Youngjo froze in the middle of whatever was happening and he was glad the kid had just come and sought for their attention or God only knew what he could have done to the other. "Minji!!"
He looked confused for a moment, then everything was clear to him. "Stop playing wrestling! It's dinner time!! I'm so hungry and the chicken Youngjo hyung is cooking looks so good!!" He jumped up and down while waiting for either his dad or his babysitter to follow him.
"I'll- I'll be there in a moment! I'm just helping your papi getting dressed! He's very tired." Youngjo managed to reply as he was also trying to breathe normally. "W-Wait for me there!"
"Okay!! Please, be quick!!" The little kid replied before running back to the living room.
Youngjo let go of a deep breath he didn't know he had been holding and he quickly helped the host of the house getting dressed. He couldn't even imagine what Hwanwoong would have thought of him if he had known the scene poor little Minji had just witnessed.
By the time he had successfully completed his mission, Hwanwoong was sleeping soundly on his bed wearing his blue Pokémon t-shirt and black shorts. Youngjo had some real trouble keeping himself from kissing every inch of the other's body as he was staring at him, wondering how come in that house there were two kids. Hwanwoong mumbled something again and the oldest let his fingers brush his cheeks for a brief moment. Youngjo's heart stopped beating when Hwanwoong's eyes suddenly opened. He seemed to look at the oldest for an infinite split of second, and then he closed them again, the shadow of a smile adorning his beautiful face.
Youngjo smelled something was burning. He rushed towards the kitchen and he quickly turned off the oven while Minji was playing with his Batman doll on the living room's carpet.
"Is Papi okay, hyung?" He timidly asked as Youngjo was giving their almost carbonized chicken some air.
"Yes, don't worry, Minji-ah! He's just very tired and he's already sleeping!" He smiled, saving what he could for their dinner.
He hadn't been expecting Minji to look down: "He fell asleep without having dinner again..."
"Again?" Youngjo frowned.
"Yes... Papi falls asleep very often sometimes..." He inadvertently caressed his own little arm where the oldest had already noticed there was the long, white scar. "I hope he's not sick..." There were tears in his eyes and Youngjo officially couldn't take it anymore.
He left the chicken, bent down and he opened his arms to welcome the little one against his chest. He hugged Minji as carefully and tightly as he would have loved to hug Hwanwoong. He would have never thought the two of them would have stumbled in his heart that brisk way. "You have a sidekick now. This hyung will always be here to help you and your papi, alright?"
Minji nodded as he sniffed over the fabric of Youngjo's t-shirt: "I'm hungry..."
Youngjo laughed lightly before helping the other feed himself. They even had some time to play and clean the table and Hwanwoong was nowhere to be seen. Youngjo looked at the clock: it was passed midnight. He turned towards the entrance door while he was holding Minji's hand to lead him to bed, and that was the moment he decided to stay and take care of them until Hwanwoong wouldn't have gotten better. He couldn't leave them, he had promised them now.
He made sure to put the little one to sleep before heading straight to Hwanwoong's room. Nobody spoke when he knocked, therefore he silently entered the room with a dish in his hands. The host of the house looked deeply asleep in his bed, a concerned frown was stuck on his face. Youngjo put the plate down on the other's work desk and he walked closer to him. He slowly put his hand over the other's forehead: he was burning hot. "Hwanwoong-ah..."
***
Hwanwoong faintly recalled it, like a dizzy hallucination, the gentleness of those hands, a fresh towel giving his body some release, a spoon being slowly accompanied to his lips to taste a very good warm soup. He thought it was a strange dream but he found himself thinking it felt nice to be taken care of for once. Who was it? Who was that angel, taking care of him so diligently when he couldn't even make the difference in between day and night. Chaeyeon? Was that her? Did she change her mind in the end? "Chaeyeon..." He murmured in his sleep.
Then, Hwanwoong's nose picked up a familiar scent. Lilies? Chaeyeon always smelled like lilies. No, it was stronger, more elegant, sweeter... Roses. Youngjo hyung's perfume. Youngjo?
