"Mom, why can't I meet Jay?" Zola asked, annoyed. "Because it's Sunday, you know that Sunday is our family Day and we haven't had it in a long time." Meredith replied sternly. "Well whose fault was that?" Zola asked sarcastically. "I'm sorry that Dad got sick last week and that we had to work the weekends before that. We didn't plan that. Once Dad is back from work we are going." Meredith said loudly. "Do you really think he's coming home before it's dark?" Zola asked. "I don't know but I hope so." Meredith replied calmly. "Well then I can meet Jay, if you don't know if we can go." Zola smiled and was about to walk out of the door. "Zola Grey-Shepherd, you are staying home." Meredith snapped. "I hate you, you are the worst mom in the world." Zola yelled as she stormed upstairs and slammed her door shut. "Mom?" "Yeah Ellie?" "Can I meet some friends?" "Not today." Meredith sighed, she hoped that Ellis wouldn't snap at her too. "Why?" She asked. "Because it's our family day." Meredith replied sternly. "You are so unfair. I never can meet with my friends. You are so annoying. You are the worst person." Ellis yelled before storming upstairs as well. "Ellis." Meredith yelled but got no answer. Her heart broke as she realized what her daughters had said to her. She always tried to avoid being like her own mother, she just hoped that Derek would finish his surgery soon.
...
Derek stepped into the house, it was already dark outside. The surgery was complicated. A father got shot into the stomach, when he fell he hit his head on the table. Together with Miranda he operated hours on him, but he died. He was devastated; he just wanted to save the man. He couldn't save his own dad, so he just wanted to save the father. "Mer?" Derek asked as he entered the living room where Meredith was watching TV, the kids weren't watching TV which was weird. "Meri?" Derek asked as he got no answer. "Where have you been?" Meredith asked sternly. "The surgery ran long. I'm so sorry. The patient kept coding, I couldn't text you. The patient got-" "The kids and I waited, we wanted to do our walk, but you weren't there. The kids are mad at me and at you." Meredith snapped, Derek tried to grab her hands but she moved away. "Why are the kids mad at you?" Derek asked gently. "They wanted to meet their friends, but they couldn't because you said we would go on our walk once again." Meredith began to raise her voice. "I'm sorry that I got paged. I didn't plan on that. I'm really-" Derek got cut off by Meredith. "I know that you are sorry, but you could've at least sent me a message, so that I and the kids would have gone alone, but no, your job is more important to you." Meredith yelled as she stood up. "No, you and the kids are way more important, you know that. I couldn't text and my phone was empty after I called you this morning, I promise I will make this up to you." Derek whispered, he really didn't want to fight, especially after today. "But Mer, did something else happen?" "You would know if you were here.." Meredith snapped. "Mer.." Derek sighed. "NO, you can sleep on the couch or somewhere else I don't care. I hate you right now. Don't even think about coming up here." She yelled, ignoring how Derek's eyes showed how his heart broke as she said these words. She went upstairs, shortly after she threw his pajamas and his pillow downstairs before slamming the bedroom door. Derek sat down on the couch. "I should've stayed here." Tears began to build up in his eyes. The memory of his Dad getting shot was back in his mind. He didn't want to fight with Meredith, he just wanted to go home, watch TV together and fall asleep in her arms, but his plan didn't work out. He sat on the couch and watched TV. "Dad, is everything okay?" Bailey asked as he reached his Dad. "Everything's just fine, Bails." Derek gave his 16-year old son a small smile. "Did you and mom fight?" Bailey asked quietly. "Don't worry about us. We are okay Bails. Sometimes parents fight a bit, but we still love each other." Derek explained. "Why are you sleeping on the couch then, you always apologize to each other before you go to sleep. You never sleep on the couch." "Well today I am sleeping here. Go to bed Bails, you have school tomorrow." Derek whispered before kissing Bailey's forehead. Normally Bailey would move away but he assumed that his Dad needed that comfort. "I love you Bails." Derek whispered. "I love you too Dad." Bailey smiled before he went up to his room.
Derek didn't sleep at all that night, he was awake because everytime he closed his eyes he would see his Dad dying in front of him. He was lucky that he was off today. He stood up and quietly went to his and Meredith's bedroom, where he grabbed New boxers, a sports shirt and sweatpants. He moved to the bathroom, quickly got himself ready. As he stepped out of the bathroom he watched Meredith sleeping. He smiled slightly and went to her. "No matter what happened. I still love you." Derek whispered and gently kissed her forehead before going downstairs. Before he left the house he quickly wrote a note, that he was out for a run. He stepped outside and saw that it was still dark and raining but he didn't care. He needed to run, he needed to push the memory of his dad dying away.
An hour later Meredith woke up, she turned around to Derek's side and saw that it was empty. She then remembered that she had told him to sleep on the couch and what her daughter's called her. She knew that she was wrong for snapping at Derek like that, she knew he would never skip their family day on purpose. She quickly changed into her street clothes, before waking up Bailey. Ellis and Zola should wake up by themselves. Meredith was mad at them, and if they got to school too late to school, well that would be their problem. She went downstairs and saw that Derek wasn't there, she knew that he was off today, so she got worried. She stepped into the kitchen and saw a note on the table. Don't worry, I did not run away, I had to go on a run, I will be back soon. I know that you are still mad at me, I'm sorry for yesterday. I love you. The note said. Meredith grabbed something to eat and went to the car, waiting for Bailey. A little while later he sat down in the car. "Where's Dad?" Bailey asked after a while. "He's out for a run. He will pick you up from school." Meredith replied. "He's out for a run, in the rain? I mean it's raining pretty hard right now." Bailey said he was worried for his dad, because he just recovered from the flu, which had gotten him pretty bad. "Yes Bailey, he is out for a run in the rain. He is a grown man. It's his decision. I'm not his boss." Meredith replied, a little annoyed. "Sorry for asking." Bailey whispered and looked out of the window. They arrived at the school and Bailey grabbed his bag. "Love you mom." He said before running to his friends.
On the way to the hospital, Meredith got a call from Zola. "Mom, why didn't you wake us? We will be late for school." Zola said angrily. "Well Zola, if I am the worst mom and the worst person according to you and your sister, then I am. That means you are responsible for your own lives." Meredith said calmly. "Mooom." Zola whined. "Go ask Jay if he can pick you and Ellis up."."I will. Bye." Zola said and hung up the phone. Meredith finally arrived at the hospital. She went to the attendings lounge and got changed. Meredith was about to check on her first patient as Miranda called her name. "Yeah what's wrong Bailey?" "How is Shepherd?" Bailey asked. "What do you mean?" Meredith was confused. "After our patient died yesterday, he was a little down. Even when we did CPR, he did it over an half an hour, he didn't want to stop. He refused to give up." Miranda replied. "Who was the patient?" "Well he was a father, who got shot in his abdomen. He hit his head on a table. He bled out in the OR.." Miranda sighed, Meredith eyes went wide. "Shit.." She muttered, suddenly feeling bad how she snapped at Derek yesterday. It wasn't his fault he came too late. "He's okay." Meredith said before quickly walking away. She tried calling him but went straight to voicemail.
...
Derek was on his way home, when he tripped and fell down in the dirt. "Shit.." Derek muttered, as he stood back up and cleaned himself from the dirt. He finally got home, the Kids were at school, at least that was what Derek thought. "Zola, Ellis, what are you doing here? Don't you have school?" Derek asked. "We have school, mom didn't wake us." Zola yelled at Derek. "Don't yell at me Zola Grey-Shepherd. I guess your mom had a good reason to do so." Derek said sternly. "Yeah whatever. Jay is here. Bye.." Zola snapped and was about to leave. Ellis was already outside. "Don't speak to me like that. You may think you can speak to me or mom like that but you can't. I don't know what's going on with you, but if you continue to talk to us like that you will be grounded." Derek said sternly and left the room.
He went upstairs to shower. He pulled out his phone and saw that it was completely destroyed. He shrugged it off. He really didn't want to talk to anybody at the moment. He took off his clothes and saw a long gash on his leg and arm. He stepped under the shower and cleaned the wounds. Once he finished he wrapped gaze around his wounds. It was difficult to do it with his left hand only but he managed it. Derek went downstairs and cleaned up the kitchen. After he finished he went to the office where he began to write a letter. He knew he should talk to Meredith about this first but he had weighed the pros and cons a lot in the last weeks and finally came to a decision.
...
Back at the hospital, Meredith got paged into an emergency surgery. "This is going to be a long surgery.." Meredith sighed as she saw the patient. She thought about texting Derek, but then she remembered that he probably would need time for himself. So she went in for surgery. When she would come home she would have to talk to Derek, she had to make sure that he's okay. She knew that he wasn't over his dad's death. She also hoped Zola and Ellis would apologize to her. She knew she wasn't a bad mom. She wasn't her mother. She did everything to give her kids so much love. She put her thoughts away as she entered the OR.
...
"C'mon Mer, where are you?" Derek muttered as he waited for his wife to come home. She should have been home 2 hours ago. He couldn't reach her, her phone was off and the hospital said she wasn't there anymore. "Dad, I'm hungry." Zola whined as she entered the living area. "We will eat one's Mom is home." Derek replied. "When is she coming home?" Zola then asked. "I don't know, she should've been home two hours ago." Derek replied as he went with his hand through his hair. Zola noticed that he was worried, she heard them fighting last night. "Dad, she will be home soon. Maybe her surgery ran late." "I already called the hospital, she's not there. She left an hour ago, she should be here already. We had a fight yesterday. She was mad at me or she still is. You were mad at me too. Everyone was or is still mad at me." Derek rambled. "Dad.. I'm not mad at you, not anymore. I just wanted to see Jay yesterday but it's okay now." Zola whispered as she moved closer to her Dad. She stood in front of him and gently rubbed his arms. "It's okay Dad. Nobody is mad at you anymore." She assured him. "Mom told me that something else happened yesterday. Can you tell me what happened?" Derek asked, Zola sighed but nodded. "I fought with mom because I wanted to see Jay but she didn't allow me to, because of our family day. I called her a bad mom, Ellis did too. I didn't mean it. I was just so mad at her.." Zola whispered and her voice shook. "Oh Zozo.." Derek sighed. "I know you didn't mean to, but you have to apologize. This is a sensitive subject for her. You know when your mom was a kid, her mother didn't really care about her. When we met, she told me she didn't want her kids to go through that. She swore herself to love her kids with all her heart. She hated her mom, so she is scared that you will hate her as well." Derek explained. "Oh.." Zola breathed. "I didn't mean to call mom that. I love her way too much to hate her." Zola whispered as tears began to build up in her eyes. "I know that Zozo. Promise me to apologize to mom when she's home?" Derek asked and smiled as Zola nodded. "Talk to your sister, she has to apologize too." Derek smiled and saw how his daughter went up to her sister's room. Derek sighed as he looked at the watch. He decided to prepare dinner and hoped that his wife would be home soon
After Meredith left the hospital, she drove to her favorite spot. She turned off her phone and stepped outside of the car. She sat there for a while, not realising how late it was. She thought about her mom, how she tried her best to be a mother, but Ellis didn't know how to be one. When she looked at her watch she realized how late it was. She quickly went to her car and drove home.
Derek and the kids finished eating but Meredith still wasn't home. He sat alone at the dining table, waiting for her to come home. He waited for over an hour before he decided to go to bed. He was exhausted. His throat hurt a lot and he couldn't shake away the weird feeling in his stomach. Derek went up to the Kids rooms to tell them that he would go to bed in case Meredith came home and asked for him. "Dad, are you okay?" Bailey was concerned because he never went to bed this early. "I'm fine, Bails. Don't worry about me." Derek replied while giving his son a small smile, he then went to the living room. He didn't know if Meredith wanted him in their bed. He got his pajamas from their bedroom, he also grabbed a picture from his night stand and went downstairs. He stared at the picture for twenty minutes. He fell asleep while looking at it.
Meredith entered the house about two hours later. She looked around and saw Derek sleeping on the couch. A wave of guilt washed over her. She went over to him and kneeled down in front of him. She saw the bags under his eyes, his hair sticking in all kinds of directions and the deep frown on his face. Just as she wanted to wake him, she noticed the picture, which was now laying beside him. It showed a young Derek with his Dad smiling widely with a fishing pole in their hands. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized how much he still missed his dad. "Don't shoot him please." She heard Derek whispering. "Daddy, please fight. Don't die please." Derek cried in his sleep. "Der, wake up. You are dreaming." Meredith whispered and shook his shoulder gently, which caused Derek to wake up.
"Mer?" Derek whispered sleepily as he slowly sat up, his voice was raspy for some reason. "It's me." Meredith smiled slightly. "Mer I'm so sorry about yesterday. I meant to text you but my phone was empty and now it's broken. I didn't mean to ruin our family day. I can-" Derek was cut off by Meredith's lips. "I love you Derek." Meredith whispered and stroked his cheek. "You still do?" He asked vulnerable. "I do. I shouldn't have yelled at you yesterday. Miranda told me what happened, how are you feeling?" "Okay I guess. I don't know." Derek stayed quiet for a bit. "I have to tell you something Mer." He whispered and guided Meredith to sit next to him. "What is it?" She asked worriedly as she grabbed his hand. "I'm retiring. I wrote a letter to Miranda today." Derek told his wife, who was staring at him in shock. "Why would you do that?" Meredith asked. "I don't wanna miss anything anymore. I missed so many things because of the Job. We had so many fights, because I couldn't come home on time. My health isn't the best anymore. I'm still not over the flu I had last week. I don't want to have anymore fights, I don't wanna miss any more events from our kids. I want to take Bailey fishing with me more often. I just feel like I missed so many things. I can't do this anymore Mer. I need to retire." He finished his ramble. "How could you decide something like this without talking to me?" Meredith asked angrily. "If I had talked to you first I wouldn't have retire.." Derek whispered. "I can't be with you right now. I will check on the kids." Meredith whispered before standing up and walking upstairs. Derek sat there in shock. He decided to go outside, not caring that it was raining badly.
Upstairs
Meredith went to Bailey's room first. When she opened the door she saw Zola, Bailey and Ellis in there. "Mom!" Zola and Ellis yelled as they ran up to her and hugged her tightly. "We are so sorry for what we did yesterday. We love you so much. You are the best mom in the whole World." Zola and Ellis said. "We are so so sorry.. I-. We didn't think about the things we said." They whispered. Meredith had tears in her eyes. "I love you guys so much, but you really did hurt me with the things you said." Meredith replied. "I know.. I will never say that again." Zola exclaimed. "I won't say that again as well." Ellis said after. "Bails, come here and join the hug." Meredith smiled, he stood up and joined the group hug. "Where's Dad, he needs to join the hug too." Ellis said, she frowned as her mom stayed quiet. "Mom?" Zola then asked. "He's downstairs sleeping. He isn't feeling well." Meredith gave her kids a small smile. "Oh okay." Ellis sighed. They talked for a half an hour before the Kids had to go to bed. Meredith wanted to go to bed as well but frowned when she didn't see Derek there. She then went downstairs and Derek wasn't there as well. Right as she began to panic she saw the porch door open, she went outside and saw Derek sitting on the bench.
