As I stand here watching Oliver disappear around the corner, I imagine Julian being hauled away in handcuffs, and I suddenly feel dizzy. My eyes start to burn with tears as a wave of guilt nearly crushes me with its weight.
"Kinz," Hunter says softly as he steps closer. "I know you're scared, Darlin...but keep in mind that all of Julian's shitty manipulative and self-serving ways are gonna help him now. He's gonna try and save his own skin because that's him, and you know that. He will be fine, one way or another. His big mouth might get him in trouble, but then he'll learn."
"Am I a bad person?" I ask in a trembling voice. "Because I'm worried about Julian and should be thinking about those people he scammed."
"Darlin, no.... come here." He pulls me into his arms, and I bury my face against his chest as he starts softly stroking my hair.
"Of course, you're worried about him. You were married to him and spent a life with him. Anyone in your shoes would be reeling just as much as you are right now."
"But those people."
"It hasn't all sunk in yet. Give it time, and then you're going to be pissed off as all hell at him and his whole company."
I let out a humorless laugh at that and sniff back my tears. "How come you smell so good?" I ask as I notice the fresh scent coming from the shirt that I'm leaking tears all over.
"I keep a bag of spare clothes in my truck just in case after the asbestos disaster. I hosed down and changed after that mold. I didn't want to bring any back to you or Harley."
"Did Harley..."
"I pulled him away when I could see y'all were about to start fighting about something," he answers the question before I ask it.
"Thank you, Hunter."
I sense him about to pull away and find myself clinging to him. "Don't let go yet, please."
"Like I ever want to anyway," he mumbles as he tightens his hold, and I melt into the protective cocoon of his embrace.
At one point as a teen, if you had made me label them, I'd have said Hunter was my protector, and Olly was my comforter.
Until ...Olly was gone, and Hunter became both. It's so easy in Hunter's hold to shut my mind off and just be soothed. Something about him also being the one that protects me makes that easier. Even if it's not going to be okay, I can be okay for that moment, Hunter will make sure of it, and I trust that.
I let the world disappear and take one of those moments as Hunter holds me steadily in his strong arms against his study chest.
"Uh... hey. I think I left my phone in your house," Oliver's voice is like a splash of cold water, urgently returning me to reality.
Hunter and I part slowly as Oliver steps onto the porch, and it suddenly seems like it shrunk with all three of us standing there.
"Kinsey! Can we make chickens now?" Harley's cheerful voice breaks up the tension as he comes running.
"Chickens? How many you gonna eat?" Hunter teases in his big booming dad voice, making Harley giggle as Oliver walks inside.
"Five!" Harley declares.
"You can't eat five chickens," Hunter scoffs.
"Can so!" Harley argues. "I'm gonna be as big as you soon, Daddy!"
"I guess so if you're eating five chickens in a sittin', but we might run out of animals in this town if you're in such a hurry." Despite it all, Hunter's making me smile right along with Harley.
"Not all the animals!" Harley leads the way into the kitchen as Hunter and I follow him in.
Oliver looks up and holds up the phone that he picked up from the table. "Found it."
Harley dashes into the bathroom and Hunter goes over to the counter, pretending to study the food I have out and prepped. The tension in here is so thick I could use it for gravy.
Oliver and I stand there momentarily, staring at each other silently. It's weird not knowing what to say to him, of all people. The one I spent hours talking to about everything, from imaginary lands and less scary endings in books to college plans and real-life dreams.
"I can tell you what happened on the calls, and what I know tomorrow," Oliver finally says. "You want me to come over?"
"I'll come by the bookstore in the afternoon," I offer. "I need to give your dad that apology I owe him anyway."
"It's fine, really," Oliver says dismissively.
"That's for James to decide," I retort.
"Well, if you're apologizing with those muffins you were talking about earlier..." Oliver hints, and I smile.
"Blueberry?" I guess.
"With apple butter?" he prompts with a slight grin.
"Shit, I got to check on that!" I say urgently as I rush to the stove, and un-lid it in a panic.
"Darlin, your mama told you a million times. Once it's on simmer, pour yourself some wine; you have six hours. You don't gotta worry." Hunter is standing and getting me a wine glass from the cabinet as he speaks.
"I know, but you can't say that to a worrier," I give it a quick stir and find the consistency smooth and perfect. It smells amazing, too. He hands me a chilled wine after he pours it, and I take a nice slow sip before setting it down.
"I'll leave you to it then. See you tomorrow," Oliver says.
"Okay, thanks again. Bye, Oliver," I say as I take one more peek to make sure the apple butter is still okay, then re-lid it.
"Have a nice night, Oliver," Hunter says politely but with a hint of dismissiveness to it.
