-------------------AGE 10-------------------
"Go back home, Bo. We don't want you following us."
Four boys were crammed into the gateway between Ms. Leer's home for boys and a back alley. The only thing that stood between the four boys and freedom was Bowan, a younger boy, who had followed them. He had latched onto them and shadowed them like a ghost.
"I don't think he can understand what we're saying. He's a moron," one of the boys offered. There was a wave of laughter as the four boys stared down at their unwanted guest.
"If we run we might be able to lose him through the forest." One of the boys offered a way out that did not result in violence.
"He's not coming with us. I don't want people to think we are friends with a coward."
"I am n-n-not a c-coward." Bo broke his silence at last.
"Then why are you sh-sh-shaking?" One of the boys said, mocking his stutter with convulsing arm movements.
"Am n-not!"
"Prove it then."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Bowan walked to the most dangerous place on earth, the Demon's Gate.
Settled a few miles north of Greening, the northernmost town in Lycra, was a cage for the monsters in the world to dangerous to roam free.
It was a sea of green fields. Grasslands surrounded a caged forest of black trees.
Bo stood as close to the gate as he could stomach. The wrought iron fencing towered over him and the trees stood in the distance out of reach. He needed proof he was not a coward. The proof lay somewhere beyond the Gate.
There was no way in. The forest was deep and full of shadows. The mind plays tricks and imagines horrific beasts in dark corners. The iron bars were sharpened to a deadly point. He walked the fence line looking for a souvenir. A black branch or twig. Anything that would show that he had faced the Demon's Gate. Something to prove he was not a coward.
"Hello." His head was down, his eyes scanning the ground near the gate. He was in his third hour of looking without success. He did not expect a voice.
He saw the girl who called out to him and he ran. He stopped when the grass got taller and ducked down, cowering.
The girl approached the Gate. Her hands wrapped around the iron bars. Bo shook like a rabbit, terrified. She had dark brown hair that brushed to the back of her knees. She wore an oversized coat that made her seem bigger than she was. She was far from the imagined monster he expected. She looked just like a normal girl except she was on the wrong side of the gate.
"Helloooooo!" she called.
The word 'coward' flashed through his mind and he frowned. The Gate would hold. The Gate had held for years. It was the only thing that gave him the courage to stand up.
"There you are!" She called. Bowan took slow curious steps towards her.
"Hello." She was met with cautious silence. "Can't you speak?"
"D-demon." That was the only word he could speak. The only word that mattered to him.
"I am not a demon, I'm a girl." She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"N-no one is allowed b-but demons." He said sharply. Stopping close enough to the gate to speak, but far away enough to feel safe.
She dropped her unnerving smile finally and frowned.
"If people are not allowed, why were you trying to come in? Are you a demon?"
"I'm a b-boy!" He responded immediately.
"I've never met a boy." She said wistfully. "Why are you here boy?"
"I am looking for a branch."
She looked to the trees and then back at him, "Why?"
"For my fffriends."
"Your friends told you to come here alone?" she asked.
Bo did not respond.
"Stupid thing to do. No one can get in without a key."
Bo said nothing.
"What is your name?" she tried again at conversation.
"Bo."
She snickered. "Bow? Like on a dress? That's a funny name."
Bo frowned. He did not like this girl, demon or not.
"My name is Rachel."
"I t-t-think Rachel is a ff-funny name." He said.
"You don't talk good."
"ss-so?" He asked. She did not recognize his anger.
"Do all boys talk bad?" She asked.
Bo just turned to leave.
"Wait! No!"
Bo did not listen. He continued to walk away. Rachel lashed out in wild desperation.
"Wait! You wanted a branch!" She yelled.
Bo paused in his steps.
"I can get you one!" She said.
Bo turned and Rachel sprinted from the gate, ran to a tree, and tore off a black twig with a handful of blackened leaves.
She held the prize through the bars of the Demon's Gate.
He walked back towards the gate and stopped barely out of her reach.
"Take it." She urged.
He reached out and took the proof out of her hands.
He was going to leave. She could see it in his eyes before he moved.
"I don't have any friends." She said.
Bo left without another word.
-------------------Age 11-------------------
A demon stood at the gate staring out at the world he was barred from. He was older. with a long white beard and old worn clothing that barely clung to his body.
Rachel had not been paying attention. She walked up on the demon without seeing him and now she was frozen.
Caution was important, but even now only feet away, she had no reason to fear.
"I can smell you, little one." The Demon's broken voice cut through her feelings of security.
Rachel flinched back. One hand clutched her notepad to her chest and the other hand scrambled for the knife she kept at her side. He could not smell her. It was not possible.
"I can see you hiding." He called out.
Her heart broke out of her chest. Fear. She would not be able to run fast enough. She was trapped within the Gate.
The demon was still staring out of the gate. She could see the barest glimpse of pure black pupils. She was at the edge of his vision if she was in his vision at all.
She moved. One step at a time, but her notepad slipped out from under her arms and thumped to the ground.
The Demon's head jerked towards her and she screamed. It was absolute instinct. Pure reaction from coming face to face with a demon amid a blood-lust.
Its black pupils took over the eyes. He opened his mouth, revealing fangs.
He reached down towards her, his black inky claws extending out and she scrambled back, screaming again. His hands poked at her notepad curiously.
"Rachel!"
The voice sounded like background noise to her, but the demon jerked towards the sound, forgetting her notepad.
Rachel saw what the Demon saw and grew amazed. Bo, that boy she met months ago, was running towards them both.
"Stop!" she screamed. The demon lunged at the gate. Rachel flinched back and shielded her ears against the screams she knew would soon come.
The second the demon's skin made contact with the silver bars, he let out a piercing shriek.
Bo was frozen as the beast tried again to lunge at him. The gate burned its skin and the demon let out another scream pain, but it did not matter. His claws were extended towards Bo and his eyes were full of desperate anticipation. He howled in desire and then flinched back from the pain.
It attacked the bars. Wildly. Viciously. With out-of-control strength and power. When its body was not enough, the demon slammed his head into the bars without even flinching back in pain. He had grown fully possessed by blood lust.
The demon stopped eventually and collapsed to the ground. The barest wheezes and gasping shook his body, and then there was silence.
Bo and Rachel exchanged looks. Rachel stepped towards the body.
"D-don't!" Bo said.
Rachel looked towards Bo curiously. "He is dead."
She approached until she was nearly standing over the creature. Her heart was still racing in her chest. The demon's eyes were open and red burns covered his bare skin. Evidence of his many collisions with the gate.
"He c-could be ff-faking."
She nudged the body with her foot and they both watched in macabre interest waiting for it to come gasping back to life.
"He d-didn't k-kill you." Bowan stated the obvious
"It's magic." She said. She partede her cloak and revealed her arm covered in black ink that stretched up both arms across her shoulders and down her back. "The markings are runes. They hide me from demons."
He nodded.
"You are back. Why?"
Bo did not respond immediately. He took his time looking from the dead body and then back to her. He took a deep breath in and then let out the air slowly.
"To see if y-you were real."
Rachel scoffed. "To see if I was real? I gave you proof.
Bo said nothing and Rachel folded her arms.
"I am not getting you anything else."
She was breathing heavily her adrenaline was beginning to subside.
"I have n-no friends." He admitted, meeting her eyes.
Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Then why did you come here before?"
"They ss-said I was ss-scared."
An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of them. Surprisingly, Bo was the first one to break it.
"I don't t-talk good." He stared at the ground with his confession.
"You talk like every boy I have met."
That earned her a rare smile.
"Can we ss-start over?"
"Yes."
-------------------AGE 12--------------------
Bo and Rachel met through the Gate often. They brought each other small things. Stupid things that only kids would find interest in collecting, but they were limited in their activities separated by iron bars.
"Does the g-gate open?" He asked.
They knelt down across from each other. She had brought dried meats and fruits. She had an entire cellar full. Bowan had brought bread and they shared between the gate
"It can." She nodded
"H-how?"
"I am not supposed to tell anyone."
"Oh." They ate in silence for a while until Bo got curious again.
"Are you ever going to l-leave?" He asked.
She shook her head, "I am not allowed.
"Why? What d-did you do?"
"Nothing." She said indignantly. "I live here, but I am not a prisoner."
"T-then leave."
"If I leave, all the demons will escape." She said matter-of-factly.
He waited for her to say more. She sighed and relented.
"I am the Gatekeeper."
"You're a g-girl!" He argued.
"I am the Gatekeeper." She said again. "I
Bo looked at her curiously. "I n-never m-met a witch."
Rachel's head jerked up. "You wouldn't want to meet the Witchmother. She wouldn't like you."
"W-why?"
"Because I am not supposed to talk to anyone. She would be mad. She says that regular people can't understand how dangerous demons are."
"I know."
"The demon we saw before was sick. He was barely dangerous." She said. "Most of the demons here are turning sick." She added as an afterthought.
"I know how dangerous they are." He argued. "A-a demon k-killed my mom."
Rachel blinked, "You said she-"
"I l-lied."
"What happened?"
"It w-w-was a-a-a" He took a deep breath and his jaw flexed, but he did not finish his thought.