"Derek?" Meredith asked in a whisper. Derek turned his head to her, but quickly looked away. "You are soaked Der, you need to change into some other clothes." Meredith whispered as she moved towards him. She then saw that his eyes were swollen and red. "I'm sorry, for just going upstairs." She whispered. Derek just hummed in response. "Der, tell me what's wrong?" Meredith asked more sternly now. "I just miss my Dad. It's okay, don't worry." He whispered. "No, Derek, talk to me." She said sternly. "It's just-. I just wanted to save that man. He was the same age as my Dad and the kids were the same age as Amy and I were when Dad died." Derek breathed. "I just.. I can't be a doctor again. I loved being a doctor, you know that, the Kids are getting older, we are getting older. I missed so many events, because I was paged in. I don't wanna miss anything more, before it's too late." His voice was barely above a whisper at the end. "I know I should've talked to you first but I couldn't.." He sighed. "What do you mean you couldn't? You can always talk to me." She replied as she sat down next to him and laid her arm around Derek's neck. "Do you remember when I lost Jen and said I couldn't go back? Where did I run off to the trailer and you told me that Izzie had cancer?" "Yes, I remember that.. Where is this going?" "Before you told me that with Izzie, I asked you if you would love me if I wasn't a surgeon and-" "I answered with no." She breathed. "I just couldn't tell you that I'm done with being a surgeon.. Everytime I wanted to do that I remembered that you once said that.." Derek sighed. "Derek, I will always love you. No matter what. I love you with all my heart." She replied. "I know that but.." He let out a heavy breath. "Doesn't matter." He added while clearing his throat. "Did the girls apologize?" He then asked. "Derek, talk to me, please." Meredith begged. "I'm okay Mer. Don't worry about me." He replied. "Did the girls apologize?" He asked again and Meredith nodded. "If you want to quit, I will support you 100%. I promise you that." Meredith whispered. "Thank you." Derek replied. "Let's go inside. We need to change our clothes." "Yeah we should." Derek said as he stood up, he then grabbed Meredith's hand and pulled her up.
Together they walked upstairs, they both got changed, Derek began to walk out of the room as Meredith stopped him. "Where are you going?" Meredith asked. "To the couch. I don't know if you want me in the bed with you." Derek whispered and Meredith sighed. "Come here please." Meredith said. Derek smiled and got under the covers. Meredith laid her head down on Derek's chest and he gently stroked her hair. "When Dad died, I never really talked about it with anybody. I was the man in the house. Amy was still so young, mom had to take care of all of us but she couldn't. So I stepped up. I still can't believe that they shot my Dad. He was my hero." Derek began, Meredith stayed quiet, she didn't want to interrupt him. "Amy and I could be dead if I didn't hold her close to me. She wanted to run to him, she tried to scream. I held her close to my body. When the mens left I told Amy to call mom and I ran to Dad. I wanted to save him, but he was already dead. They shot him in the freaking head. I wanted to save the men yesterday. I just wanted to save him, because I couldn't save my own dad.." tears were running down his cheeks as his breathing became faster. "I couldn't save them. I hate myself for failing them. I always asked myself, what if I ran to my Dad or yelled something, maybe he would be still here then. He would go fishing with Bails and me. He would've loved our kids and last year when mom died I knew she would be with dad again. And... and I know I sound selfish but I hated them for dying so soon." Derek cried. "I-I just miss them so much." Derek sobbed as he began to hyperventilate. "I..-I can't be a doctor again. I mean I would've loved to perform a surgery with Zola, Bails or even Ellis. But I just can't.." He whispered as he sat up and grabbed his chest, he tried to get air into his lungs. "Hey hey Derek. Look at me. Breathe with me." She said as she sat up as well and grabbed his hands. "I-I can't bre-breathe." He choked out. Meredith grabbed Derek's chin and made him look into her eyes. "Everything will be okay.. You are okay." Meredith whispered and after a few minutes Derek finally began to calm down. "I'm sorry. Are you okay, I mean what the girls said wasn't really nice and I know how you feel about that."."Don't be sorry Der and I'm okay. The girls apologized." Meredith replied. "Okay, uhm. We should sleep. We have to work tomorrow." Derek whispered, Meredith nodded and cuddled into Derek's chest. "I love you." He heard her whisper. "I love you too." He said quietly and kissed her forehead. Soon after they fell asleep.
The next morning
Meredith woke up first, which was weird, normally Derek would wake up first and watch her sleep. This time it was the other way around. Meredith turned around and saw that Derek looked pale and totally exhausted. Meredith carefully laid her hand down on his forehead, to check if he had fever, which he had. Derek pressed his face into the crock of Meredith's neck. "Morning." She heard him whisper. "Morning Der. How did you sleep?" "Good, what about you?" He asked with his sleepy voice, which Meredith found totally sexy, as he moved his head out of her neck to look into her eyes. "I slept, good as well." She whispered before she gently kissed his lips. "The Kids are up, do you wanna sleep for a bit?" Meredith asked. "No, we have to go to work, I have to clean my locker. I guess Bailey will get the letter tomorrow." Derek replied as he sat up. "But you have a fever Der. You are sick." Meredith said sternly. "Mer, this will be my last day at work. I want to do one last surgery with my wife. I will be gone by noon, that's the time when I go home. I promise you." Derek whispered, gently kissed Meredith, moved out of the bed and began to make himself ready. Meredith dropped her head into the pillow and sighed.
"Morning Dad." Zola said as she saw her Dad walking down the stairs. "Good Morning honey. What are you looking at?" Derek asked as she saw his daughter holding a picture. "I found this picture on the ground of the living room. Is that you and your dad?" She asked. "It is." Derek slightly smiled as he gently grabbed the picture. "How come you never talk about him?" Zola asked. She frowned as Derek stayed quiet. "Dad?" "Let's talk about this later. You have school now. I will be home at noon and mom will be home in the evening. Jay is picking you three up right?" Derek asked and Zola nodded. Bailey, Ellis and Meredith got downstairs. "Morning buddy. Morning princess." Derek said to Bailey and Ellis, he kissed Ellis forehead and ruffled through Bailey's hair, before going over to Meredith. "You feeling okay?" Meredith asked gently as she rubbed his arms. "I am. Should we drive together or in seperate cars?" Derek asked. "Will you pick me up when my shift is finished?" Meredith asked with a small smirk. "Of course." He whispered and kissed her forehead. "Bye mom and dad." The Kids yelled as they heard a car honk.
