TITLE: The Council of Gods
AUTHOR: Dark_Ghostie
GENRE: Fantasy
CHAPTERS I'VE READ: Eight
PAYMENT FOR YOU
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Fair warning, I discuss spoilers in this review. Also, content warning: I mention subjects the story handles in this review, these being character death (I touch on this briefly) and kidnapping/guns (I discuss these in a bit greater detail).
Plot
The plot follows Gemini, who is competing to have the chance to be a god under the council of the Zodiac. The story jumps right into the plot as Gemini heads off to the competition and meets her mentor, Aries, who was also the mentor for her aunt a long time ago... and that mentorship didn't end well. Gemini must therefore work with Aries in order to complete her trials and become a God.
The story is very plot-focused, and it knows exactly what it wants to do and where to go. It jumps right into it which makes it feel very straightforward. As I say in the below section, I wanted to know who the characters are, and I think that's partially because the plot moves at the pace that it does. There's nothing wrong with this pace, of course, since it lends to the story keeping its tension very well. It's something to consider though, if you ever decide to expand it, whether there are places where the characters can have levity.
When I stopped reading, Gemini had some time with her family for a chapter, which I was looking forward to since the characters around her seem like they're on her side, and I liked that element. The trials start up again just after she fights with her sister, however, so while the tension returns at the perfect moment (especially since she never resolved things with her sister, there's a punch there), I was looking forward to her having downtime.
I think you have a great idea on your hands, and it certainly kept me reading just to see what happened. The short chapters were well-chosen, since it makes the reading process lighter, and it pushed me to keep going. I liked the sensory descriptions early on in the story and the supportive family unit around Gemini. Focusing on these and bringing them forward would benefit it even more, but at the end of the day, this is your story, and you know it better than anyone. My opinion is merely that, and it is subjective. I perceived it a certain way and you do not have to agree, since it mostly comes down to my preferences.
Characters
Gemini: I liked that she has a good, supportive family. I feel like the other gods are rooting for her, except for maybe Aries, but I think that was a nice decision. I don't feel like she's set up to fail, in a sense, but that they want her to pass her trials so she can be among them. That's an interesting concept.
As for Gemini herself, I'd like to know more about her as a person. I know she's kind since she saves the woman in her first trial. I also know how she acts when she's nervous (and that's a good thing). I do think I'd like to know her hobbies and more about who she is. I get the sense she knows history from the second trial, and she feels very passionately—but I want to know more. Why does she want to be a god? What motivates her? Stuff like that.
Aries: He comes off as a mystery initially, and I think by the point where I stopped, he still was. I get the sense that he's afraid to commit to anything because he thinks he's going to hurt Gemini like he did with her aunt, but I'm not really sure. There's definitely potential for him to be a complex person which are characters I usually enjoy. I do think that just like Gemini, I want to know more about what he wants and what he's like too.
World
This is a world where the gods are real, and even further than that, they are the Zodiacs. I like that aspect of lore—the statues, the museum that used to be alive—those are all very cool details. I think I've seen the Zodiacs as characters before, but not as deities! I don't personally know much about the zodiac stereotypes, but I didn't feel like they were just zodiac signs. I think it goes beyond that, and I could see that comes through in the side characters as well.
There are some really great descriptions peppered in, which I liked. I would add more descriptions throughout scenes to ground a reader and draw our attention to the specifics of this world you've crafted. Since they have museums and books, I assume the setting is more modern, but I'm not entirely sure. Weaving in setting details drip-feeds us story as well as character—say, for example, Gemini loves roses, so she notices those before extravagant buildings—that tells us something.
The lore gets detailed throughout, which I think was enough for me to feel like I understood what was happening. It didn't overwhelm me with too much information at once. We learn about mentors, and then we meet Gemini's mentor—so the information was placed in ways that made sense narratively.
General Thoughts I Had While Reading
Chapter One:
I am curious what backstory Aries had. Did he mentor someone who died? Was it Aries' fault?
Gemini seems like she has a supportive family around her. That is wonderful to read, especially in a fantasy story where I expect her to be thrown into chaos and war. I hope that continues to be the case.
Chapter Two:
I wonder how old the council is.
Why aren't Aquarius and Leo allowed to be together? The other Zodiacs have established relationships, so is it something about their star signs not being permitted to have a relationship? I'm not sure.
There's some great sensory detail at the end of the chapter with the scent being described as well as the moonlight.
Chapter Three:
I think it's interesting world-building that there are statues to past gods. It makes sense, and shows the fact that these used to be real people at some point.
I like that Gemini doesn't know the full story of what happened to her aunt. I'm not sure yet if her mother lied to her or not, but it does make for a good reason for both her and Aries to have a different perspective.
Truthfully, Aries not showing up to the funeral makes me believe him that he feels like he failed. That's an understandable reaction to losing someone he loved—he couldn't bear to go, so he didn't.
How much older than Gemini is Aries?
Showing kindness is the first trial. It's not deadly, but it is a good first test. I think drawing attention to the fact that Gemini helped a human woman is a good choice narratively. It helps me like her more as a character.
Chapter Four:
What kind of illness could affect a god?
Gemini probably should have researched past trials before, if they were so accessible. Consider maybe making it harder for her to access this information, since this makes me think she's not as smart as I'm sure she is.
If the accounts were conflicted about her aunt's death, how can she be so sure Aries isn't lying? How can she be sure her mother isn't lying?
Chapter Five:
Jeez, five hours of sleep. Poor girl.