Hwanwoong suddenly opened his eyes, slightly jumping on his bed. He looked around himself but there was no one to be seen. A steaming plate of soup had been placed on his nightstand along with some pills and a bowl with a towel: someone had been taking care of him for real. He grabbed his phone to check the time and it was not only early in the morning, but it was also a Friday morning. He had been sick for five days, he couldn't believe it. Minji.
The thought of his own son crossed his mind as soon as he regained his senses. "Minji-ah?" He called him as he stood up. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if his head was spinning or the room had suddenly decided to do so. Then, he called him again, anxiety rising in his chest at the thought something might had happened to him, at the thought he had left him alone for five days, at the thought Minji might had assumed he had abandoned him too. "Minji-"
Hwanwoong froze at the scene he found before his eyes as soon as he stepped into the living room: Minji was there, he was wearing his green pyjamas with dinosaurs over it, he was sleeping soundly in Youngjo's arms as the babysitter was hugging him as his life depended on him. The oldest was sleeping as well and Hwanwoong's heart sank in a way he thought it would have never been able to anymore. Youngjo looked like a father, the father Minji had never had because Hwanwoong had been too busy trying to be everything to him. His eyes filled with tears and that was the moment Youngjo's eyes opened, sensing some movement in the room.
"Hwanwoong-ah..." He yawned, slightly moving on his seat. "How are you feeling today?" He softly asked before he realized the other was shedding tears. "Hwanwoong..." He carefully lifted Minji up and he disappeared in the hallway to quickly go place the little one on his bed. When he came back to the living room, Hwanwoong was still there, somehow unable to move.
"Hwanwoong-ah... Why are you crying?" He asked while carefully walking towards him.
"I... I'm not..." Hwanwoong tried to speak but words seemed to get stuck in his dry throat.
Youngjo wanted to hug the other so bad his arms were itching: "I'll make you some coffee." He suddenly said, hoping to comfort him in some way at least. "C'mon, come to the kitchen." He caressed Hwanwoong's back with his hand to accompany him towards it. "It's okay..."
"Milk..." Hwanwoong faintly replied all of a sudden, and the oldest froze at the request.
"Milk?" He asked and, when the youngest nodded, Youngjo found himself thinking once again the other looked like a sweet baby who just wanted some milk. "I'll warm you some milk then!" He smiled and there was nothing the youngest could do but following him.
Youngjo poured some milk in a couple of rather silly cups and he added a couple of spoons of honey to make it sweeter. It was the same way his mum used to make it for him when he was sick, and he figured the other might had loved it too. He placed the cups on the table where Hwanwoong was waiting and looking at him with tears in his eyes without sharing a word. He still seemed quite sleepy and fatigued by the fever he had fought for days. "Here, drink it all."
"Thank you..." He replied, drinking slowly and gratefully, letting the milk's sweetness along with Youngjo's take over in his mind and body. "Did you take care of Minji while I was sick?" He finally managed to ask.
Youngjo gulped all his own milk down before replying: "Oh, yes, don't worry! I figured you needed some time to recover so, I simply kept him company as always, and made the two of you eat regularly." He suddenly remembered the fact Minji had seen them playing "wrestling" on Hwanwoong's bed the other day. "BUT I didn't sleep with you- I mean... on your bed! I mean I- I slept on the sofa!" He sighed because of his own embarrassment as the shadow of a smile could be seen in Hwanwoong's eyes.
Then, that shadow turned into panic: "Oh my god, my job!!" He immediately grabbed his phone to call his boss, hoping she wouldn't have fired him right away. "I have to tell her I-"
"Hwanwoong-ah..." Youngjo's hands were over his on the table and his heart stopped beating. "I already told Dongju you had a fever and your boss gave you a week of break to recover. Don't worry. You can take care of yourself and go back to work on Monday. I'll stay here..."
Hwanwoong's mouth fell open at the other's words. He honestly didn't know what to say again. Of course the other knew his cousin's boyfriend was working with him at the café. No wonder Youngjo had done charity work in the past. He was truly someone who seemed to have a talent in taking care of others, in helping them. "Are you sure? You're a producer, your songs-"
Youngjo shushed him gently while standing up: "Drink your milk now, Hwanwoong-ah. You'll pay for my extra at the end of the month, don't worry!! You hungry? It's almost lunch time!" He opened the fridge to check its content. "I was thinking about pasta, what do you think?"
