Lu Zan returned to the store with the unfinished flyers. He put the stack of flyers on the table and took off the cat-eared hairpin from his head. He only told Sai Yao that he would leave for a while, then left the store and walked towards Jiang Jianwen's direction.
Jiang Jianwen was still waiting next to the lamppost. When he got closer to Lu Zan, he realized that compared with the last time he saw him, he seemed much more haggard now, and there was a layer of green stubble on his chin. , the slightly longer hair is also messy.
He took Lu Zan to a slightly deserted alley in the pedestrian street. They sat on a bench in the alley and didn't speak for a long time.
In fact, Lu Zan felt that Jiang Jianwen and Jiang Baiyu were really similar in some respects, they were equally restrained and stubborn.
Lu Zan guessed that Jiang Jianwen came here today to ask about Jiang Baiyu.
He glanced sideways at Jiang Jianwen and saw that he was lowering his head and clenching his fingers in silence, probably not knowing how to speak.
After noticing his gaze, Jiang Jianwen was stunned for a moment, raised his eyes and glanced at him, as if he had just come back to his senses.
His voice was a little hoarse:
"Ah, I'm sorry, Xiao Lu, for disturbing your work."
"No, isn't it the Chinese New Year? We don't have many customers in the store, so it won't be a problem."
Lu Zan smiled at Jiang Jianwen and asked proactively:
"Does Uncle Jiang want to ask me about Jiang Baiyu?"
Hearing his question, Jiang Jianwen sighed:
"Yes, I just saw him working part-time with you, right?"
"Yeah." Lu Zan nodded, hesitated for a moment, and then said:
"I also followed him here. I didn't know he worked here at first, but then I found out by chance. I wanted to make some money on my own and help him, so I stayed."
"He... often works part-time outside?"
"Actually, I don't know, because I only met him at the beginning of this semester, but I know that when he was in school, he had to go out every weekend to provide tutoring. I was quite surprised before, because our school gave The scholarship is very generous, Jiang Baiyu shouldn’t be short of money.”
Lu Zan couldn't directly tell him what Jiang Baiyu might have done, he could only shed some light on this aspect.
Jiang Jianwen is a smart man. With a little thought, he should be able to piece together the whole story. Or maybe he had already guessed it, and he came today just to confirm it.
Sure enough, after hearing Lu Zan's words, he was silent for a long time, then raised his hands to rub his face and sighed deeply.
When he spoke again, his voice was very low and his tone was full of fatigue:
"Xiao Lu, you are the first friend he brings home."
After a pause, Jiang Jianwen asked again:
"Did he have any other friends at school before he met you?"
Lu Zan shook his head.
"I know it. I'm ashamed to say that I have never attended his parent-teacher meeting, but I will answer the phone calls the teachers call me. The thing they told me the most is that this child is withdrawn and doesn't like to talk to others. I don’t talk or play with other people. This has been the case since I was a child. So I was really surprised when I saw you at home for the first time. I have always wanted to say thank you to you. , of course, this is not just for Jiang Baiyu."
Jiang Jianwen smiled as if he was mocking himself:
"You are the first person to enter our home in so many years, apart from the staff who collect utility bills and delivery people. Thank you for being friends with Jiang Baiyu, and thank you for being willing to come to our home. On New Year's Eve, are you willing to chat with me and listen to what I say? Will you always be friends with Jiang Baiyu in the future... Forget it, you have your own life too, and it doesn't matter if you don't. Just pretend that I haven't come to see you today, okay? ,Thank you."
"..."
Lu Zan was stunned for a moment when he heard these words.
He was particularly sensitive to other people's small emotions. He felt that Jiang Jianwen's words were a little unusual, like a sign of something. Although he was just guessing and not sure, he still reached out and grabbed the corner of Jiang Jianwen's clothes when he stood up to leave.
He was a little scared, so his voice was trembling:
"Uncle Jiang, what do you want to do?"
Both Jiang Jianwen and Jiang Baiyu have a very firm persistence in their bones, just like Jiang Baiyu always only sits in the seat he is used to when riding in a car, always only listens to one person's songs, and always places things in the prescribed positions. This kind of People, falling in love with something is a lifelong matter, and of course, falling in love with someone is also a matter of life.
Otherwise, Jiang Jianwen would not be so depressed because of his wife, and he would not still have shocking affection in his eyes when he mentions her after so many years gone.
They were already so in love, and without her, they were already so decadent. When she left, did he really not think about leaving together?
But why didn't he leave? Is it because of the responsibility in my heart? Is it because you still have to pay back the debts owed by your relatives and friends? So what does he mean by these words now? The money has been paid off and the work has been done, so he can finally end his loneliness and go to his deep love?
Lu Zan felt that this would be a very romantic and sad love story, but he hated this development, hated this ending, and hated Jiang Jianwen's choice even more.
Because he only cared about love and never considered Jiang Baiyu.
