"Mrs. Phoenix-Shepherd?"
The nurse stands at the doorway, a clipboard in hand and a smile on her face. I walk towards her unsteadily with Derek trailing behind.
"How are we doing today?"
"Good."
Although on the outside, I'm nothing but sunshine and rainbows, on the inside is where the turmoil continues to boil.
Once inside, she conducts the preliminary checks — blood pressure, weight, and growth — before handing me a paperthin tablecloth.
"Everything off from the waist down, and Dr. Reuben will be in shortly."
Derek takes ahold of the covering while I remove my pants and underwear. Silence consumes the atmosphere until he breaks it.
"I was thinking about telling Lizzie if you're okay with that."
"Don't you think it's still a little early?"
"Yeah, but she's doing this thing for me."
The thing being donating a nerve to fix Derek's hand in a surgery Callie and Jackson have completely overseen.
"And the next thing you know, everyone in your family will know."
"Well, you told Cristina."
"I haven't told Cristina."
His head snaps up, fingers still working to unfold the tablecloth. "Still? I thought you would've told her by now."
"With everything going on between her and Owen, I didn't tell her." My back leans against the exam chair. "Besides, I'll probably miscarry in the next week or so."
"Leven. . ."
"I'm being realistic."
Knock, knock, knock.
The door opens to reveal Dr. Reuben, the very O.B./G.Y.N. whom Dr. Barrinski recommended after going through my medical history with her.
"Hi, Leven. Pleasure to meet you." She outstretches a kind hand. "Dr. Barrinski's already familiarized me with your case, and I am more than happy to guide you through this."
"Thank you. It means a lot." I force a similar smile, which only Derek seems to notice.
Once she's situated in the circular chair, the doctor motions for me to move down into the stirrups. I instinctively slip my hand into Derek's when the monitor beeps on.
"There we go."
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
The heartbeat echoes loudly within the four painted walls of the room, a sound I didn't expect to hear so early in the pregnancy.
"Right there. . .is your baby."
She points to the very miniscule form in a circle of darkness. A head and four limbs jut out of the shapeless form, the signs of a steadily growing fetus.
"Would you like pictures?"
"Yes."
"No."
The conflicting answers cause the doctor to look up. I simply look away from her and the monitor, while Derek restates "yes".
"Is there a reason you barely even looked at the monitor?"
The two of us step out of the practice towards the parking lot.
"I'm trying not to get attached, alright?"
"Attached to the very thing growing inside of you?"
"Not for long. The universe has its ways."
A discussion with Jackson, Callie, and Derek's sister — Lizzie — causes Derek to object to the surgery, not wanting to cause his sister anymore pain than necessary. But she manages to convince him to go through with it anyway.
"Sorry if I woke you up."
"You didn't. Couldn't sleep anyway."
Derek sits against the edge of the massive bed while I gurgle a cupful of mouthwash to rid of the lingering vomit taste.
"If it's about your hand. . .you heard Lizzie." The light flickers off. "She just wants your hand to be better, like the rest of us."
"You know, you haven't spoken a word to her since she arrived yesterday."
"No, I have. I said. . .hi."
"Talk to her. I know my sisters can be scary, but they mean well."
His hand splays across my still-flat abdomen and palms the area. My brows lift in question, but I don't dare to stop him.
"We're gonna have to talk to Dr. Barrinski and Dr. Reuben."
"About what?"
"About how they can assure you that nothing is going to happen. To you or the baby."
The next morning, both Derek and Lizzie are taken into separate O.R.s, and the surgeons operating on them couldn't be more nervous.
"Shouldn't you be in Shepherd's gallery?"
"Shouldn't you focus on harvesting her nerves? And. . .I can't. Callie yelled at me for even thinking about viewing in on my husband's surgery."
". . .get that woman out of my gallery."
"I heard that!"
Both surgeries progress well, and as much as I want to stay around, Dr. Bailey's need for me to be right behind her at the altar precedes it.
I push Derek's hair back from his forehead, just enough to press my lips to the skin. "Rise and shine, goofball."
"Oh." He moans lightly and opens his eyes. "I think I'm having a dream that a really hot doctor came to take care of me."
"Yeah, I'm unfortunately not gonna be that really hot doctor because this really hot doctor has a wedding to get to."
He stares up at me, the same sparkle in his eyes from when I first met him.
"The surgery couldn't have gone better, according to Callie. Any pain?"
"No. Although there's an aching on my lips."
With a roll of the eyes, I peck him sweetly on the lips.
"How's Lizzie?"
"She's doing well, don't worry. Last I checked, she was still sleeping. But I was actually on my way to see her again before heading out."
His good hand grasps my hand. "I love you. And thank you."
"I love you, too." I give him a comforting squeeze.
A few doors down is where Lizzie's recovering. She wakes up just as I finish reading through her recovery chart.
"H-Hi." Her throat is a little hoarse.
"Hi." My lips curve in a gentle grin. "Both surgeries were a success. And your vitals look great. You're recovering well. Derek's awake and well, too, and I'm sure one of the nurses can help you into a wheelchair to see him."
"Nice to hear you actually talk to me, Leven." Her upper body sits up against the pillows. "But you don't have to want Derek's truckload of sisters in your life."
I prop up on the spinny chair next to her bed. "The thing is. . .I do. You, Nancy, Kathleen, Amelia. . .I want sisters in my life."
Without a second thought, I unfasten the clutch under my arm and pull out the picture I've been carrying with me since I first received it.
"Liz, I'm gonna show you something that you cannot tell the rest of the family about. Well, not yet, at least. Do you promise?"
"I promise."
She takes the ultrasound image into her own hands, and her gaze softens immediately. An endearing smile spreads through her cheeks.
"Are you. . ."
"I am."
"Really?"
A simple nod is all it takes for her to pump her hands into the air.
"We're having a baby."