Idiots to Lovers (bxb)

By itsmeimthevampire

354K 20.8K 16.2K

||WATTY WINNER 2023🌟|| Two strangers pretend to be a couple to win a dumb bet. The wager: they must enrol in... More

1 | Neon Nike's and Chocolate Muffins
2 | Sunlight, Buttercups, and All Things Yellow
3 | Lost Keys and Grandma's Wrestling Career
4 | A Bit-too-sweet Cake and the Future of the Galaxy
5 | Faking Allergies and Losing At Therapy
6 | Fake Orchids and Exchanging Numbers
7 | The Pain of Having an Older Sibling
8 | A Furious Manager and A Brave Escapade
9 | Stolen Ice Cream and Sneaky Sheep
10 | Breaking Eggs For A Hundred Cupcakes
11 | Lumpy Toadstools and Fondant Flowers
12 | Rainbow Caterpillar and The Chair Pile
13 | Three Reasons Why
14 | A Depressing Spotify Playlist
15 | Just Two Bros Making Christmas Cake
16 | Roller Skates and Disco Lights
17 | random short chapter just here to piss my readers off xP
18 | why can't this boy just go out and do something instead of listening to...
19 | The Allergies Are For Real This Time (I Swear)
20 | Breaking Brownies and a Bit of Bribery
21 | Happy Songs and Runny Eggs
Part Two - taking reader requests for special scenes
22 | That Annoying Beam of Light That Wakes You Every Morning
23 | Always Keep Your Phone on Silence When Sneaking Around
24 | The Addiction Starts
25 | House on Fire
26 | Things Only Get Worse Where Everett Is Concerned
27 | The Not-Very-Relaxing Drive
Bonus | Poem by Brian
28 | Ice-cream Date
Flashback | So Far In The Friendzone
Flashback | It Was Most Definitely A Date, Right?
Flashback | It doesn't make a difference if he's gay-he still wouldn't like you
29 | You've sucked me into the absolute torture that is Wattpad
30 | Glow in the dark stickers
31 | Honestly, I do not trust everett and I do not trust whatever he is planning
32 | How Many Kinds of Green Are There Anyway?
33 | Paint Got On Everything Except For The Wall
34 | This Was Really Not My Fault
35 | The Mandatory Fairground Date In Every Wattpad Book
36 | Everyone Knows Carnival Games Are Rigged
37 | Baby You're A Haunted House
38 | No Space For You on My Beanbag
39 | That Questionable Christmas Cake From Earlier
40 | Snow Monster
41 | Secret Recipe Hot Chocolate
43 | A Big, Huge, Giant Hat
44 | A big ball of cake rolling across the floor
45 | Bon-Bons and (Not) Baking
46 | Christmas at the Cafe
47 | Gingerbread House
48 | Practice is Overrated
49 | A Festive Surprise
50 | Caramel Candycane Christmas Candle β„’
51 | A Controversial Christmas Present
52 | In The Moonlight
Authors Note
Quiz | Which Character Am I?

42 | This is why you should never preheat the oven

2.6K 179 162
By itsmeimthevampire

Everett

"Hey Jamie." I pulled on the cords of my puffer jacket.

"Oh good, you're here." She looked relieved as she ushered me in. "I hate to leave but I really can't miss another exam."

"No, don't worry about it. Erm...might have been partly my fault, to be honest."

"Help yourself to any food, okay? I won't be back till night," she said before leaving.

I threw my coat and scarf on the rack before pulling off my boots. Taking the stairs two at a time, my fuzzy socks padded across the carpet to Clementine's room. I paused outside the door, tapping softly with the tip of my finger before I creaked it open.

Clementine was slumped sideways on the bed, his head hanging off the edge. The dustbin beneath him was a volcano of balled up tissues, spilling over the floor like it had erupted. The tissue box was balanced on his chest, both hands yanking out all its contents.

I walked into his eyeline, leaning over his shoulder. "Hey."

Clementine squinted and then blinked. The dark shadows under his eyes just as purple as his irises. "Am I dead?"

"It's just a cold, cutie." I honked his nose to prove I wasn't a hallucination. It was a little leakier than I thought.

"Ew, why did you touch that. It's gross." He wrinkled his nose in distaste. It was even redder than the rest of his face, the skin around it rough and peeling from being rubbed too much.

