"Happy birthday! " my boyfriend , Jensen , yelled as he held up a purple box with blue ribbon out in front of him. I smiled and took the box from his hands, leaning over a little in my chair I gave him a peck on the lips. "Thanks, babe. What is it?" He chuckled, "I'm not ruining the surprise . Open it up and see for yourself." I leaned back in my computer chair and pushed with my feet to move away from the desk. Turning the chair a little to face him, I shook the box a little, "is it a new phone? Maybe a purse?" He rolled his eyes and playfully smacked my leg, "stop guessing, Rachel, just open it."
I giggled and removed the ribbon from the top of the box, tearing at the wrapping paper on-top I ripped the box open, inside wrapped up in glittery purple and blue tissue paper was a newly bought creamy tan teddy bear with a polka dotted bow tie. "A teddy bear?" I asked him. He smiled, "you once said you had one as a kid, I think you said you named it mister berry-terry. The one you would sleep with all the time that kept the bad dreams away." Mister Berry-Terry, oh how I miss that old bear. I grinned," Yeah, I remember. Thank you, this means a lot to me." I removed the bear from the box and placed in on my desk. "Maybe now you can sleep peacefully when I'm at work, the bear will keep you company." I stared at the bears black beady eyes and black threaded smile.
Jensen was in the kitchen cooking for us, while I was busy trying to decide on what movie to choose for us to watch tonight. "Hey, babe. Would you rather The Spirit of Summer or Howard's Ghost?" I shouted from my spot on the living room carpet . "It's up to you, babe! " he shouted back. I pushed the DVD disc for Howard's Ghost into the DVD player disc slot and put the rest of them back into the DVD rack by the television stand. I hurried to the sofa and wrapped up in my favorite green and blue knitted quilt that my mom had given me as a birthday gift last year. I could smell the yummy spaghetti and meatballs from the kitchen. Jensen came around the corner carrying two plates of spaghetti with a small salad and garlic bread as sides. "That looks as good as it smells," I said and took my plate from his hand.
Jensen chuckled, he curled up on the sofa beside me and swirled the spaghetti around with his fork. I pressed play on the remote and started the movie. Around 10pm that night we were snuggled up in bed and things began to get strange. I felt Jensen roll out of bed and heard the bathroom door shut. I rolled over and pulled the covers higher up to my chin. Plop. I peeked my eyes open and looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the dark. "Jensen?" I called . I could hear the shower running. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Oh, it's time for him to go to work. I can do this, it'll be okay. I closed my eyes and relaxed myself so I could drift back into sleep. Plop. Scratch. I opened my eyes again and looked around the room.
I listened closely, the shower cut off and I could hear him shuffling about. Maybe I'm just hearing things. I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes once more. I could hear Jensen move about in the room, he kissed my cheek and closed the bedroom door behind him. Scratch. Scratch. I silently told myself I was hearing things and that it was just in my head. I breathed deeply and slowly, allowing myself to fall further into deep sleep.
I awoke to the suns brilliant rays shining through the window. I rolled over to check the time. Sitting on the nightstand with its beady black eyes staring at me was the teddy bear Jensen gave me. Maybe he put it there before he left? I rolled out of bed and scratched my head; I adjusted the sheets and placed the bear on top of the pillows. With one last look at it, I went to take a shower and get ready for the day. After showering and getting dressed, I made some breakfast and checked my messages on my social media. I checked the clock in the kitchen. He'll be headed home in a couple hours. I checked the mail and took out the trash. I did the normal daily activities to pass the time. I sat on the sofa and watched a couple episodes of NCIS.
After preparing supper and putting Jensen's plate up I went to take a shower then climbed into bed. Setting the bear back on the nightstand, I checked the clock. It was 8pm, four more hours to go till Jensen got off work. "I'll just take a little nap, maybe that'll help clear my head." I relaxed my body and closed my eyes. Scratch. Scratch. My brows knitted and my body twitched. Scratch. Scratch. I rolled about in my sleep, trying to get comfortable. "Don't you want me?"
I rolled again and felt something soft against my cheek. "Why won't you hold me?" I squeezed my eyes closed tighter. It's just in your head, Rachel. It's all just in your head.