...
Meredith was constantly worried about Derek. She got even more worried when he didn't respond to her pages. "Amy, do you know where your brother is?" Meredith asked as she saw Amelia standing at the nurses station. "I think he went to an on-call room. To the one you two always go." Amelia replied, smirking. "Thank you. See you later." Meredith said quickly before she went to the on-call room. She slowly opened the door and smiled as she saw her husband cuddled up into the blanket and fast asleep. "Hey Der. Wake up. We have our surgery now." Meredith whispered as she pushed the hair out of his face, feeling his hot forehead. "Hm Meri?" Derek asked sweetly. "Yeah it's me. We have our surgery. Are you feeling up for it?" Meredith asked quietly, Derek nodded and slowly stood up. "Careful!" Meredith exclaimed as Derek swayed shortly. "Maybe you should go home." Meredith whispered but Derek shook his head. "Last surgery I will perform, I want to do it with my wife." Derek smiled and kissed her forehead. Meredith sighed but she knew she couldn't change her husband's mind, he was way too stubborn.
Together they walked towards the OR. Once they were scrubbing in Meredith kept checking on Derek as he looked paler then he did before. "Are you ready for it?" Meredith asked. "I am." Derek smiled and leaned down to kiss Meredith through his mask, Meredith did the same. "I love you." Derek whispered before they both entered the OR. "It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun." Derek said, his eyes sparkled as he said that.
Halfway through the surgery Derek closed his eyes for a short moment, trying to stop his world from spinning, as he opened them again he locked eyes with Meredith, you could see the worry in her eyes. Derek quickly nodded, telling Meredith that he was okay. A few minutes later Derek glanced at the watch and frowned. "Is it already this late?" Derek asked Meredith, who then checked the watch as well. "Yep, the school is almost over." Meredith replied. "I will page Amy. I promised Zola I would be home." Derek whispered as he stepped away from the table. "Okay, love you." "Love you too. I will pick you up when your shift is finished." Derek told her. "Drive save please." Meredith begged, Derek nodded, blew her a kiss and left the OR. Derek scrubbed out and went to clean his locker.
Derek finally arrived home after cleaning his locker, luckily nobody was in the room while he did that. While he waited for the kids he began to clean up the house, even though he wanted to lay down in bed and sleep. He began to clean up the living room and he then saw the picture of him and his dad. He knew that he promised Zola to talk about it. His head shot up as the door opened and Zola, Bailey, Ellis and Jay stepped inside. "Hey Dad." the kids said. "Hello Derek." Jay smiled while holding Zola's hand. "Hey guy's." Derek smiled. "Bails and Ellie, can you do your homework please. I have to talk to Zola for a moment. Jay you can go upstairs in Zola's room if you want." Derek said while sitting down on the couch. Zola frowned, quickly kissed Jay's cheek before sitting down next to her dad, while the others went upstairs. "You asked me this morning about my Dad and why I never talk about him. I think you are now old enough to know what happened to him." Derek sighed. "When your Aunt Amelia and I were younger, she was five and I was nine, we used to play in my Dad's store. Everyday when we came back from school we went to the store. One Day we were playing in the back and someone entered the store. Everything was normal until we heard yelling, shortly after we heard a loud noise." Derek breathed deeply and swallowed hard, Zola leaned into his chest, trying to comfort him. "Amelia tried to run to him, I held her back the best I could. Once we heard the bell again, I told Amy to stay in the back whole I ran up to my Dad and what I saw traumatised me forever. I saw my Dad laying on the ground not breathing. Amy had called my mom, she called the ambulance but it was too late. He was already dead before I even ran to him the first time. I rarely talk about him because it still hurts very much. He was the best Dad in the world, I swore to myself that I would do everything for my kids, before it is too late." Derek ended and forced back the tears he had in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Daddy. I'm glad you are here. I love you." Zola whispered and buried her face into Derek's chest. "I love you too Zozo." He replied and kissed her hair. After a few minutes of cuddling Zola stood up. "I should check on Jay." She chuckled. "You should, I'm going to pick up mom now, but the door stays open Zo." Derek said sternly, Zola chuckled and nodded.
Derek got himself ready, told the kids that he would pick up Meredith and then drove to the hospital. Of course Derek took the ferry. He stepped out of the car and walked on top of the ferry. It was a perfect day to ride the ferry. The most beautiful ferry boat ride he ever had in his life. He was going to his car as the ferry crashed against something, which caused him to fall to the side, slamming his head against the metal wall.
