"What?!" I refuse to believe what I've just been told. I'm not sure what I believe less- the fact that I've been Marked, or the fact that I didn't know. If I actually am Marked, how could I not know? Surely there would have been some physical sign, right? But yet, with the way Atlas and Gemma are still looking at me, eyes wide, I have to believe it. Their reaction was so visceral and so very hard to fake. Even the gryphons, who are sticking close to Gemma, seem nervous. The adult has her eyes wary, and the young one, who had sidled up to its mother, is giving me a wary look. "What the hell do you mean?"
"You didn't know," Atlas says under his breath, and I look over at him.
"Clearly I didn't know!" I snap, and Gemma lets out a long exhale, shaking her head.
"It's not totally surprising," she mentions. "It's in a place that you can't see on your own, and it blends in with the color of your hair. Whichever Vulture Marked you, they were smart about it."
"I don't even know how to feel about this," I say, putting my head in my hands. "What do I do now?"
"Let's go to Savannah. I know enough about Marks to recognize one when I see it, but that's as far as my knowledge goes. Savannah, though, is a bit of an expert. She knows everything about Marks, and so far, Matt's is the only one she didn't know how to deal with. She'll be able to tell you what to do next, and she may even be able to tell you how you got it," Gemma explains, and I nod, taking a shaky breath. Gemma pats the heads of both gryphons, and they take off into the air, flying back to the mountain.
My head spins as I follow Gemma to Savannah's tent. Atlas is beside me, gently squeezing my shoulder as we walk. As confused as I am, one thing is quite clear to me now. One thing that confirms that I have been Marked. And that one thing is Lucifer's presence in my mind. He said, very early on, that he wouldn't have let me go into the Outside without a way to communicate with me. At the time, I didn't question it. But now, I'm thinking back to that statement.
Is it possible that the Mark is how he's able to communicate with me? Is it the Mark that allows his voice into my head? And if that's the case, how much can he see? Can he look into my head whenever he wants and see whatever he desires? The thought makes me nervous. If he can pick through my mind, he probably knows about my doubts. He knows that I haven't been doing much to complete my mission. Hell, I haven't even tried to find out what protects the Renegades from the Cardinals. In the grand scheme of things, I'm no closer to completing my mission than I was a month ago.
In many ways, I'm further than ever.
But the question remains, how did I even get my Mark? Now, I don't know much about Marks, seeing as I'd never heard of them until I learned of Matt's, but from what I understand, one has to be touched to receive a Mark. Lucifer certainly hadn't touched me before I entered the Outside. Even if it didn't take a physical touch, certainly there would have been some sort of sign that I was Marked? Something to tell me that it was there?
"Savannah!" In all my inner mental twisting, I hadn't even noticed that we'd gotten to Savannah's medical tent. Gemma takes my hand and we burst into the tent, Atlas hot on our heels. Savannah's sitting on the ground, holding a pestle in both hands, a mortar secured between her feet. She looks up at us when we enter, the two other people in the tent looking over, as well. Israel is sitting on one of the cots with Rosalie on his lap. The little girl is leaning against her father's chest, a slight sheen of sweat covering her skin and a cough that sounds like it's rattling her entire chest.
"Hey, guys. You need Savannah, too?" Israel asks, his voice shaking. I didn't notice when we entered, but Israel looks terrified. But I suppose any parent with a sick child would be scared.
"Is it an emergency?" Savannah asks as she continues to grind.
"No, you can finish what you're doing. Rosalie looks like she needs your attention more than we do," I answer. Gemma and Atlas both look at me, but Savannah just laughs a little bit.
"Rosalie's fine. It's just a cold," Savannah responds, looking over at Israel. She shakes her head slightly when she sees his terrified expression. She pushes the mortar away and stands up, taking the mortar over to where she's already got some water boiling. She takes a spoon and pours the powder into the water. "Seriously, Israel, she's fine. Just a bit of cough and fever. I'm going to give her some of this ginger tea and that should hopefully ease her cough. You should also take some of those rags over there. Get them wet with cold water and keep them on her forehead and the back of her neck. That'll help with the fever."
