After almost an hour and a half, they all made their way up to their rooms, yawning and stretching. It was a good thing Figg let them skip the homework for the weekend because Tia would've had an aneurysm if she had to look at a textbook right then.
"Mate, I am exhausted," she sighed, dropping onto the couch.
"Uh, huh? I mean, yeah me too," Elijah nodded, twisting his shirt into a knot.
"But not too tired for you to spill the beans," she insisted. "Now tell me what you wanted to talk about."
He took a deep breath and stood a while away from her. She nodded, encouraging him. "Uh, I don't really know where to start," he stammered. She looked at him. He looked completely out of his comfort zone. His eyes were looking everywhere but at the couch that she sat on. His face was flushed.
"Hey, are you okay?"
He cleared his throat. "Uh, yes, yes I am. I just gotta do it, right? Just gotta do it," he mumbled.
"Okay, just breathe," she said, a little frightened. What was he about to say? She couldn't guess what it could be, at all. Except maybe there was a tiny little part of her that thought maybe there was a teeny tiny possibility that he could be about to confess something. And how would she feel then?
"Yes. Just breathe. I guess I should start with ... I'm sorry," he began.
She shook her head, clearing the idea of a confession from her mind. "Sorry?" she asked. "For what?"
He launched into it. "You know what. You've always known what. But I didn't. And I'm really sorry that I didn't. I just had a lot going on, you know, when it happened. I would never ever do that if I was having a good day, you know? It's not like me at all. I completely understand now why you hate me. I hate me for doing it. I still can't believe I did it and I can't even remember doing it. But like I said, something happened, and it wasn't a personal attack because, I mean, you're not any of those things ... that I said you were. I was just very depressed about something then ... and I'm sorry," he rambled, finally breathing out. He said all of this to his shoes. Tia just sat there, dumbfounded. Of course, she knew what he was talking about. She just did not expect him to speak about it. He looked up at her, finally, and saw her blank face. "Say something ... please?"
"I – I don't understand. What are you saying?"
"Please don't make me say it again," he mumbled. When she said nothing, he continued, "Well, that thing I did in May when I – humiliated you – in front of everyone, that's what I'm apologising about."
She cleared her throat, unsure what to do with her hands. She folded them in her lap, fingers interlaced. "Yes, yes, I understand that bit. But – but what do you mean 'something happened'?" Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and she would do anything to stop them.
Elijah felt a bit of relief. She wasn't yelling at him. He could work with this. "Well ... what I mean is that around that time, something really big happened. And I wasn't thinking straight. It affected my whole life, really. I was horribly miserable and all I could think about was – was what happened. So, when I bumped into you, I was kind of just taking my misery out on you. I would've been the exact same if anyone bumped into me," he explained, though the more he talked, the more it sounded like nonsense.
She stood up, making him take a step back. "S – so, what you're saying is that you forgot that anything had ever happened because you were depressed?" He nodded, more confident that she was being understanding. "You forgot what you did to me because you were unhappy?" she asked. Her tone suggested she wasn't exactly understanding as he wished she was, so he recoiled. "Do you even know how humiliated I was? I don't think you realise that you almost ruined my life!" she said, her volume rising with each word.
"N – no – I mean, yes I do realise. I understand completely. I know how you would be feeling, I do," he said, trying to calm her.
"No. I don't think you do!" she said. "People are still talking about it back at school. I get a stupid comment about it every single day. 'There goes the fat loser, Tia Anderson!' Oh, but it's okay! Because you're sorry! Oh, it's all right Elijah – that's fine! You were depressed so you're completely excused for destroying my self-esteem! Something happened that made you sad, so you decided you wanted to ruin someone else's life because it would make you feel better. It's okay – because you're Elijah Jones! Everything you do is fine by everybody. You're loved and admired by all!" she exclaimed, getting angrier by the second. As she ranted, he could only stare with his mouth slightly open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She didn't understand what he was saying. She didn't get it.
"Tia, will you just listen!" he cried, as she stood there fuming. She was about to speak but he beat her to it. "Look, I knew you'd react like this. I expected it. I mean, like you said, I ... I did destroy your self-esteem. But please just listen to me for one second," he pleaded. She glared at him for a second, but then nodded slightly. "Thank you."
He went and sat on the couch. She looked down at him but remained standing.
"Okay, it's cool. You don't have to sit. So, let me explain it a little bit more, uh, coherently – from the beginning. Okay. Around May this year, something big happened," he began. He saw Tia raise her eyebrows, sceptical. He understood that. How would she believe him or forgive him if he couldn't be completely honest with her? But he just wasn't ready for that. Not yet. "See, the hard thing about explaining this to you is that I can't tell you what happened because, I mean, I haven't told anybody. Not a soul knows – except me and my parents and grandparents. But, I mean, it's very private and I'm not sure I'm comfortable explaining it. Is that okay?" he asked, looking up at her.
She looked at him for what seemed like ages, but finally she sat beside him on the couch, and nodded again.
