Luna knew Axel had been through some tough times. She was also fully aware that she was the one who told him to 'cry as much as you want if it makes you feel better' and that it was 'better to let it out instead of hiding it away'.
By that, she meant for Axel to be himself, but she did not quite expect Axel 'being himself' to directly translate as blank silence and intense awkwardness.
It was almost foreign to see him so quiet— he used to be so cheerful and talkative after all. He looked as if he were always in deep thought, his mind drifting off to a world of his own. There was an indescribable, complicated air around him that made Luna sort of nervous as well.
It was awkward. Really awkward.
Now, it wasn't like she's fed up or anything. She knew his circumstances, and meeting Axel's younger self in what Elio called Axel's 'dream world' made her understand him more and sympathize for him. It made her feel like there's got to be something more she could do for him, but she can't quite figure out what.
If she were to be honest, however, that wasn't what she expected Axel to be when he was just a child. She saw him more of a... outgoing person, when in fact he was more of the 'socially awkward nerd' archetype.
In the past months, she had come to realize that she did not really know Axel as well as she thought she did. As of now, she wasn't even sure how to talk to him anymore? It was like she didn't quite want— or more like, didn't quite know how to face him. She didn't want to interrupt his thoughts, and she didn't want to sound rude or desperate, and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable either.
She looked Axel's way again, who was still staring forward blankly. He was now half a head taller than her. If Luna were to say, though, she had done a great job of trimming his hair. She liked being able to see his eyes properly, though they weren't what she remembered them to look like. His eyes were sort of sharper now, and the energetic, curious sparkle in his eyes was gone, making him look kind of gloomy. There was also the faint mark of dark circles under his eyes that contrasted his pale face— he must've been pushing himself past his limit.
She sort of missed Axel's annoying, snarky comments and playfulness.
It was as if the roles were reversed now, with Luna now being the initiator instead of Axel— and boy was she bad at it.
"Are you ready?" She decided to say, "for the conference."
His gaze shifted to the ground, "I guess."
It felt like a half assed answer: to a badly asked question.
Earlier this week, the two received a letter from the World Researcher Organization— WRO for short, requesting their attendance to a conference regarding the 'ongoing crisis in Kalos'. Naturally, it had been weighing on Axel's mind. He hadn't been caught up with any recent developments following his sudden departure, and was worried about any consequences he would have to face given his irresponsibility.
He felt like a complete jerk. In the end, nothing had changed, except that Team Alpha had one minibase left, he had acquired more useless information, and the research team is probably in shambles with one less person on the active workforce.
Axel also had no idea what Luna thought of him now. Sure, she tried convincing him to travel with her again, which he did anyway, despite winning the bet, but what did that mean? He pursed his lip slightly. The kiss felt real to him, but Luna would never do that. Surely she didn't think of him that way. Not after all that he's done to her.
In the spur of a moment, he had pathetically spilled everything out in the Dream World. Indeed, it was a Dream World— a world of his dreams— surely the Luna he 'met' was just a reflection of his ideals. She couldn't really have been standing there telling him all that, with him returning some equally embarrassing confessions and lines, because if she was, he might as well just dig a hole in the ground and die of embarrassment right now.
Moreover, there was no mention about a kiss of any sort from Luna. She looked and felt the same as before. Surely she couldn't have done that. Surely the realism was just his mind playing tricks on him.
He could not take his mind off this thought, but he could not bring himself to ask Luna about it and confirm/ deny any of his suspicions.
"Are you... alright?" Luna asked him, avoiding her gaze slightly, "you look... tired."
She was right, in fact, for he had not been getting enough sleep due to all the worries he had on his mind. Worries about the ambiguous Luna situation, worries about the conference, worries about Team Alpha and Omega still in pursuit... it was frankly impossible for him to catch a single wink of sleep.
"It's fine," he said instead, lying straight to her face. He didn't want her to worry, and he didn't want her to know either. He wasn't sure what to answer Luna at all. He sort of wanted to redeem himself, but he didn't know how to.
He was an absolute, chaotic mess.
