"LILY WHERES MY LIPSTICK!"
"Mary can you finish my hair, it's on the desk Marls!"
"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY OTHER SHOE?!"
"Lily hold still!"
"Guess now isn't the best time." Sirius laughed peeking his head in the door or the girls dorms and observing the chaos.
"Sirius we're getting dressed!" Mary exclaimed dropping Lily's hair in shock.
"Sorry sorry, just lookin for Theo. She around?"
"Bathroom." Lily pointed and just as she did Theodora stepped out of the bathroom in a stunning gown.
"Found it!" She smiled holding up her heel with pride.
"You look gorgeous Teds!" Mary admired, returning to her work curling Lily's hair carefully with her wand.
"Indeed you do." Sirius winked and pulled Theodora aside. "Remus needs you."
"Oh...yeah of course. I'll be over in two minutes."
"Thanks Teds." He kissed her cheek and waved the others goodbye before hurrying out of the door in his tailcoat.
Theodora pulled on her shoe and fixed her hair before hurrying out of the dorm, her large gown bustling around her as she sped down the stairs. She had to hike up her skirts to climb the stairs to the boys dorm and by the time she reached their door her chest was heaving in her tight corset.
She tapped quickly on the door before entering. In the boys dorm she found equal chaos to the girls as James leapt around the room in his boxers and Peter struggled with his dress robes.
"Where's Remus?" She panted and the boys stopped in slight shock.
"Fuck, Teddy!" Peter exclaimed wrapping his shirt around his waist self consciously.
"He's in the loo!" James grinned. "You look ravishing Theodora!"
"Why thank you prongsie." She gave him a wink before moving to the bathroom door. She knocked softly.
"Rem, it's me, open the door."
She heard the latch in the door click open and slipped in the door as gracefully as possible in a dress twice her width.
"Bloody hell, you look- fuck." Remus stuttered.
"Thank you?"
"You're beautiful."
He stood Infront of the sink, his hair wet and a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked tired, the full moon less than a week prior had been his worst in a long time. There was no wondering why. It was his first moon without Hope and it showed. The thick scars that stretched around his chest were red and harsh against his pale skin.
"What's going on." Theodora said, gently touching his arm and moving closer to him. He stared at himself in the mirror.
"I don't think I can go tonight."
"Oh...I understand." She said, a little disappointed but she really did understand. It seemed so strange to be going to some fancy ball so soon after Hope's death, nevertheless she had been looking forward to it.
"I'm sorry, I just really don't feel up to it. I'm so sorry." His voice cracked a little bit as he stared down at the ball gown swathed around her.
"It's alright I promise, look I'll go change and we can just snuggle up in bed and read all night yeah?"
"No."
"What?"
"No, no I don't want that."
"Okay...what do you want Remus?"
"I don't know I just- I don't want you to miss out just because I'm being stupid and weird."
"You're not stupid or weird Rem, I understand. I know it's hard and it feels wrong to be going to some silly ball after- after Hope."
"It's not some silly ball Teds I know this means a lot to you."
"It really doesn't, I had to go to tons of these as a kid. It's nothing new. Plus there's the valentine's ball in February. It's no big deal."
"But you're all dressed up, and you look so pretty and I want you to go and have fun. You deserve to have fun."
"It won't be fun without you."
He was silent for a moment. Theodora couldn't tell what was going in his mind, nothing good clearly, but usually she could read him like a book. He'd been so closed off ever since his Mum passed, like he was scared to show how he really felt.
"Fine."
"What?"
"Fine, I'll go."
"Remus no, that's- that's not what I wanted. I don't want you to go if you don't feel up to it."
"No, no it's fine. I'll go. I can't promise dancing but I'll go and watch you dance with Sirius or something."
"Rem please, just let me go change and we'll stay here and just go to sleep or read or listen to music, whatever you want. I'm happy to just be with you."
"Look just stop okay I'm giving you what you want. I'll go. I want to go."
"Arre you sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure." He smiled. "Now get out so I can get dressed."
"Nothin I haven't seen." She smirked.
"Oh fuck off, get out. I'll see you down stairs yeah?"