As he woke up, he saw only chaos. Everyone was trying to get off the ferry, Derek slowly stood up, trying to shake the dizzy feeling away. After a few seconds it was gone and Derek began to help the people who couldn't walk by themselves. Slowly paramedics and doctors began to arrive at the scene. Derek helped many people to get on the docks, just as he wanted to go back on the ferry someone held him back. He turned around and stared into his wife's eyes. "What are you doing?" Meredith asked. "I'm helping. I was on my way to pick you up. We were almost at the docks, so I went to my car, that's when the ferry crashed." Derek rambled. "I need to help the other's." Derek said, as he turned around. "Derek, stop. You are bleeding." Meredith said, Derek stopped and turned around. "Just put a plaster on it. I will get checked out once I'm done helping the other's." Derek replied, Meredith sighed, her husband is way too stubborn. "Der please." She whispered. Derek sighed but nodded. Just as they wanted to walk to the ambulance, Meredith noticed how Derek stopped walking. "Derek?" but Derek didn't respond instead he fell forwards. Meredith tried her best to catch him, but he was too heavy. "Derek, c'mon open your eyes." She whispered as panic began to rise. "Amelia, I need your help!" Meredith yelled as she saw her sister-in-law nearby. "What do we-" Amelia cut herself off as she saw that the patient was her own brother. "What happened?" Amelia asked quietly. "I don't know, he was on his way to pick me up, he helped people, once I saw him I told him he should get checked out because he's bleeding, he refused first but when he agreed we were about to go to the ambulance, he passed out. He probably hit his head on the ferry." Meredith whispered, trying to stay in doctor mode. "He's burning up!" Amelia exclaimed as she laid her hand down on his forehead. "He wasn't feeling well in the last days. I tried to talk him into staying at home this morning, he refused. You know how he is. He was dizzy before surgery and in surgery." Meredith rambled. "Meri?" Derek groaned as he slowly woke up. "Yeah, it's me and Amelia. Can you open your eyes for a moment please." Meredith whispered as she stroked her husband's cheek. He opened his eyes but shut them almost immediately. "What's wrong?" Amelia asked her brother. "Light hurts. Everything is spinning and I'm nauseous." "Okay, we have to get you to the hospital." Amelia said to Derek and Meredith. "Noo, I have to help the others." Derek argued. "Derek, you helped them enough. Now let us help you." Amelia whispered. Meredith and Derek locked eyes. The fear in Meredith's eyes caused Derek to give in. "Kids, we have to tell them." Derek whispered as he was loaded into the ambulance. "I will call them later. First you have to get checked out."
Just when Meredith wanted to call Zola, her phone began to ring, it was Zola. "Mom, are you and Dad okay? I heard about the ferry boat crash and I know that you and Dad always use the ferry." Zola asked in a very worried voice. "I'm okay Zo. I was still at the hospital when it happened but Dad was on the ferry when it crashed. He's getting checked out now. He probably has a concussion." Meredith replied, trying to sound calm. "Oh God.. Should Jay drive us to the hospital?" Zola asked, clearly scared. "No, stay at home. It's already dark. I will call you once we know more." Meredith replied. "Okay, love you and tell Dad we love him too." Zola answered before hanging up, just then Nelson approached Meredith together with Bailey. "How is he?" Meredith asked. "For now he's okay. He has a tiny brain bleed which will heal by itself he also has a severe concussion and like you already assumed pneumonia. He has to stay in the ICU until he gets better. This could be a few days since he has a high fever. You can go see him, just know that he's very weak at the moment." Nelson explained together with Bailey. Meredith nodded and followed Bailey to Derek's room. "Here you have to wear this." Bailey whispered as she handed Meredith a mask Meredith pulled it on before going inside.
"Hey honey.." Meredith sighed as she approached her husband's bed. "Hey beautiful." Derek smiled dreamly before coughing gently. "How are you feeling?" She then asked him. He just shrugged. "Tired, exhausted and I'm cold.." He sighed. "Wanna cuddle.." He whined. "I have to text Zola very quickly and then I will cuddle with you okay?" Derek nodded and made space for his wife. After she had texted their daughter, Meredith laid down next to him and he cuddled into her side while she adjusted the blanket trying to give him all the warmth.
The next day
"What the hell is that?" Bailey yelled as she entered Derek's room waking the couple up. "A letter.." Meredith mumbled, clearly not fully awake. "Well I can see that, but it's from your husband, telling me that he is going to retire." the Chief snapped. "I do want to retire. Family, kids are more important.." He whispered. "Why the hell now?" Bailey snapped. "Because I don't wanna miss more of my family. I missed so much already. My body is getting weaker. Surgery gets only harder for me and my hands are beginning to shake. I'm getting too old." Derek whispered as he coughed slightly. Bailey only scoffed. She couldn't believe that one of her best neurosurgeons wanted to retire. "Grey what are you saying to that? Knock some sense into your husband's brain." "Bailey, I support my husband, when he wants to retire then he wants to. It's his decision." She replied calmly, rubbing Derek's back as she felt how his body began to tense up. "You can't just leave Shepherd, I'm so disappointed in you, if Richard were still here he would be as well and just think about your kids. Don't you think they are going to be dissapointed as well?" Bailey yelled while Derek and Meredith looked at each other with wide eyes. "Don't you ever talk about my kids that way. They are more than happy that I would spend more time with them. They are happy when I retire. I promise you that and now I want you to leave the room." Derek yelled before he began to cough violently. "Derek, try to take a deep breath for me." Meredith whispered over and over again as Derek couldn't stop coughing, which caused him to struggle to breath. "Baby, breathe for me please. You can do it. I know you can." Meredith cried as she strapped an oxygen mask over his face, but Derek still couldn't breath, his oxygen levels began to drop and nurses began to run into his room. "We have to intubate him." a nurse yelled as his stats began to drop even more. "Derek, stay awake baby please, you have to stay awake." Meredith sobbed as her husband began to close his eyes from the lack of oxygen. A nurse stood behind Derek's head and pushed the tube down his throat, attaching him to an oxygen tank. "Look what you've done, are you happy now?" Meredith yelled at Bailey as they were alone in the room. "Get out, just get out.." Meredith sighed after a few seconds. Bailey left the room leaving Meredith alone next to her unconscious husband, she pulled out her phone and called Zola. "Mom, is everything okay? How is Dad?" Zola asked nervously. "Your Dad and aunt Bailey had a little fight, which caused him a bad coughing fit. He couldn't breathe, so we intubated him. His fever is still very high and at the moment he's unconscious." Meredith explained gently, trying not to break down. "Noo.." Zola whispered. "Mom, we are coming down now." That was the last thing Zola said before she hung up the phone. "Oh Derek, you have to get better soon. I love you so much baby."
