As i wake up, my routine time to wake up, i glanced at the clock, 6 a.m. I cleaned my glasses, enjoying the feeling of the special made fabric for the fragile circular lenses of the eyeglass. I checked everything, again and again, to make sure that i didn't forget anything. my body feels different with the sense of my stomach is twisted and there is a sizzling feeling that wraps my body. My heart feels like it will break my ribcage and throw itself on the ground with a great blood trail, the veins ripped and it gushes all the leftover blood in it like those fountain decors. The only difference it the color of the liquid the engine pumps.
I bid farewell to the Dave Brubeck's, Paul Desmond's , Miles Davis's, Marcus Miller's and John Coltrane's album covers.
John Coltraine looks awesome with his saxophone. The black people looks extra cool and stylish with saxophones. They already have that jazzy vibe to me. So cool. And also i really like the look of mustard yellow or orangish yellow and orange on them. The skintone pops them out. If i were black, i would wear yellow all the time. Almost all the time.
I rushed down to the airport from the metro i came here with, i ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I don't have this plane phobia thing, which i don't know the mame of, anymore. Just me and the fear of being rejected.
I sat on my given seat, closed my phone and tried to relax. I was so scared that he may reject my desire to come together again, but also relieved and excited to see him at least once more. I know my mistakes and i'm ready to show how i feel to him again, what i want and how sorry i am.
The plane landed and i got out of the plane, makşng my way to the inside of the human airport I ran and got out, passed the giant shoes that also were hurrying to reach the plane, and hurried over my car in the human parking lot. I hopped in my car and closed the doors shut. It's kind they can carry our vehicles to here. I turned the ignition and drove to get to my love, hoping he would be at least as happy as i am to see him again. Or just hug me again, wrap his gigantic warm and soft hands around me and kiss me with his titanic lips. I still remember the feeling of his fingerprints and his skin brushed my body. I can't wait to feel it again.
But don't forget the other possibility
Hey i'm trying to be positive here! Don't upset me again! I am hopeful!
Sure. But that doesn't mean he will 100% accept you back.
...
I passed by the familiar streets and stores, the bus stop and my old hotel until i reached roy's house. I pulled the car near the door. My stomach shrank, moved under my skin, then grew back. But continued moving. And i was feelşng a weird sense like tickling or you know like the tv screens when there şs no signal. Black and white dots filling the screen.
I stood in the car for a bit. To calm down a bit. But it didn't work. There wasn't and sigh of life in the house eighter.I wonder if he is inside. Or even... alive
SSSSSHHHHHTOHP! you know he would never do such thing!
Yeah you're right... he wouldn't. Should i wait?
No. Just ring the bell.
My hairs were up like nails growing out of my skin. Or just like they came alive and trying to pull theirselves out of my flesh.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit. I am excited. Can't i wait more until i calm down?
No. Do it now. NOW!
But I-
GET OUT OF THE CAR! RIGHT NOW!
But it will be a mess!
GET! OUT! OF! THE! CAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Okay! Okay! I will. Just stop screaming
Then GET THE FUCK OUT!
I squeezed myself with my arms to kind of to relax. I felt better. Even if i can't tell it made much of a difference. I slowly and hesitantly opened the door. My stomach didn't bother to calm down. Or so my heart. I slowly stuck my feet out, and put them on the ground. I slid myself to the ground and sat at the ground for a while. I got up and shook my clothes to get rid of the dust. Then started walking towards the human door with a human bell. I approached with slow and uncertain steps, and hesitantly rang the bell. My stomach was literally trying to get out of it's place. I can tell that I've never got excited like this ever in my entire life.
I moved myself to the giant door. I could feel his steps. But they were slower and sounded like they belonfed to a much older person.
The door handle i was looking at pulled down and the door slowly opened by a great force, and roy's shoes entered my sight, and he towered over me like a great mountain between the door and the door frame. He looked even paler and tired with dark, purplish holes under his eyes.
I froze on my place and didn't know what to do from here. I just stared up at him, which was trying to understand who rang the bell and finally thought about looking down. His eyes immediately widened and filled with emotion as he spotted me. And his face literally gathered color.
"M- mollie?"
