CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
THE IN BETWEEN
DISCONNECTED, THERE'S NO better word to describe my state whenever I'm left alone. I lie there like a rag doll, waiting for the next time someone will come and play with me. I'm picked up and thrown back down whenever Dani and Jose get tired of repeating the same questions. They don't succeed in making me talk, but they're good at making me suffer, I'll give them that.
There's frustration and worry inside of me, yet these emotions slip away easily, and I can only feel them hiding in some far corner of my mind. That, at least until the next time that either Dani or Jose will come to interrogate me, and I'll be a bit closer to my usual self for some time. Ironically, some of the words that are being said to me help me keep a connection to the real world, to my life before this. I hear those words so many times that I start to treat them as mere reminders of who I am and where I came from.
"Where is the money?"
"Where is Seth?"
"Who was the other girl with you?"
My body hurts, that's a constant. My hands are repeatedly twisted away from me to stop me from using any magic. It makes sleeping feel like anything but resting thanks to the pain that refuses to leave my body.
"I can do this all day, give you hell," Dani says at some point. Jose is standing behind her, observing me with an uncomfortable look on his face. "See how much your friend likes that when he sees you."
So there's a plan, I note to myself. "Whatever does it for you," I reply with a forced smile. "Especially since I'm done talking, so at least I hope you'll have a good time."
Her face twists into a furious one and I seem to spot a hint of desperation, yet it becomes a distant memory when she slaps me, the force of the hit making me fall onto my side. I don't know how long I've been here, but I can't blame her for thinking this would be easier. Dani yells something incoherent at me. I say nothing. She says it again, a bit slower but her voice is still loud. Nothing. The words fly from her mouth several more times with no result. Unfortunately for her, not only did I mean what I said, but I also feel that speaking would require too much effort from me.
Eventually, I watch as the duo leaves the room once again, and the haziness crashes back into me when the door closes. In an attempt to keep my head above the darkness, at least for a bit, I try to talk to myself internally: Stay here, stay, stay in this moment. I'm June Dawson, I'm taken, I need to get out of here, I'm a witch, I've been traveling with...
The state of my mind plays against me, and I feel like I'm on a fragile boat in stormy waters, about to be crushed by the waves at any possible moment. Get out, get out, out, out, out. Moving feels incredibly slow and challenging. I lie on my stomach, so my hands are more or less directed at the door. Then, I set my gaze on the door and focus.
After however long in here, I'm still not sure whether I'm too weak to use my magic or if it's gone somehow. So, now should be the moment of truth. I try to squeeze my fingers, which takes a great effort and physically hurts. I want to believe that I managed to move, but I don't feel my magic moving through me.
Come on, I beg myself. I have to think that my main way out is by me doing something to get myself out. However, the more time passes, the more hope begins to fade. Nothing's happening. I can't sense my magic and everything about the door seems perfectly normal. If I'd had any effect on it, it would have been up in flames by now.
I refuse to believe that my magic is gone, there's no way, but I still fear this option. The possibility makes me feel like I could lose a part of myself. My eyes swell up with tears from both the tiredness and my thoughts. I keep trying and trying, yet with time the little hope that I have fades, and eventually, my body surrenders back into unconsciousness.
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Something's wrong. The feeling overwhelms me and keeps getting stronger, making me feel like I'm slowly drowning in it until I feel suffocated. Then, my eyes snap open.
Dani is staring right at me. I would've wondered why she was this close to me if my body had been under my control. However, my chest starts going up and down at an alarming speed. She's choking me. She asks me something, her voice angry and strong, but my arms and legs are moving on their own, trying to resist her. I try to push her away but she's stronger than me, and as the seconds pass by, the pushing becomes something more similar to clawing.
Soon, I'm out again.
I don't know how long it takes me to open my eyes again, yet I doubt it has been long because Dani is still close. I'm sitting in front of her, a position I definitely didn't get into on my own, and she's glaring at me from the moment my sight and mind become clear.
"We have little time," she says and stands up. Then, reaches forward, her hand passing my sight. A moment later, my hair is being yanked back, forcing me to look her straight in the eyes. "Where is our money?"
I wonder how close she is to ripping out my hair. Keeping quiet is difficult, but I somehow manage. The pain that radiates from the back of my head to the rest of my body makes it impossible to think, and so I couldn't have answered her even if I'd wanted to. When she yanks harder, I exhale sharply. I can see she's waiting for me to make a sound, surrender, yet the anticipation and demand in her eyes mean nothing to me.
When she lets go of me, my throbbing head tilts down, my neck hurting from the angle she forced me into. "This is why I didn't like you from the moment I saw you with Jose," Dani says, pacing around the room. "You, Americans, you come here and you do what you want, take what you want. But not from us, not from me."
I close my eyes for a few seconds, hoping to fall unconscious and far away from both her and the pain.
"You think he's coming to get you?" She suddenly asks and heads towards me, her smile bitter and angry. "No one tried to save you, we don't even know where he is but he isn't here. No one needs you. We don't even need you, I wish we would have had your friend instead. You're useless, nena (girl). You just waste my time and my magic. We're both women but I don't know how you let him do you like this. I mean, if you have no money from all this, you're more stupid than I thought."
Dani is a talker, she likes to complain and insult. Jose isn't too quiet either, but I think his words mostly come from hurt. With Dani, I think she just likes talking. I usually let the things she says about me go over my head to save myself the energy, however this time she turns very personal. She starts repeating things about me being useless, alone, and stupid, making sure that I hear them and take them in.
She uses the opportunity that I'm looking her in the eyes, when she adds, "Are you stupid, Jane? Because you have nothing and no one, and even I can't use you. Así que pienso que you stupid or you useless. What do you think? Maybe both. How stupid can you be to let a man treat you like this? And you have nothing. Que triste, te lo juro, te digo eso como mujer (how sad, I swear, I'm telling you as a woman). You're a waste. Es eso? (Is that it?) You're just a waste? Even your magic..." she says and motions around her, "nada. You don't even fight. Todo eso es tan facil para me (It's all so easy for me). Pensaba que voy a tener trabajar más con ti, pero no (I thought I would have to work harder, but no). Casi siento que (I almost feel like) I'm wasting my magic."
Dani belittles me, and it gets to me. I hate it, yet I don't find a way to escape it and it feels like her words have no end. I don't cry, but something inside of me breaks and hurts, and every word she says is like another needle poking at me. It makes everything worse, my body feels ten times heavier. I stay silent, hoping no reaction will make her stop. I'm wrong; it all goes on for a while, her words swirling all over my head until it feels like a permanent reminder.
I close my eyes at a certain point. Despite my hope, it doesn't help. Even when she leaves, I keep hearing Dani's voice in my head, taunting me, until I black out.
When I open my eyes again, I get a feeling that something changed. The discomfort and pain are still present, yet they feel further away from me, toned down. I feel more in control of my body, but something's still not quite right. I realize the room looks different; a little blurry and the color of the walls seems a bit brighter. Then, I realize someone is standing in front of me. I frown, studying the waves of her long hair, her lean figure, and the tight clothes.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, the words forming easier than usual.
Santanico turns around. "Good, you're up," she says without showing any emotion and comes closer to me, arms crossed over her chest with a look of anticipation.
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