"Dad.." Zola gasped as she and her siblings entered the ICU. "It's okay Zo, his stats are stable at the moment, a nurse came by to check his temperature, it's dangerously high. He has a fever over 109. We just have to hope that it won't affect his Organs, they also extubated him just before you got here." Meredith explained as she hugged her three kids. "How could that happen?" Ellis asked quietly, trying to hold her tears in bay. Her heart broke at the sight of her father being so weak. He looked so tired and his whole body was drenched in sweat. "Dad?" Bailey whispered as he saw his father's body twitching. Meredith turned around and saw how his whole body began to shake. "Press the nurses Button." Meredith exclaimed as she turned his body to his side so he wouldn't choke his tongue. "Mom, what's happening to Daddy?" Ellis cried, she normally knew what was happening but her brain didn't seem to work right at the moment. "Ellie, he's having a seizure because of his fever. Everything is okay." Bailey whispered, while hugging his sister, trying to comfort her the best he could. Bailey knows that Ellis is a totale Daddy girl. He wanted to protect his sister's from everything bad.
Derek's body went limp in his wife's arms. His oxygen stats began to drop, just as Jo stepped inside the room. "Meredith, what happened?" She asked carefully. "He has a fever over 109, just had a seizure and now his oxygen stats are dropping again. "Wait, why isn't he intubated? I never said they should extubate him." Jo said with concern in her voice. "Nurse Jacky extubated him. She said you ordered that." Meredith replied as Jo went over to Derek and intubated him once again. "I never said that.. I'm going to get a cooling blanket." Jo replied before leaving the room. Meredith turned to her kids who all had tears in their eyes. "Your Dad is going to be okay, he loves you Guys too much to let go." She whispered as she hugged them tightly. Meredith smiled as she saw how Bailey was trying to be strong for them, after a minute he walked over to his mom and hugged her tightly. "Everything is going to be okay mom. He's going to be healthy soon. He will dance it out with you soon." He whispered into her ear while rubbing her back. "Thank you Bails. Do you want to get some food with me?" Meredith asked and he nodded. Together they left the room. Before they could even get near the Cafeteria, Meredith pulled him into an on-call room. "Mom?" Bailey asked quietly. "You don't have to be strong right now. You can fall apart. I won't tell anybody." Meredith assured her son. Tears began to well up in Baileys eyes and Meredith pulled him into her arms. "It's okay honey. I'm proud of you and your Dad is proud as well. He always tells me that you are a much better brother than he is." "I don't want dad to die." Bailey sobbed into her chest. "Your Dad isn't going to die. He really tries his best to stay here with us." Just as Bailey wanted to reply Meredith got paged. "911, your Dad's room." Meredith whispered looking up at Bailey and together they ran out of the on-call room, to Derek's room.
"What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she was trying to catch her breath. "Der, you're awake." Meredith smiled as she saw her favorite blue eyes. Derek locked eyes with her and she knew he was asking her why he was intubated. "You had a fight with Miranda. You couldn't breath and passed out so they intubated you. About 30 minutes ago you had a seizure because of your fever. You have a fever over 109." Tears began to well up in Derek's eyes. Meredith quickly grabbed his hand and stroked his cheek. "It's okay babe, everything is going to be okay. Close your eyes now. You have to rest. I love you Derek." Meredith whispered, before Derek squeezed her hand three times after he did that some tears streamed down his cheeks as he closed his eyes. Meredith kissed his forehead through her mask. The Kids had never seen their father so vulnerable and weak. Soon Derek was asleep once again but still had a strong grip in Meredith's hand.
"Zozo, where's Jay?" Meredith asked after an hour. "He waits for us in the waiting area." She replied. "Tell him to come into the room. He's a part of our family. You have been with him since you were 14, so now for 5 years. He is family." Zola nodded and went to the waiting area. "Bails, Ellie, can you get me something to eat and drink please? I would go myself but yeah." Meredith whispered, the Kids nodded and left the room. "Der, you have to get better soon. I don't want to lose you. I should've paid more attention. I should've made you stay at home today. I dropped the ball in the last few weeks." She laid her head down on Derek's bed, she couldn't help but to fall asleep. As the kids stepped into the room, they saw their mom sleeping in a very uncomfortable position and their Dad still intubated, pale and sleeping as well. "Should we wake her?" Bailey asked quietly. "No, let them sleep. Mom needs this sleep. She probably won't sleep till dad is home again." Zola whispered while holding Jay's hand. Ellis ran out of the room just when Bailey wanted to say something once again. "I'll go after her." Jay whispered before he kissed Zola's forehead gently.
"Hey, can I sit next to you?" Jay asked as he spotted Ellis outside sitting on a bank. "Sure.." She whispered as she made room for him. "I know I'm your sister's boyfriend, but you are like my little sister. You can always talk to me, I'm here for you." Jay said gently while embracing her. "I just don't want him to die. I almost never met him, I can't lose him. He's my Daddy and I am his little munchkin." Ellis sobbed. "He's doing his best not to leave you. Come on, let's get you some water and then let's go back to your Dad." Jay said after a while. Ellis agreed and together they got water and went back to Derek's room.