He didn't live for Jiang Baiyu, and he didn't consider him when he wanted to leave. In his life, Jiang Baiyu seemed to be an insignificant person, but it was clear that Jiang Baiyu had paid so much, and Jiang Baiyu deserved to be loved.
Lu Zan thought, Jiang Baiyu was right to say that he was crying.
Because now he feels a little like crying again.
He gripped the hem of Jiang Jianwen's jacket tightly, his voice was low and a little choked.
he asks:
"Uncle Jiang, do you really hate Jiang Baiyu that much?"
"..."
Jiang Jianwen didn't speak. Lu Zan noticed that he just clenched his fingers silently.
"I seem to understand what you mean. Everything you should do has been done, so you can go to Aunt Jiang without any burden, right? But have you considered Jiang Baiyu? You hate him so much, hate him Are you unwilling to say a word to him or live with him? Do you think that your choice is a bit... a bit selfish? Can you think about him? Think about how he feels?"
Lu Zan felt uncomfortable thinking about it. If Jiang Jianwen really left without saying a word, Jiang Baiyu would be so sad.
"Uncle Jiang, you said he is withdrawn. Do you know why he doesn't want to play with others? Because he has never been liked since he was a child, because he is always criticized. He feels that he is the one who has brought trouble to this family. Unfortunately, no one in the world likes Jiang Baiyu, not even Jiang Baiyu himself. I...someone confessed to him that he liked him. He had obviously liked the other person for many years, but he was unwilling to hear his confession. The reason given for acceptance is that he feels that he is not good and not worthy.
"But he is so good. Jiang Baiyu is obviously so good and he has worked so hard. Why are you still unwilling to look at him? Why are you still unwilling to consider him when you make a decision?"
As if he felt that the strength of his grip on the hem of his clothes was not enough to keep him, Lu Zan turned to grab Jiang Jianwen's wrist with both hands. He lowered his head:
"I beg you, Uncle Jiang, I beg you, can you not abandon Jiang Baiyu? He is a human being, not a machine. He will be sad and sad. He needs people to love and affirm him. of."
Lu Zan's hands were shaking a little. He was not sure whether the trembling came from him or from Jiang Jianwen.
The two of them were silent for a long time in the alley. The cool wind in the alley was far different from the lively atmosphere of the main street, which was red and red.
After a long time, Lu Zan heard Jiang Jianwen speak.
he asks:
"He needs me?"
Jiang Jianwen laughed as if he was self-deprecating:
"I consider myself not a good father. I did not like him at one time. He was too cold-tempered and would not make people happy, say nice words and make them laugh like other children. His mother was ruined because of him. Physically, the number of times mother and son meet is pitiful. His mother looks forward to it every time before seeing him, but when the meeting ends, she feels sad and blames herself. She told me that she doesn’t seem to be a good mother to the child. By not kissing her, I seemed to have frightened him. Every time I heard such words, I felt very distressed. You asked me if I hated him. Indeed, at that time, I did hate him.
"But after all, he is Xiaoqing and my child, and he is also the only trace of Xiaoqing left in this world. But before he was five or six years old, I never saw him a few times, even if we lived together later... His character He is cold and doesn't like to talk. We are like strangers living under the same roof. I don't know how to be nice to him. I have a knot in my heart. To be honest, I don't really want to be nice to him.
"Can you understand, Xiao Lu, if you don't do some things at the beginning, it will be difficult to start again later. When I finally realized that he was a child who needed his father's love, I already I don’t know how to treat him well. Over the years, I have done nothing for him except monthly living expenses and a modest house. I know that he used scholarships and part-time jobs to pay back the money for me. , I was really shocked. He is very independent and has grown up. He does not need my involvement in his past and his future. I can’t help him with anything. Xiao Lu, it’s good if he doesn’t hate me. No, he doesn’t need me.”
"he needs!"
Lu Zan's tone was a little tough:
"I have said it a long time ago. It's not that Jiang Baiyu doesn't know how to be kind to others. He just treats others quietly without letting others know. I don't know what he has done for you. I only know that on the night of New Year's Eve , originally his sister wanted to take him back to her home to celebrate New Year's Day, but he refused because you were going home that day and he wanted to accompany you. You are his only relative, Uncle Jiang, if he really doesn't need you, he He won’t work part-time to help pay off the family’s money. Who doesn’t want to be more leisurely, and who doesn’t want to spare time to do something he likes? You said you have never been to his parent-teacher meeting, but I think if you went , all you hear must be compliments.
"His character is a bit cold, but he is a human being and he has a warm and beating heart. You said he is different from other children. What is the difference? The only criterion for judging good and bad is Character? He is obviously better than most people. He has...already worked hard to become a good boy that can make you and aunt proud."
Lu Zan pursed his lips. The next words were a bit sharp, and it was not inappropriate to say them. However, he hesitated for a moment and said:
"He has been so good and worked so hard, what else do you want from him? Do you still want to leave him alone? Do you want him to blame himself? After letting him establish the awareness of 'killing his mother' since childhood, Do we need one more 'father would rather die in order to get rid of him and abandon him'? Don't do this, it is too cruel to him, he is already in a difficult situation and no longer dares to be loved."