"I washed my hands, Kinsey. Can I help you?" Harley asks as he emerges from the bathroom, holding his dripping-wet hands.
"You forgot to dry your hands," Hunter laughs as he stands up. "Come over here. I'll help you."
He crosses behind me to grab the towel from the fridge and our hips brush.
"Once you have my assistant dried up, bring him over," I direct as I start living up the counter with bowls, I got ready earlier: Buttermilk with a little hot sauce, flour seasoned with seasoning salt, crunched up saltines, and finally an egg yolk whipped up. "You ready to work, Harley?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Harley chirps.
"You know country fried chicken is one of Daddy's favorite foods?" Hunter asks as he dries the little boys' hands.
"I did!" Harley agrees. "It's mine, too."
"Well, no one makes it better than Kinz, so she is the best one to show you," Hunter says as he ruffles his hair.
"One assistant chef coming up!" Hunter declares as he picks a giggling Harley up and brings him to me. We all laugh as he sets him down on the counter.
"Wow, exactly what I ordered but even cuter," I giggle. I am so happy this little guy is here to distract me from all this Julian crap.
"I always over-deliver, Darlin," Hunter says with a wink that turns my cheeks scarlet.
"Put your charm away and turn the potatoes on for me, will you?" I shoot back.
"Yes, dear," he drawls as he bumps my hip to brush past me to the stove.
I focus on Harley, who is enthusiastic and eager to help.
"You ready?" I ask as Harley bobs his head up and down for yes.
"Okay, so you're going to dip the chicken in this bowl first..." as I start explaining, I hear the front door click shut.
Oh...shit. I'd thought Oliver had already left.
***
"You, okay?" Hunter mumbles in a sleepy voice.
"I will be..." I say with a long and drawn-out sigh, and I contemplate my feelings on it.
"You sure?"
"I just... I feel like Woody should have stayed with Andy. I get it, the little girl will play with him now, but, still. Just because Andy is grown up doesn't mean he won't need his best buddy anymore."
Hunter starts laughing so hard his body rumbles, and so does mine, as I'm curled up in his arms on the couch.
"I wasn't talking about the movie, Darlin, but I'm sorry Toy Story has affected you so deeply."
"It was the third in the series I wasn't expecting a sad ending, " I defend making him laugh harder.
"You'll wake Harley up," I warn him.
"He sleeps like the dead. He isn't waking up."
The little boy is sound asleep on the floor with the little makeshift cushion bed he set up for himself earlier. He lets out a little snore, and Hunter and I both laugh.
"I meant, with all this Julian shit," Hunter clarifies his earlier question. "You, okay?"
"I'm past wanting to call him," I answer. "Not okay at all, though. I feel like a total idiot."
"Don't do that to yourself," Hunter says. "You ain't at fault for the shit he pulled."
"I just- I'm upset I didn't see it."
"It's like you told me, you found it easier not to fight with him about shit, so you swept it under the rug, and the more you did that, the easier it was not to see things."
I'm quiet for a moment as that sinks in. He's absolutely right, and now I have even more to consider. "Do you think he lied to me about other stuff too... like stuff on the road?"
"Kinz, don't do that to yourself," he answers quickly. "You'll drive yourself crazy with thoughts like that, and even if you get the answers to 'em, they ain't gonna satisfy anything."
"I know," I agree with a ragged sigh. "Before today, I thought I was doing so well, moving on from my marriage. This news sent me reeling back."
"That's how it is. It takes time. You're moving on from someone you made a life with. It's not this step-by-step thing. It's complicated and confusing and takes time."
"Sometimes I feel like you know me better than I do myself," I say quietly. "It's part of why we didn't come home as much the last few years. I knew you'd be able to tell how unhappy I was."
"I had a feeling something was going. If I wasn't knee-deep in my drama at the time, I'd have been meddling in yours and pissing you off."
"Yeah, same," I admit with a giggle.
"As it was, I still wanted to, and that caused the fight that ended it," Hunter drops yet another bomb all casually at me.
"Huh?"
He gently moves me as he shifts himself back into a sitting position. I also sit up, tucking my legs under me and angling my body to face his.
"Amber and I were already in a terrible place at that point. Fighting over every little thing. She got mad at me that particular day over crumbs in the butter, that morning, and her anger over it stuck all day."
"I ain't taking her side by any means, but I kind of get that. In the end, for Jules and me, little things drove me insane, too," I confess. "Like socks. That was the tipping thing for me."
"Socks?" He questions.
"No, you don't. This is your story time," I remind him. "I'll tell you 'bout that some other day."
"Remember asking me about the silent fight thing?"
I sit up straighter, "Yeah, you said y'all never had silent fights like that except over one thing."