"Alright, see you in a minute."
"Is he alright?" James, now dressed, asked when she exited the bathroom.
"Alright as he can be, he'll be out in a minute."
"Thanks Tee." Sirius gave her a wink and she exited the dorms, a little disheartened by the whole interaction but excited nonetheless. Everything would be alright once they go to the dance.
Mary, Marlene and Lily clamoured down to the common room soon after Theodora arrived. They all wore large ball gowns and Marlene donned a black masquerade mask.
"You all look beautiful!" Theodora hugged them all happily.
"Merlin's beard Evans!" James exclaimed as he almost missed the last step of the staircase in shock. His jaw dropped almost cartoonishly when he laid eyes on Lily and he immediately came to greet her, giving her a very enthusiastic kiss.
Sirius kissed Mary's hand upon greeting her and she blushed slightly. Peter left to find Desdemona and Marlene to find Dorcas in the dunegons.
"You lot go ahead, I'll wait for Remus." Theodora smiled and ushered then on through the portrait hole. They offered comforting hugs before leaving her alone in the common room.
She sat on the armchair beside the fireplace and starred into the flames as she waited.
Five minutes,
Ten,
Twenty,
She began to get worried.
Twenty-five,
"Theodora?" A croaky voice sounded behind her. She turned quickly to find Remus. His face tearstained, his hands shaky and his suit a rumpled mess.
"I didn't think you'd still-"
"Remus what happened!" She hurried to him quickly cupping his cheeks and checking for injuries before pulling him into a hug.
"In sorry, in sorry, in sorry." He whispered.
"It's okay, shhh it's okay. Come, sit down."
She led him to the sofa and sat beside him on the plush leather.
"I tried, I just I felt I'll and then everything just hurt so much. I don't think I can do it."
"I told you I don't mind staying here. It's okay love."
"I don't want you to-"
"I'm not missing anything, there'll be plenty of dances down the line. All I care about right now it you."
"I'm ready to go now, I can go. I promise I'm fine, we can go."
"Remus you're not fine, you're a mess. You don't want to go and I don't want to leave you here alone. Cmon, let's get to bed yeah?"
"No, no, look I put on my suit. I wanna go, I'm ready to go."
"Remus-"
"I DID THIS FOR YOU! CANT YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR ONCE, FUCKIN HELL TEDDY IN TRYING TO BE NICE HERE."
Theodora sat in stunned silence, searching for the right words to say.
"Fuck, sorry. I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted."
"It's okay."
"No it's not."
"I don't mind."
"Well you should."
"Well I don't." She quirked a smile and he stared at his hands, fiddling with his rings.
"Cmon." She stood and held a hand for him to take.
He let out a sigh and took her hand.
Remus expected Theodora to lead him upstairs, to change into pyjamas and crawl into bed beside him and let him wallow in his grief. To his surprise she led him out of the portrait hole, down the staircase and to the doors of the great hall. She fixed his tie and ruffled his hair before smiling a pushing the doors open.
The hall was filled to the brim with students, all dressed up in suits and gowns. Couples waltzed happily around the centre of the hall while others lingered around tables laden with goblets and dishes. It looked breathtakingly beautiful, the ceiling displaying a clear, starry sky. Candles and pumpkins decorated every table and hung from the ceiling.
"Do you want a drink?" She grinned up at him and he nodded.
With goblets of pumpkin juice in hand they found James and Lily sitting laughing with eachother.
"Hey! We were getting worried." Lily exclaimed upon spotting her friends, she waved them over and James pulled up two more chairs beside them.
"Not dancing Potter?"
"Oh dear Teddy, you missed quite the show."
"My toes will never recover." Lily laughed.
"Have you two had a dance yet?"
"We only just got here, give us a chance!" Theodora grasped Remus' hand tightly and leaned into him.
"Where's Sirius?" Remus asked, uttering his first words since they left the common room. James simply pointed in response. Sirius was swirling around the hall with Mary, grinning like a mad man and moving his feet as swiftly as a gazelle.
"Bloody show-off." James muttered.
"Awww, jealous Jamesie?" Theodora jeered, poking James' side, launching the pair into a tickling match.