"Did you see it?" She asked. He nodded his head and Rachel felt sick. She remembered back to the demon at the Gate. Rachel shuddered, imagining the demon's claws ripping through her.
"Why do you keep coming back here?"
"Where else w-w-would we go?" He asked, throwing a small pebble from his side of the gate to hers.
We. She had never been part of a we before.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She asked.
Bo nodded.
"Swear to me that you will never tell anyone." She said, holding out her hand towards him.
"I p-promise." He said, taking her hand.
"You asked before how the Gate can open." He nodded. "I can open it."
Rachel glanced quickly over her shoulder to the forest and then reached out and grabbed one of the bars. After a few moments, the bars morphed and stretched making a gate.
Bowan leapt to his feet when she opened the gate.
"It opens!"
"I can't leave, but if you want, you can come in." She offered.
He stood at the gate, his eyes wide. He had grown comfortable visiting the Demons Gate, but now the gate was open. He had to stop himself from taking a step back.
"It's safe. The demons stay away from the gate. Mostly." She finished lamely.
"Or you can stay there." She said, seeing his reaction. "You can stay on that side of the gate. I don't mind talking through the gates." She said quickly.
He wasn't a coward. He took a step forward and stepped through into the Demons Gate.
"Here." She said, handing him her pocket knife. "For protection." She added.
He took the knife from her silently and inspected the carved sigils into the handle.
"Demon wards." She explained. "Keep it."
He nodded and when he looked back to her, his face broke into the biggest smile she had ever seen.
"Let's go."
-------------------AGE 13-------------------
"I n-need to leave. I am ll-late." Bo said.
"I have a surprise first."
"What?" He asked with bright curiosity.
Rachel pulled a small paper pouch from her pocket and held it towards him.
He took it from her, "what is it?" He asked.
She reached out and stopped him from opening it. "You are not supposed to know. It is a yuletide gift."
"Seems useless t-t-to me."
"The point is to open it, but you have to wait till yuletide."
"I could open it n-now." He said, holding the pouch in prime opening position.
Her shoulders fell, and she lost her smile. "Well, you could I guess."
He sighed to himself, "I will wait."
Her smile returned instantaneously. "Perfect!"
Bo shook his head, managing to keep a smile from her.
He went home and opened the gift immediately, unable to wait.
---------------------------------------------------
The orphanage matron was up to her neck in dishes. Breakfast and dinner did nothing but make the children rowdy and leave her with work to do. It was evening time and the kids were getting ready for bed while she cleaned. Her heart gave a start when Bowan showed up behind her. Her hand clutched at her chest Bowan had a knack for showing up and leaving in complete silence.
"Yes, Bowan?"
"Do you know how t-to read?" He asked quietly.
The woman regarded the boy with surprise. She could not remember the last time he had heard him speak.
"Yes, child." They stood apart for a minute in silence and for a moment. "Why?" She asked.
"Can y-you teach me?"
She blinked. "There are classes. Mr. McLerrin teaches on Fridays. He would love it if you joined."
"Will you teach m-me?" He asked again.
he looked determined and the matron felt a surge of pity.
"I'm sorry, I can't. I don't have time. There's just too much to do around here." She gestured to the wreck that the kitchen was steeped in.
He left just as quietly as he had arrived.
After dinner, the matron entered the kitchen to find the dishes nearly finished. Every surface was cleaned. Bowan was at the water basin scouring a pot.
"What are you doing?!"
He looked up from his work with the same look in his eyes that she had seen the night before.
"Will you teach me to read tonight?" He asked clearly without fumbling for the words.
The matron stood in complete bewilderment. She nodded after a minute. "Alright then."
---------------------------------------------------
The next month when yuletide had just passed, Rachel sat against the trunk of a tree and waited, sketching mindlessly in her journal a scene of Bowan standing at the Gate, smiling. When she looked up, saw that her drawing come to life. Bo's smiles were few and far between. She liked to collect them in her mind.
"Rachel!" He yelled.
"Bo!" She yelled back. Her sketchbook was closed and she was standing. She wondered what could have possibly possessed him to look so buoyant.
She opened the gate for him and he pulled her into a hug.
"I read your note and planted the seeds." He said when he pulled back.
Rachel's grin spread and she did a little happy dance. She had spent months learning how to coax a silver tree into existence through seeds and at her first sign of success, she harvested seeds and packaged everything, including a note giving explicit instructions, in her gift to him.
"I don't know if they will grow." She said as a warning.
"They will." He said seriously as if it were a grave commitment. "This is f-for you." He pulled out a small box wrapped in scrap paper and tied awkwardly with twine.