Luna took a glance at him, then held his hand. Her hand was small in his. It was also soft and warm.
There was a certain sadness in her gaze.
"It's cold..." she said softly, "your hand."
Axel simultaneously wanted to pull away immediately and not let go. He did in fact like the feeling of her hand in his. Before he could do or say anything, Luna let go.
"Sorry... is that... inappropriate—" she apologized, "did I make you uncomfortable?"
He couldn't help but to feel a slight disappointment.
Of course that's how it is. Of course she doesn't look at me that way.
-
The conference location was an actual conference hall, and Axel could recognize a lot of distinguished researchers in the lobby. Normally, he would be excited to meet them all, but given his circumstances, he didn't dare to look up and meet their eye. In fact, the very moment Axel saw Professor Sycamore, he instinctively looked the other way.
So far, he had FAILED his mission, NEGLECTED his duties, IGNORED everyone's calls and the professor's orders and advice, (temporarily) ABANDONED the gym challenge, irresponsibly LEFT his Pokemon, then stubbornly gone off on his own.
That was a terribly long list.
He was DEFINITELY getting terminated and going back to Pallet Town after all this.
He didn't know what to say. He could hear the professor approaching him. Axel took a deep breath as he looked up to meet Professor Sycamore's eyes.
"I'm sorry—"
Before he could continue his apology speech, Professor Sycamore pulled him into a hug, his arm around his head, "I'm glad you're alright."
Axel forgot what he was going to say right away. He just slowly closed his mouth and stood there quietly.
Professor Sycamore looked at the young boy with a smile, patting his head, "Don't force everything upon yourself. You're just 12. We're a whole team, so please have some faith in us as well and don't go running off by yourself next time, promise?"
Axel nodded somberly as Professor Sycamore let go of him.
"Yo!" Kace bumped into Axel with his shoulder playfully, "nice haircut! Finally not looking like a Tangela, huh?"
"Was it that bad?" Axel frowned, quickly running his fingers through his hair self consciously.
"You made a move on her yet?" Bonnie whispered into his ear, startling Axel, who jolted upright.
Axel looked to the side stiffly, "I— uh—" a pink blush started to appear beneath his eyes, "noooo?"
"I see," a wicked grin appeared on Bonnie's face, as if she had pieced it together already. She grabbed Axel's arm and looked at Luna deviously.
Luna's mouth dropped wide in shock, and before she could say a word, Axel pulled his arm away.
"You jealous?" Bonnie teased Luna.
Now, it was Luna's turn to be embarrassed. "N...not really?" She peeped, avoiding her gaze.
"Come on, quit it," Kace sighed, dragging Bonnie away from the two. He then pointed to a desk with a lineup, "they'll be starting soon. Check in at the reception over there. We'll be waiting for you inside."
—
The conference hall was an intimidating place. There was a round stage on the far end, with seats lined up in a semicircle on various levels. The lighting was by no means comforting: it was sharp and blinding.
Axel could feel the seated researchers' judging gaze on him as he entered, walking down the stairs to his assigned seat in the front row. He kept his head down, avoiding any eye contact. The air of professionalism around him was pressurizing— even more so as he couldn't help but to hear murmurs from the crowd.
"That kid... the one who ran off?"
"Isn't he that legendary prodigy from Kanto...?"
"What is he doing here?"
"He looks beat up and tired... how awful..."
Even as he sat down, he could feel the many gazes locked onto the back of his head. He hated it. He knew these looks coming his way weren't that of admiration or respect. These people knew who he was, not only as a recruit, but as a fallen prodigy. These were gazes of uneasiness, jealousy and disdain.
After all, the greater one's ability is, the more pride they have, and the more they attempt to prove themselves superior.
He felt sick as the murmuring continued. He wanted to leave. He felt so out of place even if it was his dream to be in the presence of so many researchers. It wasn't because he wasn't confident in his abilities— but because of the animosity that was coming his way. He hadn't felt such crushing pressure in so many years, it was too overwhelming for him to bear.