"Yes, but, Savannah-"
"It's not what you're thinking, Israel. Trust me on that. I saw enough of that to know. It is just a cold," she reminds him, before sighing. "If it gets worse or her fever refuses to break, then bring her back, and we'll go from there, okay?"
"Okay," Israel concedes, but I can see on his face that his fears are nowhere near assuaged. But what he's scared of, that's what I don't know. From what I can see, it does look like Rosalie just has a cold. In an adult, this kind of a cold would barely keep them down. In a child, especially one as young as Rosalie, it presents itself a lot more severely. Their immune system isn't as developed yet, and it ravages their small body quickly. But children are also resilient. She'll bounce back and in a few days, it'll be like she was never sick.
"So, are we cool? Can I see what our friends need?" Savannah asks as she reaches for the pot of tea. Her hands shake a little, and she sighs in defeat. Atlas walks over to her, patting my shoulder as he passes, and pours the tea. Savannah takes a deep breath and eases herself onto a cot, rubbing her hip. Gemma immediately sits next to her and starts to massage her girlfriend's other hip. It's touching, really, to see that Gemma knows what Savannah needs without a single word between them. Atlas takes the tea over to Israel, patting his shoulder as the latter helps his daughter drink the tea. She coughs a little more, before falling asleep.
"I'm going to get those cold rags. Annalise is devastated that she can't take care of Rosalie, but she also knows that if our daughter is sick, she can't be around the food," Israel says as she stands up, holding Rosalie close. "Oh, but, Savannah. Is there any way for me to prevent myself from getting sick? Annalise doesn't need the both of us getting sick." Savannah looks up at me, eyebrow raised in anticipation.
"Drink plenty of water, try and get some good sleep, and eat some fruit. If you want, take some of that ginger tea, too. Ginger is great for boosting the immune system," I answer. Savannah nods, looking extremely proud.
"Yeah, that's my girl. You're coming along nicely in your natural medicine lessons," she beams, and I smile softly. Natural medicine isn't that different from the medicine inside of the City. It's the same concept. I'm just treating illness with medicine made from plants instead of the chemical medicine in the City. I'm not sure yet which one I prefer. "So, you three came here for a reason. What's going on?"
"Oh, right!" Gemma says, standing up and grabbing my hand as Israel finally exits the tent with Rosalie. She has me kneel in front of Savannah, pointing to my head. "We need you to confirm, but... Macy's been Marked."
"What?!" Savannah exclaims, much the same reaction as mine. Gemma starts to move my hair aside, revealing my scalp for inspection. Atlas kneels beside me, watching as Savannah looks over my scalp, telling Gemma when and where to move some of my hair. Savannah sighs sadly and leans forward, her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. Gemma lets go of my hair and puts her hand on Savannah's shoulder, waiting for her diagnosis. Atlas and I sit on the cot next to hers as I start to wring my hands nervously. "You're right. She's been Marked."
"What do we do?" Atlas asks, and Savannah looks over at me.
"The first thing we do is figure out how you got it. How one gets a Mark is very telling. It can explain what the Mark does and how to get rid of it," Savannah explains, her eyebrows raised.
"But I don't know how I got it. I didn't even know I had it until today!" I exclaim, running my hands through my hair.
"I will say this. That's an old Mark. You've probably had it for years," Savannah tells me.
"Does that mean it can't be healed?" Atlas wonders, and Savannah shakes her head.
"Not necessarily. It just means that the Mark isn't... well, for lack of a better word, it's not dangerous. It doesn't affect you physically the way Matt's does. It means that the Mark probably has a very subtle effect. That's the only way you could have gone without noticing it," she explains, and Atlas nods. I begin to wring my hands harder, all of the words tumbling together in my head. This isn't right. None of this is right, and I don't know where to begin processing it. Before I even know what's happening, I begin to panic.
And somehow, Atlas notices. He notices my pounding heart and my heavy breathing. He notices the way my palms become sweaty as I violently wring my fingers. I'm brought a little closer to the ground when he reaches out and grabs one of my hands. I look over at him, and he meets my eye as he places my hand on his chest, just as he did when I panicked about Matt. I glance to the side just long enough to see Gemma and Savannah giving each other knowing looks. My attention, though, is diverted back to Atlas as he takes a deep breath.