Ellis and Jay entered the room, in the room were only Bailey and Zola. "Where are Mom and dad?" Ellis asked immediately, her voice trembling. "Dad was moved to another room, where only mom can go. His fever got a bit higher, so for his safety, he got moved to a less infection room." Zola explained gently, trying to stop her tears from falling. Jay immediately moved over to her and hugged his girlfriend tightly. Bailey sat on the chair where Meredith had sat, trying not to cry.
A few hours later
"Do you think he's going to make it?" Meredith asked Jo as they stood outside of the room. "I can't promise you anything, he has to fight very hard. His fever won't come down, no matter what we do." Jo sighed. "So chances are high that he won't make it.." Meredith whispered. "This is what he wanted to avoid. That's why he wanted to retire. He wanted to spend more time with the kids and me before it's too late and now he could die.." her voice trembling. Just as Jo wanted to answer, they heard an alarm out of Derek's room. Meredith looked through the glass door as Jo ran inside. Her husband was coding, she prayed to god that he would make it. A few minutes later, Jo came outside again. "He's stable at the moment, we just have to get his fever down, quickly or his Organs are shutting down." She explained before hugging Meredith tightly.
Two days later
Derek was doing slightly better, but not how they hoped he would do. His fever went down a bit, it's not in the dangerous area anymore but he was still not breathing on his own. It killed Meredith to see her husband like that, she noticed that in the last two years he got more sick then usually that wasn't normal anymore. He was still the health nut of the family and always tried to keep himself fit with Jogging and sometimes going to the gym. She just couldn't understand how he got this bad in such a short time. Meredith didn't sleep at all in the last two days, she was too worried that her husband would code again. "Mom, you need to sleep." Zola whispered as she saw her mom standing outside of her dad's room. "I can't, I need to be there when dad wakes up." Meredith whispered. "And you will be there, you just need to sleep mom. I'm worried about you. I will come and wake you as soon as he wakes up." Zola whispered as she stroked her moms arms. "Okay, I will go to an on-call room." She whispered before walking to the nearest room. "Daddy, you have to wake up. Mom and Ellis don't sleep at all anymore. They are too afraid that you are going to die. I love you Dad. Please fight for us."
A few hours later Zola felt how her dad squeezed her hand slightly. "Dad? Wait I'm going to page Jo and Mom. I love you." Zola breathed as she quickly pressed the nurse button. Shortly after Meredith, Jo and two nurses entered the room. "Zola, what's wrong?" "He squeezed my Hand." She smiled at her mother. "Derek, honey. Can you hear me?" Meredith whispered only to get a quiet groan as answer. "It's okay Derek, just try to open your eyes for a bit?" Jo asked gently, she saw how his eyelids moved but he couldn't open his eyes. "It's okay, it's okay." She whispered.
In the night
Zola, Jay, Bailey and Ellis went home while Meredith wanted to stay with Derek. She woke up as she heard a strange noise. When she finally knew what that Sound was she was awakened immediately. The sound came from Derek's monitors. She stood frozen next to the bed as nurses ran into the room as well Jo. Meredith was pushed out of the room and the blinds were closed as well now so she wouldn't see what's going on inside of the room. Meredith couldn't breathe anymore, she needed to calm down, but the only one who could calm her down now was Derek but he was fighting for his life. After 20 minutes Jo came out of the room with tears in her eyes. "No, please don't tell me that he's dead." "I'm so sorry Meredith, we tried everything we could, the fever damaged too much of his organs already." Jo explained while tears streamed down her face. Meredith stood there in complete shock, before she fell on the ground screaming. It was a scream Jo had never heard before. It sounded like a scream from someone who just lost his best friend, soulmate, husband and father of her kids. Like someone who just lost everything. Amelia was running down the hall as she heard Meredith screaming. She knew that this was Meredith's scream, she just knew it. She only had to look once at Meredith and then she knew what was going on. Her brother, her only brother, her father figure was dead. The father of her nieces and nephew was dead. Amelia sat down on the ground next to Meredith, and they both cried together for losing their Person.
The next day
Meredith woke up as she heard a sound she wanted to hear for so long. She heard her husband coughing, like he was choking the vent. "Hey honey, everything will be okay. I promise you. I will page Jo immediately." Meredith whispered as she paged Jo to the room with a 911 call. "You are awake." Jo exclaimed as she entered the room. "And you are breathing over the vent." she smiled as she moved to the bed and began to remove the vent. Derek locked eyes with his wife who could see that her husband was still totally exhausted. "I love you Derek Christopher Shepherd." Meredith whispered as the vent was removed and the two of the were alone in the room. "Lo-love too, Mer-Meredith Grey-Shepherd." Derek struggled to say, while Meredith smiled widely. She had waited for so long to hear that again. "I'm gonna call the Kids and tell them that you are awake." "Cuddle?" Derek asked quietly after his wife had informed their kids. "Of course my love." Meredith replied and laid down next to him, after she kissed him deeply. "Missed that" Derek whispered. "So much." Meredith replied.
As the kids entered the room they saw their parents cuddled up into wach other with smiles on their faces. Zola and Bailey moved more bed to the room so they had a big bed. Together they laid all down and cuddled up to their parents. In the end everything was okay again.
Hey guys I'm so so so sorry for not updating my other Storys. I feel so bad about it. I had to look after myself for a bit, especially my mental health. My Grandma died in June, which hit me very hard. Then my boyfriend broke up with me while we were on a ship vacation together. And my Job is killing me at the moment because of my knee i have an infection in it which hurts very much.. I try my best to Update again. I love you all. ❤️