COPYRIGHT © SARAH MARTIN 2015
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THIS BOOK OR ANY PORTION OF THIS BOOK THEREOF MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED OR USED IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. ANY UNAUTHORIZED COPYING, BROADCASTING, MANIPULATION OR INFRINGEMENT OF THIS COPYRIGHT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW.
(A/n: This chapter contains sexually explicit material. Parents strongly cautioned. JK JK, it's not that bad lol)
Part Eighteen
June 19, 2010
Closing my eyes, with my elbows on the table, I put my head in my palms and sighed. My dad just looked at me, his head tilted slightly to his left, a sympathetic, worried expression on his face. I was so exhausted, that when I looked up again, I had to force my eyes open. Maybe pouring my heart out to my dad in the middle of the night was just what I needed. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for days – that is, if the nightmares didn't plague me, which they so regularly do.
"Are you alright, honey?" He questioned, stretching his arm across the table and rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. No, I'm not alright. I wanted to tell him that, but I didn't want him to worry anymore than he already was.
I just shook my head lightly and shrugged his hand away. "I uh.." I ran my fingers through my hair, "I think I should...try to get some sleep."
He nodded, understandingly, "Alright." I stood up, grabbing my cereal bowl to put in the sink, but he stopped me, saying, "I'll get that."
I gave him a timid smile, "Thanks." I walked towards the doorway and he said my name, making me turn around, "Yeah?" I questioned.
"Thank you for talking to me."
I nodded, "Thank you for listening."
"Goodnight, Katelyn."
"Night dad."
I trudged up the stairs, walking like a zombie. My door was ajar so I simply pushed my body against it and it swung open. Looking into my room, I suddenly had a flash of that night in my mind, but I shook the memory away and made my way to my bed.
I sprawled my body across it, not bothering to remove my robe or slippers. It didn't take long, for the moment I closed my eyes, I was out. Thank you, sandman.
-
I woke up late in the afternoon to birds chirping irritatingly outside my window. I groaned, shoving my head under the pillow and pressing it hard against my ears with the palms of my hands. "Would you please be quiet?" I muttered. "Awesome, now I'm talking to birds," I said sarcastically to myself, rolling my eyes.
I removed my head from under my pillow, swiping the mat of hair that was in front of my eyes, so that I could look at the clock.
1:36. Late. But I didn't want to get out of bed. I never wanted to get out of bed. Not being in my bed meant being in public, vulnerable to crazies who wanted to kidnap and rape me. Being out of bed meant forcing smiles and cursing my own thoughts – Faking happiness just to make it easier on the people around me. But then again, if I wasn't affected by what happened to me then that would be cause for even more concern.
Getting out of bed was so pointless. I couldn't do anything. Even if I wanted to, I didn't know how to get passed my fears of...you know...everything. I was so worthless. And I felt that way every second of every day that I lived in a world where my friends did not.
I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking these thoughts that attempted to drive me insane. Not that I wasn't already insane. To a large degree.
Eventually I sat up in my bed, entangling myself from my robe that was twisted around my body, remembering that I fell asleep wearing it. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I needed to. For my parents at least.
I swung my legs over my bed and stared down at my feet. Where were my slippers? I searched around for them for a moment and found one at the end of my bed under my sheets and one under my bed. I put them on, standing up and reaching my hands to the sky in a stimulating stretch. Looking up, I opened my eyes and suddenly had a flash of memory. Laying in my parents bed, staring up at Steve as he-I shook my head, wiping the memory away.
God, I need to get out of this house, I thought.
"Mom!" I shouted, opening the door to my bedroom and slunking down the hall. I walked down the stairs and stepped into the kitchen.
"Morning sleepyhead," My mom said, her back to me while she made grilled cheese. She looked at me over her shoulder, "or should I say afternoon?"
Shrugging, I sat down at the kitchen table, "Whatever. Is there coffee?" She flicked her head in the direction of the coffee pot, where I saw that there was.
I stood up, going to the cupboard for a mug. My mother watched me skeptically as I poured myself some caffeine. "Were you up late or something?" She asked me.
"Yeah, with dad," I told her, watching the sugar cascade into the mug like a waterfall.
She looked shocked at my answer, "Your dad?" She questioned, her eyes wide with disbelief.