Maybe it was all his tiredness fault. Maybe it was Youngjo's smile's fault, so bright and sincere. Maybe it was because Hwanwoong was being given the chance to choose what to eat for lunch while knowing he wouldn't have been the one who would have cooked it for him and his son. Maybe it was simply because he couldn't deny his feelings towards the oldest that Hwanwoong finally surrendered at Youngjo's kindness. He smiled: "Minji and me... We love pasta."
***
Friday went by in a blink of an eye, and it had been impossible to convince Minji that Youngjo hyung didn't have to sleepover on that night as well since Hwanwoong was fine so, the oldest insisted on sleeping on the couch again. Hwanwoong offered him to sleep in his bedroom though, because he knew how sore his neck became when he happened to fall asleep on it too. He would have never imagined Youngjo to be as hard to convince as his Minji because the oldest slept on the couch in the end, right after the three of them had watched a movie together.
Hwanwoong woke up on Saturday with the sound of the rain knocking at his window along with an unexpected vanilla scent in the air, the same he remembered he would sense when his mother baked cookies in the morning for him when he was in elementary school. He looked outside, enjoying for a moment the fact he knew Youngjo was there and that Minji hadn't been alone while his father had had the chance to finally savour a good night of sleep. When he entered the kitchen however, when he saw little Minji was focusing on the ball of dough in front of him to give it a decent shape while Youngjo was looking at him fondly, Hwanwoong couldn't help wishing to witness that same scene on every morning of his life.
"You're doing great, little one! Like that!" He said, right before noticing the other's presence. "Do you want Papi to help you?" He asked, the nickname coming so spontaneously from him. Too spontaneously, considering the way Hwanwoong's face heated up at the other's words.
"Papi?" Minji lifted his head up and he was happy to see his dad was smiling to them. "Papi!!" He ran around the table to go hug Hwanwoong. "We were making cookies for you because Youngjo hyung said you like sweet things!! Do you want to make them with us?"
"I'll take the choco chips!" Youngjo suddenly turned towards the cupboards to search for something not to let the host of the house catch his probably rosy cheeks at Minji's explanation.
"Of course, baby!" Hwanwoong grabbed a ball of dough as well and he started working on it.
Youngjo was busy melting the chocolate when he heard Minji saying: "Papi... What is that...?"
The babysitter was too curious not to turn around to check what was going on and he couldn't help laughing at the sight of the big rock of yellow dough that was Hwanwoong's creation. Minji laughed along, pointing at the result of his dad's efforts. "It's a cookie ball, Papi!!"
"Ya!! You know Papi's not good at these kind of things! I'm doing my best like my little boy!" He tried to defend himself while the other two kept on laughing. "You're still laughing, uh? You don't want to see this tiger get angry right?" He dangerously dipped his hands in the bowl filled with flour before attacking both Minji's t-shirt and Youngjo's green apron.
The duo gasped in disbelief: a war had begun. Youngjo dodged another one of Hwanwoong's attacks to go get his hands dirty as well before taking hold of the other's arm while Minji smacked some flour directly over his dad's belly. The tiger started running and the chase started. Hwanwoong did his best to run around the table and avoid the other's attacks, but it was two against one and it was hard to keep them from making him soon become a white tiger.
"Hyung! We got him!" Minji ran towards his dad at the same time as Youngjo cornered the youngest against the kitchen counter by placing his hands at Hwanwoong's sides. The host of the house instinctively jumped back to sit on the kitchen counter out of instinct, and Youngjo followed him, finding himself in between the other's legs with Minji right by his side.
The little one screamed out of the excitement to finally grab his dad's trousers with all his passionate, very white and dirty, hands. Youngjo, on the other hand, started tickling the other's hips, enjoying Hwanwoong's laughter as he was trying to free himself from his skilled hunters: "Gotcha!"