"Are you okay?" Luna placed a hand on his arm lightly, "you look pale."
"I..." he hesitated, "I'm fine."
There was a thread of sadness in Luna's eyes as Axel avoided her compassionate gaze. She pulled her hand back to herself slowly, "I... I see," she looked at her clasped hands on her lap, "you don't have to hide it... you know."
Axel didn't answer. It wasn't that he expected her to not be able to tell, but more like he didn't want her to know.
These were feelings he wanted to keep to himself.
The conference soon started with a quick introduction from Professor Sycamore: a briefing session about the discoveries so far, the data analysis results of certain topics, and discussions of what lies ahead. Axel learned that he had not missed much in his absence— or more like, there wasn't any significant progress being made with him gone.
It made him feel a tiny bit guilty that he held back the operation with his selfish decision.
And then the dreaded question from one of the heads of the organization:
"You know," the old professor— Professor Sundew— started, "we agreed to this to keep this crisis as low profile as possible. We agreed to this so we can have extra pairs of eyes looking out for trouble, but with the situation gone this far, is it necessary?
Axel could feel the next line directed towards him.
"They're just kids. Even if they might be talented, it doesn't change the fact that they are unreliable and inexperienced. This is too risky of a bet to be making. Moreover, it's getting more dangerous. We can't be keeping an eye on them and ensuring their safety. At this stage, if they make a big mistake— an incorrect decision— it may lead to the doom of Kalos— even the world. We've already lost the two USBs— we can't afford to lose anything more."
Axel did not like the memory of that. He fully knew that it was his fault. He was so ready to give up the USB— the world's fate even— just to save a single person. It was absurd.
"I say we should have a vote on this— whether we should let this operation go on. We can't be letting our success rate in resolving the situation be affected by mere kids. Is that clear?"
Murmuring in the crowd as the researchers discussed among themselves the future of this operation. Professor Sundew continued his rationalization, with a few other researchers speaking out their opinions as well. Axel drowned all their voices out as he started to process the current situation.
It's going to end.
Axel knew the absurdity of this operation. It was ridiculous— too good to be true, even. To allow kids to be involved in a disaster levelled threat is clearly unreasonable. With things at this stage, things have spiralled out of control— and they have done their part. There was no more reason for them to be involved with things reaching the final phase. It was a triple threat: the awakening of Livxey, Team Omega's moves and Team Alpha's plans. The three were clearly related— and it had become too much for the four of them to handle. Professor Sundew's worry was completely understandable.
In fact, it made so much sense it made Axel's head hurt.
Kalos' safety should not be bet on 4 kids with wild dreams. They should be in the hands of the capable— of the professionals.
But as much as Axel tried to convince himself of the clear truth laid out in front of him— the obvious decision, so as to say, a part of him rejected it. He wanted to believe that he— that they were just as capable. He wanted to follow through this, and he knew he could be able to.
He also just wanted to pursue his dream. 7 year old him would not have believed that he would have the chance to be offered such a precious learning opportunity. As serious as the situation was, Axel had learned more than he ever had just by travelling across Kalos, and he didn't want this to end. The research he was able to conduct, the exploration, the analysis he was able to do— it was like a dream come true for him.
It was such a childish and selfish reason.
What should I do...? Dammit!
What am I doing...
He found himself walking towards the voting platform with two buttons: the green one to continue and the red one to put an end to it.
Currently the vote was at a tie.
How many people have voted... I don't know anymore...
He felt like a walking corpse. He could feel the many gazes pinned on him, judging his every move. The discussion amongst the crowd made his head hurt. It wasn't like he was deaf. He could clearly hear what they were saying, and he hated it.
I don't want to care. Dreams, responsibilities, expectations.
That's just how it is.
Axel stood in front of the two buttons in silence. Finally, he hesitated and pressed the red button in front of him.
The entire hall went silent, and everyone had their eyes on the 12 year old prodigy.
"You're that kid who ran off all of a sudden, weren't you?" Professor Sundew, the one who started this vote, stood up and looked at Axel as he turned around to go back to his seat, "Are you trying to run away from your responsibilities?"