Lily and Remus shared a knowing look, they were stuck with their two idiots.
"TEDDDYYY!!!" A rather drunk Marlene came stumbling over to them, embracing Theodora tightly.
"Bloody hell Marls how are you already bladdered?"
"Oh shush Potter it's a PARTY!"
"It's a ball Marlene."
"Shut it moonboy."
"Sorry, sorry, she ran off when she saw you." Dorcas rushed towards them panting harshly.
"Marls I told you not to run off you dimwit."
"You luurrrve me."
"Yeah alright cmon let's leave these sober people alone." Dorcas ushered Marlene away hastily and they disappeared into some dark corner.
"Always life of the party Marlsy." Remus mocked.
"Oh leave her be, she's been having a hard time." Lily said defensively.
"How so?"
"Fucking pigheaded Slytherin assholes." Theodora muttered angrily.
"What?"
"There's a bunch of Slytherins that keep going at her, for you know...dating a girl. And being a Gryffindor, and 'tainting one of their own'." Lil explained.
"Pigs." James grimaced.
"That's disgusting." Remus said in shock.
"They're disgusting."
"I didn't know..."
"She doesn't like to make a fuss, you know Marlene."
"Yeah..."
"You alright?" Theodora whispered softly, touching Remus' arm. She asked so quietly if she hadn't been speaking directly into his ear (and if he didn't have werewolf hearing( he wouldn't have heard her.
"Fine." He hummed back and threw an arm around her shoulders.
"Teddy my dear, can I have this dance?" Lily was holding out a hand to Theodora.
"Evans darling, you may." Theodora stood, shooting Remus a smile, and followed Lily onto the dancefloor.
Remus and James sat watching the girls dance. James grinned as Lily twirled around happily, laughing when they tripped over each others dresses.
Remus just grew sad. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He wanted nothing more than to be out there with Theodora, holding her close and hearing her laugh in his ear as he spun her around the hall. Yet, some small part of him resented her for bringing him here, hated her for leaving him alone, despised her for even wanting to be here. How could she want to be at a dance, how could she be so happy, when his entire world was falling apart. He felt broken.
When Theodora returned to her seat, she found an empty chair where Remus had been.
"He went to get a drink." James explained, and she nodded.
Soon James convinced Lily to try dancing with him one more time and they left Teddy alone. She searched the crowd of students for her mop of curls, usually visible above the heads of everyone else, but there was no sign of him. So she sat, and waited. She waited and waited and waited until-
"Theodora."
She looked up. There he stood, tall and thin, dark hair flopping around his face and an empty look in his eyes. He swayed slightly where he stood and she could tell something was wrong.
"Regulus? What's wrong?"
"Wanna dance."
"Reg I-"
"I've been watching you, you've been alone for so long. I saw him leave Theo he's gone."
"No he-"
"He walked away."
"I need to find him, I'm sorry-"
"Dance with me Theodora."
"I can't Regulus I'm sorry I-"
"Please."
He looked so sad, so lonely. They were two lost souls searching for something to hold onto, something to lean on. Yes Remus was her soulmate, her perfect match, they balanced eachother, they were perfectly different. But Merlin, Regulus black was her mirror, her twin soul. Theodora Malfoy and Regulus Black were one and the same.
"Alright." She said softly.
He led her to the centre of the room and held her close, one hand on her waist and the other held her hand in his, stretched Infront of them. He stood tall and began to move, she followed his lead as he stepped. They moved in perfect synchronicity, their bodies melting together into one. Her gown swirled around her as Regulus spun her around daintily, like spinning a daisy in his fingers. She laughed as he dipped her so close to the ground her hair brushed the tiles before whipping back up the his chest.
"I never stopped loving you Theodora." He whispered and she stumbled ever so slightly on her footing as they continued to spin around the room. She couldn't catch her breath, the corset pulled tight around her chest suddenly felt like it was suffocating her. She couldn't breathe.
"Regulus- Reg I can't-"
"Oh stop it, he doesn't love you Theodora! He doesn't even know you! The minute he saw the real, messy side of you he bolted. That's really who you want?!"
"That's not- that's not true!" She gasped as the room began to spin as she did, her head pounded as her eyes began to swim with tears.
"It is true! Where was he when you were sobbing in my dorm every night? When you were high off your mind throwing up in my bathroom? Where was he then huh? Cause I was there. I was there Theodora! Why can't you just see that!"
"He was- we were- Reg I can't breathe!"she tried to suck in as much air as she could but just couldn't seem to grasp enough to stop her stomach doing summersaults.
"I did everything you wanted, I'm kind to everyone, I gave up smoking, I fucking joined- look I did it all for you, because, because I figured you'd love me Teddy!"
"I can't! I love Re- Remus!"
He stopped still suddenly and Theodora dropped to the floor, her dress pooling around her as Regulus starred down at her with hard eyes.
"Here she is everyone!" He announced, "Perfect little Theodora, always lovely Theodora, darling brave Gryffindor Theodora. Just wait and they'll see you for what you really are, Malfoy!" He practically spat the word Malfoy.
He backed away and stumbled into the crowd that stood staring at the scene in the middle of the hall.
Tears streamed down Theodora's face uncontrollably and she still couldn't breathe properly. All she wanted to do was to rip her dress off and runaway but she couldn't. She couldn't move, she couldn't stand or run, she couldn't breathe.
A pair of hands found their way beneath her shoulders and lifted her to her feet. They swung under her and picked her up with ease, carrying her like a child away from the chaos of the hall. Eyes followed as they left, whispers echoing after them but Theo couldn't think, she couldn't even face her saviour.
At the Gryffindor portrait hole she looked up and finally saw his face.
Sirius.
His jaw was clenched and his face hard as stone. He muttered the password and stepped inside, carrying me over to the sofa and placing me down carefully.
"Sirius I- I need to," I started clawing at my back, trying to untie the suffocating corset. Sirius nodded in understanding. He sat beside me and turned my shoulder so my back faced him. He ever-so-gently loosened the laces and my body finally fell limp.
"Thank you." I sighed in relief.
"In sorry...about Regulus."
"It's not your fault."
"I should've stepped in sooner, I should've never let him come near you. He's a little prick."
"No, no Sirius it's not your fault and Regulus isn't a prick. He was just hurt. He- he loves me and I can't- I can't love him back."
Sirius was silent for a moment. Then he turned my shoulders so I would face him again. He cupped my face and stared into my soul with those piercing grey eyes of his.
"Just because someone loves you doesn't mean they can't hurt you." He said it so sincerely it almost sounded rehearsed, like something he told himself so often it was a mantra at this point. Tears threatened to fall again so I closed my eyes and stepped away from him.
"Yeah...thanks Sirius, Thank you for everything."
"Of course."
"I'm going to get to bed and...yeah, Goodnight Sirius."
"Goodnight Theodora."
She took the stairs, every step agonising. Breathe,
Step,
Breathe,
Don't fall,
Not yet,
Breathe,
Step.
She lingered at the door to her dorm, begging herself to open it. She heard someone moving around inside, so she knocked hesitantly on the door.
"Who is it?!" He asked gruffly.
"Remus?" She opened the door, he was pacing the room angrily, a piece of parchment gripped tightly in his first.
"What the fuck is this??" He roared.
"What the fuck Teddy?? How could you keep this from me?? How could you do this?!"
"Remus, I don't, I don't understand. What's going on?"
"WHATS GOING ON??! What's going on his you hid my Mum's fucking Will from me Theodora!"
"What?!!" Her mind raced, trying desperately to figure out what he was talking about. Then it dawned on her.
"The letter." She breathed.
"Yeah the fucking letter. So you did know, you knew and you hid it from me. I've been going fucking mental trying to find this. This is the last bloody thing my mother ever wrote to me and you hid it!"
Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he screamed at her with such vigour it practically shook the room.
"Remus, Remus please just let me explain!"
"What is there too explain? You must be fucking mental, you'd have to be fucking insane to do this. There's something seriously wrong with you."
"Remus!"
She was frozen in shock. She expected those words from others, from everyone else in her life she expected those words. Never from him. Never from Remus.
Her knees gave out and she fell into a ruffled, lacy mess on the hard, wooden floor.