The tiger had fallen into a trap and it was clear the moment the oldest had managed to pin both Hwanwoong's hands above his head against the cupboard behind his back. Their faces were a couple of centimetres away from one another, their chests were rising and falling at a crazy speed because of the hunting session, their eyes were filled with adrenaline like their faces of flour, and chocolate, and their ears of Minji's laugh as he was having fun with them. Hwanwoong's eyes fell on the other's lips and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.
What he hadn't been expecting was to notice Youngjo's eyes looking down too. "Hyung, I..." His voice came out of his lips as if he wanted to beg the other to do something there was no way he could have said out loud, especially because Youngjo didn't look gay at all and because Minji was right there with them. Hwanwoong's breath got caught up in his throat though when the oldest lifted one of his hands up, using his thumb to press over Hwanwoong's bottom lip.
"Hwanwoong..." Youngjo's voice was raspy and gentle as he was staring at his lips as if he were hypnotized. "You have some..." The more the oldest stared, the slower his finger was hesitating at the corners of Hwanwoong's mouth, making his face feel as if it were on fire. "You have some chocolate on your lips..." He moved his thumb a couple of times more.
"Papi! Hyung! Are you playing wrestling again without me!?" Minji asked the two of them, taking Youngjo back to reality once again. He immediately stepped away from the youngest, clearing his throat as he brushed the green apron he was wearing to clean it up a little bit.
"N-No, Minji-ah! Let's... Let's clean this mess and bake our cookies!" He was unable to look at the youngest in his eyes. "I'll go grab a degreaser. Be right back."
Their cookies tasted the best Hwanwoong had ever managed to make with Minji on that day.
***
Hwanwoong was panting the moment he finally reached his apartment's elevator. He was late. He knew it was a Saturday and he would have been late no matter how hard he would have tried and sped up his tasks at the café, but he couldn't help running nonetheless: it was Minji's birthday. It was his son's most important day, and he had done his best to buy his favourite black forest cake to celebrate along with Youngjo. He was excited at the thought, maybe more than he would have liked to admit. When the doors of the elevator opened, he ran towards his door and all the adrenaline he had in his body made his hands tremble. Hwanwoong almost dropped the cake he was holding at the sound of trumpets and the boom of confetti Youngjo and Minji popped. He definitely hadn't been expecting the others' welcoming ceremony.
"Welcome to Minji's birthday party!!" Youngjo greeted him and that was the moment Hwanwoong truly realized the babysitter was not only wearing a black mask and a pair of cat ears, but he was also squeezed in a tight black leather superhero suit.
"It took you so much time, Mr. Bug!!" Minji on the other hand was wearing a black and violet costume, the only pop of colour being a white butterfly pin at the centre of his chest. Hwanwoong sighed, realizing his son had seriously convinced Youngjo to dress up as Cat Noir so that he could have played the part of Papillon. Wait, Mr. Bug?
"Did you just call me Mr. Bug-?" He blinked twice at his son in disbelief.
Before Hwanwoong knew what was happening to him, he was exiting his own bedroom wearing a red latex suit decorated with black dots. He looked exactly like the male version of Lady Bug and he noted to himself Minji should have stopped watching that Miraculous show. "I'm ridiculous..." He commented as soon as the other two saw him.
He noticed Youngjo's smile fading from his face as his mouth hanged open. Maybe he was starting to imagine things at that point, Hwanwoong found himself thinking.
"Papi!! You're the bestest!! Mr. Bug, yes!!" Minji was so excited he was jumping up and down. "I'm Papillon! Gimme your miraculous!!" He added, a moment before attacking his dad. "Well? What are you doing, Cat Noir? Why aren't you helping your dear colleague!!"
Youngjo blinked for a moment, coming back to reality thanks to Minji's call for attention. Embarrassment was the first emotion he could feel taking over him for malfunctioning at the sight of Hwanwoong wearing that very tight suit Minji had begged him so much to buy. The kid's plan for his birthday was to play Miraculous along with him and his dad, and Youngjo had had no heart to refuse the little one's wish. It was such a simple yet sweet wish after all. What he hadn't been expecting was his heart to stop beating at the sight of that Mr. Bug.