"You got me a present?"
"Of c-course I did." He held out the package to her and she immediately went to tear the wrapping paper apart, but his hands stopped her. "No."
She looked up at him and he was still grinning at something that she did not quite understand.
"What?" She asked.
"It's a yuletide p-present."
"Yes." She asked, still not understanding what he was saying.
"Y-you have to wait t-till yuletide," he said, echoing her words from earlier.
Her mouth dropped open. Yuletide was yesterday, so that meant he could only be talking about one thing. "That's- that's not fair! Yuletide?"
His smile was mocking and it only made her more outraged.
"As in, NEXT Yuletide? A year from now?!" She demanded a satisfactory answer to her question. She did not see what was so funny, but Bo started laughing.
She held the present now with cold suspicion. She now realized that it was not a present at all. It was a cruel torture device he brought just to mess with her.
"You are evil." She could only shake her head at him as he fought his laughter.
-------------------AGE 14-------------------
She showed up the morning of yuletide with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and two gifts in her hands. One was the box Bowan had given her a year ago and the other was a present for him.
Bowan was standing at the Gate, waiting for her.
"Rachel!" He jumped and waved at her the moment he saw her.
She walked up to the gate and stopped.
"I'll open the gate, but not until we open presents." She said. She had come up with this scheme months ago. She was excited.
He sat down obediently, his hands settling in his lap.
She handed him the small paper package through the bars of the gates.
"Me first. I've waited months for this."
The tattered packaging was only barely concealing the present. She pulled at the frayed twine. One tug and the entire thing fell apart. It was a crudely carved wooden box. The top slid off and revealed an ornate gold ring that held the image of a foreign animal with bright red stones inlaid around it.
Her eyes grew two sizes and she pulled the ring from the box. It was beautiful. "Where did you get this?"
"I s-stole it."
Her jaw dropped open and he laughed at her reaction. "It was m-m-m"
He took a deep breath, "my m-mother's."
He looked at the ring and her heart twisted.
"I cannot take this."
He shook his head, "It's yours."
She nodded, pulling the ring onto her finger. It was a little big, but she would find a way to wear it regardless.
"Your turn." She passed him a thin paper package through the gate.
He opened the package and then held up the present she had made for him.
"It's a necklace?" He asked. He held the black braided cord away from the paper.
"Kind of." she said. She stood up and he followed her. "Wrap it around your hand." She said and he followed her instructions. "Then place your hand on the gate." His hand reached out and touched the gate.
She stepped back, " Now push."
His eyes went from amusement to awe when the gate transformed and opened underneath his hand.
He stayed on his side of the Demon's Gate.
"You should see the look on your face!" She laughed.
He looked stunned. "Ww-what is this?"
"It's a key to the gate." Rachel herself was the key. The Witchmother had cut and woven her hair into a key for herself to enter the gate. Now she made one for Bowan.
"But it- it -it" He got stuck on the word and it only made her smile.
"It's yours." She said. "The only other person who has a key is the Witchmother and she barely visits anymore."
She smiled weakly. "You can give it back if you want."
"I want it."His words came out confident and clear.
He stepped into the Demon's Gate and closed it behind him.
"We are f-family." He was silent for a moment, "Aren't we?"
She nodded.
-------------------AGE 15-------------------
After the summer months, a lot of things changed. Not for Rachel, she was trapped in the same tower, in the same place, in the same life, day in and day out, but things changed for Bo.
Their quiet afternoons in the Demon's Gate were filled with his worrying. Next year he would be turned out of the home for boys. His every thought was consumed by what to do. There were few attractive options and most led him to neighboring towns where it would be impossible to continue his visits to the Demon's Gate. Rachel tried not to voice her fear.
One option, the only option Rachel favored, was an apprenticeship for a blacksmith in town.
"You have it already." She said. He had interviewed, worked, practiced, and stressed, and now Wilson, the blacksmith was waiting for the right turn of the season to take on his apprentice. "One more month and you will see." She said, her eyes closed.
"You cannot know that."
"When have I been wrong?" The confidence she felt was forced.
------------------------------------------------------------
Usually on the days Bowan came to the Gate, she was waiting for him but this time she found Bo pacing just inside the iron fence.
"Bowan!" She called out, surprised.
He stopped pacing and walked towards her. "We c-can't meet today."
Her spirit drooped in disappointment. "Why?"
"Ww-wilson wanted to talk to me."
Wilson could only want to talk to him for one reason, to accept or reject Bowan. Rachel's heart jumped into her throat.
"NO!" She said, shocked out of her mind.
"Yes." He said with a triumphant grin.