"And there you go again. You can't just cry and make everything okay Teddy this is despicable."
"She told me to." She whispered.
"What?!"
"She told me to hide it."
"Your lying, it's addressed to me you fucking liar. Why would she write a letter to me with her last bloody will and testament and then tell you to hide it."
"She- she didn't want you to read it-"
"BULLSHIT!"
"UNTIL YOU WERE READY!" Theodora wailed, trying to explain herself between Remus' outbursts, flinching at his every word.
"What's that supposed to mean? I was never gonna be ready for this Theodora. I wasn't ready for her to get sick, I wasn't ready for her to fucking die but she did and I loved through it. I wasn't prepared for that and it wasn't hidden away from me. I can't believe you did this."
"I was just trying to do what she wanted."
"WHO CARES?! SHES DEAD THEO! SHES DEAD AND IM ALIVE! HOW CAN YOU CARE MORE ABOUT THE WISHES OF A CORPSE THAN ME?"
"Don't twist things like that Remus."
"I'm not twisting bloody anything."
"She's your mum Remus. You'd don't mean any of this."
"Yes I FUCKING DO!"
"NO YOU DONT! YOURE UPSET, OKAY. I GET IT. I SHOULDNT HAVE KEPT THE LETTER FOR SO LONG, I DIDNT KNOW IT EAS HER FUCKING WILL OKAY?!"
"Oh so you weren't just keeping it from me to hide the fact she left you everything."
"What?"
"The money, she left you almost all of her inheritance money Teddy."
"I- she said she left me something, she didn't tell me- I didn't know."
"Right, of course you didn't. Merlin just stop fucking lying!"
"I'm not lying!"
"I can't do this, I can't fucking believe you."
"Remus! REMUS!" She screamed after him as he ran out of the dorms and stormed down the stairs. She followed after him, begging him to stop, begging him to stay.
"FUCK OFF THEODORA!" He yelled as he left the common room, but she didn't. She wouldn't. Not again. They'd been here too many times.
"REMUS JUST STOP!"
"why?" He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face her. His face was flaming red with anger and his knuckles and turned white from the strain of his balled fists. Theodora took a step back, for the first time in all the time she'd known him she was genuinely scared.
"I never meant to hurt you. Remus I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I fucked up, I'm sorry your mum died, I'm sorry your life is messed up, I'm sorry I'm fucked in the head, I'm just-"
"Sorry doesn't fix it Theodora. Sorry doesn't make it go away. No amount of apologies could ever fix this."
"Then tell me what will. Please, Remus just tell me what I can do."
"Why don't you just leave me alone and go fuck Regulus. Isn't that what you usually do when we fight?"
"What?!"
"Oh stop the bullshit. I saw you two earlier. Yeah, I was there, your boyfriend was there. I came to find you when I found the letter and I saw you."
"Remus you don't understand-"
"No I think I understand perfectly Theodora. You know I always thought you were so mysterious. My little enigma, always surprising me. I thought it was so exciting, never knowing what you'd do next. I'd think I had you figured out and then you'd get piss drunk at a party and do something off the rails. And for the longest time I thought that was some crazy part of you that only came out when you were off your head inebriated. But I think I've really figured you out now. Because that, that version of you, that's who you really are. Isn't it?"
"no." she squeaked, crying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall as he stared into her soul.
"No? See I think it is. I think you want everyone to see you as the lovely soft little Teddy who just wants to snuggle up and read a book, but really you're just a fucked up kid who tries to self-destruct every chance she gets. Every time we're happy. Every time you're happy. You fuck it up. You know, I feel so sorry for you, Theodora. Because if you keep going like this, you are never gonna be happy."
"why are you saying this, Remus don't say that. Please don't."
"All I wanted to do was help you, I wanted to fix you. It's like I had some fucked up hero complex or something. I don't think I ever even loved you. I think maybe it was just whatever Gryffindor gene I have telling me I had to save you. But I did that. I saved your life, multiple times. My jobs done. Now fuck off Theodora Malfoy."
At that, he turned on his heel and walked away. She didn't follow, she couldn't, she had fallen apart.