Honestly, it'd been a few weeks before I noticed Leo was acting weird. I didn't think about it at first; my brother was always weird. Not this kind of weird though. I mean, he's always been responsible, always been in charge...just not this much, y'know? I didn't know why at first, either, not until a minute ago.
Whenever Mikey was being annoying and getting food, Leo would come over to help and give him a pat on the head. He'd always smile and help Mikey train whenever he asked. Leo would drag Donnie out of his lab every other day just to get his body moving; that wasn't a problem. He'd give the two everything they needed and more. Leo would sometimes put on a movie and just try to talk to them about anything that's on their minds. I didn't like to participate; feelings are lame.
It wasn't a problem in general, right? Leo'd even talk to me about anything that was bothering me...which was a lot. Y'know. But, jeez, the "mother hen" nickname we gave him was becoming more of a reality than before. Leo even wore aprons in the kitchen now. We think it's really dorky- me, Donnie, and Mikey- but Leo insists. We don't say much about it anymore. We stopped saying a lot of things about what he does.
I think Leo's trying to be something he's not. I mean, our father isn't with us anymore. Splinter did all these things. Now Leo is doing them. Leo is always there when we need him. Even April and Casey have noticed- Casey out of all people- it's been weird. I don't think I'm crazy though, I know somethings up.
Leo, well, he's my older brother. I'd never say it to him but he means a lot to me. I never want him to be sad or anything like that. I can't help feeling like he always is, though- like no matter what any of us do, he's sad. Maybe not the crying sad, or the mourning sad, but the lingering sadness. I've felt like that. I can take it, though, Leo shouldn't have to feel like that. Am I rambling? Maybe. Maybe I am, but it's been on my mind for a good while. I wanna help. I'm the older brother, too, y'know.
I spot Leo alone. He looks like he's cleaning...my room? I cleaned it last week, leaders orders! I walk in and glare at my brother. It wasn't his business to clean my room, where all my stuff is. I get it, it's nice, but I don't go and clean his room, do I? No. I clear my throat to catch his attention. Leo looks up at me and gets up from the floor: must've been searching for dust on the floor like the perfectionist he is. "What're you doing?" I ask. He looks away from me; why? Is he embarrassed he was caught in my space?
No. Leo's more meticulous than that. He thinks a lot. He's not embarrassed. He's caught off guard. "Sorry, I was just tidying." He responded. Tidying? It's tidied! It's the tidiest it's ever been! I scoff. "Yeah, nice try, what're you snooping around for Leo?" My brother looks upset at my response. "I wasn't snooping, Raph, I was tidying. I don't want you to think having a mess of a room is acceptable." Okay, rude. My room isn't that bad. I'm sure Mikey's room isn't tidy. He lives in actual filth. Where's his lecture? "Then I can tidy it or whatever, don't you have other things to do?" Leo nodded. I was surprised, actually; what else was there? "I have to get your brother out of the lab, he's being stubborn again. Mikey needs to take a bath. I have to clean up the lair and start training you guys today, plus check the security and—"
"Woah, slow down," I stop him. Your brother? He's our brother, isn't he? I'm confused for sure now. Leo doesn't speak about us like that, at least not normally. He's acting like dad. He's...oh.
"We can help you, Leo," I remind him. Leo shakes his head. "That's okay, I can take care of it. It's my job, you just do what you were doing before." Leo smiles at me, and he pats me on the shoulder. It feels patronizing. I don't enjoy feeling like a little kid. He's treating me like one. Why? Even dad was strict with us; clean your room, train from x to z, don't leave the lair, blah blah blah. It was order after order. Leo was keeping those orders to himself. It was weird. I didn't like it. I had to speak up. Leo brushes past me and I follow him out of my room.
"Wait, hold on," I begin, "where're you going?" Leo shrugs me off. "To check the security." I frown at the back of his head. He was ignoring me! Normally he'd get frustrated I was prodding him and say something. I would've liked that; at least I would've known he was being normal. He wasn't normal. I ran around him and stopped him. "Leo, you're being weird," I say. I'm not good with words. I'm not thoughtful like Mikey. I don't know how to do this.
"No I'm not," Leo says with that look on his face. He's trying to read me. It normally works; he knows me better than I know myself anyway. Vice versa. I know right now he needs a metaphorical punch in the head...or something. "Yeah you are!" I exclaim. "You're acting like a grandma." Leo rolls his eyes at me; that was normal, at least. A semblance of him still in there somewhere...is that too dramatic? Probably.
"I'm acting like an adult, which you should be doing as well. Now move," Leo walks into me and I stop him, shoving him back. "But we're not adults! You're not an adult. You're a kid." He looks at me in this weird, confused way that catches me off guard. Does he not know that? It's hard keeping track of our age nowadays but jeez, we're not that old. "We're kids," I repeat. Leo doesn't say anything for a minute. Is he doubting me?? We're not that old!! It's been a couple years since all this started, sure, but not a million.
"Leo?" I bring his attention back to me. Now I'm actually worried. He's definitely not normal. Leo doesn't look me in the eyes and I know I hit the mark; he doesn't realize. I think this has happened before, but I didn't say anything. I'm not gonna run away from my family's problems this time. "I know that," he mutters. "You know what?" I ask. "That I'm not an adult," Leo concludes. I deadpan. He can't even say the word!