"Why don't you love me, Rachel?" My heart pounded; I could feel the panic attack coming. I breathed deeply and tried to relax myself once more. "Rachel. Rachel. Rachel." I yanked the covers over my head and prayed for the voice to stop. "Rachel?" I woke up and screamed as a hand touched my shoulder. "Rachel, calm down. It's just me. Are you okay? Was it another bad dream?" I looked up to see Jensen hovering over me with a worried look. "I... I don't .... yeah, I think so," I mumbled with uncertainty. Jensen rubbed my back. His eyes shifted to the pillow behind me, "I see you brought the bear to bed with you, did it help at all with the dreams?" My brows knitted, "The bear?" He nodded and pointed behind me.
I turned to see the creamy tan teddy bear laying on its side with its head propped on the pillow, its beady black eyes staring right at me. How'd it get there? I don't remember putting it there. Jensen moved the bear to the nightstand, "I'm going to get cleaned up then I'll join you in bed." He gave me a quick peck on the forehead and headed for the bathroom. I couldn't stop staring at the bear. Just how did you end up in my bed? I scooted to the side the bear was on, laying my head on the pillow I kept my eye on teddy bear as if it would suddenly come to life and move. I heard the shower turned off. "Are you sure that you are feeling okay," Jensen asked as he pulled some clothes from the dresser drawer. "Yeah....yeah I'm fine."
Jensen climbed in bed and rolled to face me, "I can hold you for a while till you fall asleep, if it'll help." I smiled, "that'd be wonderful." I scooted closer and felt his arms wrap around me. I laid there listening to his heartbeat, feeling his chest rise and fall. It wasn't long till I felt myself drifting off to sleep in his warm embrace. "Hold me, Rachel. Why won't you hold me?" I pushed my head further into his chest and squeezed my eyes shut tighter. "Let me help you, Rachel. I can make the bad dreams go away." I could feel something along my back. Something soft and fuzzy. I squeezed myself closer to Jensen. Praying repeatedly that the sun would rise soon. "We will be together soon."
I woke up to Jensen snoring in my ear, somehow in the middle of the night I had become the little spoon. I pulled the cover up to my chin and sighed. It was just a bad dream. I looked up and was startled to see the bear sitting on the edge of the bed watching me. I quickly flipped over and grabbed on to Jensen like life depended on it. The quick movement jolted him awake, "Rach? Are you okay?" I quietly sobbed into his chest. "It's okay, it was just a bad dream," he said as he rubbed my back soothingly. "How the bear get there?" He yawned. I peeked my head out of his embrace to see the bear had moved closer to his side of the bed. I froze as Jensen pulled away, he grabbed the bear and laid back down.
He laid it between us. The bear's round, black beady eyes remained solemnly glued on me. "I'm starting to wonder if maybe the bear wasn't a good birthday gift idea," Jensen yawned. I didn't want to make him feel bad about getting it. "No, no I love it. I just keep misplacing it, I guess." I shakily brought the bear closer to me. "Not as much as you love me, I hope," he said jokingly. I giggled and gave him a peck on the lips. Jensen yawned again and rolled halfway to check the time, "we still got a couple more hours of night left, let's go back to sleep and get some rest." I nodded. I waited for Jensen to fall back to sleep before tossing the bear onto the floor and cuddling closer to him.
"Won't don't you love me, Rachel? Why won't you hold me?" I ignored the voices in my head and thought of only positive things like Jensen and his sweet warm embraces. "Why won't you hold me......I'm cuddly too, Rachel. Let me cuddle you."
The voice became deeper and more animalistic. "Let me hold you, Rachel. Let me love you. I won't let you go." Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. I cuddled closer to Jensen, letting the sounds of his breathing calm me. Creak. Creak. I felt the end of the bed dip just a little, something brushed against my feet.
The covers shifted downwards. I yanked them back up and moved closer to Jensen till my body was practically glued to his. I felt him roll over in the bed, the covers shifting only slightly. "Hold me, Rachel." I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and tighter till I started seeing black dots. Why won't it go away? I tried to focus on his heartbeat but could hear nothing. My body froze, I silently started to panic. "Jensen, are you okay?" I asked in a soft sleepy tone as I slowly worked my eyes to open . I felt his arms wrap tightly around me and pull me closer. Maybe I had hallucinated his heart not beating? His arms tightened more around me. His embrace became suffocating. "Jensen, I can barely breathe. You're squishing me." "I'll never let you go, Rachel." I forced my eyes to open fully and screamed. The bear was laying in Jensen's spot and within the bear's bloody paws was Jensen's severed arms. My eyes shifted to the floor where my boyfriend's mangled body lay. "Cuddle me, Rachel." I felt the arms tightening, the bear's beady black eyes was the last thing I saw before my vision faded. "I'll never let you go, Rachel. I love you."