"Breathe with me," he says softly, holding my hand to his chest, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. I close my eyes then and just focus on that feeling. The rise and fall of his chest, the way his hand securely holds mine. He's an anchor, slowly pulling back to the ground. My breathing slowly starts to mirror his, with my heart quick to follow. Once I'm calm, I open my eyes and immediately meet his. Those brown eyes are on me the entire time, almost... searching for something? Seeing something that I can't? I'm not sure. All I'm sure of is that I'm the first to look away, my hand following my eyes. But even once both of my hands are back on the cot, he places his hand on mine, continuing to stroke the back of my hand in a rhythm my heart and lungs quickly match up with.
"So how does one get a Mark?" I ask, and Savannah gives Gemma that knowing look again before focusing her attention back on me.
"It happens through physical contact of some kind. Once a Mark is in place, there can also be a mental connection between the Marked Citizen and the Vulture that gave it to them. But that only happens after. For someone to be Marked, they have to be touched by a Vulture," she explains.
"Have any of the Vultures touched you? Anything you can remember?" Gemma asks, and I start to think back. I sort through every interaction I've ever had with the Cardinals, but many of those were in passing, and there was never any contact. When Lucifer showed me the door to the Outside, he didn't touch me. The three times I was called to the Council as an adult, there was no contact. It's only when I make my way back to my earliest memories that something starts to reveal itself. It's a fractured memory, with only bits and pieces available.
The first time I was ever summoned. It was right after Skye went missing, a week after the Cardinals brought me back to the City. I was having trouble adjusting to the orphanage and was constantly crying, often running away to try and go find Skye. There was another reason I ran, though. My fingers start to drum on the cot as I think about it. Before now, I didn't remember that. I thought my only reason for running away was to find Skye. But now, I feel a tug in my chest and my head starts to spin as I think of it. There was another reason. But what that reason was, I can't remember.
Lucifer summoned me to the Council to ask about my time in the Outside. The first of his many interrogations. I couldn't give him any information that time. I was far too distressed and confused to do much of anything. It was only after that first summons that I calmed down and started to adjust. It was after that first summons that my memories of Skye began to blur while my memories of the Outside remained clear. And now, looking back on that memory, another piece shines through clearly. Something that had been hidden from me before.
Just as I was leaving, Lucifer patted the top of my head.
"There's only one time I can think of. It was right after..." I'm not sure if I can talk about Skye here. I know that Atlas knew her in some capacity, but I don't know if Gemma or Savannah know her name. I clear my throat and start again. "I was six. I was summoned to the Council. The Cardinals had some questions for me. But as I left, Lucifer touched my head. That is the only contact I can remember."
"Wait, so you've had that Mark since you were six? You've been Marked for fifteen years?" Atlas asks, eyes wide as he turns to Savannah. "Is that even possible?"
"Marks don't have an expiration date. They don't begin to fade with time. They only start to disappear once the Marked person encounters the thing that heals it. And where a Mark is and what it does reveals how to heal it," she answers.
"What does that mean?" I wonder.
"A Mark is only healed by one thing. The action or presence of the opposite or close relative of what caused the Mark in the first place," Savannah answers. My eyebrow raises, and she smiles softly. "For Matt, his Mark... well, you know what caused it. It seems the way to heal it is through non-physical love and affection. A close relative. We had a Renegade once who had a Mark on her stomach. She was an Invalid and was found begging for food. The Mark made it so that if she accepted food from someone else, she would get violently sick. So, for some time, she got her own food from the forest. When she found her own food, the Mark disappeared."
"I can't believe... fifteen years..." I mutter. It's hard to wrap my head around. How could I have been Marked for fifteen years and never knew? What does that say about the Mark? What does it say about me?
"So what can you tell about the Mark? Gemma said you're the expert," Atlas asks, and Savannah laughs wryly.
"I wish I wasn't. But I've seen enough in my life to know a thing or two," she responds. "The fact that it's on your scalp means it most likely has some sort of mental effect on you. I don't suppose you get headaches a lot?"
