Muichiro's pov
"You look amazing Mui" my mother said when I was showing her my new outfit. She kissed my forehead and patted my back, saying "now go on, you don't want to be late for school, right?"
I nodded energetically and grabbed my back, happily walking towards the main door before putting my shoes on. Today is Valentine's Day and I decided to confess to my crush.
We never really spoke to each other but he helped me during biology lessons multiple times and just by that, I managed to fall in love with him so quickly..
He is very attractive and popular while I am.. none of that. I am not very attractive, I am quite chubby which doesn't make me look very good.. it affects my popularity quite a bit too, everyone just makes jokes about my weight.
I wanted to lose some weight but my mom refused to feed me any less, thinking I will get obsessed over losing weight and it'll become a serious issue.
I was always a little chubby, it just got worse as I got older. I never really cared about my weight, it hurted when people laughed at it, yes but.. it never got so bad that I just wanted to focus on losing weight.. until this day.
…
Once I got to school, I immediately started to look for him, hoping that he'll be alone and I'll be able to confess to him normally.
Suddenly, I spotted him.. unfortunately with his friends but I didn't back away, I had to do it!
I walked over to him and tapped on his shoulder, making him turn to look at me. "Oh, Muichiro, need something?" He asked and I nodded, looking down and saying "mhm.. well.." quietly.
"What is it?" He asked once again and I took a deep breath, saying "I-I.. I like you!"
There was a minute of silence. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, I was so nervous. Suddenly he started to chuckle, soon bursting into a hysterical laugh.
"You love me?! You can't be fucking serious! Do you really think I would love someone like you?! Just look at yourself! You look like a fucking ball!" He yelled out, making my heart sink.
"How fucking stupid" he chuckled and slammed me against the wall, holding my neck with his hand "oh come on Muichiro, you actually thought I'd return your feelings? What made you think that? Was it because I was nice to you for once?!"
Tears filled my eyes as I tried to pull his hand away from my neck but a sudden pain in my stomach stopped me. I dropped on the floor when he let go of me, clutching my stomach in pain.
He kicked me once again, and again and again to the point I just had my arms wrapped around my head, hoping he'll stop soon.
After a while, he finally stopped and grabbed me by my hair, making me look up at him. "Pull yourself together Muichiro, no one will love you if you look like this.." he slammed me back on the floor and walked away together with his friends.
I laid there, sobbing quietly in pain, both physical and emotional. Everything fell apart around me, everything seemed so dark now and.. I didn't know what to do.
I forced myself to stand up and rushed to the restroom where I locked myself in one of the stalls and just cried. I cried non stop, I never felt this horrible before.
This accident just immediately made me even more insecure about myself. I hated myself but now the hatred grew even more with each passing second. I always struggled to somehow feel proud of myself when it came to my weight.
My mother always said "it's better to be a little overweight and healthy, there's nothing healthy or pretty about being skinny" and I believed her but.. now that I think about it more.. skinny people always have more people who like them.. right?
I knew I had to do something about it if I wanted to be loved by everyone.. but.. how can someone love me if I can't even love myself.. How can I get through this without being a burden to someone?
All those questions circled my mind as I just sat on the cold floor, sobbing and considering calling my mother to pick me up but.. what will I say? I can't say that I got beat up.. she doesn't even know that I am into guys so.. what if she doesn't accept me..
I sighed and immediately let the thought of calling mom get out of my head. I just sat there, sobbing as much as I needed to, cleaning up the blood from my nose with toilet paper, hoping it would stop bleeding soon.
…
Once I got home, I was luckily alone because my mother was still at work until 6pm and my younger brother was most likely with her. I dropped my bag on the floor and immediately went to a bathroom where I locked myself and searched through a cabinet, trying to find anything that would help me lose weight quickly.
I found laxatives.. good enough for now, it'll help somehow, right..?
More I thought about it and the more I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew it wasn't enough and continued to search but without any success. There was always an option of just.. not eating but.. will I be able to control myself..? What will happen if I just go a whole day without food..?
I sat down on a floor and began to search up any methods of how to lose weight but all of it took so much time and effort.. I didn't want to wait that long.
The more I scrolled, the darker it got.. eventually the site took me onto a Wikipedia page talking about anorexia and bulimia, saying how dangerous weight loss might be if it's not managed right and carefully.
One paragraph caught my eye.. it read "purging refers to using compensatory measures such as vomiting, misusing laxatives, taking diet pills, or engaging in excessive exercise as a means of managing calorie intake"
Right.. this is what mom warned me about.. but it won't hurt to do it a couple times, right? Just.. until I get skinner.. yea.. until I am happy with myself.