"What are you doing here then?!"
"I had to tell you." He said. His eyes were bright. "Wish me luck?"
"You won't need it." She said.
He nodded to her, but he stayed right where he was.
"Go!" She said, pushing him.
He laughed, "I will be back!" He called with one last look back to her.
----------------------------------------------------
She waited for him. She had her sketchbook and drew the scene as she imagined it. She drew Wilson as Bo had described him, bent, old, and rickety with Bo standing across from him, nervous. She was nervous for him.
She stewed in anticipation for hours until she saw him. He approached slowly. All the excitement and joy he was filled with earlier was gone. Her heart dropped. No.
He did not bother greeting her. Rachel stood while he opened the gate for himself. Rachel stood while she tried to find words. He had to be destroyed. She walked toward him until she was close enough to see it written across his face.
His expression was stoic, but something was not right. He would not be stoic if he was denied. He would be destroyed. She shook her head, realizing that she had fallen for it. She threw her arms around his shoulders, laughing. He was an idiot.
"I didn't get it." He managed to say with a straight face and a dour expression.
She pulled back from him and he set her on the ground. "I didn't get it." She repeated in a low mocking voice. "Do you think I was born yesterday?"
Bo's face cracked into an expression of pure glee. "H-how did you know?"
"I know you. You cannot fool me."
"I got the apprenticeship."
"Of course you did."
-------------------AGE 16--------------------
"There is a festival coming up in town." He said in passing. They had a collection of food between them. She was reading a book, leaning against Bo's side while he carved a little wooden knight.
"What is a festival?" She asked.
Bowan stopped his carving briefly and looked over to her.
"You don't know?" He asked.
Rachel shrugged, turning the page "I am not in a position to learn new things arbitrarily. I rely on you for that sort of thing."
"Oh. Right."
Bowan went back to his carving in silence and Rachel lowered her book with a smile. "Are you going to tell me?"
"It 's a party." he said, fully focused on his work.
"and?" She prompted.
"Food, Lights, Games, Dancing."
"Dancing? Like with music and fancy dresses?"
He lowered his carving a little."er- I think so."
"You think so? You have never been?"
"No."
"Why not?"
He shrugged, "no interest."
"Do you live close to the festival?"
"Very close."
"So you are going to go?!" She asked. She had a huge grin on her face imagining the lights and the grandeur.
"Probably not."
Rachel frowned. "Why not?"
He rubbed the back of his head. He had forgotten his carving and she had forgotten her book. "You ask someone. -a g-girl. I have not asked anyone."
Rachel shrugged, "Then ask someone."
He let out a loud sharp laugh. "ok."
He said 'ok', but it was clear 'ok' meant 'not in a hundred years'. Rachel tried to look at him, but he turned back to his carving.
"Come on, there has to be some girl in the town who has caught your eye."
He did not answer her. Refusing to be ignored, she leaned closer and closer to him with a big grin.
"You are relentless." He sighed.
"I have to be. You never tell me anything. I am always left in the dark forced to live a life of droll misery. Bored out of my mind! Dramaless, sad, pathetic-"
"There is one girl." He said with laughter, cutting off her diatribe.
"I bet her name is something flowery and beautiful like Petunia or Marigold, and I bet she has a long mane of golden hair that glistens in the sun!" Rachel said dramatically, throwing herself backward, clutching her hand to her chest.
"Vivienne."
"Vivienne! That is a good name. Beautiful and dark. Mysterious yet innocent. You HAVE to ask Vivienne to the dance." She said, sitting up from her place in the grass.
"No."
"You are ridiculous. You should talk to her."
"And say w-what?"
"Anything! Ask her to the festival."
"I will not get three words out before I st-st-st-st-stop speaking altogether. " He said, his stutter was forced and exaggerated.
Rachel rolled her eyes."You are not that bad"
"It is that bad." He insisted.
"You have not been THAT bad in years. You barely even do it anymore." She smiled at him, realizing that her words were true. "I kind of miss it."
He just stared at her humorlessly. "I don't know what you t-t-talking about." He said.
"Oh come on, that was on purpose!"
He shook his head, but he was smiling. "It's different around you."
"We are both girls. There is no difference."
"You are wrong."
She smiled, trying to keep in with his good humor, but she could not help but feel a stab of hurt. Was she really so different from whoever Vivienne was?
"Fine. suit yourself. Be unhappy and alone forever. As long as you know you are being selfish."
"Am I?" He asked, amused.
"Yes. If I was in your shoes, I would ask every man in town to the festival until someone said yes, and then I would spend the entire night memorizing every last detail. Since I am not in your shoes, I have to rely on you for the details and insist on not going even though it is right outside your door."