Hwanwoong couldn't help smiling at his beyond loved son. He truly felt like a fool for looking like a giant bug but Minji was so visibly excited to play with the two of them he decided he would have played at his kid's rules for that special day: "Cat Noir, help!" He told Youngjo.
Mr. Bug and Cat Noir were defeated many times by the evil Papillon, but in the end they finally managed to lure him in a trap thanks to a very inviting candy basket. The superheroes jumped at their enemy at the same time and the three of them stumbled on the carpet in a ball of laughter.
Minji looked happy. Minji looked the happiest his father had seen him in such a long time, and his heart ached at the thought it was all because of Youngjo. He had arrived in their lives, becoming a part of their routine almost, silently, quietly and inevitably. Without realizing, Hwanwoong had fallen for his kid's babysitter and there was nothing he could have done to stop his eyes from switching in between his son and Youngjo's smiley face. It took him a while to realize the oldest was resting his arm around his waist, hugging both Minji and him as their legs were tangled altogether as if they were one, as if they were a family.
"You.. You won..." Minji dramatically said in a raspy breath before pretending his death.
Hwanwoong's eyes fell on Youngjo's watch and he noticed it was almost midnight: "Well! Cat Noir, so now we can celebrate Papillon's defeat by eating a wonderful cake, right?"
They shared a knowing look: "Oh! Yes, let's celebrate, Mr. Bug!!"
Minji was immediately back on his feet to rush towards the kitchen where his favourite cake was awaiting him. Hwanwoong was grabbing the knife and the plates for later when he heard the flickering sound of a lighter being turned on. Anxiety bloomed in his heart as he turned around at the speed of light only to see Youngjo was pushing the flame of his lighter close to Minji's face: "Minji-ah!!" He instinctively placed a hand on the oldest, shoving him against the fridge in the spur of the moment using all his strength. "What are you doing near the fire!?"
Little Minji pouted, his eyes instantly filling with tears: "H-Hyung just wanted to lit up the candles on my c-cake... I t-told him you never let me blow the c-candles-"
"Minji there's A REASON why I do that, and you know it!" Hwanwoong raised his voice as his entire body started shivering at the thought Minji could have gotten hurt again because of him, because of his distraction, because of fire. "Why were you near the fire!?"
"Hwanwoong..." Youngjo's voice only seemed to made it all worse inside the blond's head. He started overthinking about the fact he had put his trust in Youngjo before he could have realized it and that he had made a mistake. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"
"What do you think you were doing?!" His voice was trembling too. "Don't you know fire is dangerous near kids? He could have gotten hurt by your lighter! Minji doesn't have candles on his birthday cakes because it's dangerous! Flames are dangerous, don't you understand!?" Hwanwoong couldn't stop repeating those words out loud in front of the other's surprised face. He knew he was raising his voice but he could hardly breathe and the truth was that he was panicking over all the worst case scenarios that could have happened because of Youngjo.
"Hwanwoong..." Youngjo took a step towards the other, speaking as calmly as he could.
"What!? Stop calling my name like that! I'm telling you something important here! My son won't blow any candle on his birthday cake, is that clear for you?" Hwanwoong kept going, unable to realize the other's arm was behind his back to caress it gently. "What do you think you were doing? You could have burned him! It's dangerous! You need to ask me about these kinds of things before you do them!"
Youngjo took his hand as well, lightly squeezing it: "Hwanwoong, breathe, it's okay."
"I-It's not okay! Nothing is okay! Minji could have gotten hurt because I wasn't looking at him, because I was distracted again, because I trust you when I promised myself I-I wouldn't have trusted anyone. I'm t-the one who's stupid here! I'm a failure as a father, I know I-"
The same way as Youngjo had hugged little Minji that night, he hadn't been able to hold himself back anymore. He wrapped his arms around the other's smaller frame and he hugged him tight as Hwanwoong was still screaming nonsense. "It's okay, Hwanwoong, Minji's fine. He's fine." He kept repeating until he couldn't hear the other's voice anymore, until he felt Hwanwoong's fingers grasping the back of his black suit as his life depended on it, until he started sobbing and trembling against his chest. "It's okay, Hwanwoong, believe me. Nobody's hurt."