I suddenly felt the urge to hug him and my eyes filled with tears. I ran to his closest foot and tried to climb the toe of his shoe, which i managed to do, i got up and hugged his ankle by opening my arms as wide as i could and pressing my body to it. I could feel his hand coming down to pick me up. I felt his fingers touching my back and let myself go of his ankle and fall to his hand. And he gently lifted me up in the air, closer to his sad, teared eyes getting bigger as i get closer to them. He took a quick glance then the floor shot down to his huge, broad chest and pressed me to it.
"I- I missed you so much!"
I could feel his quick heart beat and his shaky deep breaths that fills his lungs whole with air. And little sobs. I... I missed that so much... hug. Being completely surrounded by him...
His hands gently loosened and i remained sitting on his hands. The ground lifted up to let meet his eyes once again. He leaned to the door frame and the ground suddenly fell down, as he slid himself from his back, down, following the door frame and remained sitting.
Oh god how i missed him, i missed feeling his gaze on me. How i missed his touch and that feeling of being in his hands, I relaxed to the warmth of his hand beneath me and looked at him.
"W-why did you leave me! It- it was so hard without you!"
"I-I'm so sorry! It was also so hard for me! I cursed to the moment i left you every single moment or- or- o- or didn't have any minute i didn't miss you or think about you roy! I'm so sorry!..." I wiped my nose and tears. "Will- will you forgive me?"
His eyes shining with love and relief, his eyes smiling. Another tear flowed down his eyes. The floor suddenly lowered to his lips and i could feel the gentle breeze of his warm breath, the feeling of his lips i was longing for. He pinned me down with his huge lips, brushing them against my body tenderlu. Soft, warm and welcoming. It was so intense and sinciere, i could feel his shaky warm breath coming from his nose above, and his breath preassuring his soft palm beneath, creating a gap between his nose and palm. Or could feel the flesh filling the opening of his nostrils as he inhaled. I wanted to scream. I missed this so much! And this was even better than i remembered.
He gently let go of me, and i stayed laying on his palm. I looked at his eyes lovingly.
"Was- was that a yes?"
"What do you think it was?" He let out a mixture of a sob and a chuckle.
"A yes?"
He smiled warmly and gently rose on his feet.
"Shall we get inside?" He asked.
"Sure"
He got inside and the floor shrank as he parted one of his hands and reached for the door handle to close the door. He moved to the couch and held me in his hands, close to his body as he laid on his side. And i sat on his hand and leaned to his chest, traced the folds printed on his skin or his fingerprints. I missed to be so close to his titanic body. And his sofy flesh being my only ground.
I stopped caressing his palm and snuggled closer to his chest. I nuzzled and smelled him, brushed the wall made of his chest beneath the fabric with my hands. I enjoyed how it felt under my hands. He created a gap between his chest an me, pulled me away from it and i watched him as he sat up. He leaned over me while he held me, and his other hand slowly came towards me, his slightly curled forefinger's intermediate phalanges gently brushed along my right side. Then it slowly lifted again, glided up and dissappeared from my sight and i felt the warmth radiating from his palm behind my back and leaned to it, looking up at roy's loving hazel eyes which were studying me.
"I love you so much, mollie" i like to hear that sentence. He slowly losened his hand and rested it near me.
"I love you too roy. So much. A lot. So much a lot." I laid on the soft surface of his chest and rubbed it to show him my affection.
"Please... please never leave me again... i can't- i can't do it without you. I couldn't stay awake but also couldn't sleep. I-"
"Hey. I know. My life was like shit since the day i left. I will never never never never never never never never never-"
"Okay! okay! i got it" he chuckled. I missed his chuckles. I missed them so much!
"I uhh... I want to show you something if you let me..." his chest and i both vibrated with his voice.
"Of course!"
"But we will have to get out." I honestly didn't want to get out of the house but... i am intrigued. So let's gooooooooo.
"Yeah sure. Let's go"
"Okay... uhh where do you want to stay?
"Pocket?"
"Pocket" his tone was like dissapointed. Or it's just me.
"What?" I questioned.
"Nothing" I thought he wants to hold me in his hands by that reaction. So i tried him to see his reaction.
"Hands?"
"Hands"
"Shoulder?"
"Shoulder" yeah it's just me.
"Okay then pocket"
"Okay"
He shifted his hand to a few foot lower side of his chest sideways and i got up and sat on his chest, leaning to his palm. Then his chest slowly started to tilt until his waist was 90 degrees with his hip joints amd i ended up laying on his palm with my feet stretching up following his chest. I brought them down and rolled to support myself with my hands so as not to sway so much as he rose on his feet.