"You would ask anyone?" He asked.
"Yes. I would start with the tall gorgeous ones, but I would not mind if I ended up with a balding man with a crooked back and four teeth. As long as I could attend, I would be happy."
"I suppose-"
"You will go?" She interrupted.
Bo looked as though he suggested he go running throughout the forest yelling, 'eat me'. "I will try."
"Perfect, let's practice! I will be Vivienne. Ask me to the festival."
He waited for her to reveal she was joking, but Rachel only preened over her hair and sat rigidly tall and waited for him to start.
"Uh- Hello." He attempted.
"Oh, Bowan." She said in a mock voice, clapsing her hands to her chest dramatically, "You have caught me in at the perfect time. I was just thinking how very sad and lonely and gorgeous I am. Do you know anyone who could attend the festival with me?"
Bowan was silent often, but he was rarely struck dumb. Rachel just blinked innocently up at him, still in character and he could not contain his laughter anymore. He was on the grass holding his sides laughing while Rachel attempted to stay in character.
"This is going to take longer than I thought."
-------------------------------------------------------------
"You are lucky I am still here." She had gotten his scrawled note earlier that promised a late-night visit. She had been waiting for him a while before he ran into sight and they reunited through the bars.
"I am such a good friend. You should be saying, "Rachel, you are a good friend"."
"I d-d-d-did it." He said, breathless.
She smiled, "Did what?"
"I talked to Vivienne." He said, his face smiling from ear to ear.
Rachel squealed. He did it.
"See! I told you it was not that bad!"
He laughed, "No, it was terrible, I managed five words before I turned into a stuttering fool."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "You did not look like a fool."
He shook his head.
"I got stuck on the word dance. I must have tried thirteen times before I finally sssss-said it."
She rolled her eyes. He sounded shocked at his success, but she was not surprised in the slightest. She did not know Vivienne, but she knew Bowan. A woman would be a fool to reject him.
She stood back from the gate, waiting for him to open it. "I want to hear everything!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Bo had promised to come to the gate after the festival.
Rachel was waiting for him, wrapped in a shawl, leaning against the gate. She lit a lantern when the sun went down and she expected to wait for a few more hours, but she was wrong.
The gate made a sound as it opened that made her jump.
"Bo!" She was going to warn him against sneaking up on her, but the words died on her lips when she saw him. He was in a button shirt. He had borrowed an old suit from Wilson. It was an awkward fit, but Rachel barely noticed. He was holding flowers in his hand that were meant for her and his golden-brown eyes glowed in the lantern light. Rachel did not know if she was breathing anymore. He walked to her and held out his hand for her.
She took his hand and left behind her shawl as he pulled her up and guided her in a small twirl.
"You were supposed to give the flowers to Vivienne."
"I gave her other flowers. These ones are f-for you." He handed them to her.
"I take it the night went well?" She asked, butterflies stirring in her stomach.
His smile was dazzling. "Somethings did."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Are you going to elaborate?"
He did not answer, he only took the flowers out of her hand and gently laid them atop her shawl. She waited for an answer while he pulled her a few steps from the gate. Once they were where he wanted, he guided her left hand to his shoulder and then grabbed her right hand into his.
"What are you doing?" She said, her voice a little higher than she intended.
"You wanted me to tell you about the festival. I am better at showing."
"You did not ask me to dance." She said.
He smiled and leaned down slowly. His mouth grew dangerously close to her ear.
"Will you dance with me?" He asked. Shivers reached all the way from her ears to her toes.
"It depends. Am I pretending to be Vivienne tonight?"
He laughed, "I hope not. I want to dance with Rachel."
His words pleased her entirely.
"We cannot dance without music. You must sing for me."
He stared down at her dubiously.
"What? If you cannot remember the words, I give you permission to make them up."
"There are no words. Just instruments."
"Oh." She got quiet fast.
"Can you play an instrument?" She asked at last.
He laughed. "No."
"Well then hum." She said.
He sighed, but he wanted to give her what she wanted. He wanted to bring the music to her.
He started humming. Soft at first and then she put her head to his chest and they danced.
He told her about the festival. Everything from the lights to the decorations. He told her about the people and the food. He thankfully left out any mention of Vivienne.
"It was all good then." She said when Bo was finished with his description of the night.
"I did not want to ruin the night, but there is some business."
They paused in their dancing.
"What?" She asked, curious.
"Wilson is leaving."
"Where is he going?"
He frowned slightly. "South. Prices for good swords are rising with the war. Wilson has family with a forge closer to the supply lines and he wants me to go with him."