He shushed the other gently, caressing his blond, soft hair to reassure him in any way possible. Youngjo was familiar with panic attacks, but he would have never imagined Hwanwoong to break down that way in front of him. He looked down at little Minji who was quietly sobbing too, and he slightly opened one of his arms to welcome him too. The kid hugged his right leg so hard as he kept on sobbing too. Youngjo felt like he wished he could grab the moon to give it to the two of them right in that moment. "I'm sorry. I had no idea it would have troubled you this much. I took it as something happened to Minji that you keep on wanting to protect him from but, Hwanwoong... You know it's not your fault right? Whatever it is I'm sure it's not."
It took Hwanwoong a bit more to resume breathing normally and, as soon as he did, he slowly stepped away from the other to wipe his own eyes in silence. He looked as if he were embarrassed of showing his fragility like that in front of the oldest, Youngjo thought while letting him go. "No, it is... It is my fault." Hwanwoong surprisingly spoke again. "I'm sorry." He looked down only to bend and hug his son who was still hugging Youngjo's leg.
"I can't agree with you until I know the whole story, I'm sorry, Hwanwoong-ah." Youngjo said.
Hwanwoong looked up: "I'll tell you all about it. Later, though. Let's eat the cake. Minji-ah?"
Little Minji eagerly nodded, already forgetting about his tears at the thought he would have finally been able to taste the sweetness of the black forest cake his father had brought home.
A happy birthday song was sang by both Youngjo and Hwanwoong even if no candles were lit up to be blown away at the end. Minji closed his eyes nonetheless and he clapped his hands to make a wish, hoping it would have worked even if there were no candles in front of him. He bit down at his bottom lip as he found himself formulating one simple wish in his head:
"I want Youngjo hyung to be my dad too."
***
Hwanwoong pulled off his red mask before gently covering Minji's minuscule body a little better. He bent down to kiss his son's forehead, his son who was now six years old, and he smiled while exiting his bedroom. He stopped by his own to change in into more comfortable house clothes, and then he came back to the kitchen where Youngjo was washing the dishes.
"I'm almost done." He warned the host of the house, figuring he might want him to leave.
Hwanwoong suddenly took hold of the other's arm: "Would you like to... stay for a drink?"
When Youngjo looked up he realized the other was staring at his own shoes while mumbling the invitation he had just heard from his lips. Hwanwoong was wearing a black tank top and a pair of black shorts the oldest had to admit it highlighted his frame in the most pleasant way. He used a towel to dry his own hands: "I'm pretty sure we ran out of milk though..." He replied for some reason, assuming the other wanted some warm milk as sometimes they enjoyed at the end of the day after Minji had been put to bed.
"N-No, I got soju..." Hwanwoong shily clarified. "...strawberry flavoured."
Youngjo smiled at the other's sweetness, unable to cope with how cute Hwanwoong was right in that moment. "O-Of course, I'd love to." He couldn't help replying since the youngest had truly sounded like he wanted to drink a bit with company. It mustn't had been easy, Youngjo thought, for the other to realize another year had passed and that his son was six.
Hwanwoong helped the oldest clean everything up before he grabbed two bottles of soju and two shot glasses to take a sit on the couch in the living room. Youngjo caught up with him, bringing a bit of leftover black forest cake as well. He was still wearing that very tight black leather costume and the sole sight was consuming Hwanwoong's soul, but there was nothing he could to about it. "Please, make yourself comfortable." He said, pouring some soju for him.
Youngjo sat down as he was told: "Do you wanna watch a movie or...?" He wasn't sure about what he could do since the other had never asked him to drink together, and the silent atmosphere of the afterparty seemed a little too intimate for a single father and his babysitter.
"No... I think I just want..." Hwanwoong sighed as he tried not to look at how well Youngjo's black latex suit hugged his entire body like a second skin. "Silence. I just want silence."
Youngjo smiled: "You chose the wrong companion for a silent drink..." He grabbed his glass. "I do love games when it comes to soju." They made their glasses cling together before having them all in one shot, Hwanwoong turning his head to the opposite side to respect the oldest. "You don't like to play games?" He asked right after, his voice was calm and warm as always.