"She didn't like our friendship, Kinz," Hunter says. "Not one bit and not from day one. A big part of that is my fault cause when I met her, I was on a road trip, and we met at a bar. I was drunk and carrying on, not knowing who she'd end up being to me later."
Carrying on? About me? This was around the time I was pretty serious with Julian, having just moved in.
"I won't get into all the nitty-gritty of it, but we fought about you once early on, and it was bad, " Hunter recalls. "After that, we knew that topic was a detonator, best not to touch. I was in the wrong there, though, and I admit it."
"How so?" I frown. "It was both y'all's silent fight, not just yours, and she was your wife, she should've been secure with that."
"It because we knew where it would lead, and if she told me I couldn't be friends with you anymore, she knew I'd pick you. That's a terrible thing for a husband to admit to himself, much less for a wife to know," Hunter confesses.
A fight like that feels so familiar my eyes burn with tears. "I get it, that fight, only it wasn't a silent flight for us, not at all."
"Yeah, but that was different. You and Olly were serious sure, but you weren't married," Hunter says.
He clears his throat and then continues. "We should have hashed it out, but we didn't. We brushed it aside, and it honestly was easy to ignore it at first. As you got into your marriage with Julian, and weren't around as much, and we had Harley, I forget it was even there. Until I'd mention you or something, and she'd get all prickly, and there it was again hovering."
"Like the roses," I agree quietly.
"Yes, just like that. So anyway, the breadcrumbs on the butter day," he circles back. "Your dad called for help with the harvest and mentioned you weren't coming home again. He said your mama was worried, and like I said, so was I. I told Amber I wanted to go check on you and make sure you were okay."
"She got mad?" I guess.
"Pissed. Normally, since we had always avoided the fight about you, she'd be pissy about it but still let me go," Hunter explains. "But on this day, I guess she'd had enough of enough, and it blew up. Years of unsaid shit just came flying out. In the end, we were both crying, and we knew. It was over."
"But you never came to see me at our house back then?" I ask, confused.
"I didn't leave after all that. Once we had that fight... I won't get into it, but I stayed there with her that night."
They had breakup sex, is what he's not saying, and I feel a familiar tension come over me.
"Then the next day, it was like the air was clear for once." He glances down at Harley with a sad expression on his face. "We didn't have to say it. That fight was the detonator, and she set it off. I think she wanted to blow us up, honestly. After breakfast that day, we calmly started talking about divorce."
"My god," I whisper. Was it my fault his marriage ended?
"Darlin don't go blaming yourself. " He reads my mind. "The silent fight wasn't your fault because it was about you. It was ours, Amber's, and my fault for never talking about it, but mostly mine because I never let her be the best friend she wanted to be. I didn't ever let anyone come close to meaning to me what you did."
"I never really let Jules in like that either," I admit. "I remember girls at work calling their husbands their best friends, and I never viewed him like I did you or..."
"Olly." He finishes for me.
"Yeah," I mumble.
"We can say it now, Kinz, and at some point, the three of us are going to need to hash it all out."
"Yeah, I know," I mutter. "But we aren't talking about that tonight and I do feel sorry about Amber. Even more now, because...it feels, I mean. I like that she never got as close to you as me in that way, but... that's pretty crappy for me to think. I don't own you."
"Well..." His eyes twinkle and he smirks, but he leaves it linger at that.
"Hunter!" I toss a pillow at him.
"What's that they say about a twisted web or something?" He asks as he easily catches the pillow.
"Ours is a messy web," I say with a dry laugh.
"But no matter what, me and you, we're always gonna be best friends, right?" he questions, a shade of insecurity in his voice.
"Of course, we are, always Hunter," I promise him with a fierceness in my voice, and that is a promise I will never break.
Harley lets out a loud grumbling snore, so loud, I'm surprised a six-year-old can make it and then kicks his legs.
"What's he dreaming that he's a bear?" I ask as Hunter laughs out loud.
"I better get him and myself to bed. I'm taking him to go see the monster trucks tomorrow."
"Coolest dad ever," I say.
"Ain't I, though?" He grins cockily.
"You three, come over for muffins in the morning, why don't you?" I say as we both stand.
"Us three?" He asks.
"Yeah, you Harley, and your ego," I say cheekily, to which he scoffs.
"Cute, Darlin,"
"Ain't I though?" I mock his earlier tone.
"More than you know." He steps closer to me and leans down, pressing his lips on my forehead, and I close my eyes and savor the feeling of his warm lips on my soft skin.
"Night, Beautiful," he whispers huskily as he slowly pulls back.
"Night," I whisper in a trembling voice.
We stand there for a long moment until finally, he turns around. I stand there soundlessly, watching him scoop up his son and leave.
"Shit," I say out loud, sinking into the couch, which still smells like Hunter, as I settle in for a long, restless night of overthinking.