Rachel struggled to not look destroyed. He was leaving and now she was panicking.
"Good. That is good." She was trying to convince herself more than him. "When are you leaving?" She asked.
"Two weeks if I decide to go."
"No." Rachel said. He had wanted this apprenticeship for too long. There was nothing else here for him. "You need to go. If you do not, he would find someone else and you will have nothing."
"You will be alone." Rachel felt small. He did not intend to make those words a weapon against her, but they stabbed her nonetheless. She tried to blink away the tears that welled up in her eyes.
"Will you come back to see me?" She asked.
"Yes."
"Then I will wait."
--------------------AGE 17--------------------
He was supposed to be here. Tonight.
She had made a dress from her curtains. It took months, but it was worth the effort. She had braided her hair and it settled at waist length. His mother's ring finally fit her. She was twisting it around her finger nervously. She had waited for this moment for too long. Her knees were tucked into her chest, she was too nervous to draw or read.
He walked up the path worn by years of visits. It almost felt like a figment of her imagination. He brought a basket. She could see a wine bottle sticking out of it. She stood, tears coming to her eyes and all her fears subsided at once.
"Rachel." He said her name with a sigh as they came face to face for the first time in a little more than a year.
Her throat constricted as she saw him. She had been taller than him once upon a time, but now he towered over her. Her mouth went dry as she admired him. He was tan, and his eyes had grown darker in color. He looked happy and impressive.
"Bowan. It's been a long time."
She opened the gate for him and let him in. They stood apart for a short moment, not yet finished evaluating each other.
"Too long. Longer than it should have been." His eyes were taking all of her in.
Her hands reached out tentatively to brush his shoulder, trying to discern if his new height and stature were a deception of his winter cloak. Her hand found his shoulder and brushed down his arm. It was all muscle. The coat was thin. She almost laughed aloud.
"You look well." She said.
"As do you." His words tumbled out, mashed together. He laughed briefly at the awkwardness of their reunion. He placed the basket onto the ground and at last, he pulled her into a hug, greeting her properly.
Her head no longer met his shoulder. Instead, it buried into his upper chest. She took a deep breath, becoming reacquainted with this new smell he carried. Brimstone and fire. It was all so foreign and yet familiar because it was Bowan. Despite the time apart, she knew him.
"I brought food. I want to hear everything."
He pulled his cloak from around his shoulders and laid it on the ground in front of the bars of the gate. His shirt was white. She had never seen him in something so clean. Her eyes went to the weapon at his side. He carried a sword. It was a foreign item to see on her childhood friend. She wondered if he could use it. She wondered if a demon came out of the darkness of the forest would he run from it or would he fight?
He opened the basket and began to unpack its contents as she watched him. Admiring how he changed.
"Sit. How is everything." He asked.
She sat down and wrapped her cloak closer around herself. "Cold."
He laughed at her monosyllabic response. "Then you will be jealous of the weather in the south."
"I want to hear it all," she said.
He wouldn't say a word until she was holding a plate of food and a glass of wine and they were sitting next to each other using the iron bars as a backrest.
He spoke of his adventures. He told her everything from the moment he left to now.
She was in awe of him. He had changed in physical ways. She could no longer make fun of his ears for sticking out awkwardly from the side of his head and he carried this new confidence she did not recognize, but it was the other changes that scared her the most.
Her Bowan was never one for soliloquies, but now he spoke freely. She laughed with him when his story required a laugh and she smiled with him when he smiled. She reached out to him when he spoke of the hardships that he had undergone.
She saw him then. The Bowan of her childhood. Stubborn and curious. The boy who wanted a friend desperately enough to visit the lonely gated girl. That was not who he was anymore. Somehow in their years together, he had left her behind.
He spoke until his voice sounded hoarse and their laughter had settled between them like a nice blanket, but Rachel could not get comfortable.
"Someday, I am going to take you to Vollislan." He said. "It is the most beautiful city in the world."
Tears stung the edges of her eyes as her realizations mixed with his words and promises.
"No. You won't." She realized the truth after she said it aloud.
"Ladenslot then. It is warm there, but the war is edging closer to the land. By the time we make it there, it might be burned or taken."
"That will not happen." She said. The words came with more and more sobering thoughts that started with a trickle and ended with a landslide.
He looked at her, still with a carefree smile on his face.
"Wherever you want then, or if you want to stay, we will stay."
"I will stay, but that has nothing to do with you. If you enjoy traveling, then travel. I would not want to tear you from your idyllic life." The words came out jaded and cynical.
He blinked in surprise, "I d-d"
She interrupted him before he could get his point out.