Hwanwoong made an ugly face after the drink: "I rarely drink so I don't know many of them..."
Youngjo nodded, he kept on having the feeling the other wanted to tell him something: "I see." He stood quiet for a moment, just on time for them to have another shot in silence. "Can I... Can I ask you why did you feel like drinking tonight?" He couldn't help asking.
Hwanwoong stopped pouring some more in their glasses: "Do I have to have a reason to?"
Youngjo cleared his voice and he moved on his sit a little as if he didn't know what to do with himself: "I mean, I don't know. It's just a feeling that I get. I've never seen you drinking."
"I don't like to do it in front of Minji." He took another shot without waiting for the other. "This is kind of like a little tradition that I have on his birthdays, and you're here tonight."
Youngjo frowned at the coldness of the other's words. He had just made him feel as if his presence wasn't making any difference to the youngest. "Well, so, I can simply leave, right?" He moved to stand but the other immediately caught his hand to stop him from doing so.
"I- I didn't say that. Please, have a sit... I wanted to apologize." He looked down right after.
Youngjo knew it. He sat back down. Hwanwoong didn't take his hand off his own one.
He sighed: "Hwanwoong, if you want to apologize for having a panic attack, please, don't-"
"How did you know?" Hwanwoong's eyes widened.
Youngjo frowned: "I know a panic attack when I see one. You were talking nonsense and you were shivering. It was pretty obvious to me you weren't having the best moment of your life... I'm the one who should apologize, I shouldn't have used the candles when even Minji had told me not to. I thought you would have liked the surprise, but I ruined everything-"
"You ruined everything?" Hwanwoong took a moment to drink another shot. "I ruined it. That's what I always do. I'm aware a candle won't burn my son alive but... Whenever I see his tiny face near a flame, I simply can't stop thinking about that night." He filled their glasses again.
Youngjo placed his hand over the other one's: "Do you want to tell me about it?"
Hwanwoong drank in silence and he kept quiet as the oldest drank too. Then, he finally spoke: "It was a Saturday night, just like that one I came back soaked in water." He gulped, feeling as if he were living that moment again. "I was tired but Minji was three years old and he needed his papi to cook something for dinner. I don't even remember what I was cooking, I just remember filling a pan with oil." He drank another shot and Youngjo couldn't help noticing he was starting to sweat and his cheeks had gotten pinkish. "I fell asleep while looking at the pan." Hwanwoong was staring at somewhere on the other side of the TV the oldest couldn't see.
Youngjo squeezed the other's hand: "Look, if you don't want to talk about it, I get it, I-"
"Minji realized it when the oil was practically boiling and he came close to me to wake me up. I jumped out of surprise when he grabbed my legs and... I threw the pan on him." He swallowed up the tears that where threatening to fall so hard and he had another shot. "He barely managed to move away and now I see the scar of my negligence on his arm every time I look at him." He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm the worst father-"
Youngjo couldn't help shaking his head: "Hwanwoong-"
"I am, Youngjo." He boldly said, and their eyes met. "Don't try and convince me otherwise."
Youngjo's heart was sinking both because the other had never called him by his name only, and because that made him realize every time he had called the other simply by his name. "Why?" He insisted, nonetheless. "It was clearly an accident, Hwanwoong! It's not your fault if you-"
Hwanwoong sat back on the couch, leaving the other's hand in order to take a bite of cake: "Please, you don't know the whole story, I just told you not to try and convince-"
"There is nothing I should convince you about!" Youngjo raised his voice and the blond's eyes widened almost in shock at the scene. "I've seen you coming back every day from work for months. You were exhausted!! No wonder you fell asleep that night if there was no one to help you, if there was no one else who could have taken care of Minji other than you! It's not your fault, and I'm sure it's not your fault either the fact you've been left alone with him!" Youngjo suddenly bit down at his own tongue, realizing he had talked too much about something he actually didn't know anything. He looked down: "I'm sorry, I know nothing about Chaeyeon."