…
It was a horrible.. horrible mistake. I did it once.. then I did it again.. and now I can't stop, I became obsessed with my weight and how I looked, I compared myself to literally everyone, hating every part of my body as days passed.
I hate myself, I hate everything about me, I hate my hair, my eyes, my cheeks, my nose, my neck, my arms, my legs, my stomach, my waist, my ears.. everything. I hate everything about myself. I want to be pretty and skinny like everyone else..
Every day, the first thing I do in the morning is stand in front of a mirror and look at myself, thinking of how disgusting I look and what I want to do today to change it.
I became so obsessed over my weight that I didn't notice how sick I started to look. All I thought was that.. I finally lost weight.. and I did but.. it was too much.. and yet I didn't notice.
Every time I looked at myself, I found more things I hated about myself. I was completely blinded by my insecurities that I didn't notice the ribs and spine that were clearly showing.
I hid my body in baggy clothes.. well.. my old clothes. The clothes I used to struggle to fit in before, were now double the size which.. I liked.
If I wore baggy clothes, no one would comment on how I look, no one wouldn't be able to see anything and make fun of every single bad thing.
My mother started to notice.. she noticed that I've been eating less and my clothes became loose on me. She caught me vomiting once.. she thought that the food just didn't go well with my stomach but.. little did she know, I made myself vomit it up..
I felt horrible for lying to her but.. it was for her own good, I didn't want to worry her.. I mainly didn't want to tell her about it because.. she would force me to eat again.. and I would get fat..
Even though I felt horrible 24/7, felt so terribly guilty and sick after each meal, felt nothing but sadness every single day.. I didn't do anything with it, all I was focused on was being on the "right" weight… but.. one day, I met someone.. who changed all of it.
Tanjiro's pov
"You don't look too excited" my sister said while I was taking my shoes on "yea no shit, this is the second time we are changing schools, I am sick of it" I replied and she chuckled.
"Awh come on, you're an extrovert who can't shut up for more than one minute, you'll find friends"
"I am not worried about that, I know I will, it's just annoying, you know?" I said and she nodded in agreement. We then headed to school that was quite far from our house. He had to take a bus first and then walk to school.
Once we got to school, we immediately went to the principal's office where we got the number of our class, locker and other "important" things.
"Not in the same class, huh, thank god" I said and Nezuko looked at me with an annoyed look "what do you mean thank god?! I should be saying that!"
"Well, at least I don't brag about make-up with other girls and talk about-" before I could finish, someone bumped into me.
I stumbled back a bit but managed to keep myself on my legs. "Oh I-I am so sorry.. I didn't m-mean to.." the guy mumbled, placing his hand on a wall to keep his balance.
He looked extremely pale, he was sweating a bit as well and was breathing pretty heavily. "It's okay but.. are you alright?" I asked, being a little worried about him, he really didn't look good.
He nodded but once he took his hand off of the wall, about to walk past me, he stumbled again, about to fall but I caught him. He was really light.. worriedly light. "Shit should I get a teacher?? Nurse?? Oh wait, I don't even know where they are!" Nezuko yelled out, clearly panicking.
"Nezuko shut up and help me lead him to a bench there" I said and she quickly nodded, helping me lead him to a bench, sitting him down on it quickly.
"Do you have water or something?" I asked him and nodded slightly "In my bag.." he mumbled and I nodded, quickly taking his back and opening it, searching for a bottle of water that I found soon after.
I opened it and handed it to him so he could take a couple sips. "Thank you.. sorry about that" he apologized quietly and I shook my head "it's fine, don't worry about it, do you want me to lead you to an infirmary?" I asked and he thought about it for a second because shaking his head "no no, I'll be fine.. can you.. lead me to my class though?"
"Of course, you'll just have to tell me where to go, I am new here" I chuckled and he gave me a weak smile "yea.. I haven't seen you here yet"
"Mhm, alright do you want to sit here for a bit longer or should I lead you to class?" I asked and he slowly nodded "mhm.. you can lead me there"
I smiled and helped him stand up. I was still shocked at how light he was.. it made me worried. "Ehm.. it's at the end of the hallway.. the.. class 1B"
"Oh really? That's my class too!" I said happily and he smiled "o-oh, that's great"
"Mhm!" I hummed and walked into the classroom, helping him to his seat and laying his bag next to his desk. "Alright, where are any free places I can sit down at?" I asked and he nodded "mhm, in the first row right beside the wall, in the back next to one of the guys with mohawk or next to me"
"Well would you mind if I sat down next to you?" I asked and he smiled "of course not, go ahead"
...
Word count : 2110