Nate still hasn't responded. He's staring at me like my question about Alex came out in Italian, but I know it most certainly didn't.
"You guys seem like a perfect fit," I say in his silence. "You even look perfect together."
"Perfect doesn't exist." He faces the glass again, voice gruff. "I used to think it did, but even if it feels like that, it's not real."
He's hiding it well, but he's seething. Brooding about it. About her.
"What happened between you?" I ask as gently as I can. I feel like I'm poking a bear with a stick, but his shoulders lower, the stormy cloud above him thinning.
"The short version: Blake was already friends with Alex when I moved here. She'd come surfing with us and we became friends, and then we became more than friends, and then we dated. And it was good, it was really fucking good. And then it was bad... and then she cheated on me."
"What? She cheated?"
"Yeah, back in May. With some douchey college frat boy." He grunts out a sour laugh. "Walked in on them in her bed."
"Nate, that's horrible, I'm..." I'm at a loss for words, overwhelmed with a rush of protectiveness for him.
And intense loathing for Alex.
"Don't pity me, Lia. Please." He rubs the back of his neck, pressing hard like he's trying to work out a knot. "It is what it is. And me and Alex are good now, but it took months to get here. Months of trying to get over her, and talking and not talking and fighting and... it's like, she just has this grip on me, you know? Like she can't let go, and she can't let me let go."
His hand drops to his side, and I'm so tempted to hold it. To hold his arm and pull him into a hug so tight it absorbs every fragment of pain she's inflicted on him. I've never hugged him. Crazy, that we've made out and seen each other almost naked, but I haven't done something as simple as hug him.
I bet he's warm and solid and smells like saltwater. I bet all of his hugs are enveloping because of his height, like he can't give you a choice in the matter. Hug him and you're going to be in a Nate Miller cocoon whether you like it or not.
I veer from his hand, letting the fantasy go. "I'm sorry, Nate. I'm not pitying you, I'm just sorry you went through that. That you're still going through it. At the party, you were angry and bummed out because of her, weren't you?"
He tucks his hands in his pockets, unknowingly hiding the temptation. "Yeah. We got in a fight and I went down there to get space. I can't even remember what the fight was about, it was that stupid. But I don't want you to think I was using you to forget about her that night, Lia."
"You don't have to protect my feelings. My brother already told me you had been on the rebound, so if I was part of that then I get it-"
"No. You weren't a rebound. I never saw you like that." The firmness in his voice reverberates in the dome, holding me steady. "When you walked down there, it was the first time I forgot about Alex for the whole night. She wasn't in the back of my head like she'd been for months. With girls this summer, I had to try, you know? I had to try so fucking hard to forget about her and I never could. But with you it was just... effortless."
I can't help myself. I give into my temptation and fall against his chest to hug him, nestling into his hoodie. Nate is still for a moment, rigid, but then he lets out a low breath of laughter. Folding his arms around my shoulders, he rests his chin on top of my head, and he hugs me back.
Until now, I hadn't realized how much considering myself part of his rebound phase got to me. I truly put myself out there for the first time that night, and even though I now know he's a good guy, there's still been this underlying feeling that it was really only about distracting himself from his ex. That any girl could have crossed paths with him and they could have ended up in that pool house.
And maybe they would have, but he would have been thinking about Alex the whole time.
Knowing that being together in the moment was as easy for him as it was for me, that I was the exception to his frivolous summer flings. Me. Well, I don't think it comes as a surprise that I'm not used to feeling like a positive exception too often.
Hugging him is just how I envisioned, but with the addition of woody bonfire smoke lacing the saltwater, and his heart thumping steady under my cheek. I'm infused in the moment, soaking in his warmth and strength. It sort of reminds me of swimming in the freezing ocean and wrapping yourself in a soft towel that's been baking on the sand all day.
I'm not ready for it to end yet, but then my phone chimes and Nate loosens his arms, sliding away. It's a text from Rachel, attached with a chaotic photo of her and Matt at Stingray.
Rachel: ALIVE AND WELL. But if you're not here next time then I won't be so kind!!
I smile to myself, taking in the drastically different settings we're in. Booming nightclub, peaceful lighthouse.
"Your friend, Rachel. Is that her name?" Nate asks, motioning to my screen.
"Yeah. Best friend."
"And she's a cheerleader, isn't she?"
I nod, watching his mouth tighten in thought.
"Going back to the Matt thing. Being different. Since she runs in the same circles as him, maybe you should think of it like dating your best friend."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, you're probably pretty different from her, but you make it work. It can be the same with Matt. Just... meet him in the middle," he says with a shrug. "And give it time. You guys are still finding your footing, and you don't have to have everything in common to be good together. And really, when you're crazy about someone, it's enough to just breathe the same air as them. Doesn't matter what you're doing. You'll see. Everything you're worried about now; you won't even remember it down the line."
He looks over my stunned expression.
"You think someone with a trainwreck relationship under their belt can't give good advice?" He frowns. "So judgmental."
"I didn't say anything!"
"And that says everything."
I hold his arms and drill my eyes into his. "Thank you. That was very insightful advice, Nathan. I know that sounds sarcastic, but it's not and I really do appreciate it. Happy now?"
He grins, chucking me under the chin. "As long as you're happy, DeMarco."
"I am, but that's not gonna last if I miss my curfew."
"When's your curfew?"
"Soon. Like, I need to leave in the next five seconds soon."
"Well then we better haul ass." He spins me around by the shoulders, promptly guiding me to the spiraling staircase.
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