"Very rarely," I answer.
"Well, it's clearly very subtle if you've never noticed," Savannah says, looking down at the ground.
"Wait." We all look over at Atlas as he begins to bite his inner cheek, pausing only to speak. "Macy, your memories."
"Memories?" Gemma questions.
"You said your memories of Skye are blurry. That you can't remember your early years," Atlas remembers, and for a second, everything pauses. My whole life I thought that if I could remember what happened the night Skye disappeared, I might know what happened to her. Is it possible that my Mark is the reason I can't remember? And if that's true, why would the Cardinals want to block those memories?
What is it about Skye that they don't want me to remember?
"That's certainly something a Mark like this could do. If there's something they don't want you to remember, they could have Marked you and hidden those memories," Savannah says, and I look over at her.
"So what do I do?"
"Well, if it's true that the Mark is a way to hide and change your memories, then the way to heal it would be to find the truth. To know what really happened," Savannah tells me, and I sigh, putting my head in my hands. I don't know how to begin doing that. I suppose I could just ask Atlas if he knows what happened. But, at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know anymore. I've begun to settle into some semblance of a life out here. I've got friends now. If I know what happened to Skye, and whether or not Atlas truly played a part in it, it might destroy everything.
But how can I not know?
"Guys, I think she needs a minute. Gemma, Atlas, why don't you two go find something else to do for a little while?" Savannah suggests, and I nod in agreement. I do need time and space to think. To decide what to do. Atlas nods, patting my hand before exiting the tent. Gemma gives Savannah a quick kiss before she also leaves. And then it's just the two of us. "Do you want me to leave, as well?"
"No, thank you. I do need a minute to think, but I don't want to think about my Mark. For just a few minutes, I want to forget all about it until I've had time to process," I answer. Savannah nods curtly, slowly standing herself up. Once she's on her feet, she winces slightly, crossing the small place to ease herself beside me. She sighs, rubbing her hands against her legs. I can't tell if she's trying to ease pain in her legs or her hands. "Can I ask something?"
"Of course," she says, glancing over at me.
"You don't have to tell me what happened to you. All I want to know is if it was an accident," I ask, and she sighs, staring at the wall of the tent.
"It was most certainly not an accident," she answers, running her hands over her hair. "The only other thing you need to know is that it wasn't any of the Renegades who did it."
"What does that mean?" I ask before something clicks. "Are you saying... it was the Cardinals that did it?"
"Maybe one day I'll tell you the story. Just know that it wasn't the Renegades," she says, and I sigh. Whatever happened was clearly traumatic, and if she doesn't want to talk about it, I won't make her. That's something I've noticed out here. Everyone's stories are their own, and nobody has to share those stories if we don't want to. Nobody's asked why I came to the Outside. The few people who know I lost my job haven't asked anymore about it. Part of me wonders, if I share that part of my story, will I get more information from the others? But that feels wrong, sharing my story in the hopes I can convince someone else to share theirs. They'll share when they feel like sharing, and so will I.
"Can I ask something else?"
"You can ask anything you like. Whether or not you'll get an answer is a completely different story," Savannah tells me, and I laugh softly. She does have a point there.
"Why is Rosalie the only child out here?" I ask, and she smiles sadly, looking at her hands.
"For a long time, the Renegades didn't have a proper Doctor. People tried their best to take care of each other, but if someone got sick, it would ravage their body. A lot of people were dying, and the kids... they got the worst of it. Especially the newborns. Nobody knew how to properly deliver a baby. A lot of mothers died in childbirth, and the baby often died, too. They tried to find out what they were doing wrong, but there weren't enough mothers surviving for them to know," Savannah explains, and I sigh. While childbirth is believed to be the most natural thing for a mother, it's still wrought with danger. There are so many things that can go wrong without a Doctor, or even an MA.
"And the babies that did survive?"