"What're you doing?" I ask again. Leo looks down at the floor. I take a step closer. He's acting off. "Checking the security," he says. "No, you're not. You need a break, dude." I grab him by the arm and begin to drag him to the couch. Leo fights against me. He's trying to run away but my grip is firm. Perks of being strong, obviously. "Will you stop? I have things to do!" He protests. I hold firm; now I'm just determined to get him to sit. "Those things can wait," I argue. "No they can't!" Leo insists.
"Why??" Why is definitely the question that's been in my mind. Why? Why is Leo acting like dad? Why is he so insistent on doing everything? What's the point? "I have to!" Leo finally rips his arm away from my grip. He snaps at me, "I'm Sensei, and that's my job Raph! If you don't like it, then figure it out! I don't know what the problem is!" I backtrack a bit in my head; I didn't think it was about his Sensei thing. He's been super focused on it since dad died. I don't know why. Is this part of it? Feeling responsible for everything?
"You can ask for help, y'know!" I retort. "I know that," he says. I scowl. "No you don't! You're fighting with me right now because you're too stubborn!" I lash out. Leo goes quiet again. I nailed a bullseye again; he's putting all the responsibility on himself. It's unfair. "We're a team, remember?" I remind him. "It's my job." He says. "The burden is ours, not yours. We're brothers, you're not our dad."
Finally he looks at me. I see he looks upset now. Maybe I pushed too hard, but it needed to be done. Leo's as stubborn as I am when it comes down to leader stuff. I can't handle being in charge, but he needs to know we can share the job. It's not all on him anymore. "I don't..." Leo trails off. I don't say anything; maybe if I do he'll stop talking about it. I know I have to give it time. Patience isn't my thing, but for my brothers I'll try. "I don't want any of you to feel the way I do." I don't really know what to say to that. I have no idea how he feels. He's never talked to me about Splinter, or us, or anything. "How do you feel?" I ask.
He seems to register I said that and the waterworks came. Why is he crying? I didn't say anything wrong, did I? I guess he must feel pretty bad, then. What do I do? He's crying and I'm just standing like an idiot. I decide to hug him; that normally works. Whenever I get into a rage, a hug calms me down. It should work for whatever this is. Right? Gosh, I hope so. Leo hugs me back, and I can hear him trying to stop. "Uh...let it out, Leo. It's okay." I pat his back. That's what normally works, right?
Leo doesn't say anything. I guess he's trying to think of what to even say. I'd be the same way. Maybe I hit a bullseye again. He moves away from me and takes off his mask, letting it hang on his neck. Wow, he looks tired. When's the last time he slept? "Sorry, Raph," he says. I shake my head. "Don't be sorry." I can't really stop him from being sorry, I know, but I think it's stupid to be sorry at all. Anybody can cry once in awhile, yeah?
I'm asking a lot of questions. Jeez.
Leo smiles at me and wipes the tears away from his eyes. He has this approving look on his face. Like he's proud. I didn't really do anything, but I like it. I mean, this is all progress right? "Thanks," he says. I smile back at him. "Whatever. Stop hiding your feelings and junk. It's not healthy." Leo crosses his arms and looks at me, a knowing smirk appearing on his face. "Says you, mr. lone wolf." I scoff at him. "But I mean it, Raph, thank you. I just thought...nobody notices, and I feel like this is all on me."
"It is on you," I say, "but not you alone, bro. It's on us. Just ask and we'll be there. I'll be there." I finish speaking. He nudges me with his arm. "You're becoming quite the motivational speaker." He teasing me, what an annoying dumb-dumb. Can't even help a guy out without it getting thrown back in my face. "Can't help it, you can't do everything around here," I say. Leo nods. "Then how about you help me out with something?" I start to follow him out of the lair; he still wants to check the security system Donnie installed awhile ago. "Actually, hold on," I stop him.
Wait, what am I doing? I said I wouldn't say this! I just think I should, though, so I might as well. Leo's looking at me now. He's expecting me to talk. I sigh. "Leo, just...don't be stupid. You're my brother. Y'know..." I can't really get the words out, but I guess he knows what I mean. He smiles again. "Yeah, I know. You're great too, little brother." I scoff. "I didn't say that," I argue. "I just mean- ugh. You're 17, Leo. Don't go all acting high and mighty just because you're sensei. Nerd."
Leo rubs his arm bashfully. "I'll try. You might have to remind me," he says. I nod. "Fine. Deal." Leo begins to walk again. "Deal. Let's go, this might take awhile." I follow him eagerly; the faster we get this done the sooner we can go home. Then maybe we can relax...doubt it. Leo's still Leo after all, but he's my brother. I'll go with it for today. Even though we're the same age, he's still older than me (by a couple days). Boo.
He must've been dealing with dad's death differently than the rest of us. I'm an older brother, too; I'll be there. So will Donnie and Mikey. Nobodies' gonna be alone. We're a team. I'm not gonna say "booyakasha" or "friendship is magic" or anything like that, don't worry, but I think everybody gets the idea. Leo's leaving me in the dust so I jog after him, and the two of us begin to talk about whatever comes to mind. Just like old times.