Cry Me A River

Deserving? Of what?!

He called me after we got home and I had put Jason and Ryan back to bed. Logan had skipped school to make sure everything was okay and he called me.
"Hello?"
"Hi. You aren't here. Is everything all right?" I nodded even though Logan couldn't see.
"Uh yeah. My brother is pretty sick though." I heard him pause and could faintly make out the sound of his girlfriend's voice asking who he was talking to. He responded with a 'A friend'. Logan didn't even want to say it was me.
"Sorry about that."
"It's okay." But it really wasn't. Xavier came up behind me, his eyebrows scrunched with curiosity.
'Who is it?' he mouthed.
'Logan.' He sucked in his breath angrily.
'Hang up.'
'Why?'
'Do it!'
"Charlie? Where did you go?" I blushed profusely.
"Oh, uh- sorry. Xavier was just saying something to me." I heard Logan paused.
"Xavier Collins? The new kid? What's he doing there with you?" He sounded pissed and my brain was sending confused signals everywhere. Wtf brain.
"Yeah...he was the biggest help last night."
"What was he doing at your place last night?!" Logan's voice had turned low and gravely and I could tell that he was about to yell.
"Logan! Cut it out!" Xavier rolled his eyes angrily in front of me.
"Here," he said lowly, making sure Logan didn't pick up his words, "Let me talk to him." Before I had a chance to protest, Xavier took my phone and began talking.
"Hey Logan." I waited as his face stayed stony cold, trying to pick up some reaction.
"Who do you think I am? A perv? No we did not have sex douche bag but I don't know why you even care." My heart beat at the thought of Xavier and I- wait what? Usually it started going faster with the idea that Logan cared.
"Calm your tits and mind your own business. Stick your head back into your ass where it belongs." With that, he hung up.
"What was that for?" I whisper-yelled. Xavier shrugged.
"He was bothering me." That set me off. Yes, he did a large favor for me last night and this morning. However, he did not have full control over my life whatsoever.
"No Xavier, that's not how it works. You can't just decide that you can suddenly have a fight with my best friend." He snorted.
"The best friend that you're so openly in love with." I swallowed. Was it that obvious? Probably.
"That has nothing to do with you." He laughed coldly.
"Get over yourself Charlie. You're just so blinded that you can't even realize he will never love you back!" His words were starting to cut into me little by little but I wasn't a baby. Both of my parents had said far worse so I was used to masking every reaction.
"It doesn't matter. I've known him since sixth grade and he's been one of the most loyal friends I've ever had. I don't appreciate you talking to him like that."
"He deserved it. Get your head out of the gutter. No guys like you Charlie yet you go walking around like you're so high and mighty just because your mom and dad aren't around all the time. You act like your life is some sad sob story but it's not! No, you're just a spoiled rich girl who doesn't get enough of your mommy's stupid attention so you have to stay up nights doing who knows what and act tired in the morning so people sympathize with you." Those words had me seething. How dare he. He didn't know me or what was going on but he, like every other goddamn person on the planet decided they had me figured out. I kept my face blank and my words cold as ice.
"Xavier please leave." I could tell on his face that he regretted his previous words but I didn't give a shit.
"Charlie- I'm so-"
"Get. The hell. Out." I shoved him out the door.
"Butterfly I-" I shut the door in this face and locked it, shaking my head with disappointment. Just another pathetic person.
"Charlie, are you okay?" I turned to find Ryan staring at the door on anger.
"Did you hear that?" He clenched his jaw angrily.
"Yeah, every single freakin word." I sighed tiredly, rubbing my hand over my face.
"Don't worry about it Ry. I don't care." He crossed his arms in fury.
"What he said isn't true Charlie. You aren't like that at all. Nothing was true." I gave him a sad smile.
"I know." He walked down the stairs and gave me a tight hug.
"Dad and mom might not love you but I do and so does Jason. You're the best friend, older sister, mom and dad wrapped into one and I wouldn't want anyone else." I felt tears prickle my eyes at that statement.
"Do you mean that?" My twelve-year-old brother nodded, brushing away a strand of hair from my forehead.
"Every word." My phone interrupted the sibling moment and I saw it was my mom.
"Hi?"
"Get the fuck outside bitch." I sucked in when I heard the slur in her words. Se was drunk in broad daylight where all the neighbors could see. Shit. I ran to look outside the window and almost gasped. She was there with a man who looked about ready to kill someone. I saw something bulging out of his pocket and my best guess was that it was a gun. I shut the blinds and sprinted back to the kitchen, grabbing the sharpest knife out of my drawer, hiding it up my sleeve. This wasn't the first instance that this had happened with a male, so I was prepared. My brother, on the other hand, wasn't. He had never seen me in these situations before, and I was certain he was scared to the bone. Turning to Ryan I said lowly,
"Ryan, when I walk outside, I want you to lock the doors please." He gave me a frightened look.
"Why?"
"Because I said so. No matter what, do not open that door. Do you hear me?" His face blanched.
"Charlie, what's happening?" I took his face in my hands.
"I need you to promise me Ryan." He swallowed and said with some difficulty,
"I promise." I sighed, relieved.
"Thank you. Now, if that man makes any move towards me, call 911. Tell them what the situation is, our address and that we're down the road from the Hunington Park. Hopefully you won't have to, but just in case." He was shaking, I could tell.
"Don't do anything stupid Charlotte." I kissed him on the head and walked out the door, hearing him lock it behind me. I was on my own. Slowly, I approached my mom like I would approach a person with a ticking bomb in their hand- cautiously and non-threatening.
"What is it Mom?" I asked quietly. She hung onto the man's arm, who was eyeing me up and down.
"You give me Jason and Ryan right now."
"What are you talking about?" She clenched her jaw angrily and moved towards me, falling over her feet.
"I mean, give me my sons you bitch." I held up my hands.
"Mom, we live together. I'm not taking anything away from you." She wrapped her hands onto my collar and I saw Ryan move in the window out of the corner of my eye. Indiscreetly I shook my head, telling him not to call 911 yet.
"I don't need your back talking." She then turned to the man.
"Donny, I got this. I'll meet you tonight?" She batted her eyelashes and he nodded, eyeing her hungrily. I shivered in disgust as she ran over and kissed him sloppily on the mouth. He grabbed her butt and I felt like throwing up just looking at how this man was violating my mother. After they did their thing, he hopped into his car, but didn't move and she dragged me to the doorway, trying to open it. Thank god Ryan had locked it, I didn't want her laying a hand on them. Glaring at me furiously, she dragged me by the hair to our back yard, which was hidden by trees from our neighbors views.
"You disgusting bitch!" She slapped me and my head snapped to the side. I could feel the stinging sensation from her palm, but I stayed calm and silent. That was as far as she normally got with me, but I knew I'd seriously pissed her off and she was waaaay too drunk.
"You fat, shameful retard! I wish you would go kill yourself." She gave me a punch to my left cheekbone and my face ached, but again, I gave no reaction, only saying a few words,
"Remember our deal mom." She paused before sneering.
"Oh that stupid thing? Your wish is my command love." With that, she socked me hard in the stomach before walking out of the back yard and slid back into Donny's car before they sped away. I saw Ryan's face through the window and he looked terrified and angry. Knocking twice on the backdoor, he let me in with an open mouth.
"Charlie, we need to call someone! What the fuck just happened?" I let the curse word slip because I knew what he had just seen was probably traumatizing.
"Ryan don't say a word. She'll deny everything and could get full custody of both you and Jason."
"Has she done this before?" That was when I decided that my brother would never know of the promise I made to my mom, and the secret we had. I lied through my teeth.
"No."