'Hyunjin, baby, can you try to calm down? We really need to start filming again.', a sob wracks through Hyunjin's small body while he hugs his knees harder. His mother is looking at him with an expression that is a mix of concern and impatience, which only makes him feel worse.
If he was more competent, he wouldn't be worrying his mother nor frustrating all staff and actors that are waiting for him to finish the last two scenes and wrap up for the day.
'I cuh- can't do it.', he shakes his head vigorously. Because even if being 'competent at his job' may be too much to ask of a six year old boy, he can't help but feel as if his entire world is falling apart.
No matter how much he was trying earlier, he couldn't recall his lines, couldn't portray any of his well-practised expressions, couldn't even focus. Today he's being the exact opposite of the talented kid everyone always praises him to be and it makes him feel so, so ashamed. Especially when it is his first time acting with another kid his age. A boy that is doing so much better than Hyunjin, even if he's never acted before.
Apparently, Lee Felix was a last-minute replacement of the child actor who had ended up with a bad flu on the day of filming. In fact, Felix was the movie director's son and while the director hadn't wanted to involve him in acting from such a young age, they didn't have any other choice that day.
Because after all, Felix was already on set (as per the director's words - his son hates being babysitted and actually enjoys watching his father work, even if he hadn't expressed interest in acting himself) and more than anything, he is seemingly a hidden gem.
Hyunjin and Felix briefly shook hands in greeting before the smaller of the two ran off to read the script again and again. At the time, Hyunjin felt frustrated and didn't have any hope that the other boy would be able to memorise his lines and do a decent enough job to keep up with him.
'Won't it be too obvious even on camera that I'm more experienced than him?', Hyunjin asked his mum while watching Felix's concentrated expression at the other end of the room.
'Well, he's Lee Doyun's son after all. I'm sure that if his father didn't trust in Felix to do a good job, then he wouldn't risk all of our time. Time is money, Hyunjin. Remember?'
The joke is on him. Because the moment they heard the word 'ACTION', Felix transformed into the role of a poor, miserable child that was on the brink of starvation. Perhaps it was the shock of how well Felix was doing, the obvious contrast of their talent, that made Hyunjin feel as if everyone in the room would laugh in his face for barely being able to keep up with someone that's supposed to be an amateur.
What was Hyunjin's hard work for? He has been acting since the age of three and suddenly, those three years seem pointless.
Another loud cry rips out of the small boy, leaving his mother helpless by his side.
'Hyunjinnie?', a small voice asks, making the boy quiet down and blink up his teary eyes at the concerned expression on Felix's face. When had he come to them?
'Lix-ah, why aren't you with your dad?', Hyunjin's mum, Jihu, asks him.
'I asked papa if I can try to help Hyunjinnie stop crying and he allowed me.', Felix pouts and Hyunjin's cheeks flush in embarrassment.
Suddenly, the boy stretches his arm and holds out a small dandelion to Hyunjin, leaving the latter with a parted in surprise mouth.
'My sisters always tell me that flowers can bring a smile to anyone's face.', Felix explains with a wide grin that takes up most of his small face. Hyunjin blinks a few times, not quite expecting the gesture, and sniffles before he takes the dandelion with the whisper of a 'thank you'.
'You looked very cool and happy when you were acting with the others earlier. Even if you don't like being on set with me, maybe try to think about the things that usually make you happy? Like... think of why you love acting, maybe?.', the boy smiles even wider while Hyunjin carefully clutches the flower in the palm of his hand.
Does this mean that Felix was paying attention to him from the beginning? Is this why he can figure out that Hyunjin was suddenly not doing well because of him?
Another tear left the corner of his eye.
That is so embarrassing.
Why is Felix not only more talented but also more grown up than Hyunjin?
'Okay.', the latter responds with one last sniffle and uses the tissue Jihu passes him to wipe his tears and blow his nose.
He can be a grown up as well.
If Felix has more talent, then Hyunjin will work even harder to be better.
With a nod to his head, he smiles back at Felix and lets his mum pick him off the ground.
In the end, they manage to shoot an incredible scene that has the entire set erupt into cheers. And Hyunjin giddily promises himself that he won't fall behind his new rival.