"I am sorry, I am being impossible. You are happy and you are here with me for now. That is what matters." She said.
He looked like he was waiting for a piece of bad news.
"No, truly. I am happy for you."
"I-I-I-" He stopped trying to say whatever he was attempting to say and took a deep breath.
"Are you alright?" He asked after a moment of getting his thoughts in order.
Rachel smiled bitterly. No. Everything was not alright. The world she knew was crumbling before her. The prospect of having nothing never really seemed to hurt until Bo was in front of her.
"I am fine." She said. She took measured breaths but her traitorous tears came despite her assurances. She wanted him to leave. When he left, she could build up her defenses against him. She could make it to where this new Bo did not hurt her.
"No." He said, looking at her strangely. "You are not."
She laughed, but she wasn't even convincing herself.
"Maybe you should just go. I am not in good spirits."
He stood alongside her and took her arm gently.
"I should ss-stay."
She did not like his stutter today. He was eloquent before she brought it out of him.
"I do not want you to stay." She whispered. She wanted to be left alone. She was used to alone.
"Where is this coming from?"
She took a deep breath and then proceeded to ruin her life. "You do not have to be my friend anymore Bo. You owe me nothing. I am holding you back, and I give you permission to let go of me."
The words came out pathetic. He had to let go of her because she would never be able to let go of him. She had nothing else to dull the ache that he would leave in her heart.
He shook his head, "You are talking nonsense."
"You can move on Bo. I am not a child and you are not responsible for me. I think it is time that this came to its natural end. It would be good for both of us to move on. You can do whatever you want."
His look of shock turned angry when she doubled down.
"You don't know w-what I want." He grew angry with each stuttered syllable and each hung-up word.
"You wanted to be Wilson's apprentice. You wanted to travel and see the world. You wanted a home. I am sure that Vivienne still holds a torch for you. Maybe you can show her the glass streets of Vollislan. None of those things are here with me. Nothing you want is here."
"Vivienne? I-I thought you wanted-" He cut himself off. He looked confused, trying to piece everything together.
"This is not about what I want." She said, frustrated. She did not want to make this about Vivienne. Why couldn't he understand? He needed to leave. They would both be better off for it.
"You don't know what you want." Bo said.
"and you think you know what I want?" She scoffed.
"It's not this." He said gesturing to the forest all around them.
"You are wrong."
"You want to leave the Gate. You are just afraid to admit it."
"You think I want to open the Demon's Gate and release every prisoner back into the country? You must think I am evil."
He shook his head. "don't p-p-play me."
She would not retreat from him.
"You are making light of the sacrifices I have made. You know why I will not leave."
"Because of what Granthe said? When was the last time you saw her? How many years ago? Granthe locked you up here. She took you from your parents and put you here. She is the one who told you not to leave and you just believed her every word. I think you are too afraid to discover you have been free this whole time."
Rachel was shaking.
"She did not lie. I can feel it."
"You did not ask for this."
"So? This is about more than me. What about everyone else? All the innocent men women and children? Maybe I will tell the people that 'I did not ask for this' as the demons take their revenge in blood."
"Nothing would happen."
"You are wrong."
"Prove it."
They stood nearly a foot apart, seething at each other.
"You think I should leave just to prove your point? I should set free every demon in this forest just to prove you wrong? You have a sick sense of self-importance. I thought you would understand more than anyone. Your mom died. Maybe that is not enough for you. Maybe every mom needs to die before you realize that this is real."
He flinched back as if she had struck him.
"D-d-don't." He said, choking out the word.
She had long crossed a line, but she could not recognize it in her self-destructive tirade.
"You don't understand anything."
"I don't understand how you could choose this." His eyes were black and dead.
"What should I choose instead? You? What a j-j-j-joke?" She asked.
The moment the mockery left her lips she regretted it, but she could not take her words back. The fighting spirit left her body immediately and she recurled at what she had just said. She did not mean it.
"All war would cease if they taught you to use a sword. You can cut a man down with just your words." He said.
She flinched back. She deserved his words, but tears still burned at the edges of her eyes.
"If you want me to leave, fine. Let's s-see how your self-righteous isolation suits you."
Those final words cut her heart into a million tiny pieces. His brown eyes grew darker with his temper. Rachel would not retreat from him.
She folded her arms against her chest. She was not sorry. She was right. Bo looked like he had more angry words for her. He looked like her was ready to burn down the forest and tear down the Demon's Gate bit by bit, but instead, he turned and left.
He opened the gate and walked away without looking back.
The moment he left, her anger quickly subsided, and she was stuck with their ravaged picnic, his cloak, and the horrors of the words they had thrown at each other.
He never returned.