"Sundew, come on—" Professor Sycamore defended Axel, who was now standing deathly still in place.
"I'm asking the kid, not you," Professor Sundew said sternly.
Axel hated the pressure.
But he's right. I can't run away anymore.
"More than anyone, I want to continue this investigation myself. I want to become a professor, and I believe that I am qualified to do so. In fact, I believe the four of us are more than capable and worthy of taking up this responsibility," Axel could feel his heart thumping heavily in his chest. What was he doing, lecturing all these experienced professors? What he was doing didn't make sense at all, but somehow he felt the urge to continue, "So If you have doubt in our abilities and competence, we're more than willing to prove you wrong.
"From the moment I accepted this offer, I'm prepared to uphold both my responsibilities and the consequences of my actions. I know this isn't travelling with a side mission— that's why—" Axel clenched his fists, meeting everyone's eyes for the first time in his speech. There was a powerful glint in his eyes that drew everyone in. He swallowed hard as the words came out of his throat, "it's not about what I want.
"More than anyone, I've been caught in the fray. I've experienced first hand— how far our enemies are willing to go— just to achieve their goal. The dangers and the risks, I know it all, and everyone here sitting in the audience in the safety of their lab doesn't get to question all that I've been through.
"But till that end, our job is only to gather information across Kalos. As important as a role it is, we don't get a say about this. There must be a reason for the higher ups to interfere, and I respect their decision. With things being in the final stage, it's all set in stone, and our involvement is practically unneeded— perhaps even a liability to them. If you look at the big picture, in the scenario where one of us gets hurt, the organization will be held responsible. The enemies can leverage this, and the operation will fall apart. It is no doubt that this situation is getting dangerous, which is why,
"As much as I don't want this to end, I think it's for the best of Kalos to leave this in the professionals' hands," Axel bowed down, "that's all I want to say, based on my judgement as a researcher."
This is my truth.
Professor Sundew couldn't argue. As much as he wanted to deny it, the 12 year old boy had the dignity of an actual professor. With nothing else to say, he sat down, humbled.
Luna on the other hand couldn't help but notice Axel's swelling eyes. He looked as if he was about to cry— but had managed to hold it in until the very end. Axel is a researcher at heart— she knew that this was a huge stepping stone for his dream to become a world class professor— for him to let go like this, it must've been hard for him. But it's also because Axel was a researcher at heart, that he chose to follow his truth other than his ideals.
He chose what he believed was the best for Kalos, and she respected that. She couldn't imagine the frustration and disappointment he must be feeling right now.
"Are there any other questions?" The aspiring Pokemon Professor asked the silent crowd. There was no response. He slid his hands back in his pockets, lowering his gaze again as he walked slowly off the platform, "Very well—"
This is how it should be. It's for the best.
But if that's the case, why am I so frustrated?
"Wait a minute," Axel looked up to see Professor Rowan, Sinnoh's regional professor, blocking his path back to his seat, looking him straight in the eye. "Kid— Professor Axel— if that's what your professional judgement tells you, then I'm afraid to tell you that you're wrong."
Axel opened his mouth to argue, but was silenced as Professor Rowan placed his hand on the green button, "It is true that the four of you lack experience and professionalism, but you were all chosen based on the faith we have in your abilities. The mission we've entrusted you— our expectations had been met with exceptional efforts so far. Mistakes are unavoidable— and it is without a doubt that we were only able to make it this far because of you kids.
"My interpretation of the situation is this: it's precisely because you've been at the center of this entire ordeal that you know more clearly about the ongoing situation than anyone else here. Right now, letting your journey end here will mean for us to lose a key piece, and we cannot afford this loss.
"The fact that you've placed the situation at hand first before your personal interests means you're more than worthy to be addressed as a professor. Stand proud."
Axel watched as more and more researchers walked down to the voting platform, giving Axel a nod of approval as they did.
The numbers of votes agreeing to continue the operation rose steadily.
Axel couldn't believe his eyes. He was so ready to let his dream go. The tears he held back started to overflow as he covered his face.
