head is spinning, to be fair. She understood, but at the same time she didn't. Why did they trust her? She's from district 2, nobody goes anywhere near 2 and 1. Ever.
"And what makes you think you can trust me?" Julianna asks, eyes boring into Haymitch as he leans forward.
"Because I think the capital took just as much away from you as they did us."
At this, her first thought is of Tristan. Who is off god knows where doing god knows what, all because of her father. The grasp the President had over her father for years was rooted deep within her family, it makes Julianna wonder what he had against her father.
Or, maybe her father was just as bad as the President. Some people just want to watch the world burn, this she knew. Burning everything thing in its path until there's nothing left but plotted flames and the dust of old bones.
Julianna did not want to burn.
But, all in the same breath she does not want to fight. She does not want to put her family in more danger than they already were before. She does not want to take part in any revolution. She does not want anymore eyes on her, watching her every move.
And then for a moment, Julianna's eyes wander out the window. Down below are peace keepers lining the halls, there are old important men who. . . think important thoughts? The new head game maker stands with them, another man to his side. They stand tall with arrogance,
Why is it that old men declare war but it is them who must fight and die for it?
The two of them are staring at her when her turns her head, eager. If she didn't agree, they risk her running to the capital and revealing their secrets. But if she does agree, they'd gain a strong advantage to their side. Were they just using Julianna for her muscle? Yes. Was she oddly flattered? Yes.
She breathes, "okay."
Haymitch leans forward, "okay?" He repeats, glancing at Finnick.
It must have been the uncertainty in her voice or the lip between her teeth that made them not believe her, they weren't even sure they heard her correctly.
Julianna nods, "okay." She confirms.
Haymitch nods, his smile falls as she holds a hand up. "With one condition," she says, the boys cast yet another look at each other. "Enzo joins us."
Julianna knew something no one else could possibly know, that being there was absolutely no way she would come out of that arena alive without Enzo. Not in the way that she couldn't fight her own battles with the other tributes, it was the battles in her head she needed him for. Besides, he would never forgive her if she kept him in the dark about something like this.
"What makes you think we can trust Enzo?" Haymitch ponders, leaning back and taking a sip of whatever was in his glass. Julianna guesses whiskey.
Julianna opens her mouth, but Finnick beats her to it. "We can't."
She recoils, narrowing her eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Finnick." She remarked, the arrogant boy shrugs. "I thought you were friends?"
Finnick rubs his hands together, looking at Julianna as if she had just said the most idiotic thing he's ever heard. "We're camera friends."
"Camera friends?"
"Y'know, for the capital. Hug and smile and talk for panem to see, once the cameras are off, we're strangers again." Finnick explains, Julianna nods.
It made sense, but not enough for her to get on board with it. They might fake relationships for cameras, but Julianna never thought others faked their friendships. Julianna wonders if that's how they see her's and Enzo's friendship, for the camera.
"But" Finnick continued, gaining Haymitch's far away attention. "I'd rather him with us than against us." He persuades, Haymitch looks unsure.
"I'm not doing it without him so, either he's in or I'm not." She repeats, standing with her arms crossed.
She wasn't even sure they needed her alliance that badly, they could go without either of them or find someone else. A part of her hoped they needed her that badly, no one ever has.
Haymitch draws out a sigh, the stench of alcohol reaches Julianna, and she scrunches her nose. He picks up the box of earrings and holds them out to the red head victor, she grabs them with hesitance.
"Fine, but I hope you two know what you're getting yourselves into."