"It's just snot, it's not—"

It did feel a little slimy actually, slippery between my fingers as they rubbed together. I stole a tissue and wiped it off, tossing it in the already overflowing bin. "Maybe a little," I corrected, smirking at him. "But I've touched worse...bodily fl—"

"Okay, okay," he cut me off, face turning even redder if that were possible. "I just don't want you to get sick."

I shrugged, perching at the edge of his bed. I pushed back the slick hair sticking to his forehead, resting the back of my hand near his temple. "You're a bit warm."

Clementine struggled into a sitting positon. "What are you doing here anyway?" He frowned. "You should leave, you'll catch these," he waved an arm around, "germs. They're everywhere."

"But I'm here for the germs," I protested. "I mean, because of them. I came to look after you."

A flicker of panic shot across Clementine's face. So fast that I wondered if I had imagined it.

"You don't need to look after me."

I pouted. "I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend."

"I'm fine." He coughed.

"You look like crap."

His lips twisted into a smile. "Is that you being a good boyfriend?"

"Yes!" I glared at him. "I'm going to cook you food and administer medicine and everything."

"I already took medicine," he squeaked out, not even trying to hide his fear now. "There's nothing to administer!"

I couldn't think of a witty response to that, my mind still stuck on his earlier words. "Did you just call me your boyfriend?"

Clementine opened and closed his mouth. "I think you said it first."

"I know." I grinned. "I think it's the first time I've actually heard you say it in the past four months we've been dating."

He spluttered, "I'm sure I have before."

"Uhuh." I leaned back on my elbows, tapping on his phone to light up the screen. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah I had breakfast."

"It's past lunchtime." I lifted the phone, showing the time displayed. "I'll make something. What do you want?"

"Umm...cornflakes?"

"For lunch? Why?"

"Because I don't want my house to burn down."

"I think I can manage cooking a meal!" I huffed, getting to my feet. "I'll make you something nice." I prodded him back as he tried to scramble up. "Stay here."

Shutting the door behind me, I made my way to the kitchen. The fridge was packed with vegetables, which I admittedly didn't know how to cook, and a quick look through the cupboards revealed various spices which I also didn't know how to use. When I promised to cook I was sort of under the impression that there would be a box of preprepared mac n' cheese that I could throw in a pot.

I opened the big freezer; there were three drawers. The first one held a single tub of cookie dough ice cream. The next was packed with meat, but I had never tried cooking that before. I feared Clementine wouldn't forgive me so easily if I ended up giving him salmonella. I opened the third drawer.

"Bingo!" I pulled out a box of frozen pizza, apparently the only food in this house which I didn't have to make from scratch.

I tore open the box, not bothering to peel off the small tape. I usually wouldn't have preheated the oven but Clementine always insists it makes food taste better, and I wanted to make him a nice pizza—especially after what he had insinuated about my cooking skills. So I turned it on.

That was my first mistake.

I tore through the rest of the packaging while waiting for it to preheat, but belatedly realized that I had torn through the bit where it showed the cook time and the oven settings. I tried to piece it together but the paper was too damp with condensation. I reasoned that, perhaps, a pizza is not too different to a cupcake. Heat is just heat anyway. In my opinion, oven manufacturers only add different settings so that all the buttons make it look fancy.

I opened the oven and a gust of hot air blew out at me. I winced, remembering I can't just throw in the pizza barehanded like how I usually do. That was close.

I couldn't find an oven mitt anywhere so I wrapped a few paper towels around my hand. Just in case my knuckles touch the side of the oven or something—safety first and all that. I picked up the pizza and went to place it on the oven tray, but the instant my hands entered, the paper towels caught on fire.

"HOLY FU—"

I dropped the blazing tissue on the pizza and slammed shut the oven door. My hands rushed to turn off all the knobs. Panicked, I yanked out the plug. Slowly, the fire in the oven started dissipating, and then it fizzled out.

I clutched onto the counter, heart hammering in my throat. The kitchen is fine, the kitchen is fine, I chanted to myself, there was a fire but it was very, VERY small. And contained.

When I had calmed down enough, I peeked into the oven. Slowly, I opened it, pulling out the now cooled down tray. The pizza was burnt on one side and frozen on the other. The burnt side had that charred tissue stuck on it, completely blackened along with the crust. The frozen side was...perhaps still salvageable. But there was no way in hell I was going to fall again to the mercy of that oven.

I swallowed my pride and poured out a bowl of cornflakes.

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