He smiled. "Thank you. Okay, so something big happened and – well, the general idea is that someone close to me got sick," he said, deciding he could trust her with that little bit of information.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, feeling horrible for bursting in anger earlier.
"Please don't say sorry. I don't deserve it," he said. "So, as I was saying, I was a complete mess from the time I found out until, uh, until now, really. I had all these feelings, which were made worse because I hadn't told anyone at school, so I had to pretend I wasn't depressed, so all the feelings were piling on top of one another and not being released, you know? So, then you bumped into me or I bumped into you and I went berserk and they all escaped from my system and you got the brunt of it all. And I said some things that were completely false, and you should have never believed me because your body is obviously uh - I mean, you're so like uh fit, and you're obviously um – beautiful," he finished, his face a flaming red. It was too much information for her brain to wrap around – she didn't know what to say. And did he just call her beautiful? The world was going topsy-turvy. Luckily, he spoke up again, so she didn't have to.
"Now I know you're going to ask how I could forget such a thing but – I don't know how I'm going to explain this. I mean, I was a really big wreck. A really big wreck. I can't remember anything from that time of the year, honestly. I had to call Alex to ask why you hated me so much," he explained.
She looked up at that, finally finding her voice. "You called Alex to ask why I hated you? It was bothering you that much?"
His face reddened. "Well, yeah. I mean, I, uh, I like talking to you, and over this past week it seemed like we had an almost-good time together. But then there was always this thing in the back of my head that told me you hated me – and there was also you, telling me that I wasn't nice and everything. I thought 'okay, you can't hate someone that much for no reason!' So, I had to find out if there was something. I called Alex last night and he told me everything and I felt like such a despicable human being, I wanted to apologise right then but it was like 2:30 or something so..."
She smiled. Her brain was still buzzing. There was so much to think about that she was at a loss for words again. So, she just kept smiling at him.
"And there you have it. That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said. "It feels good to finally do it. I bet it feels good to finally understand why I did what I did, huh?"
She laughed. "Uh, yeah. It does."
"So ... you forgive me, right? Because I have never been sorrier about anything in my entire life," he said, and he got on his knees and clasped his hands together.
"Get off the floor," she laughed. He sat back on the couch beside her. "You know, I really obsessed over what you did for a long time. I tried remembering if I had done anything to you for you to treat me like that. But I couldn't find a thing. I started making excuses for you too, you know? I did put in mind that you might've been having a bad day or something. But then I went back to school after the weekend and any sympathy I had for you was gone. I cursed you about a million times in that one day, sorry," she admitted.
"You have no reason to be sorry at all. I don't know how I'm ever going to make up for what I did to you. Honestly, I don't think you ever hated me as much as I hate myself right now."
"It's okay. I – I forgive you," she said. And she meant it. After all, he sounded extremely apologetic. He also had quite a good reason - if he was telling the truth. Which she was sure he was. She couldn't stay angry with him, especially now that she realised he actually was a nice guy, after living with him for a week. He beamed at her. She felt a little awkward. She was so sure of her feelings toward this boy before this trip. She hated him, she didn't get along with him. She knew who he was, and she knew that'd never change. But now, he was nice, and he was apologising for the one thing that she hated him for. How was she supposed to act around him now? They couldn't actually have a conversation without arguing ... could they?
They held each other's gaze for a little while, before she looked away, suddenly remembering something.
"Hey, were you upset yesterday about the person you know that's sick?" she asked. He froze, but then nodded very slowly. "Is it really bad?"
Closing his eyes, he nodded again. "Yes, it is." He didn't want to look at her or speak anymore, for fear of crying if he did.
"I'm really sorry." He sighed, finally looking at her, and gave her a soft smile. She noticed his eyes were a little watery, so she looked at her watch to put him out of his misery. "Uh, we should probably get to bed," she said. "I'm dead tired."
"Oh, me too," he replied, shaking his head. "Good night," he smiled at her as he walked to his bedroom.
"Yeah, good night," she replied and walked into her own.
Elijah slept very easily because he hadn't had any sleep for two days in a row. Now that that was off his shoulders, he felt so much more at peace. He had a dreamless sleep. Tia, in the other room, didn't exactly sleep very quickly. She sat on her bed and thought about the conversation she'd just had with him. She couldn't believe that she hated him all this time for something he didn't even mean to do, something that happened because he, himself, was feeling terrible.
Without warning, those tears that wanted to escape earlier came spilling out of her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She wasn't sad or hurt or upset. She was quite happy. They were more tears of relief than anything. Relief that she didn't have to hate him anymore. Hating him took so much effort, it tired her out. Now she didn't have to act so hostile toward him. She didn't have to have any hate in her heart. She was finally free. There was no one that she hated or wanted to avoid anymore. The boy she hated was someone she could actually tolerate now. It felt good, and the crying felt good too. It was a totally cleansing experience. Now, she could wake up in the morning and start afresh with him. Perhaps they could even become great friends...