What Hyunjin didn't know back then though, was that after that day, he wouldn't see nor hear of Felix for the next 18 years.
'-jin? Are you listening?'
Hyunjin blinks rapidly, almost as if forcing his consciousness to return to the present moment rather than something that happened almost twenty years ago.
'Sorry noona, I spaced out', he says in a mumble, trying not to move his lips too much while his make-up artist and friend is applying a bit of gloss over his lips.
Sana sighs and her eyes flicker to Hyunjin's quickly before re-focusing on her work.
'What, are you nervous? That's far from your first movie premier, you know.', she comments and Hyunjin makes a humming sound before she pulls away and encourages him to smack his lips once.
He's already dressed with his suit for the evening - black slacks paired with a tight red shirt which was cut-out by his ribs, exposing them. His black hair is in a high ponytail while his eyes glimmer with red eye-shadow and a winged black eyeliner. The dressing room is less hectic now that Hyunjin is pretty much set to go, only his managers waiting for him on the couches while scrolling on their phones.
'I'm not exactly nervous, I dunno.', he shrugs, 'Or maybe a little? It's my first movie premiere with Lee Doyun as the director ever since I was a kid. I just hope that people think I've done a good job.', he also accidentally picked up an old book while rummaging through his stuff this morning and found a dried dandelion in-between the pages there.
It's almost ironic. That after so many years he was presented with that same flower on the same night of the premiere with Lee Doyun - the father of the kid who gave him said dandelion.
He grabs his plastic cup of Iced Americano and takes a sip from the straw, careful not to smudge his lipstick but fully enjoying the caffeine entering his system. He knows that he'll need the boost before the evening kicks off. He isn't usually one to enjoy alcohol before going on the red carpet, even though many of his actor friends, such as Minho or Jeongin, couldn't handle being in front of flashing lights if they hadn't had a glass of whiskey beforehand.
'You always excel in your roles. There's nothing to worry about. Lee Doyun or not, any director should be proud to have you as the leading cast in their movie.', Sana reassures him with a gentle smile, fixing up one of the two strands of hair that were falling over his forehead.
'I hope that you're right and I especially hope that the critics are in a good mood tonight. The last thing I want is to get home and see a horrible rating.', Hyunjin huffs, feeling the nerves crawl under his skin the more he thinks about it.
A light slap to his shoulder shakes him out of it, though.
'It will be fine. I've listened to you ramble about this movie for a whole year and know better than anyone that it'll be a hit. When have you or Doyun ever messed up?', she rolls her eyes fondly while the corner of Hyunjin's mouth slightly lifts up.
There was a time I almost messed up though.
God. That dandelion must really be messing with his head today. He'd pretty much forgotten about its existence, given that it had all happened so long ago. But then again, he did sometimes find himself wondering what Doyun's son was doing. He almost asked the director once during filming but felt that it could be intrusive so he kept his mouth shut. It's not like Hyunjin and Felix were even friends nor anything. They just shot two scenes together when they were six years old and never met after that.
However, Hyunjin can't say that this moment - Felix's words, presence and the dandelion he gave him, weren't things that often helped him push through difficult moments in his career.
'Try to think about the things that usually make you happy.' - he would do that each time he wanted to run off and hide under his blankets, away from the spotlight and the piles of scripts waiting for him.
'My sisters always tell me that flowers can bring a smile to anyone's face.' - he'd started painting flowers like a crazed man each time he was in a slump.
So, in a way Hyunjin feels grateful to Felix. Even though he's also sort of bitter because maybe he had imagined the two of them growing up in the industry as rivals or maybe friends (or both?).
But oh well.
It seems like acting wasn't Felix's thing after all. Regardless of how naturally good he was at it.
'The car is waiting outside.', his personal manager Chan let him know and after another encouraging nod and a thumbs up from Sana, Hyunjin got up from his seat and took a deep breath.
You've got this.
They'll love you.
They always do.
'Let's do this.', Hyunjin turns to Chan with a smile that he hopes is genuine enough and hides the tremble of his hands by sliding them in the pockets of his slacks.
Why does he have to go through one of his bad days tonight of all nights?