He grabbed a jacket and carefully slid me down in it's pocket. And from the movement, i suppose -because what else it could be, he slid his arms in and adjusted the look.
his fingers pressed me to his chest and he started walking, keeping his hand on the wall of the pocket. He gently patted and pulled his hand back, and stopped walkinng. i heard the familiar sound of the keys hitting each other then entering in the keyhole, turning it and with a sudden movement of pushing the door handle as he started walking again. Then stopped and locked the door, after closing it.
He put his hand on me again, clearly yearning for me. I relaxed myself and melted under his touch. We walked for a while more. And i really started to get curious. I tried to climb up the pocket but i fell with every step roy took.
"Maybe a bit more patience?" I like it how his voice the only thing i can hear and feel.
"Were you making me fall on purpouse?" I laughed.
"What makes you think of that?" He chuckled and continıed "I ask you just a bit of patience that's all. Unless you want to get spoiled"
"Yeah i can do that"
"Sorry if you feel like trapped... but believe me it will definetely worth it."
"Nope. I never felt trapped unless you were away from me. Just like the last month. But more like i was away... How could i to this to you! To me! To us! It was like shit- oh wait no. Much worse than a simple shit. I mean... it's just food that is not useful anymore." I murmured at the last part.
"whatever. are we close?"
"Yeah. It's just about a kilometer away"
"It sure isn't much for you"
"I guess. But i really am tired"
"Maybe you can rest?"
"No need to. It takes about 30 steps and i am done with 10"
"Wait do you count your steps everytime?"
"Yeah. It keeps me busy"
The top of the pocket flapped and roy's gigantic fingers appeared from above, slowly sliding to the bottom, reaching to wrap theirselves around my body. They tenderly caressed me before gently enveloping me to and lifting me up. I've been greeted by two massive irises first as he raised me up to his face, the. When i turned my head, a fascinating wiew of a midnight city and lots of trees. And a lake. It was so beautiful!
"You like it?" He asked as he brought his other hand closer and let me go so i would be standing on his palm. I sat and watched how the lights coming from the city danced on his irises.
"Yeah!" And the fresh midnight air! There was a crisp air. Felt so clean and a bit cold. I took a deep, deep breath until i couldn't have more air deposited in my lungs. I liked the feeling of how it filled them.
"I'm glad you did..." he slowly lowered his torso and gently sat down on the ground as he set me down as he brought his knees up."I'd escape home and come here to rest, i used to try to see what people were doing. But of course they'd looks so small due to perspective that i couldn't even see them. But i liked to imagine. This place was like my secret safe place... special, i guess"
His body bent to me and his arms came closer and one of the hands slowly backed my back and his body gently fell from above me and first his legs, then torso and finaly his head laid to the ground, his soft eyes staring at me right in the eyes. Just like they were comfortably stroking mine. I like it.
I kissed his hand behind me. I was tasting happines again after some time that felt like an eternity.
"Actually uhh... there is one more thing i wanted to show you... or 'tell' maybe would be a better word to use..."
"What-what's that?"
"Y-yeah i don't know how am i supposed to do this but uhh..." his head tilted and he was laying on his back, then it lifted up again, following his body and he adjusted his position and sar on one knee. Then his hand reached for me and placed it in front of me and i stepped on it. He slowly lifted me up, but this time higher than he usually did, above his head. Then he reached the back of his jacket with his free hand, and grabbed something. The think was a black box. OH WAIT! OH MY FUCKING GOD! I CAN ALREADY TELL THE ANSWER! YES YES!
He brought the black box closer to me, and opened it revealing a little stairs to inside and a little platform with a shining thing on it.
"I'm not the best at improvisation but...
You are the only light in my life that shows me the way i should go or just helps me to not be trapped in the darkness. I only laugh with you, or just feel loved and valuable when i'm with you. You were with me when there was nobody to lean my back to, or nobody to comfort me or just watch movies with me. You are the only and the most valuable person, and the only thing i need to keep both my mind and my heart alive.
You are warmer than fire,
More worthy than diamond,
More variable than life itself,
Or even more undefinite than a piece of paper.
Mollie, will you be my partner?
Will you marry me?"
My eyes teared up and i screamed
"YES! YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES! FOREVER! YES! I WILL!"