I nodded, "Yeah."
"What were you guys doing?" She asked, whirling away from the grilled cheese and looking at me intently.
I turned away from her, a slight smirk on my face and said, sarcastically, "We played Twister."
I sat down, blowing on, then sipping at my coffee and I watched her roll her eyes, disappointment clear across her face, "Will you ever give me a serious answer?"
I shrugged, "We just talked."
Interested, she crossed her arms, leaning up against the counter, evidently curious, "What about?"
I stood up, leaving the kitchen and said, "Stuff."
After I left the room I heard her swear in annoyance as she realized she had burnt the grilled cheese.
After getting dressed in black TNA pants and a red tank top, my yellow bra strap showing (comfort is everything), I stepped out the front door and went around the house to Trace's family's backyard gate.
I reached over, pulling on the latch and pushing the gate open. Trace's mom had a beautiful garden along the side of the house, with all kinds of flowers. Daises, carnations, roses, lilies. I leaned down to smell a lily, the scent tickling my nose, and then heard Trace's voice.
I walked around, the small breeze blowing my hair, to find him sitting on his family porch swing on the patio.
I smiled, "Hey."
He grinned back, his face lighting up, patting the area on the swing on his left with his hand, in a motion for me to sit down, and replied, "Hey you."
I easily obliged, walking towards the swing and making myself comfortable. I rested my head on his shoulder and he asked me, "How are you?"
I took his hand and laced his fingers with mine, and answered, "Fine."
He nodded, "That's good."
I looked up at him, his eyes meeting mine and I said, "Guess what?"
He smiled, "What?"
I looked down at our interlocking hands, "I talked to my dad."
He let go of my hand, putting that arm around my shoulder and turning in towards me. He was grinning, "You did?"
"Yeah," I told him, nodding with a smile.
"That's great, Katie!" He exclaimed, reaching his right hand up and placing it on my cheek, looking into my eyes, "I'm so proud of you." His eyes searched mine for a moment and I watched them dart back and forth. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine for a moment. After we broke apart, he sat back against the swing, then asked me, "What did he say?"
I sighed, following his action and relaxing in the chair, "It was really rough at first. We almost got into a fight," I told him. "But basically, I guess he was just happy that I trusted him to talk to about it."
"I bet," He responded, "It's a big step."
"Yeah, I guess it is," I reached my hands up and ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh.
Trace placed his hand on my thigh, saying, "You okay?"
He then started to, in an erotic way, trace a circle on my thigh as he stared at the expression on my face. I gulped and answered, "Um...yeah."
I watched as he moved his hand higher up my leg and continued to tickle me. It felt amazing and relaxing, so much so that I began breathing heavily. "Are you sure?" He questioned.
I nodded rapidly and he stopped making a circle, leaving his hand firm on the inner part of my thigh. He then leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "I want you." Goosebumps arose across my entire body at the soft but husky sound of his voice in my ear.
I didn't know what came over me at that moment. I wasn't thinking clearly. I lifted my body off the chair and swiftly swung my leg across Trace, and sat on top of him so that I was straddling him. His eyes were wide with shock and burning with lust.
I softly placed both my hands on each side of his face and pulled his face towards mine and our lips crushed together hard, in a kiss so passionate that it made my legs turn to jelly. His hands roamed anxiously across my back over my shirt, and I felt the moments where his hands would rise higher near my shoulder and come into contact with my bare, delicate skin.
As I kissed him, his hands suddenly slipped under my shirt, and he started caressing me full on. His hands were slightly cold and rough, but it felt nice. Until he hands moved higher and he was quickly cupping my breast over my bra.
This action triggered something horrible in me and I forgot where I was for a moment. Then the voice of the man I detested more than anyone on earth, replayed through my mind.
"Be good now, Katie."
It screamed in my mind, over and over, taunting me. Scaring me. I broke the kiss with Trace and gasped, my heart pounding and I tried to catch my breath.
I pressed the palms of both my hands firm onto chest and shoved lightly, proceeding to stumble away from him like he was a parasite. His mouth was formed into a perfect "o" of surprise.
Standing away from him, I panted with my mouth agape, realizing what I just did. I swiped the hair out of my face and moaned, "I'm sorry."
And then I ran.