"None of them were making it past age five. They would get sick and... nobody knew how to deal with it. It got so bad that one of the previous leaders banned marriage, thinking that if none of the Renegades got together, none of the women would get pregnant and there wouldn't be any more death. I think it was the leader before Atlas that lifted that ban. But then it all started up again. Mothers and babies were dying. Some women even died trying to end their pregnancies. From what I understand, it was a bad time for everyone," Savannah adds. I wonder what made the leader before Atlas change their mind about the marriage ban.
"So then what happened?"
"Then I came around. I was the first proper Doctor they had, and I knew how to deliver a baby. But the Renegades were still scared. Even the ones who got married were still scared to have children. They were frightened that mother and child would still die. Annalise and Israel... they didn't plan on having Rosalie. I remember when Annalise figured out she was pregnant. She was terrified. I hadn't seen her that scared before... or since."
"But clearly Rosalie's birth was a success."
"Indeed it was. Mother and daughter survived. I remember it so well. The fear that had plagued both Annalise and Israel throughout her pregnancy... it all disappeared when they first saw their baby. When they heard her cry for the first time. And when I placed Rosalie in their arms... all of that fear was replaced with a love that can't even be described. A few days before she was born, Annalise and Israel found a rose bush in the woods that was just starting to bloom. That rose bush had just started to live, just like their baby. That's where Rosalie's name came from."
"Is that why Israel was so terrified today?"
"Yeah. He's afraid that Rosalie is going to end up like all the other children before. But he's got nothing to worry about. She's going to be just fine. But, to further answer your question, the reason that Rosalie is the only child here is that people are still scared. I think that once Rosalie turns five and beats the previous record, people will begin to believe again. Even Annalise and Israel are waiting until she turns five before they have more kids," Savannah tells me, before laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"Oh, I just don't think they'll make it another three years before Annalise ends up pregnant again. Those two are so in love, with each other and their daughter. Rosalie wasn't planned, but she was one of the best things that's ever happened to them and the Renegades as a whole. I think it's only a matter of time until Annalise falls pregnant again, planned or not," Savannah says, and I nod, smiling softly. I've seen that love between them, and I agree with Savannah. There are few couples truly destined for one another, and Annalise and Israel are one of them. "Are you feeling a little better now?"
"Just a little. I'm going to go back to my tent and try and work through this whole Mark thing. Try and figure out what to do," I respond, and Savannah nods. She tells me to come find her if I need anything, and I tell her that I will. The truth is, I don't know what I will do. I don't know how to go about figuring out the truth without revealing the real reason I came to the Outside. I need some time to come up with a strategy. It's only when I get back to my tent that something happens. Something I really don't need right now.
Macy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I need space to figure things out, and he's encroaching on my space. But maybe, if I can ask the right questions, I can learn a thing or two. You haven't been answering me lately.
I learned something. Something I haven't been sure how to deal with, I tell him. I can hear him hum in thought, a sort of buzzing in my head. That's when I know I have him interested. Time to destroy that interest. They've told me that I'm Marked. Is that true?
I told you that I wasn't about to let you go out there without an avenue of communication.
So I am Marked? For how long? Because I only remember you touching me once when I was six, I respond in my head, and Lucifer pauses. That's when I know I've got him where I want him. He's about to reveal something to me.
You're letting the Renegades distract you from your mission. You're focusing on things that aren't important. Have you asked any of the important questions?
I've been trying to remember what happened to Skye, but it's still all so blurry, I admit, hoping he'll throw me a bone. Something else I can use in my search for the truth. The fact that he's redirected the conversation from my Mark back to my mission, that proves something. He doesn't want me knowing anything more about my Mark and what it entails. He's focused solely on the mission and ending the Renegades. And now I'm beginning to wonder why he wants the Renegades destroyed.
Why don't you ask Atlas about it? I'm sure he can tell you exactly what happened to your sister.
I'm just curious. Why do you want to bring an end to the Renegades? Because from what I've seen, they've done nothing to warrant their destruction. There's a long pause after I say that. It's the first time I've been so direct in my doubts. And the length of the pause makes me wonder just how close I am to the truth.
Don't let them distract you. Don't let them lie to you. Fulfill your mission, Macy. Lucifer doesn't say anything after that, but those three sentences are enough for me. Because when he said those words, for the first time in my life, Lucifer actually sounded nervous.