Sihan holds on to the straw as he looks at Noah in the crib who is snoozing. He is not sweating and he doesn't seem uncomfortable but he feels terrible. He closes his eyes from shame he had just barely spoken of what happened the other night.
"Don't worry Mr. Evans, as long as I am present little rest will be alright," he smiles calmly, intertwining fingers.
Sihan looks up at him confused, "huh"
"It's a little inside joke, his name in the old tongue means rest or repose so I just call him that, like my name it means 'he who supplants' " Amani said lightly.
Sihan smiles a bit before it falls back down as quickly as it came, he droops, he wants to talk to someone but he is scared.
Amani looks at Sihan patiently, he observes his demeanour and behaviour. He had been a doctor for quite some time now and he is no expert on human psychology but something in his gut is telling him to help him.
Sihan hesitated before opening his lips to say, "Doctor Amani, I'm scared."
Soon Noah, who was playing with the toys, looked up at his mother. He was still feeling sickly but he couldn't sleep. The doctor straightened his demeanour to listen.
"I'm scared, he was so angry it scared me. He wasn't like this, maybe I did something I don't know but if I make another mistake… I could get hurt or worse Noah could get hurt. I'm scared *hic*hic* I shouldn't have gotten Noah hurt, it's my fault. I feel so stupid and useless! I'm the worst parent out there, but still I'm afraid I might never see Noah again."
Amani looks at him as the tears stream down; he takes a small sip of his drink before looking at Noah with sympathy and compassion.
"Mr. Evans– no Sihan Evans, right now I'm not speaking to you as a doctor but as a person , a listener and someone to talk to. I don't know your boyfriend, but in no way should he allow your heart and soul to feel like this, his reaction, his treatment of you is not right regardless of the day he had, you shouldn't be on thin ice with your partner. Most of all you should be able to differentiate when it's your fault and when it's not,"
Sihan looks at Amani, confused. Amani takes a lollipop he was ready to unwrap but stops as if to change his mind and puts it down the table.
"I don't understand,"
"I think you do, but I think you're more concerned of what might happen after you accept it, Sihan it's an abusive relationship. You probably think "no he hasn't hurt me", but I beg to differ. If he loves you as you say he does then why do you not feel safe around him?"
"I use to–"
"Why is it that when you don't comply with his wants and wishes, he starts to show another side. Noah is young and impressionable. Be honest with yourself and look for a moment. Is that the kind of person you'd want around your son?"
Sihan bit into his lip harder, he loves Nathaniel he really does. But if he leaves him he is gonna take Noah away, if he loses Noah he doesn't think he'll be able to survive anything. Noah could see his mother looking at him, he stretches for him making baby sounds.
"Abuu, guuguu bababa"
Sihan gently picks up Noah, he checks his temperature. There was still a small fever but for better than last night, he could still remember the little hand that gripped tightly on his finger and never letting go, or him just staying there as his eyes followed him everywhere. He won't be able to see that anymore won't he?
"Dr. What do you think I should do?"
"For me it's quite the simple answer, for you it may not be the case." Amani slowly parts his lips, "run"
Sihan's mind blank out for a moment before vaguely saying, "I don't have anywhere to run to, he knows everyone and isn't it… overreacting a bit?"
Dr. Amani wasn't fazed and so he nodded, "then I'll give you time to think about it, if you decide so I'll make sure you are somewhere safe but you'd have to make some sacrifices for the safety of you and your child."
Sihan feels genuine emotion from him and so he sips the drink without saying much more.
A/n
I feel the better my mental health gets the more my ideas declines.