There was a certain pride in Professor Sycamore's eyes as he looked at Axel. The World Researcher's Organization was full of hardheaded professors— each publicly recognized and earned themselves their current positions in the world of researching. They were by no doubt among the top. To hold his own and get through them with his words: it was no easy feat.
"You did it..." Luna ran up to Axel, hugging him tightly, unable to suppress her relief as well, "it's thanks to you that this doesn't have to end."
Axel couldn't hide his feelings anymore either as he smiled through his tears, "I'm glad... I'm so glad..."
—
When the conference was over, Axel was stopped by a tap on the shoulder. He turned around to meet a familiar face smiling at him, "got a minute to chat?"
"Professor Amaryllis?" Axel recognized the old Professor. It had been 5-6 years ever since he had last seen him, but there was still the same kind gaze in his eyes.
"You're all grown up now, aren't you?" He said, leading him to the empty balcony, "it feels like just yesterday that you were just a child barely up to my waist."
"I guess," Axel looked away as the wind swept through his hair.
"How's working with Professor Oak?"
"... I learned a lot and had a lot of fun," he hesitated, "thank you."
"When this operation was first brought to my attention, the first person I had in my mind was you. I'm glad my wish came true," he set his hand on Axel's head, giving him a pat on the head. Axel wasn't sure how to face Professor Amaryllis. It wasn't like he felt proud of his current achievements. He didn't know what to tell him at all. They shared the next minute or two in silence.
"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"
He had made so many mistakes along the way. Mistakes that weren't quite forgivable, mistakes that led to dire outcomes, mistakes that hurt those around him.
"Everything I do, it ends up becoming bad. I'm making all these decisions that I thought is the best way forward, but I end up either hurting those around me, or things just go wrong in the end anyways. It's like nothing I do is ever right..."
"I think you're doing just fine," Professor Amaryllis answered as Axel looked at him in surprise, "Just because things go wrong doesn't mean it's your fault. Just because bad things keep happening around you doesn't mean you're the one causing it."
"But—"
"There's no right or wrong in this world, nor is there such a thing as an absolute "correct" outcome. It's not like studying in school where there's always a right answer. Things go wrong at the drop of a pen no matter how much you do, and nothing ever goes the way you like: that's how life is, and you simply have to accept it as it is."
At that, Professor Amaryllis took out an envelope from his working pouch, handing it to Axel, "I got this in the mail the other day, here you go."
Axel took the brown envelope in his hands. The sender was another name that Axel recognized— one that didn't bring back pleasant memories.
Cyprus, huh.
Regardless, Axel opened it. His eyes widened in a mixture of shock, delight and disbelief.
"He wanted me to give this back to you."
Inside the envelope was a graduation diploma certificate with Axel's name on it. Axel had taken all the courses needed to graduate from Goldpine, but since he quit before the school year even ended, his graduation never happened, and was never made official.
"Here," Professor Amaryllis placed a graduation cap on Axel's head, "congratulations."
Axel never thought this would happen to him. This delayed graduation confirmation came out of nowhere, but it was more than enough for him. He smiled, tears forming in the corner of his eyes again, "thank you."
"Youre doing better than you think you are, kid. Keep your head up," he motioned to Bonnie, Kace and Luna, who came running towards him, "you're just 13. You should be enjoying your life to the fullest right now."
"Amaryllis is right," Professor Sycamore followed behind the three, "in fact, here's your first mission for the four of you:"
"Mission?" Axel asked, looking up.
"That's right," Professor Sycamore snapped his fingers with a smile, "the four of you are going out on a field trip to have some fun: in other words, it's time to take a break."
Extra:
Author's notes:
I'm worry for the long chapters lately. I always underestimate the number of words I need. With this, we're entering Part 2 of this book, yay! I'm trying hard to keep up with schedule. We'll get there, don't worry! The next chapter will be titled 'Take a Break, Axel'. Axel is given is hardest mission yet: to not care about anything and just have fun. Will he be able to complete the mission? Stay tuned!