Hwanwoong's lips parted when her name came from the other's mouth.
"How do you know her name?" He asked. He was sure he had never spoken about her.
Youngjo brought a spoonful of cake to his own mouth before replying: "When you had a fever and I was taking care of you, you kept on repeating her name..." He tried hard to suppress the venomous feeling of jealousy rising up in his heart as soon as he had thought about that time. "It seemed as if you would have preferred to have her taking care of you."
Hwanwoong's heart sank at the other's words. If he didn't know the oldest any better, he would have thought Youngjo was being jealous about Chaeyeon without even knowing her. He shook his head while having another shot, he was probably starting to become tipsy: "I feel guilty." He admitted. "...I feel guilty because I'm the reason why she abandoned us too."
"I'm all ears." Youngjo said, having another shot. "Something tells me it's not."
"It's because I told her I was bisexual." Hwanwoong spit out, saying it out loud for what felt like the second time, the first time being the one time he had told Chaeyeon herself. When he turned towards the oldest, Youngjo's big cat eyes were on him. "I remember it took me so long to tell her but I just couldn't keep that thought to myself anymore. She was my girlfriend, the mother of our child and I couldn't stop thinking about the fact she ignored a key part of me." He took another shot. "I loved her. The fact I came out to her didn't mean I didn't love her." He sighed. Hwanwoong sighed because he had wished his ex-girlfriend to understand that but she hadn't. "She told me I was making fun of her, that I was mocking her into thinking I was heterosexual just because I was a pervert and I wanted to have sex with her. She left..." Tears filled his eyes as his guilt was eating him alive. "How am I supposed to live knowing one day I'll have to explain Minji how his father has managed to make his mother abandon him-"
Youngjo cut the other's words to hug him as tightly as he had while he was having a panic attack. He hadn't been able to hold himself back once again. It was so hard to resist his feelings towards that single father sometimes, the fact Youngjo was drinking was only making him even more sincere about it. "How could you believe your sexual orientation had been a valid reason for her to abandon you and your son?" He slightly caressed the other's hair at the back. "It's your sexual orientation. It's a part of you and the fact you had chosen to tell her must had required so much strength and effort from you. That's in no way a good reason for anyone to tell you what you heard from her. To be bisexual doesn't make you any less valuable nor trustable as a person, Hwanwoong. Please, stop thinking that is your fault. It's not your fault to be who you are and to live as yourself truthfully. It's brave, it's right, it's not something you should be ashamed of, nor something anyone could make you feel guilty about." He slowly pushed the other away just so that he could look in the other's teary eyes. "Look at me. One day, you're going to tell Minji what happened and, on that day, your beautiful, smart son will know that his father chose to be himself and to be honest with the person he loved no matter what the consequences might had cause his action. He'll learn how courageous you had been. He'll know how much you loved him enough not to abandon him like his mother has done." He instinctively wiped a single tear off Hwanwoong's face. "You're not alone now. I'm here."
The youngest bitterly laughed while looking away. His head was starting to feel hot and lighter: "You need to stop talking like this... I just told you I'm bisexual. Aren't you afraid I could misunderstand your words and think...?" His breath got caught up in his throat when their eyes met again and he had never seen Youngjo wearing such a serious face. He laughed awkwardly: "H-Hyung...?"
Youngjo was silent as he was staring into the other's soul. It would have been easy, so easy to simply tell him how hard he had fallen for him right in that moment but... He couldn't. He would have ruined their friendship, their beautiful relationship for good and he didn't want to. He didn't want to abandon Hwanwoong and Minji like Chaeyeon had. He had promised him, he had promised Minji too. Youngjo always kept his promises, but maybe they shouldn't have had that conversation while drinking because he was unable to stop himself when a whispered "I like you" escaped his lips.
***
I swear I love Chaeyeon! I just wanted a beautiful woman as a "villain" for once and the great chemistry she has shown us with Hwanwoong during the RBW Family Concert was just enough for me to see her as the perfect choice! Please, love and support Chaeyeon and also ONEUS (and Youngjo of course) for their upcoming projects! Are you enjoying the story so far? Get ready for the last chapter ❤
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