It says a lot about this society that in war time, they would protect their museum.
That museum must be massive!
The fact that it used to be human is so cool. I really enjoy that detail. It feels very fresh, and it gives the building an even bigger quality and importance within the story. The line about protecting the museum being of utmost importance also makes a lot more sense to me now.
The trials sound difficult if so few passed in close succession! That's a nice way to slip that information in without overtly saying it.
Knowing that the test is about history, this gives you an excuse to include some excerpts of what Gemini reads on her way to the second trial.
The hair tie coming back as a way to show us she's nervous is great. It's a callback to the beginning as well!
I like that the side characters have some personality and can interfere, for better or worse, in the trials.
Chapter Six:
"she hated it because there was just too much to remember" made me smile. That is cute. There's always way too much in history, isn't there?
Aries is being oddly nice for once. Is he impressed by her?
Okay, now he's being cryptic. I feel like he's hiding something.
I'm actually glad she gets to return to her family! I liked that they were supportive and I was hoping they'd be mentioned again.
Chapter Seven:
Oh, yay, we get to meet her sister!
Growing your own flowers for your wedding is so cool. I like that. Much better than buying them!
Actually, why does Gemini's narration refer to her parents by their names? She does call them mother and father sometimes and other times not.
It's kind of nice to see a god-to-be (god-in-training, I guess) doing the dishes. It's so mundane, and I like it for that reason. It shows her humanity too. Thank goodness she's not above doing the dishes.
Did she just get drugged?
Chapter Eight:
I didn't expect her to lie to her parents. Why lie? To protect them?
So, are these other contestants? Their names aren't that of the Zodiac, so I'm not sure. Is Gemini a regular human?? Up until this point, I was imagining her as a god reincarnated, and that was why she had to go through the trials to prove she could do it.
She seems so willing to shoot them. If this is another trial, then I understand, however, I would be panicking right about now.
Ah, yeah, it was a trial. The pretend kidnappers wanted her to shoot them? Wouldn't it be more of a trial if one of them was holding her in place, thereby forcing her to choose one of her family members? I don't know. That's dark, sure, but if you give a kidnapped person a gun, you should expect her to choose to fire it at you over her family. What I'm saying here is that even though this is a trial, I was expecting it to go in a different direction—sure, they're not real kidnappers, and Gemini choosing to shoot them doesn't mean the fake kidnappers actually get hurt by it. I thought her choice would be about being forced to pick one of her family members or surrender, thereby admitting how much she cares about her sister (despite the fact that they've just argued). This would be her sacrificing herself for who she loves and putting them above herself in a messed-up trolley problem. But Gemini picks her kidnappers, which is very clearly the correct decision when you've been taken captive. In the scene currently, I feel like it could have more of an impact if I understood what Gemini is proving. Does that make sense?
I think I'm stopping here. I feel like I'm asking a lot of questions. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just feel like I've run out of things to point out that aren't questions. Maybe that's the point... but I don't want this to feel harsh, and I fear I've already hit that point.
Other Thoughts for Your Consideration
Chapter One:
There are some "feeling emotions" scattered around the text that I don't think need to be there. It would lead to a stronger story without them.
For example, you wrote, "Gemini nodded, feeling very nervous." If you wanted to strengthen this, I would suggest taking out the feeling very nervous, since the rest of the paragraph does a good job of showing us the same thing.
There is some minor repetition in certain parts. "Gemini walked through the door and stared at the god who was staring out the window." In this case, using another word would make it more fresh. I think it makes more sense for Aries to be the one staring, so perhaps, "Gemini walked through the door and sighed at the god who stared out the window." Here, I've taken out was (it's passive, so I don't think you need it) and hinted at Gemini's annoyance in contrast to Aries' anger at having to deal with her.
The POV seems to shift halfway through. We start out following Gemini's thoughts, then it shifts to Aries around the paragraph when he tenses up and his emotions are described. This is a bit confusing since the point of view should stay consistent throughout the whole chapter. I understand wanting to detail Aries' thoughts too; ideally, it should be in its own chapter.
Should "god" be capitalized?
Chapter Two:
You have a tiny tense slip at the beginning. Whose water flow should be flowed, to keep the text consistently in past tense. By that same token, can show you the past and present should be could show.
Chapter Three:
Minor thing - the word plague in this paragraph, "What is this?" Gemini demanded as she read the plague at the foot of the statue - it should be plaque.
Chapter Five:
The dialogue tag "Gemini sassed" pulls me out of the story just a little. Said would probably be better here. If I can infer what her tone is from the dialogue alone, then the dialogue tag telling me the same reads as a bit of superfluous repetition.
In the sentence, Gemini continued walking, reading up about the various dates, wars, events etc., I think it could benefit from being more specific about what else she reads. You could even include an excerpt if you wanted and if it was relevant, so that it doesn't feel like an afterthought. What other things does she read? Specificity immerses a reader.
Chapter Six:
Minor thing - you have a period missing in the paragraph "He opened his mouth to continue speaking, but then he closed it"
I personally don't think you need "suddenly" in the sentence "Why was he suddenly talking about family?" - we can infer the comment is sudden since Aries has yet to mention her family at all. Trust your readers.
Chapter Seven:
When the room is described as having a strange scent, what is that like? This is a good time to detail it with more information—how is it different? Why does she notice; is it a bad scent? A really nice sweet scent?
I hope my thoughts are (somewhat) helpful to you.
Let me know what you think (: