"Why, why would you let me do this," I buried my head in my hands, Sabrina laughing as I groaned, "It's not that bad, and plus when have you ever cared about what other people think."
Sabrina shrugged and took a sip of my Frappe, "Hey, hands off thank you very much," I swatted her hand away as she winced, "Tastes shit anyways because you don't like coffee for some dumb reason."
"Because it's bitter and gross?," I scrunch my eyebrows at her as she turns around to look in my freezer, "Gross huh? You sound like me, maybe your turning into an American."
She pops the lid off my ice cream tub as I stare at her, "Don't ever say that to me again," Sabrina lifted her hands up in surrender as she laughed, "Sorry mom!"
"I have other things to worry about right now," I stressed, scrolling down Twitter, "Sab what the hell am I going to do." I covered my mouth as she turned to look at my screen.
People were tweeting about '21' being released, and most of them realised it was about Harry.
For fucks sake
"Oh."
I sighed and turned back to look at her as she had a worried expression on her face, "Yeah Sabrina, oh."
"Look it's not like they don't think any of your other songs are about Harry, this will pass," She reassured, switching off my phone for me, "C'mon let's do something else." Sabrina took a bite of my ice cream, teeth first.
I do not understand how she does that.
"That hurts my teeth," My face cringed as she took another bite, "It's so good." Her voice coming out muffled as I shook my head.
Americans these days.
"I can't ignore this Sab, I told you it was a bad idea," I groaned out, putting a hand on my hip, "It's not that deep i promise, at least you didn't mention his name like he did to you." She tried to reason with me, well she was right.
"Okay true but like-."
"True but nothing, he's a dick and he deserved it. Look at how sad it might be for Camille though, he's basically written nada songs about her," She shrugged, a small smile playing upon her lips, "I kind of feel bad." I frowned slightly, it's sad for her but I also hate her.
"I don't, she was a bitch to you when we went out to Alisha's dinner. She was all 'that dress would look so good if it was a different colour, but don't mind me' like girl shut up."
I laughed as she took me back, Camille made so many back handed responses when I met her accidentally.
"True, now she's all 'oh I love your music' like what does that even mean," I rolled my eyes, "Yes exactly, don't feel bad for her she doesn't deserve it." She patted me on the shoulder, throwing away the tub of ice cream.
"Did you just finish that?" I scrunched brows as she bit her lip, "It's just so good Adelina!"
"I hate you," I smiled, stealing a Dorito from her bag, "Well you did write 'I should ha-."
"Shutup," I laughed, silencing her with a crisp.
I had no idea what I was going to do.
***
"Things to do, things to do, things to do," I whispered to myself as I tapped my pen on my notepad, I was trying to write a song but nothing was coming to my mind, "Well fuck this."
I tossed my notepad beside me, staring at the ceiling. "What do I do?," I covered my face with my hands. I was actually bored out of my mind, I had gotten off Twitter and stopped looking at all the tweets about me because there was no point.
That was a lie.
It was only because Alisha was yelling down the phone to not look at them, and honestly she was right. I couldn't help but look at what other people were saying about '21', merely because they were right it was about Harry. Also because I liked that there was some sort of drama, it was kind of entertaining at this rate.
So now I've decided to post something else.
Honestly at this point I was a shit stirrer but who cares, I'm an adult I can do whatever I want.
I had recently made a public account on tiktok because for some reason everyone believed I didn't have it, like I did but it was a burner account to just watch it.
And stalk people.
I quickly swiped onto my drafts and found an old one from a few nights ago, my team and I had went out for a celebratory dinner. I loved my management as I actually trusted them, and they were basically my family.
I quickly typed out a short caption and posted it, I'm most definitely going to make daily mail after this as they love to put my name in their mouths.
I switched off my phone and let out a breath of relief, what the hell did I just do?
The funny thing about the internet is that I could post something for one second and then there would be a million screenshots going around on Twitter of whatever I posted.
Over the years I left the band I came to realise that people have nothing better to do with their time than make some random lie about me, or start spreading rumours. I've been through the trenches and back with these Twitter trolls but honestly sometimes it was entertaining to beef these teenagers online, most people don't expect celebs to bite back but honestly sometimes I don't have anything better to do with my time than argue with teenagers who are more active on Twitter than their online homework.
I decided to go back onto tiktok and check my post even though it probably hasn't even been thirty seconds yet, but I don't really care.
When I first listened to From The Dining Table I was in actual shock. I had told Sab and Alisha that I hadn't listened to his Album but obviously I lied. I couldn't help myself.
From The Dining Table really stuck out to me because well, he said he woke up the girl who looked like the one he was in love with.
I wonder how Camille reacted when she listened to the album, I mean it must of been hard for her because obviously he wasn't talking about her.
I couldn't help but let my mind wonder to back in the band, how everything changed so fast.
One day we all were laughing in a hotel room because Niall's laugh was funny, and the next day I was packing my bags in the middle of the night to leave without saying goodbye.
I know the way I left wasn't the most ideal for everyone as I didn't tell anyone, I remember the night I got off of the plane. The amount of texts and missed calls I had from the boys, especially Harry.
I had blocked all the numbers and just wished that this all would go away. They didn't deserve the way I left, it was horrible. But the thing is I don't think I regret it.
On top of the bullshit I faced with management, I was hurting inside and couldn't really explain the feeling to everyone. Everyone around me was convinced that I was okay, and it was some type of phase I went through or something.
But that obviously wasn't true.
I remember the call I got from Zayn that night after my flight, the way he his voice broke when he was asking me why I left made my heart ache.
At the end of the day we are family, so when he came back to his parents house we talked it out. He was pissed but he understood why, the other boys were just more or less pissed off.
The first week after I left I just slept in my apartment while Sabrina and Alisha sat by my bed, I had slept for three days straight and only got up to pee or drink water.
I think that first month was one of the hardest because I didn't know what to do with myself, and nobody knew what to do with me. So I was just stuck.
I guess that's the funny thing about the internet, it pays my bills and basically gives me a life I've dreamt about.
But it also sometimes it makes me want to wake up from that dream, back then I would've done anything to live at all.
A/N - I quickly wrote this since I forgot about updating this 😭😭 I hope you all enjoyed, the next few chapters will be way more interesting i promiseee
thank you for the support, ily 💗🎀⭐️