The scene in front of Lu Zan was blurred by water mist, but he did not dare to wipe it away because he was afraid that Jiang Jianwen would leave once he let go.
He could only repeat over and over again:
"Don't hurt him, I beg you, don't hurt him..."
He was really afraid that Jiang Baiyu would be sad, and that Jiang Baiyu would become more cautious.
"Can you try to be nice to him? He is really good. He is not as cold as he looks on the surface. He is a good child. Can you spend more time with him? Children really don't need anything. If you look at him more, praise him more, and stay with him more, you can let him know that he is not that bad and that he is worthy of being loved. Please."
Lu Zan didn't know what to say. He just wanted Jiang Jianwen not to give up on Jiang Baiyu. He could only say "please" over and over again.
But words are the weakest things. He was afraid that Jiang Jianwen would not waver, and that Jiang Baiyu would still have nothing in the end.
He was so afraid that his hands were shaking. Jiang Jianwen's silent time seemed like too late to him. He was afraid that he would not be able to help Jiang Baiyu keep him in the end.
Time seemed to pass for a long time, until Lu Zan heard the people around him say:
"……good."
Lu Zan thought he heard wrongly at first, and he raised his face to look at him in confusion.
He saw that Jiang Jianwen looked at him a little deeply, as if he was thoughtful, as if he saw something, but he did not open his mouth to expose it, he only said:
"But I'm not very good at it. Can you teach me...how to do it?" -
That morning, Lu Zan and Jiang Jianwen chatted for a long time. When they went back, Sai Yao grabbed his ear and said that he would deduct half a day's salary.
But in the end, the money was not deducted. On the last day of their part-time job, Lu Zan and Jiang Baiyu stayed at the end. They helped Sai Yao clean the shop and put the cats into the cat bags and put them in the car for convenience. She took it home.
Lu Zan didn't let Jiang Baiyu notice his emotions. Even in the morning, after saying goodbye to Jiang Jianwen, he went to the bathroom to make sure his eyes were no longer red, and he practiced smiling a few times to make sure there was nothing strange. Just went back.
But Jiang Baiyu somehow saw that he was unhappy, so he asked, but Lu Zan didn't tell the truth, and just laughed.
He returned home by himself. In the early morning, the door of his house was opened, and three other people in the family entered the house pushing boxes of various sizes.
Probably knowing that they had left Lu Zan alone for too long, the three of them brought many gifts to Lu Zan to show their guilt. Lu Zan accompanied them to have a midnight snack and went to bed very late. The next day, he had a rare sleep. After all, he had been tired for so many days, so he finally relaxed and slept until three in the afternoon. point.
When he got up, the house had been decorated by the aunts in a very New Year style.
There are window grilles on the glass, and small decorative lanterns are hung on the walls of the house, which looks very festive. Lu Zan likes to eat Sichuan food, so Xu Zhili specially left the Sichuan food aunt to cook New Year's Eve dinner at home. When he went down, the dining table was already full. Lu Shaohua took some good wine he picked out from the wine cabinet and put it on the table. When he saw him, he even got him an extra wine glass.
"You can really sleep."
Lu Zhuo saw him looking like he had just woken up and mocked.
Lu Zan made a face at her, too lazy to argue with her.
He took out his mobile phone from his pocket and took a look at it first. On New Year's Eve, they were very active in a small group of good friends.
Lu Zan looked through the chat history. At first, Zhang Leqi posted a photo of his family's New Year's Eve dinner, and later Fang Yiming followed suit. The two had a heated discussion about each other's dishes.
Lu Zan chatted with them for a while and saw that everyone in the family was sitting at the table. He also wanted to turn off his phone and have a good meal, but just when he was about to exit, he saw Ning Xuan posting a message in their small group. photo.
In the photo is a round table at home, with rich dishes on it. She held up her mobile phone and smiled and said "yeah" to the camera. Behind her was a large family, which looked very lively.
In this photo, Lu Zan saw Jiang Baiyu at a glance.
Jiang Baiyu didn't seem to notice that Ning Xuan was taking pictures. He only looked sideways at the people around him, his eyes seemed slightly surprised. The person he was looking at was Jiang Jianwen. In the picture, Jiang Jianwen seemed to be talking to him and pouring him water. From his unnatural expression, it could be seen that he still had some thoughts on this matter. A little unfamiliar.
Lu Zan looked at this scene and couldn't help but curled his lips.
He remembered how he looked when he and Jiang Baiyu separated yesterday.
At that time, they said goodbye at the fork in the pedestrian street. Lu Zan hugged him. He said goodbye, but in his heart...
Lu Zan touched Jiang Baiyu in the photo on the screen with his fingertips.
At that time, what he was thinking was:
starting today……
Jiang Xingxing is also a beloved child.