There's been cheerfulness in the air lately. It's been a week since the whole blow out and since Holland asked me out. When I told Ivy, she was over the moon, so was Wren and the other guys, minus Dustin. He still hasn't come around to us being together, but none of us are worrying about that.
Despite the air being happy this past week, I woke up with a bad gut feeling. You know how before you get bad news, you just know hours before that something bad is going to happen? It's one of those feelings. I haven't figured out what it could be yet, but so far all of my classes have been okay, everyone in the group is fine, and a few days ago when my mom and I talked she said everyone there is doing good.
After my last class, I stop by the store to pick up things for dinner tonight. Ever since the guys figured out I could cook, they request actual meals. I guess they finally figured out that fast food, microwavable food, and precooked frozen food aren't that good for you. Granted, they are guys so I wouldn't expect them to know how to cook a five course meal, but surely one of them would know how to make Hamburger Helper or at least an actual burger.
When I have the stuff for dinner, I head home. Ready to exchange my thick jeans for a pair of shorts, and beyond ready to get out of this damn bra- I tried to be part of the 'free the tities' party, but I couldn't do it- I'm also ready to curl up on the couch and watch hockey with the guys. Which is something I never thought I would say, but I guess college changes you. I'm pretty sure I am a hockey expert at this point.
As I pull into the driveway, I notice that none of the guys are here yet. Usually I am happy about that, but I don't feel like being alone today. Ever since their hockey season started, the house is empty most days with them either away at games or at practice. The only time they request dinner is if they will be here, and usually Holland is here around the same time I am, the others come within an hour of us being here.
I make my way inside, stopping in the kitchen to put the bags down, and then heading up stairs to change. Once I am in more comfortable clothes, I head downstairs to start dinner. I like it being hot when the guys get home. The weather is turning colder by the day and no one likes reheated food.
Getting out all the ingredients I bought, I set them next to the stove, then get a pot to boil the noodles and a pan to cook the meat. While I let the water boil, my phone rings, I answer it without looking, "Hello?"
"Hey babe, what are you up to?" My moms voice floats through the speaker. I can tell something's wrong, she's been crying.
I dump the noodles in before answering, "I am cooking dinner for the guys. What are you up to?" I ask. When I told her I got stuck living with guys, she laughed. Pretty much every time she calls, she makes a point to talk to whichever ones are around.
She sighs, "Nana passed away," she pauses, "they said she seemed to have a heart attack while she was sleeping. They said she went peacefully." She tells me, and I drop the spatula I pulled out. "I'm sorry I had to call and tell you."
I slid down the wall next to the stove, hands shaking, and labored breathing, somehow still holding on to my phone, "Who found her?" I ask. If it was my mom or Rebel, I'll leave tonight. I've already decided that I'm leaving in the morning, but if it was one of them, then they aren't going through that alone.
"Her house cleaners, they found her this morning," she stops. "Before you ask why I didn't call when I knew, my answer is because I knew you had early classes, and I haven't even told Rebel yet. I'm telling him when he gets home." I nod even though she can't see me.
"I'll be there in a few hours. I love you, tell Rebel I love him. I have to go." I don't give her a chance to answer, I just hang up.
Nana is gone. At the age of fifty six, she's gone.
This is a nightmare come true. She was supposed to watch Rebel graduate, watch both of us walk the stage with our degrees. Meet our kids, and spouses, and tell them how we were growing up. She was supposed to be at my mom's wedding- whenever that was going to be- she was supposed to get drunk with me on my twenty-first birthday, and a whole bunch of other things.
I sob for what feels like hours, eventually tears stop coming out, and I am in a dazed state. A million things run through my mind at once. The main one is that I'm not home when my family needs me the most. My body feels weak- probably from sobbing so much- my head is pounding, and I just want to curl up into a ball.
The front door slams closed, "Oaklynn, we're home. Where are you?" One of the guys calls out. "Oak- Oaklynn, are you okay?" Kane asks, touching the top of my head. "Guys or Holland, come here!" He shouts, and there are footsteps coming closer to me.
I hear things being dropped, and I see people squat next to me. "Baby, what's wrong?" Holland asks, and I shake my head. "Come on, talk to us."
"She- I- they-" My mind won't comprehend enough to say anything. I let out a shaky breath, "She's gone." I whisper. She is really gone, saying it out loud means that it's real.
"What? Who's gone? What are you talking about, Oaklynn?" Bryce asks, and tears start rolling down my cheeks again. "Oaklynn, just talk to us. Let us help you." I shake my head. "Are you in some kind of trouble?"
"She's gone! What are you not getting? She's gone! And I'm here when I should be there!" I yell. I bang my head against the wall a few times, until someone puts their hand behind my head. "Stop. Get away! I just-I need-" I don't know what I need. What I want is to get away. To go numb, and not feel the loss that I am.
Before I know what's happening, I am being lifted off the ground, there are whispers around me, and then I am moving in someone's arms. The smell is leather, mint, and old spice. I relax into his arms, and when I relax he kisses my head. "Whatever it is, we'll talk about it and I'll fix it baby. I promise, I'll fix whatever it is." Holland whispers against my head.
He walks into my room, and sets me down on my bed, "We're going to take a bath okay? I'll be in the bathroom getting it ready, if you need anything just say my name." He tells me, and I nod. He walks into my bathroom, and I hear the water start to run out of the faucet. After a minute, he walks back into my room, picks me up, and carries me into the bathroom. "I'm going to undress you okay?" I nod, and he starts gently removing my clothes.
When my clothes are off, he starts removing his own. Holland gets into the bath first, "Come on." He waves me in, and I shakenly get up and get in. When my body is fully submerged, he wraps his arms around me, "When you're ready to tell me what's going on, I'll be ready to listen." I nod, and we sit in silence for a long while.
An hour passes, and we relax in the now lukewarm water, "My mom called me when I got home," I start, "she told me that Nana died." He squeezes me tighter, and my tears start flowing once again, "I'm not with them Land, I'm supposed to be with them." I whisper.
He kisses the back of my head, "We'll leave first thing in the morning. We'll wake up at six, pack a few days worth of clothes, and leave," I shake my head no, but he continues, "Yes. you aren't going through this alone, neither are your mom and brother. And you aren't going there right now. I'm going to be there with all three of you okay? We're going to figure it out," he pauses, "together." He adds, and I nod.
When we have turned into prunes and the water is cold, we get out. I feel a little better having been cleaned and soaked in boiling water. As we dry off, I grab new clothes, and change into them, "Can you sleep in here tonight? I don't want to be alone." I ask, and he nods.
I wait for his stupid remark, and when he wraps his towel around his waist, he turns towards me, "If you want me in your bed, you know all you have to do is wink at me." He says, and winks at me. I roll my eyes, a small smile showing itself, and he chuckles. "Let me get clothes on, I'll be back." With that, he walks out of my room.
While I wait for him to return, I turn on my little moonlight, turn my TV on, and get comfortable under the blankets. When he comes back into my room, he shuts the door, turns off the light and literally jumps on to my bed. I laugh, "Okay monkey, make yourself comfortable then." He gives me a cheeky grin, and pulls me into his arms.
"I told the guys what was going on, and how we're leaving in the morning. I hope you don't mind." He adds the last part, having his eyes meet mine. When I shake my head, he gives me a sad smile, "Get some sleep baby, we have an early morning."
With my head against his chest, I nod. Music plays lightly in the background, the other guys are laughing in the distance, and the heater in my room is making a small buzzing sound. "Good night, Land." I say, and drift into a light sleep.
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Hello loves! How are you?
NEXT UPDATE: 10/27/23